Week 12

Entry 181

Title: Costume Contest

By: Lilith

No snappy intro by our ever masculine Sex on Wheels? Hm. Someone's in a bad mood. I guess he was one of the few to not have fun at Lilith's party.

Anyways, party was great, but you all need to come pick up your shit. Seriously. And I've got the winners of the costume contest for anyone who's bored enough to read this and too drunk to remember what actually happened on Saturday because let's face it, almost everyone was wasted at that party. Even Castiel Novak got plastered and that's something I have never seen. I don't think anyone's ever seen that, honestly. And God, he made us all look like lightweights. Where does that kid keep everything?

So here are your winners, losers that they are:

Sluttiest Costume: Lisa Braedon as the Devil. I honestly think it was all just red duct tape, but I never know with Lisa.

Best Made Costume: Charlie Bradbury as some sort of medieval person. She was going off about roleplay and some other nerdy shit so I kinda just tuned her out after awhile.

Worst Made Costume: Gordon Walker as a vampire with a pair of really stupid teeth. Didn't even dress up besides that. What an ass.

Most Obscure: Anna Novak as Starbuck. Never knew she watched Battlestar Galactica. Not enough people do. What the frack is wrong with people? It's a great show.

Most Obviously Store Bought: Gordon won this one too because he's an idiot motherfucker who can't even buy a costume right.

Best Couple Costumes: Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak as Captain James T. Kirk and Commander Spock. So much for keeping it subtle, boys, but hey you were pretty much screwed anyways as soon as gullible little Gumby put your names in here. Might as well fuck with the rest of the world while you're at it, right? Anyways, good luck not getting beat to shit, Dean. Because you're seriously going need it.

Lilith

"What do you think, Henry? No I can't see you!" Josie shouted back.

Entry 182

Title: NACHOS OF DOOM

By: Doctor Badass

That's it. I'm getting my fucking nachos no matter what next week. You hear that administration?! Do you hear the sound of angry keyboard typing because that's me! That's the sound of my winning this week! That's right! This week I take no prisoners! I'm getting my nachos! Here's your fucking menu for the week. Eat it and cry with joy for it is beautiful.

Monday: Nachos

Tuesday: Have some more Nachos

Wednesday: (Sorry, Moondor) Even more Nachos

Thursday: The Nachos never end

Friday: MOTHERFUCKING NACHOS

Doctor Badass

"Oh fuck, she's blind!" Salazar hissed.

Entry 183

Title: The Girl by the Golden Gate

By: Prophet

You know what, you can knock my visions all you want? But they come true. You just wait! They'll all come true in one way or another, I guarantee it! And on that topic, I've got another one.

There's this girl. I can't really see her that well, just the stuff around her. There's the ocean and a big red bridge in the background? I'm thinking maybe the Golden Gate Bridge down in San Francisco, but I'm not sure. I went there once when I was a kid and the bridge in my vision kinda looked like it. And I don't know, she's talking with someone on the phone and she's sobbing up a storm. People are staring but she doesn't stop. "And then she says, "I'm sorry. No, I'm okay. I've been living here in a youth shelter. I want to come home. Can you come get me?"

That was about all I got.

Also, uh…did something happen to Dean? He wasn't here today and a whole bunch of people just keep mentioning him and Sam. I'm pretty sure Sam's not here too, but everyone seems to know Dean better here so...yeah?

Prophet

"What does that mean?!" Henry pressed, looking towards the snake.

Entry 184

Title: Dean and Things

By: Knife Collection

Prophet, leave Dean alone for the week. And don't mention this ever again. Just…don't. It's hard enough as it is, we don't need to point it out here too. So just let him be. He'll be fine. He always is. Just don't mention it.

Anyways, with that gloomy note out of the picture, I had a fantastic evening for Halloween. Got plastered, danced, sang bad karaoke, got beer spilled all over me, got hit on by Gordon (Disgusting as ever thank you very much), and didn't have to spend the night working like last year. I'll take getting hit on by drunk Gordon Walker over that any day. God, I hate being stuck at my job all the time, but I can't actually leave. Family business and all that shit. Can't just leave it all to my mom.

But Lilith's party was great as always. The music was so loud we could hear almost a block away but most of the neighbors have learned by now to clear out around Halloween weekend. And we didn't get crashed by the cops this year either. I remember during my sophomore year, having to call my mom at the station after I'd been picked up. Oh man, that was rough. But it was fun. Lilith always throws a great party.

