Disclaimer: I don't own it, I just ship it

Warning: AU, strong language, boy x boy pairings, violence (more so bullying in the beginning), and because this was inspired by the manga Iris Zero, there may be some minor spoilers for it.

Yeah, not even gonna waste your time with the usual "Sorry this is late as hell" author's note. By this point, you're all probably used to it. Let's just focus on that Romerica date, shall we?

oOo

The van was dark and ominous, even as far as military custody went. Not quite Stranger Things with a blindfold dark, but definitely a solid foot or two over Six Feet Under dark. Four large soldiers sat across from each other, blocking in a civilian on both sides of the van, forming the most uncomfortable pair of sandwiches in town. Alfred and Lovino met each other's eyes. Without words, both questioned how the hell they got here from a happy date.

(7 Hours Earlier…)

"Ve~ fratello! I can't find the minced garlic from—VE?!" Feliciano walked in on what looked like the aftermath of a tornado. "Fratello, are you okay?!"

"Fine," Lovino poked his head out of the closet, pulling down a black shirt. "Why?"

"Uh…this?" the younger Vargas gestured to the piles of clothes scattered throughout the room.

"I'm just…sorting through my clothes," shrugged the green-eyed boy. "It's been awhile."

Feliciano narrowed his eyes. He took in the number of formal and business-casual outfits spread around and the particular black shirt Lovino just put on. His brother seldom wore his nicer clothes because he avoided the Family Dinners and hadn't been out with friends in forever. In fact, Feliciano knew going out with friends or Alfred would be the only way to get Lovino out of the house. Since nobody had planned anything as a group this weekend, it would have to be with just Alfred. And if it was just with Alfred…

"You're going on a date tonight~!" Feli squealed, pulling out his phone to document it. "Oh my god, I have to call Toni!"

Lovino hated those rare moments where Feliciano connected the dots to make valid conclusions. They only seemed to happen when he least wanted his fratello to stick his nose where it didn't belong. Maybe some things really did run in the family…? He watched his little brother alternate between texting their cousin and bouncing around while clapping his hands like a baby seal.

"Okay, fine, you caught me. Now leave."

"I can't leave! You might need my help!" Feliciano flitted around the clothes piles, shifting from bubbly baby seal to hyperactive hummingbird. "It's your first date~!"

"It's not my first date, dammit!"

"Eh?"

"In elementary school, I had at least six girlfriends before the Iris Zero thing went down."

"Yes, but 'dates' under the slides and to the swing sets don't really count, Lovi."

"Oh, and what makes you the expert?" the older Vargas crossed his arms. "The three or four group dates you've been on?"

"Come on, fratello…Just let me help with your outfit, at least?" Feliciano pouted, puppy eyes intensifying. "You helped me get ready for all my dates…"

Lovino vaguely recalled Feliciano's endless fashion show of potential date outfits and helping him narrow down the selection. He had also given Feli a few pointers about bringing his date (most often a girl, at that point) flowers and some one-liners he'd learned from TV and watching Nonno interact with his lady friends.

"Fine, you can help me with picking out a shirt, but that's it," Lovino cut his brother off. "I don't think Alfred would appreciate a bouquet of flowers as much as a twelve-year-old girl."

"I bet he'd like a bouquet of superhero movies!" laughed Feliciano, tossing an arm over his brother to guide him away from the heaps of discarded clothes and toward his own collection.

"We are not doing that."

oOo

Alfred had a considerably easier time choosing and outfit. Since he had already promised Lovino he'd wear a certain pair of jeans, all he had to do was find a nice shirt to go with it. The blond had a few of those, but went with the dark blue dress shirt because it had the least amount of wrinkles. He rolled up the sleeves to the point just below his elbow for comfort, not realizing it also showed off his majestic forearms. Alfred would have considered a tie, but didn't want to be late. He had a date to be getting to!

Humming a tune, Alfred went downstairs to pull on his shoes. He was distracted halfway through when his phone suddenly rang. Pulling it out of his pocket, the American glanced at the number, not recognizing it.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Alfred…" a deep voice responded. "I understand you have a date with Lovino today."

"That depends, who is this?" the blond was getting a little creeped out, covering it up the best he could.

"…A mutual acquaintance."

"Look, buddy. What do you care if—" Alfred was cut off by another pair of voices in the background.

"Toni! Who are you talking to?"

"N-No one!" the once-intimidating voice sounded muffled, as if he were covering up the phone.

"Kesesese, he's instilling the fear of god into Herr Präsident!"

