So, this is kind of my challenge to myself. I'm writing one fanfiction for each episode of Merlin. Some are one-shots, some are longer stories. I ran out of ideas for fanfictions so this is how I'm dealing with that. If anyone has any prompts for me, feel free to leave it in a review and if I write it after I finish writing these 65 stories, I'll dedicate it to you… so, thanks. And I give you Season 1 Episode 10.
Summary: This takes place at Will's burial. When Arthur tells Merlin he knows how dangerous magic is, Merlin snaps. Shock ensues. One-shot
Story 10: The Storm
"You know how dangerous magic is. You shouldn't have kept this from me, Merlin," Arthur said softly. He had expected to be angrier that Merlin hadn't told him about the powers that Will possessed, but he was too worried about Merlin. Sorcerer or not, Will had been his best friend. Arthur could only imagine what Merlin was going through. He hadn't been able to see Will for months and then when he finally gets the chance, Will was taken from him. It didn't seem fair.
Arthur internally made a face. It wasn't fair but it was necessary. Now there was one less sorcerer to wreak havoc on this land. As much as he knew this was hurting Merlin, it was better this way. Arthur couldn't have a servant who worked so close with him consorting with sorcerers. Arthur trusted Merlin completely, but he couldn't risk Will rubbing off on him.
For a moment, Arthur didn't think Merlin was going to respond. When he finally spoke, Arthur was shocked by how angry he sounded. "How would you know?" Merlin asked him slowly, but furiously. "How would you know that magic is dangerous? Because your father told you?"
Arthur felt himself rising to the bait. He tried to control himself, because he knew Merlin was still mourning. Perhaps Arthur's words had been a little insensitive, but they had been true. Merlin was too upset to see that. "I understand that you are upset," Arthur said slowly. "But you cannot allow your emotions to cloud your judgment."
"Cloud my judgment?" Merlin asked him. He never once looked away from the monstrous flames that consumed his best friend. "Perhaps it is not my judgment that needs to be cleared. I grew up with Will. I've seen him use his magic for years. It was always for good, for someone that truly needed help. He would help crops flourish so our people wouldn't go hungry. He once healed a little girl before she could pass from this world. Will didn't choose to be a sorcerer. He was born that way. He could have allowed his magic to go to his head, but instead, he learned how to use it, learned how to control it. I never, not once saw him use it for his own personal gain, because he would rather die than use it that way. He had to hide his powers, hide his very essence from the moment he was born. Do you know how difficult that was for him? He only used it when he needed to. You saw him. He could have ended this a long time ago, but because of the dangers of freely using magic, he couldn't. He's had to hide who he was. You have no idea what that was like for him."
"And you do?" Arthur asked. His anger was rising to match Merlin's. He didn't care how upset Merlin was, he couldn't talk to him like that. "You haven't seen Will in nearly a year. For all you know, he could have been practicing dark magic in the storm shelter."
"I've known Will for eighteen years," Merlin snapped back. "You've known him for two days. I think I might know him better than you."
"Which is why you are refusing to see the truth!" Arthur yelled.
"Refusing to see the truth?" Merlin asked incredulously. "I refuse to see the truth. How about you? Have you ever actually seen a sorcerer do something that merits punishment?"
"Magic is dangerous. We have all witnessed that first hand," Arthur said sourly. "Camelot's water was poisoned by a sorcerer. Valiant nearly killed me with those damned enchanted snakes. Time and time again, sorcery has proven its evil. I think you forget that I was nearly killed by a sorceress. That is how you received your position as my manservant."
"And why did she want to kill you? Because your father killed her son!" Merlin pointed out. "How would you react if your son was beheaded? What crimes did her son commit?"
"He practiced magic," Arthur said quietly. He didn't want to listen to Merlin's words, didn't want to change his beliefs. But Merlin had that way of using words to make Arthur listen. It was something Arthur both hated and appreciated about his manservant.
"What did he do?" Merlin asked. "Did he use his magic for theft or for murder?"
Arthur didn't answer. He intentionally avoided Merlin's gaze. He knew what the man's crimes had been, but he didn't know the details. As far as Arthur was concerned, someone had revealed that the man had practiced magic and that was enough to sentence him to death.