Knife

"It means that even if she gains flight, she will never be able to fly. I'm sorry, Josie." Salazar slithered backwards, allowing the two a moment.

entry 185

title: so it goes

by: esau's legacy

i don't understand exactly, but somehow things are working out. things are okay and my dad is here at home for once and he's sober and my brother is keeping the peace with him for the most part. and i don't know why they haven't blown up at each other like usual, especially right now, but i'll take it. and then there's him and he's an angel and… he wants to stay with me for some reason and my dad doesn't know and it all feels right and this is everything i could want and i… i don't understand how i got here. it can't last forever and i know that, but i have it now and that's absolutely terrifying. i'm so worried that i'll mess this up somehow.

but i want it. i want this happiness and i'm not giving it up without a fight. this is mine now and i've lost a lot, but not this. i won't let this be taken from me.

i've fucked things up for so long, done so much shit and i hardly deserve this, but somehow this happiness is mine. and i have someone to share it with which makes it all the better and he knows about everything and it's terrifying to think that he does, but it's okay. things are okay.

Things are okay.

I'm okay.

Esau's Legacy

"It's okay," Josie was quick to console, despite her sadness. "It's okay. I'm a penguin; I was never made to fly anyways."

Entry 186

Title: HALLOWEEN, BITCHES!

By: Gumby Girl

Fuck, I lost the sluttiest costume contest again! God damn it, I was so fucking close but of course Lisa fucking Braeden has to swoop in out of nowhere and win! God damn it, those boobs can't be legal! And I mean, it was all made out of fucking duct tape. Fucking duct tape! Sorry, I was just gunning for this and Lisa Braeden won as usual. Like, great for her and yeah, I can see why she won. But goddamn, I wanted it.

And I swear, Knife, if I never see Gordon that drunk again, it'll be too soon. You must have caught him early in the night, because when I saw him, I mean the guy was completely trashed. He tried to make out with a pole! Hell, he tried to make out with me, but that's not too uncommon, though Abaddon wasn't too happy. She didn't seem happy with him at all during the party actually. If anything, I'm gonna say he's on the outs soon, but with them, I never know. They're always doing something stupid to each other.

There were lots of Halloween drunken hook ups and make out sessions I can only wait to see how that plays out. Dean and Cas were probs the cutest, simply because I've never seen Cas drunk (Holy shit can he drink!) and boy is he giggly. Dean was so fucking proud of him too, beaming and the like. They're cute. I'll give them that. I'm pretty sure Jo nailed Ash at one point, but I mean, they've been doing that for years, not anything new. Meg and Lucifer were there and I'm not sure they ever came out of the bedroom upstairs except to grab a lighter and more booze. Balthazar and Anna were dancing for most of the night (I think. Didn't have an ear to the ground for them really.). I'm honestly just surprised they're still together. I didn't expect them to last after the shit that went down with Cas, but I guess they really are in it for the long haul. And baby Winchester has got game! Dude, Sam was high as a kite with this other freshman girl and I swear to god, I didn't see him ever come up for air. Good luck keeping that one out of trouble, Dean.

It also looks like Charlie and Gilda might be broken up if Charlie's new arm candy is anything to go by. Cute girl, dressed up like Dorothy. Didn't see much action, but they may be playing it a bit slow or they're keeping it secret. Ah well, maybe Charlie snagged a kiss or two. Go girl!

Anyways, got a record breaking 27 trick-or-treaters at my house this year. Beat that!

Gumby

"You're blind, Josie. It's not okay at all. What are you gonna do?!" Henry exclaimed, panicking.

Entry 187

Title: This one's for you and all your sorrows

By: Rebellious

Holy shit. Esau, man. Congrats! Glad to hear everything is doing okay.

I'm doing pretty damn good too. I mean not really, but no one really fucking cares. Anyways, rave culture is fucking fantastic and sometimes the smoke is so thick you can get high without even having to light up. And I mean, besides, ravers are so chill that they'll almost always offer a hit to you even if you don't ask. These guys are the real people. They're kinder than anyone I've ever met, especially the people I'm stuck with at home.

