I love them but they're not mine…and they never will be…but I can play with them! My minions and I are just borrowing them for a while. I promise we'll give them back in the same shape we found them in. I don't have a beta reader so any and all errors are mine alone. I also don't have a medical background. I did research symptoms for this story, but if it isn't correct chalk it up to creative license. All constructive criticism is welcomed. If you don't like the story but don't have anything constructive to say…then all I can suggest is that you don't read it!

This story takes place a few months after Kensi comes back from Afghanistan. Everything in italics is either memories or thoughts.

INTRO: August 3rd

Kensi stood in the emergency room with tears streaming down her cheeks. Sam's strong arms kept her upright as she watched Marty being wheeled away, completely limp and unresponsive while a paramedic administered CPR. It was exactly opposite of how he had been onsite. Then he had been screaming profanities and straining against the handcuffs

Callen had put on him. He had been extremely combative at the warehouse, even slugging Callen as soon as his handcuffs were removed. Then to just collapse like he did scared the crap out of her. She thought once the meet was over, everything would be fine, and they could go home together. But now Marty wasn't breathing and no one knew what was wrong. They just knew he was in bad shape and needed medical help immediately.

"Sam he stopped breathing in the ambulance. What will I do if we lose him. No one knows what really happened or what's wrong with him" she cried.

All Sam could do was hug Kensi "I don't know Kens, but he's strong, he'll make it. He promised you and he always keeps his promises." He was worried about Deeks, everyone was, and they were mad as hell at whoever had done this to him, but he didn't want to worry Kensi any more than she already was. He had never seen her like this before. She usually kept her emotions locked up tight behind impenetrable walls, but she had become more open the longer she and Deeks were partnered together. Not for the first time Sam realized just how good he was for Kensi. He always had her back and knew just what to do for her no matter what type of mood she was in. He knew when she needed her sugar fix or what to say to get a rise out of her when that was needed. He always seemed to have a smile on his face. Sam knew that smile hid a lot of demons and unwanted memories and was Deeks way of getting through days that turned out to be bad for all of them. He kept the whole team from imploding just by making a wisecrack at just the right time. It had taken Sam a long time to really understand him and value him for the fine man, cop and liaison he was and hopefully one day the great agent Sam knew he could be. The torture he and Deeks had endured at Siderov's hands had one good outcome and that was that Sam and Deeks were friends and becoming better friends and team mates every day.

"That wasn't Marty in the warehouse, that was Max and that scares me. How do I know Marty is still even in there? Maybe he's finally lost himself in Max. Sam, he was so afraid he might lose himself in that alias one day. Especially if something bad happened while he was under. He was afraid of what he might do as Max." Kensi remembered Marty confessing just before leaving "I'm afraid that one of these days, I'll lose myself in Max. He scares me Kens. He's so strong. What if I'm not strong enough to come back if something happens." She had tried to reassure him he was stronger than his alias but wasn't sure she had gotten through to him.

Kensi stood there hoping that somehow in his current condition he would remember that he was Marty not Max and that she loved him. "He looks fragile but he's not. He's strong, so strong…and smart, smarter than me…and funny. He always knows just what to say to me. He knows me so well. I wish I had realized I love him sooner. I wasted so much time hiding my feelings because I was scared. We could have had years together instead of months. God I hope we have more time. I need more time with him." She knew if Marty didn't come back to her, her heart would shatter and she would never be the same because no one would ever be able to put her back together again.

~,~,~