"That is what I mean," Merlin said annoyed. "You're so blinded by your hatred, you refuse to accept that you might actually be wrong. You accept whatever your father tells you as if his word is gospel. There is no evil in sorcery. Some sorcerers have let the power influence their decisions, so you punish a whole people for the misdeeds of a few. If a maidservant stole from the kitchen, would you punish all the servants? No, you would just punish that maidservant. Why should this be any different? You didn't know Will. You don't have the right to pass judgment on him. You don't have the right to assume that you know anything about him. He died to save you, yet you still have the nerve to talk of him as if he were something vile. What gives you that right? What gives you the right to pass judgment on a man you knew nothing of?"
In that strange way Merlin had, he had managed to make Arthur feel guilty, which immediately put Arthur on the defensive. He was the prince after all. What right did Merlin, a simple-minded manservant, have to make him feel guilty? "I'm the prince. I have the right to pass judgment on anyone I please. I know that he was guilty of sorcery. I don't need to know anything else," Arthur spat.
For a moment, Arthur could have sworn that Merlin's eyes changed color. Before he could process that strange phenomenon, the weather suddenly drastically changed. It hadn't been sunny, but it had been clear. Large billowy white clouds had blocked the sun, but the sun still shone behind them. Now, the skies transformed into an angry mix of dark grays and purples. As soon as the clouds clashed, the rain started. It came fast and it came hard. Arthur was drenched within seconds. The argument he had been having with Merlin was temporarily forgotten in place of the need to find shelter. Arthur turned to Merlin to tell him that they had better get back to shelter.
Arthur was shocked to see Merlin crouching on the ground. His hands were on either side of his head and he seemed to be rocking. "I didn't mean it," Merlin whispered over and over again. "I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."
"Merlin?" Arthur asked worriedly. He couldn't figure out what had gotten into Merlin. When Merlin didn't respond, Arthur increased the volume of his voice. "Merlin!"
Arthur didn't know what to do. He had never seen Merlin like this before. He wasn't responding to anything Arthur was saying. Not that that was entirely abnormal, but usually Merlin ignored him in a more blatant way, his intention being to irritate. Now, it was as if Merlin wasn't even aware of Arthur. It was frightening.
Arthur put his hand on Merlin's shoulder, hoping to pull him from whatever strange place his mind went to. Merlin's gaze snapped to Arthur, and Arthur couldn't help himself as he took a step back. Merlin's eyes were a pure gold color. They were glowing, as if he had taken some coins and melted them in a pot.
A flash of lightning struck down in the forest near where they were standing. It was almost immediately followed by a burst of thunder so loud and powerful, it shook the ground. "Merlin, what's going on?" Arthur asked anxiously. He felt like there was a connection he was missing. As if he knew the answer, but he simply couldn't remember anything. It was a strange feeling.
Another flash of lightning struck, on the outskirts of the forest. The hairs on Arthur's back stood up on end and a feeling of dread coursed through him. He didn't know why, but he knew something bad was going to happen.
Arthur briefly contemplated just leaving and going to find shelter, but he knew he couldn't leave Merlin. The storm was moving towards them and it would be too risky. As much as Arthur complained about Merlin, he cared about what happened to him. He wouldn't be here if he hadn't cared. Arthur pulled Merlin to his feet. It was much more difficult than he was expecting. Merlin was like a dead weight and didn't seem to want to stand on his own. Arthur supported Merlin on his shoulder as he walked towards Hunith's house. Merlin's feet dragged as they walked.
Normally, it would have been as easy as blinking to get Merlin back to his cabin; however, the rain complicated things. Arthur may as well have been walking on water the way he kept slipping in the mud. His boots squelched down, creating a popping noise with every step he took. On top of that, he couldn't see ten inches in front of him with the thick curtain of rain that was falling. While it didn't really impair his ability to move, the lightning and thunder put Arthur on edge, making time crawl. The lightning seemed to be following him, getting closer and closer to striking him.
It seemed like hours before the tiny cottage that Merlin had shared with his mother came into sight. As if Hunith had known they were coming, the door opened just as Arthur approached. Hunith stepped out, holding a shawl over her head to lighten the water pouring down on her. She looked around anxiously. Arthur knew she was looking for Merlin. Arthur never had a mother, but he had seen a similar panicked look in his father once when he had wandered away and gotten lost in Camelot when he was just a boy. It was a look of concern Arthur hadn't seen since.