Fuck the Archangel and fuck everything. I'm done with him. I'm just gonna crawl into the next rave and live like this forever. Bouncing from joint to joint, Fireball to Malibu to Smirnoff. I'll light up with Al and go to raves when I can scrape myself off the floor of the shack and I'll be the fucking burnout that my family always thought I was.

That'd serve my brother right. Fuck him. He can't save me no matter how hard he "tries." And trust me, he doesn't try that hard. He can't save me or Coma or any one of us. We're too fucked up for him and he's never going to fucking realize that and he'll keep trying over and over. But he doesn't fucking get it. Coma wants to major in fucking English. I want to major in art, art history. Something I enjoy. Oh, I'd love to see him realize just how bad he's fucked our family over. He left and never came back and now he's trying to take me away. No way. He can't fucking have me. I'd rather kill myself. And Knife, I'm not sure whether I'm joking or not because sometimes I just don't know. I don't. I really couldn't live like that. I couldn't. Maybe I'd run or I'd crash at a friends, but I couldn't live with him.

So here's to you, Bro! Wherever the fuck you are! Hope your life is as shit as you always feared it'd be after Mom kicked the goddamn bucket. You fucking deserve whatever you get. You're the one we should call Lucifer.

Rebellious

"I'll get through it. I don't know how, but I will. I'll just get through it somehow." Josie stood up, Henry helping her the entire way.

Entry 188

Title: Drunken adventures

By: The Third Man

I will be the first to admit that Halloween was pretty damn awesome this year. I mean, Lilith's party was...well, it was something. I can't remember half of it, so I can't give you the best picture, but oh was it fun. I think I wound up on the roof at one point or something along those lines, but hell if I know. At least I didn't sing Smash Mouth for two hours this time.

But All Souls is still my favorite, always will be. My friend's boyfriend hooked us up with some Everclear this year so we got really drunk, blind fucking drunk and I almost fell off the roof but it was good. I really have this thing with roofs apparently. Anyways, my friend would never let me fall off. Unless she thought I deserved it, which admittedly, I usually do.

But I came to school on Monday, still half-drunk. Talked to Roman Dick and everything before I finally got hauled off to Naomi's by Mosely.

Good times.

Gumby, why does it never surprise me to find your gossip at the forefront of this godforsaken journal? Really, it's getting to be a bit of a nasty habit. Let someone else have a go at being the gossip girl for a week. And congratulations on not winning sluttiest costume. You kept at least a little dignity then. Let Lisa have it, she can flaunt with the red tape. You're too high class for that. Does Lisa know about sexuality and gender? No, she's vapid and shallow. You do. Don't define yourself by whether you can dress like a slut or not. You're fine just the way you are…even if you do have a lot to improve on.

Esau, glad to hear that life is turning up a bit for you. You deserve a good turn for once. Enjoy it and go relax a bit. Get high, get drunk, get fucked. Get something. You deserve to go out and have fun.

Third Man

"You are strong, Josie," Salazar observed, coming closer again. "I will see what my healers can do. Follow me."

Entry 189

Title: I am surrounded by morons

By: The King of Hell

Oh, what the bloody hell are you up to now? You all need a goddamn babysitter! Honestly, don't you realize that ANYONE can read this? ANYONE. I try to mind my own business- Really, I do- but if I have to confiscate this one more time, I will issue the last strike myself and turn this in to Naomi. You hear? Now, down to you sorry lot because God help me, you all really are a sorry lot.

Winchester, let's start with you. As usual, you have no sense of self-preservation. Honestly, it's a wonder how your genes even made it this far. Darwin is rolling in his grave as we speak. Really, shove your relationship in your homophobic father's face. That'll help for sure. That'll keep you alive for sure. Along with praying to Jesus and curing cancer. Yes, that's all cured homophobia millions of times (I'm being sarcastic in case you're two dense to realize)! Do you even realize what your father could do? Use your head and think a little.

Rebellious, why don't you keep telling us about how much you love to get drunk and be high? That's a great idea. Especially when you've got two brothers in here to keep an eye on you. And you've got two staff members as well. You're not subtle so why don't you hop a trip over to Hannah in counseling or go over to that group, whatever it's called, Daybreak or something.

esau, you and I are going to have a long chat the second I find out who you are. You may be doing better now, but there is a lot we have to discuss.

