How the Hell Did This Happen?

Just for fun. I own nothing.

Chapter Two

"Dori," Nori breathed looking up, "Where?"

"Here," Dori answered as Ori led their brother over as he stumbled, "You've done good, Nori, keep it up."

"Good. Done good," Nori echoed as Ori assisted him to kneel on the ground in front of the cage door, "Hello, Door."

Gloin face-palmed as Dori looked troubled at his brother's confusion.

"Open the door," Dwalin urged as Nori blinked up at him, "Get your brother out of this cage. Door is bad just like the manacles."

Nori looked at Dwalin and back at the door.

"Bad door," Nori sniffed slapping feebly at the door, "Let Dori go."

Bifur snorted as his shoulders shook in silent laughter. In fact, most of the company were having troubled controlling their mirth.

"Lad doesn't know what he is saying," Oin snapped, "Nori is functioning as best he can. Give him a break."

"Durin's Beard," Gloin uttered rubbing his forehead in exasperation, "Sounds like how my wee, lad Gimli was as a sprite and…and…."

"And, what?" Bofur asked as Gloin stilled.

"Nori, let's play a game," Gloin practically cooed as many eyebrows were raised as the red-maned dwarf stooped to look the thief in the face, "Do you want to play a game now? It'll be fun."

"Fun?" Nori sighed and then nodded, "Game."

"Let's play 'Who Can Pick a Lock Faster,'" Gloin cheered softly as Nori blinked at him, "I bet you that I can pick a lock faster than you can."

"No. Uh-uh," Nori denied shaking his head as others caught on to what Gloin was doing, "I'm faster."

"I don't know. Master Gloin is pretty fast," Balin said playing along, "You'll have to prove it to me that you are faster."

"Kay," Nori agreed and went to work on the cage lock and had it picked and opened in seconds, "See?"

Next he leaned over and promptly vomited once again as Ori supported him.

"Dori, feel sick," Nori gasped as his older brother helped him lean against him once he was done being ill.

"I know," Dori admitted as the dwarves piled out of the cage while the healer pushed forward to get to Nori, "Oin's going to help you. Can one of you get the manacles off of Thorin and his nephews without Nori's assistance? He's getting worse."

"Not really," Dwalin snarled as he looked over the locks as Balin supported Fili and Bifur supported Kili, "We've got to move before the scum who did this to us know we have escaped."

Dori grimaced, but together he and Ori got Nori back up and over to Thorin as his head flopped forward.

"Sick," Nori moaned having trouble staying on his feet before focusing on Thorin, "Hi."

"Hi," Thorin answered, "Nori, focus on me. Don't you dare throw up on my boots."

"Sorry," Nory coughed out after he had gagged for a moment, "Sorry, Thorin."

"That's okay. Look at me. Get me out of these chains, Nori," Thorin ordered as the dwarf gazed at him, "Hurry, Nori. My nephews are hurt too."

"Fili. Kili," Nori mumbled, "Yours?"

"My nephews. Yes," Thorin agreed seeing that Nori's eyes were having trouble focusing so he tried for a gentler tone, "Get me out of these manacles so I can help my nephews."

"Help," Nori breathed reaching for the first cuff, "Nori help Thorin help nephews."

"That's right," Thorin nodded out, "Help me help Fili and Kili."

The manacles were picked quickly and then Nori was led to first Fili and then Kili before he was allowed to rest.

"Uncle?" Fili asked as he was sat gingerly to the ground before he gasped and sat up straighter, "Kili!"

"He's here," Thorin assured, "Oin, how is he?"

"Starting to stir," Oin offered, "I think both lads were hit at pressure points to render them temporarily unconscious. They'll both be fine."

"What hit me?" Kili groaned sitting up with assistance, "Fili?"

"Right here," Fili soothed as he crawled over to assure himself that his brother was okay.

"Oin, stay here and watch my nephews, Bilbo, and Nori," Thorin growled rising angrily, "We have some men that need handling."

The company handled them indeed as they caught the bandits off guard as they slept and ended the criminals' existences since they were murders to begin with. Then Gandalf showed up.