When Hunith saw them, Arthur could just make out the relief on her face, contorted by the rain. As they got closer, her relief vanished replaced by worry. She ran out into the rain, not caring about how wet she would get.
"What happened?" She asked. She examined Merlin, her eyes widening when she noticed his eyes.
"I don't know. We were having a bit of a fight and then the storm started. He just shut down," Arthur said between his gasps of breath. They had been far from the village and Arthur was exhausted. "I don't know how to help him."
Hunith glanced at Arthur curiously. She saw something in the prince, something Merlin refused to acknowledge. Arthur cared for Merlin even though he would be the last to admit it. "Let him go," Hunith told Arthur.
Arthur looked at her like she was insane. "But he can't support himself," Arthur argued.
"Please do as I asked," Hunith ordered. She couldn't get through to Merlin when he was towering over her.
Arthur reluctantly helped Merlin to the wet ground. Merlin's knees sunk into the soft ground making an unpleasant squelching noise. Hunith immediately kneeled in front of him. This had happened once before, when Merlin was just a boy. He hadn't been able to control himself. It was his body's equivalence of throwing a temper tantrum without throwing a temper tantrum. Hunith didn't know what could have made Merlin lose control like this, but she was going to try to help him through it.
"Merlin," Hunith said softly. "My dear boy. Let go of it. Let it go and this storm will end."
"I can't," Merlin said in a strange voice. There were tears streaming down his cheeks. "I'm so, so sorry. The things he said. I'm still so angry. I can't let go of my anger. I can't let it go." Arthur frowned, trying to understand their strange conversation.
Hunith turned to Arthur. "What did you say to him?" Hunith asked shocked. She had never seen her son this angry before. She knew from experience that when her son had a tantrum, the only person that could break it was the person that had made him angry. She wasn't sure what they were fighting about, so she wasn't sure if Arthur would be willing to apologize.
Arthur looked at the ground sheepishly. He didn't understand anything that was going on, but he knew that somehow he was responsible for Merlin's behavior. He hated to think that he had hurt Merlin in any way, but he hadn't expected Merlin to take his words so hard. "That sorcery was evil and that nothing he said to me could change that," Arthur admitted reluctantly.
Hunith's gaze sharpened. "He entrusted you with his secret and this is how you repay him?" Hunith asked angrily. "Do you know how difficult it is for him to work for you day after day and not be able to show you who he truly is?"
Arthur stared at Hunith, more confused than he had been before. It was like there was a single piece of the puzzle missing. He could feel it. He was so close to understanding, but he wasn't there yet.
"My son has always been an extraordinary boy. But because of how your laws have spread across the kingdoms, he has never been able to show just how gifted he can be," Hunith continued. "Magic is part of who my son is. And if you ever try to degrade that part of him again, you will have all of Ealdor to answer to."
Arthur's eyes widened. "Merlin has magic?" He asked quietly. Everything Merlin had said before held a whole new meaning. He hadn't just been talking about Will. He had been talking about himself as well. Arthur went numb. He didn't know what to think or feel. If he had learned of this when Merlin had first become his manservant, he would have turned him in in a heartbeat. He would have personally swung the axe or lit the pyre. But now things were complicated. He actually knew Merlin. It was much simpler to pass judgment on someone whom he barely knew than someone that he had known for almost a year.
Arthur let out a deranged chuckle. Merlin had said that he hadn't the right to pass judgment on someone he didn't know. But Arthur didn't know if he had the strength to pass it on someone he did know.
There are some things that cannot happen without two men becoming friends. And saving one another's life is one of them. Merlin had gone to great lengths to ensure that Arthur had lived. He drank poison for him. Arthur could still remember the choking noise Merlin made as he struggled to breath. He could still remember how pale he had become. Merlin was willing to die then and there for him. And he had saved his life just a few days after they had first met.
Arthur simply did not know what to do. Sure, he felt betrayed. He was furious that Merlin had lied to him. But he could not deny the truth of Merlin's earlier words. He had seen sorcery used for evil, but most of the sorcerers they condemned to death had been caught because they had healed a loved one, or fixed something essential to their trade. These small miracles were illegal by law, but they weren't harming anyone.