And Badass, you know the drill. Cheese this time. It's too bad that you got absolutely nothing this week. Honestly, I doubt you're ever going to get your nachos at this rate. Just admit defeat and don't get caught. Doesn't that sound like a better option? Let Moondor get her tech back.

King of Hell

Henry dragged his little penguin girlfriend along with him and they followed the stupid Harry Potter snake to the hospital.

And lo, I was Marked by Death and he followed me like a lover for the rest of my days. Those who followed my path were afflicted and Death greedily claimed them as his own. Those loved by Death could not be loved by another. And I knew that those around me would be swallowed, but my greedy loneliness ate my compassion and I kept the company of too many kind people, those who would follow me into the pits of Hell simply because I asked them to.

Death claimed them all.

One by one, he stole them away with his skeleton fingers, reaching out over the land when night would fall. He gathered his newfound children to his chest and took from them their lives and their dreams. He plucked their hearts from their chests and feasted with an arcane hunger. And afterwards, he would set the down, give them a scythe of their own, and watch them stumble away with empty chests and blank eyes hidden beneath college sweatshirt hoods.

Death did not visit me (Though I heard his whispers often in the darkest of nights), but in the end I had lost the most of all and Death had proven the greatest thief. I lived a life without love or dream or song for Death killed all I touched. But he could not kill me for I was Marked by him. And Death loved me, but he could not touch me, so he sent his calling cards through empty eyes and empty chests.

I accepted them all, took Death's reapers in and cared for them, broken people that I once knew, broken people claimed by Death. But they could not be saved; their eyes had lost brightness and I didn't know how to paint irises. I was too scared to paint with my own blood, to truly give up my life for them. Still, there was nothing left of me, too consumed in my grief and my longing to make things right. I tried until Death reached to claim me. But he could not because I was Marked and he loved to torture me too much.

So the others left instead. They understood that Death had claimed me in his unique brand and that he would follow me for the rest of my days. They knew that Death would take them again if they stayed with me. So they left.

And they called me Fallen.

Paradise Lost

Entry 191

Title: Playing Favorites

By: Mr. Comatose

Prophet, do not talk to Dean. Just let him be for now. It's been a very rough week on him with everything going on. If he wants you to know what's going on, he'll tell you, but until then, don't push. He'll back to normal soon enough, but for now, just give him some space. Thank you. I'm sure he appreciates that you're worried, but it's best to leave him alone.

Third Man, I never thought I would see the day where you would actually pay Gumby a compliment. I've never know your ire to wane so quickly. Going soft on her?

And Paradise Lost, I see you're a fan of Milton. And a fan of his writing style. This is beside the topic, but your writing is beautiful. Sadly morbid, but beautiful. I appreciate your personification of Death a great deal. Just as with esau, I offer any help you need. It sounds like you're going through a rough time and when you need to work through this, I'll listen. Anyone here (minus a few asshole individuals who you've most likely already picked up on) will be happy to listen or to help.

Comatose

"I'm afraid we cannot save your sight, Josie," the healers explained after a long examination.

Entry 192

Title: The Boy is Back in Town

By: Trickster

Well, look who's back in town, just in time to snag this up! Little ol' me. Promise, no more itching powder, though if you have to sneeze, that wasn't me. Kidding, of course it was me. But you guys all look like you've been having a grand old time. Seriously though, if the King (And you thing Sex on Wheel is egocentric? Really?) hasn't made it clear enough, you all look like hell. Ha, get it? Cause he's the King? Okay, moving on.

Seriously though, what the hell is going on here? The last time I was in, at least Lilith was telling stories (Which were pretty damn hilarious by the way.). Now we've just got anonymous angsty poetry, my drunk sister, and a steady stream of Halloween gossip. This is turning into therapy 101. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing...but it's boring. Though I will admit the little story about Josie and Henry is quite the nice touch in the comments. Very cute in a sort of Moonrise Kingdom, Wes Anderson way. But guys, where is the fun?! Where is the excitement?! You've lost the pizazz that made this thing a stick of dynamite!

I challenge you guys, ALL YOU GUYS (Even you, King, you egocentric bastard), to write a question that the person below you has to answers. I'll start. And since no one has a question for me, I'll give up something about myself for all you.

I've got a sweet tooth a mile wide.

Wildest fantasy?