"You had better not be!"

"But he's going on a date and—"

"And you're hanging up. Give me the phone."

"C'mon, Franny, I wasn't going to really scare him…just a little."

"If you don't hang up in five seconds, I'm calling your cousin and telling him about this."

"N-No! Don't call Lovinito! You can't—!"

"5…4…3…"

Click.

"Was that…Antonio?" Alfred stared at his phone as the call ended.

A small chuckle escaped him. It was actually kind of funny, in a way. Lovino had always told him that Antonio was like the big brother he never wanted, but got stuck with, due to the power of his Aunt's 'damn near magical churros.' So, it was nice that he was looking out for Lovino. Not needed, but still nice of him. Alfred scratched the back of his neck. It wouldn't exactly be fair of him to judge, seeing as how he had a bad case of Overprotective Big Brother not too long ago, himself.

"I guess I'll have to thank Francis next time I see him, though…" Alfred mused, picking up his keys from the rack. "He must really take his Cupid job seriously."

A quick walk to his car and Alfred was off on what he hoped would be the best date ever.

oOo

"You're late, bastard."

"C'mon, Lovi, by like two whole minutes!"

"Did you lose your phone again?"

"No, I was just being an extra-good driver!" he pouted. "I could have been here sooner, but I chose not to speed."

"I don't have a problem with you speeding, I have a problem with you randomly putting the car in park, just so you can sneak in a k—Nevermind." Lovino suddenly remembered his brother was standing next to him. "You can buy dinner and I'll forgive you."

Alfred laughed it off and agreed.

"You look great by the way," he complimented his handsome passenger. "Stunning, even."

"You don't look half-bad yourself," Lovino mumbled, looking anywhere but his boyfriend. Those jeans and that ass were a formidable opponent.

"What was that?"

"I-I said your hair is dumb."

"Of course you did," the blond grinned, having a pretty good idea of what Lovino actually said.

"Bye, guys! Have a great time!" Feliciano excitedly waved from the doorstep.

On the road, Alfred couldn't help but notice the new aroma in the car with them. It smelled like a perfect combination of cooking herbs (sage or basil, maybe? Alfred was still learning their names) and the woods in autumn. For some reason, it gave Alfred the weirdest urge to wrap his arms around Lovino and nuzzle his face into the scent. Right, that wouldn't be weird at all. On a scale of one to ten it would only be a solid 7 in weirdness points. Then again, he was the same guy who swore his stable full of horses to secrecy about the location of the Tomato Note – the book of dating plans and ideas he made for wooing the Italian…point being, he knew weird.

"Is that cologne?" he asked.

"What? Are you saying I normally stink?" smirked the Italian.

"Of course not, normally you smell like bodywash since you shower right before I pick you up for school."

"Well, excuse me for having good hygiene, bastardo."

"Haha, I'm just saying you always smell good," he winked. "But I must be extra-special if you went out of your way to wear cologne for me~!"

"You keep telling yourself that."

So he did. For the remainder of the ten minute drive, Alfred enjoyed the aroma and conversation coming from his car. It became increasingly difficult to fight the urge to turn the car around, race back to his house, and simply snuggle the hell out of Lovino for the rest of the night. Still, Alfred managed to fight on…at least until they got to the parking lot.

Lovino barely got a foot out of the door before Alfred materialized in front of him, pulling him into a hug.

"W-What are you doing, bastard?" the brunet felt his face burn at the sudden embrace.

"Just let me stay like this for a minute…" he closed his eyes and rested his head on Lovino's shoulder, breathing in his scent. He couldn't be sure, but maybe the fact that cooking and spending time in the woods were becoming some of his favorite activities to do with Lovino might have had something to do with how magnetizing the cologne was to him.

"Idiota…" muttered the other, content to rest his head against the blond's chest. Before, Lovino may have come up with an excuse like being cold or too tired to care, but now he could at least admit to himself that he found it soothing to listen to Alfred's heartbeat…at least until he felt eyes on them from the waiting line to get into the place. "You done, bastard?"

"It's not my fault you don't come with a warning label," the American laughed, slowly releasing his hold on his Italian.

oOo

Cibo Fantasia was one of the fanciest, swankiest, quadruple dollar sign-iest restaurants in town. Honestly, Lovino was impressed Alfred even got a reservation. He heard a rumor that people waited weeks just to eat outside the place. Fortunately, their table was inside, far away from the sidewalk and waiting line. The Italian had to admit he was feeling better about the place than he initially expected. He had never been to the restaurant, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes not knowing anyone was better than knowing everyone. At least that way, the advantage was more in his favor, since strangers didn't know he was an Iris Zero and he didn't go out of his way to let on that he was. If the rest of the restaurant blindly assumed he had a magic eye filter like everyone else, then maybe he could get through the meal feeling halfway normal for a change.