There had also been sorcerers seeking revenge for a loved one that had been killed. Arthur could understand that. Grief changed people. It made it difficult for them to look at things objectively. If someone had killed Arthur's father, he would kill them on the spot. Not just because his father was king, but because he was his father.
But Merlin had still lied. For nearly a year. He had been working at the very heart of Camelot, had been told some of the oldest secrets of Camelot, had been entrusted to go on missions with Arthur. It made Arthur feel a little sick to think about how much time he had spent with a sorcerer.
"You did not know?" Hunith asked, pulling Arthur from his thoughts.
Arthur shook his head. "Is that how he met Will?" Arthur asked, closing his eyes. "Because they both had magic? Did they practice together?"
"Will didn't have magic," Hunith said looked at Arthur confused. "I'll admit, he probably wished he did, he was envious of Merlin's abilities. But he was never able to perform it himself. He gave me a heart attack when I found out he knew Merlin had magic. Will was reckless and impulsive. I feared he wouldn't be able to keep it secret. That's why I sent Merlin away."
Arthur closed his eyes for a moment. Merlin had said he left because he didn't fit in anymore. He looked towards Merlin, unsure of what he should do. The law dictates that Merlin should be killed for his crimes, but looking at him now, Arthur wasn't sure he was capable of passing that sentence. Merlin was practically curled up into a ball and Arthur could hear his sobs. Merlin was scared and angry. The deadly storm he created being the exception, he didn't look dangerous at all.
"Before you pass judgment on my son, please listen to what I have to say," Hunith begged quietly. She hadn't meant to reveal Merlin's secret, but Arthur had been speaking as if he already knew it. She had to fix this. She wasn't going to lose her only son.
"I think you have said all I need to hear," Arthur said, his face hardening. He would give Merlin a chance to explain. Depending on the explanation Merlin gave, Arthur would determine what his punishment would be.
"But I haven't," Hunith said strongly. Arthur stared at her. Her defiance reminded him so much of Merlin. He could see where Merlin gets it from. "Merlin has magic because of you."
"Me?" Arthur asked incredulously.
"Merlin was born with magic for a reason, to fulfill his destiny. You are his destiny," Hunith told him. "Merlin has magic so you can live despite all the odds stacked against your survival. He is burdened with the task of making sure you live, which is no easy feat. And you don't acknowledge the help he gives you. You refuse to see just how much he has changed your life. I haven't been able to spend much time with my son, but I have been able to talk to him. He doesn't want your recognition, but he yearns for your respect. Yet you deny it to him despite all he has done."
"Perhaps I am not as blind as you think," Arthur whispered quietly. He wasn't sure what to do with the information Hunith had given him. If she was telling the truth and he suspected she was, he couldn't blame Merlin for his abilities. Arthur frowned. It was strange to think that he had caused Merlin to be born with magic.
Arthur walked in front of Merlin and crouched down until he was face to face with his manservant. "What can I do to make you let go of this anger?" Arthur asked him. "How can I make you better?"
"I couldn't help it. I'm so, so sorry," Merlin said.
"It's okay Merlin," Arthur said soothingly. Arthur didn't miss that the lightning was getting closer to them. He didn't know if that was part of Merlin's magic. He didn't want to know what would happen if the lightning struck him, but he prayed he would never find out. He knew he needed to calm Merlin down before it reached them.
"No it's not," Merlin whimpered. "The storm is my fault."
"I know," Arthur said. "But you couldn't help it."
"I got so angry. How do I let go of it?" Merlin asked desperately.
"Merlin, look at me. Right at me," Arthur said quietly. Merlin's eyes met Arthur's. It took all of Arthur's willpower not to flinch at the sight of Merlin's eyes. They had dimmed slightly from what they were before. Now only his irises and pupils glowed gold, but it was still disconcerting.
"Let it go," Arthur said. "Just let your anger go. Forgive me for what I said."
"I can't," Merlin said desperately. Arthur watched as a single tear fell from Merlin's eye. For the first time, Arthur realized how terrified Merlin must feel. He had no control over his emotions right now.
"I'll make you a deal," Arthur said. "You forgive me and I'll forgive you. I will forgive you for keeping this from me. I won't tell my father about your powers. I'll make a decision for myself about whether or not you are trustworthy. I cannot promise any more than that. And in turn, you can forgive me for the cruel things I said to you."