Trickster

But Josie began to evolve, the effects of the spell not quite worn off yet. She could see her surroundings, the shape of everyone around her, but in her mind.

Entry 193

Title: Chapter 10

By: Carver Edlund

The only reason they're still called skyscrapers is because they're the only things left that are allowed to be taller than the trees, they're the only things left that can actually scrape the sky. Even people aren't allowed at the canopy level anymore. Too many bad falls have left too many trees damaged (No one cares about the human casualty list when it comes to falling anymore. The numbers are too high as it is.) and people can't afford that anymore. People need the trees.

But skyscrapers max out at around ten stories nowadays. There's not many anyways, just corporate buildings. The trees can't support much more than that and no one wants to risk a level collapse lie the one a couple decades ago. It killed over a thousand people, took out two whole floors of living quarters, dropped the bottom floor to the ground. Everything else is forced to be smaller because of it, more compact so the trees don't collapse. Everything is braced against the trees now, the buildings, the people, even the floor.

No one's been to the ground in years. The underbrush is so thick, it's impossible to see the dirt (They say it used to be brown, but that's just an old folk tale. Most say it's green for the pictures of grass the original settlers brought up with them.). Then again, it's impossible to see the sky too. Too many levels stacked up on top of each other means only the richest of the rich and the farmers actually get to see anything other than lantern light and tree trunks.

Sure, it's better than when there had been overcrowding and deforestation but…is it really? Sometimes there are whispers that things are getting out of hand. The carefully regulated population. The carefully regulated food. The carefully regulated products.

The corporations own everything now. Way back, they'd started the original building, the colony over in the California redwoods, and had never quite relinquished their hold. Sure, "the government" came in to help, but they'd been batted aside without a second glance. They needed the corporate sponsorship and the corporate big wigs needed the approval for their new playground. It was mutual benefit…kinda.

They both knew who got the better deal, but at that point, America was willing to do anything. There was too many people, too little space. They were desperate. And desperation makes people do crazy things.

They never stop being desperate. There's still too many people; they're due for a culling soon. The oldest go first, followed by the "volunteers," coerced based on the promise that their loved ones will level up. That one step closer to the sky is worth dying for apparently because people take the option every time. And then the loved ones disappear and no one is ever quite sure whether they made it up or not.

The floors are getting weaker. No one's replaced the beams since they were built. Centuries ago. And the trees are bending, finally giving under the weight (Rumor has it, they cops are sticking bodies in there now to hide the political accidents).

They never stop being desperate.

Even the trees can't hide that.

12 girls. All at once.

Weirdest dream?

Carver

It unfolded like blueprints, white lines building up to form the outline and contours of Henry's face. Josie reach forward, brushing her flipper against him. She could see.

entry 194

title: so it goes ii

by: esau's legacy

i'm not okay. god, i'm not okay.

i lied. i lied. i lied.

i'm not okay.

i fucking lied.

esau

Entry 195

Title: STOP DROP AND ROLL, MY HEART IS ON FIRE

By: Captain of The Ship

AHHHHHHHHH! DEAN AND CAS MADE IT OFFICIAL! THEY'RE TOGETHER! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! DESTIEL IS CANON! MY OTP IS CANON! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT MY OTP IS CANON AND IN REAL LIFE TOO! THIS IS AMAZING! THIS SO FUCKING AMAZING AND THEY'RE REALLY CUTE TOGETHER. HOLY SHIT! I mean, did you see their Halloween costumes?! Oh my god, they were so cute together. And they actually came as Spock and Kirk! They actually did it! Ugh, I can't with those two. I just can't. They're going to kill me one of these days.