"Where have you been?" Thorin thundered angrily, "A third of my company are injured because you left your watch! We are just lucky that the thieves tethered the ponies or they would have bolted, you worthless wizard!"

"Too much of Bombur's soup," Gandalf admitted, "Won't happen again."

Dori was assisting his brother past at that point and Nori promptly vomited all over Gandalf's boots. The wizard looked down in horror and then over at Thorin as he barked a loud laugh.

"Serves you right. Nori was hurt due to your negligence and there is a poetic justice in his aim," Thorin snorted, "Your hobbit was injured as well."

Gandalf glared and went to wash his boots in the stream before hurrying over to check on Bilbo.

"Good job, Nori," Thorin congratulated as Nori looked up at him in confusion before passing out completely.

It was two days later than Nori woke up to the concerned faces of his brothers.

"What happened?" Nori moaned putting a hand to his head only to feel a bandage on his forehead, "What is this?"

"Do you remember the attack from the bandits?" Dori asked and frowned as Nori shook his head in the negative and then nearly chuckled when his brother stilled when he noticed his hair was down loose around his shoulders in apparent irritation.

"That's pretty normal for a concussion," Oin assured as he walked over, "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Four?" Nori asked closing his eyes since his head ached terribly.

"Just two fingers," Oin sighed, "Thorin we're going to be here at least another day. Nori can't be moved."

"Agreed," Thorin called back, "I don't think we can begrudge Nori needing to rest since we wouldn't have gotten out of that mess without him."

"I picked the locks," Nori gasped looking about, "The bandits! Ori!"

"I'm here," Ori soothed, "I wasn't hurt."

"Why is your ear bruised?" Nori hissed noticing right away Ori's wince, Dori's look of triumph, and Gloin's face turning red, "Dori, who did this to our brother?"

"I handled it," Dori grinned out smirking at Gloin who looked up and sported a nice, black eye, "Your head injury was the worst of the attack. You were pretty confused, but you did what was needed. Bilbo got a knock to his head as well, but is fine now."

"Did you take down my hair?" Nori sighed as his elder brother nodded, "Please tell me I didn't do anything embarrassing."

"Not at all," Dori soothed as his brother closed his eyes and the elder Ri turned menacing eyes on the company as they balked at the intended threat.

"You threw up on my boots," Gandalf accused angrily as he stalked by.

"You left us alone for this to happen," Nori snapped back before groaning, "Dori, make the oliphaunt in my head go away."

"Oin, do you have some willow bark tea?" Dori asked looking at his brother with concern.

"I've already prepared some," Oin assured as he handed Dori the cup and watched as the elder brother helped Nori sip at the tea.

The company watched as Nori's pain lines faded as the tea began to help alleviate his pain. Everyone was pretty thankful now that they had someone with clever hands like Nori on their side even if they had to retrieve their belongings from him from time to time.

"I still feel like I am being persecuted without cause," Gandalf nearly whined as he walked closer to Nori, "I couldn't help nature's call."

Nori suddenly vomited all over Gandalf's boots again.

"Nori!" Dori cried supporting his brother.

"He'll be fine," Oin soothed, "All part and parcel of a head injury."

"How the hell did this happen?" the wizard bristled as he stomped away.

Howls of laughter was Gandalf's answer as Nori slipped back to sleep with a smug grin on his face.

"I can't believe I was actually rooting for a thief," Dwalin grumbled to his brother as the two watched Dori fussing over Nori while Ori tried to calm his eldest brother, "Wonders never cease, I tell you."

"I have a quote for your chronicles, Ori," Balin grinned out as the youngest Ri looked up at him, "Thieves, scribes, and mothering hens within our company makes the best of friends."

Dori rolled his eyes as Ori giggled loudly. Gloin sighed as Oin and Dwalin chuckled. Bifur laughed silently as Bofur and Bombur sat by a grinning Bilbo. Thorin remained stoic, but had been keeping his nephews closer since the attack. Nori slept on as Gandalf cursed him angrily from the river. Just another odd day on this very odd adventure.

The end.