Merlin's gaze focused more, the gold slowly waning. As his eyes dimmed, the storm seemed to ebb. "Do you mean it?" He asked uncertainly. "You really won't tell Uther?"
"I cannot deny the good you have done. You have saved my life twice, both times when you could not have possibly been blamed if I had died. So now. I will pass my own judgment in my own time," Arthur said honestly. He knew it would be difficult. His birth had marked the start of the great purge. His father had suffered great evil. But Merlin had shown a wisdom beyond his years when he had said that you do not punish an entire people for the misdeeds of one person. Arthur did not know who had wronged his father to cause sorcerers to be hunted as they were, but he trusted his father's judgment. He knew that where there was magic, there was a potential for evil. Now, Arthur realized there was also a potential for good. He was willing to give Merlin a chance. He hoped Merlin would be able to help him understand the magic around him.
Merlin let out a slight cry as the fight left his body. It was a good thing he was already kneeling or he could have hurt himself when he fainted. As it was, his head made an unpleasant sound as it made contact with the ground. Thankfully the ground was softer than usual because of the rain fall.
The moment Merlin fainted, the storm disappeared. One moment it looked like the wrath of God and the next, the skies were clear and beautiful.
"Help me get him inside," Hunith said with a small smile. She was proud of Arthur. She barely knew him, but she knew this was a monumental step for him.
Arthur carefully lifted Merlin and walked him to Hunith's small house. He set him down on the little cot he had slept on the night before. "What now?" Arthur asked uncertainly. He knew Morgana and Gwen were still resting. They had been exhausted after the battle. He doubted they slept through that storm, but he was sure they would have gone right back to sleep.
"Now we wait," Hunith told him. "Care for a drink?"
"Please," Arthur said. He joined Hunith in the kitchen.
For several hours, he sat in the kitchen listening to Hunith tell tales of Merlin's childhood. It was odd to Arthur that Merlin had lived such an ordinary childhood. He had expected some strange and unexplainable phenomena happening wherever Merlin went. There had been the odd mishaps here and there where Merlin had been unable to stop himself from using magic, but for the most part, Merlin had done normal child stuff. He would catch frogs at midnight and play pranks on the elderly. He had been normal… well as normal as you can get when you are hiding magical powers.
Hearing the stories had had more of an effect on Arthur than anything else he had heard. If it had taught him anything, it was that there was no evil in Merlin's heart.
When Merlin finally woke, he wandered into the kitchen. He was cocooned in his blanket. He was surprised to see his mother and Arthur talking and laughing. He cleared his throat to make his presence known.
"How are you feeling dear?" Hunith asked.
"Tired," Merlin admitted.
"Hopefully not too tired," Arthur said. "We have to cover much distance today if we wish to return to Camelot by nighttime tomorrow."
Merlin looked at the floor uncomfortably. "I don't know if it would be wise for me to return to Camelot," he said uncertainly.
"Nonsense. Bad manservants are hard to come by," Arthur teased. "You may be the worst manservant in the history of servitude, but it would take far too long to replace you and I simply haven't the patience."
"But Arthur, I have magic," Merlin reminded him. Had Arthur possibly forgotten?
"And I have blonde hair. What does that have to do with you being my manservant?" Arthur asked. He kept his face blank.
"It is your duty to report anyone that violates the laws of Camelot," Merlin reminded him.
"No," Arthur disagreed. "It is my duty to think for myself and determine what is right and what is wrong. If I cannot consider every situation by its own circumstances, I will certainly make a poor king one day. I meant what I said before. I am willing to give this magic thing a chance. I'm willing to see how it is used. Only when I understand as much as I can, will I pass judgment on it."
Merlin's jaw nearly dropped. He hadn't expected that. "Th-thank you sire," he said, a small smile spreading across his face. He wasn't free to practice magic as he pleased, but this would make it so much easier to save Arthur's life.
Arthur shrugged. "Let's find Morgana and Guinevere and get back to Camelot. There will be hell to pay when we get back," Arthur said. "My father ordered us not to come and the last time I disobeyed him I ended up locked up for a week."
Merlin dutifully followed Arthur to find Morgana and Gwen. There was a hop in his step that had never been there before. It was hope. Merlin finally had something to give him hope for his future. This was a new start for him.
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