And okay, I'll back down there because you guys have all been pretty mad about my shipping but come on! You all wanted it to happen too! You all wanted for Dean and Cas to finally get together! You won't say anything in here because it's "immature" and "creepy," but I bet you talked to your friends about it and I know for sure you wanted it to happen! I'm not alone and I know it. So criticize me all you want, you hypocrites. But come on, they've been staring at each other for all semester and you don't even have to be looking to notice that! They've been pining after each other for far too long! Look, I'm just happy they're happy and maybe I show that differently that most, but what I do is my own form of celebration. So maybe I write in all caps. Okay, I can fix that. And I get a little overexcited. I can tone it down. And maybe real people are off limits…I'm finally starting to kinda get that one, but first of all, it's not like I'm actively stalking these people. The only thing I'm freaking out about is the gossip that YOU GUYS supply. But these people are like stories coming together. I know that I won't get the amazing lives that these other people have so I love to see them find love. Every day is a new chapter of a story unfolding before me, whether it be for love or heartbreak. And yeah, I like to guess what's going to happen next and I have my favorite characters and the guys I want to end up together. It's a story to me just like any story for you. And right now, it's like these characters are finally realizing what they're destined for and they're finding their partners and if that isn't beautiful then I don't know what is. And I can actually get to interact with these guys. It's like a story coming to life around me and I'm here with them. I'm talking to my favorite characters and it is amazing. So I won't spaz out in the Journal, but I'm really fucking happy for everyone and my OTP is fucking canon so GOD BLESS DESTIEL.

Kay, I'm done. Bye.

In terms of the questions. Well, awhile ago I had this really freaky dream. I was arguing with my dad. And my dad doesn't really argue with anyone. He's tough, but not in that kind of way. And it was weird, but it was like it wasn't him. He looked the same and he acted the same, but it wasn't him. So we made up and went home (After he almost stabbed me with a fork.) I went through days of school and everyone looked the same, acted the same, was the same…but they weren't. It was strange, but I couldn't figure out what was going on. And it felt like nothing was real. Everyone I talked to was fake and I was just trying to figure out what was going on.

I woke up after spending two and half weeks in the dream.

Favorite ship?

And Esau, we love you on this end. Stay strong.

I'm here, Esau.

Captain

"Oh my god, Henry. I can see you," Josie cried, crystal tears leaking out of her beautiful blue eyes.

Entry 196

Title: Jgnr

By: Oqpga cpf Ulnm Ujggvu

Rngcug jgnr og. Oa pcog ku Dgnc Vcndqv. K'o c uqrjqpqtg. K ecp'v gzrncmp owej. Kh Cncuvckt fgeqfgu vjku, jg'nn mknn og. Jg'u chvgt vjg Lqwtpcn. Jg'u chvgt Fgcp. K fkfp'v ycpv kv vq iq vjku hct.

Jg'u iqv c mpkhg. K ecp'v uvqr jko.

K ecp'v iq vq vjg rqnkeg, vqq ocpa swguvkqpu cpf uqog qh vjg ujkv jg ocfg og fq yqwnf igv og cttguvgf. Rngcug, K'o dgiikpi hqt aqwt jgnr. Kh aqw jgnr og K ecp jgnr aqw. Rngcug, uqogqpg jgnr og.

Oqpga cpf Ulnm Ujggvu

Entry 197

Title: Cryptogram? Cryptogram?!

By: Queen of Moondor

Prophet, I'm right there with you. I don't know what's going on either. No one will tell me anything and I just…I wish I could help. I hate sitting here all the time. First with Doctor Badass, then with girlfriend, and now this. I'm not designed to be patient. I was raised on Kirk and Starbuck (Glad to find someone else out there who watches Battlestar. I always liked Helo though.) and the Doctor. I've got impulsiveness hardwired into me.

Speaking of the Doctor, Badass, I want my tacos back next week. They're literally the one saving thing for this school. Have this week, but next week can I have my tacos back? And I finally got my tech back! So yay for that! Back to my regular old badass hacking self.

Captain, glad to see you're uh…settling down. Work in progress, I know, but it's getting there and for that, we all thank you. Seriously, we all thank you for that. And it's not that we don't realize that shipping is your escape, and you acknowledge that these are real people but at one point you have to draw the line. And you've gotten dangerously close to that line many times. And we appreciate the fact that you realize that now and that you will be stepping away from it.

And hello there, Oqpga! Is that what I think that is? Holy shit, I'm gonna have fun with this. I can't wait to see what message you packed your little code with because it certainly won't stand up to me. Oh, I've got some ideas and I'm taking a picture already so I can save this. Don't worry, I'll have it cracked within the week. You'll get a response.

I'm a large fan of Spirk myself, especially the Dean and Cas brand. Won't argue with you there.

Favorite video game?

Moondor

"What?! You can see me?!" Henry exclaimed. "How is this possible?!"

Entry 198

Title: Shoulder blades

By: Picasso

Dean's totally nursing his shoulder. You think it's from his dad or from some other fucking fight he got in? According to this little junior twerp Garth, the yelling from his house last night was legendary. As in they had to call the cops for noise complaint legendary. I'm guessing Daddy found out about that little angel Dean's been fucking. Oh, don't think I didn't notice that, Dean. I'd recognize that imagery anywhere. You can't hide something like that from me. And you can hide from yourself all you want, but it ain't going to work. You've got to sober up and come out of your little hole sooner or later to face the world. And I'll be here waiting when you do.

But still, I wonder if the cops found about the bruises Dean's hiding. The fucker's covered with them, all over his back. Have you guys ever seen Dean's back before?

And I mean, Dean's daddy hasn't exactly been sober for the last week either. He got arrested on Monday (Saw the cop cars myself) but I mean, that happens every year. And Prophet, everyone is so keen on totally ignoring you, but fuck them. Everyone has lost someone. Jo lost her dad. The Novaks lost their mom. Meg lost her dad and her mom, though not in that order. And Dean just happened to lose his mother on November 2nd however many years ago. Well, it was admittedly kinda murder, but whatever. As Dean would say, "So it goes." Him and his shitty Vonnegut.

Why don't you go comfort him now? He'll know exactly who sent you.

And I guess I'm just casually reminding you all that I'm still here. And I'm reading everything you say. You've all grown so complacent down here. Just wait until I yank the carpet out from underneath your asses. Especially you, Dean.

Especially you.

Picasso

PS: I'm a fan of the old games. A personal favorite would have to be "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream." What do you fear?

"It's a disease in her blood," the snake doctor correctly assumed. "The more she uses her new sight, the more in contaminates her blood. She'll die eventually."

Entry 199

Title: Lady Bug

By: Hell's Finest

I really wasn't supposed to see that, Lady Bug (I'm gonna call you Lady Bug. You know why.). It's very clear I wasn't supposed to see that and I'm really sorry I did. And I don't apologize a lot so you should know that I really do mean it. I'm really fucking sorry.

I don't think anyone had ever seen them before from the way you freaked out. Still sorry about it. Really. I didn't mean to freak you out and I really should have shouted or something before I came into the locker room. And I probably shouldn't have freaked out either, but scars like that will do that to me. And I haven't seen ones like that for a long time.

I mean, shit, I know my way around a blade. One of my stupider choices, but yeah, I did my time. And I had a friend who used to do that to herself, you know. It probably doesn't make you feel better, but I get it kinda. She would go to the bathroom at school and hide during lunch. It took me a year to find out where she went, what she was doing. And I tried to help her, cleaned her up and all that jazz. I thought I was helping her, doing the right thing, little ol' savior me. She trusted me a lot. She actually did it front of me once, showed me the razor and everything. I still have nightmares about that.

And I tried to stop her, Lady Bug, but there's only so much you can do at that point. What's that phrase? You can lead a horse to water or some shit. She wouldn't get help, wouldn't tell anyone. No one else even found out until she hit the vein in her wrist.

She lived, in case you're wondering. We got lucky. I got lucky. I came over one day when she was alone. I had to ask her a question so I walked into her room just a couple seconds after it happened. There was blood fucking everywhere. She lived, in case you were wondering, claimed it was an accident. She never meant to cut that deep. Liar. She wears long sleeves all the time now to hide the marks and I still can't look at them. I'm cool with her and what she did, but I can't look at them anymore. It just kinda pisses me off. I should have been able to do something, you know? But this isn't about me. It never was. The only part that pertains to me is that I should have shouted when I walked into the locker room. Still sorry for that.

You're pretty smart, Lady Bug. More than people give you credit for at least. You're clever about this even if you are stupid for doing it in the first place. But you've got good control even when you've lost it. You won't hit anything unless you mean to. And you can hide all your scars with your short skirts that make people think they've seen everything and that cover up of yours. And no one will ever even know. You've done a really good job at hiding for them. I don't think anyone knows other than me and no one would ever guess you…you know.

Look, it's obvious you're in a lot of pain. If you need help, I'm here. You don't have to go through shit like this alone. I promise. I'm here.

Always, Lady Bug.

Hell's Finest

PS: I fear running out of time, dying young without having done anything worth remembering. I fear being forgotten.

What do you want most in the world?

"How do I save her?"