Their waiter arrived and welcomed them to Cibo Fantasia in the worst Italian accent Lovino had ever heard. Really. It was like the Mario brothers took a dump on the college student and then he washed it off with cheap wine.

"I can't believe you passed up a joke about 'The-a best-a food in-a the town-a,'" Alfred flashed a crooked grin as the waiter left.

Lovino simply unfolded his napkin and placed it on his lap. "Low-hanging fruit, Alfredo." As he looked up, he noticed uncharacteristic way Alfred folded and unfolded his napkin a few times. "Are you nervous?"

"Heh…Maybe a little…"

Alfred typically felt a little out of place at restaurants where the entire menu was difficult to pronounce (however, his knowledge of Chinese takeout food was astounding at this point in his life) or employed waiters better dressed than him. After enough practice (and lectures from Arthur), the hero could pull it off, but his insides still felt like half-frozen jello. He envied Lovino. If he wanted to, his boyfriend could flawlessly order anything he wanted in a ripped t-shirt and still look like a celebrity.

After they were given water, Alfred took a nervous gulp. Lovino bit back a laugh at the sight. Usually their roles were reversed. As much as the Italian was tempted to tease him about it, he held it in. Moon Moon looked flustered enough.

"Don't worry about it, bastard," Lovino briefly touched his hand. "You're here with me, not the rest of the patrons."

Somehow that was all it took. His stomach unknotted itself and his stiff shoulders relaxed. Great Detective Lovino had yet to fail him in his times of need. The brunet was always able to either calm him or energize him, sometimes without any effort. Alfred flashed him a grateful smile. He might not be comfortable in a fancy pants place like this, but he could be comfortable with Lovino.

Seriously, this guy was like magic.

"Let's see…dopey smile, twinkly eyes, spacey expression...Yep, you're back to normal," the Commissioner assessed him.

"Wait, you comfort me, then tease me?" the blond made a face. "Some therapy session this is."

"I'm letting you order anything off the menu, aren't I?"

"But I'm buying dinner…"

"Shh, shh…Just eat your breadstick…" Lovino shushed him, shoving the appetizer in Alfred's mouth.

oOo

Halfway through their meal, Lovino was romantically gazing into the unending depths of Alfred's azure eyeballs.

Just kidding. He was actually about ready to throw his phone out the window. The annoyed Italian was getting a constant stream of text messages from his brother and cousin. Everything from "How's your date going, fratello?" to "If he forces anything on you, I will rip him in half!" Seriously. The Hoover dam wouldn't be able to hold back this flood. Lovino silenced his phone after the 89th time it buzzed and hoped they didn't try to "check in" because he wasn't responding. It was a relief to see their food being brought over. Lovino was fairly certain lasagna was God's way of apologizing for his relatives.

Not that Alfred minded. He'd never been on a serious date before and wasn't exactly sure what to expect. Teen movies and a commitment to reading SOUP's tamer fanfics still left his overall Lovey Dovey Date Knowledge with a lot to be desired. Alfred wouldn't have complained if all they did was eat with awkward conversation starters and make out, but it wouldn't really be them. Teasing each other, glaring at phones, and arguing about the finer points of Italian cuisine (or lack of knowledge, in Alfred's case) before settling things with a kiss or two (or ten) was more their speed. The American traced his fingers over Lovino's knuckles slowly. It was reassuring that they could still be themselves (or at least slightly better behaved) even at a place like this. And sure, their relationship had a bit more shoving, insults, and shin kicks than most, but Alfred was a firm believer that sometimes the people who need the most love seek it in the most unloving ways. It had taken them awhile to get to this point, but both were damned if they weren't going to enjoy the benefits of dating their dream guy.

But, let's not forget the whole reason they were at Cibo Fantastica - freaking delicious food. Alfred absolutely loved the unlimited 'Tour of Italy' dinner platter that was prepared to feed four people. Little did the chefs know that things like "logic" and "the laws of physics" didn't apply to Alfred on an empty stomach.

"I'll take another, please!" the blond happily asked their waiter.

The table across from theirs gave them the stink eye.

"That's your third plate…" chastised the middle-aged woman.

"That's your third husband," Lovino responded between bites of lasagna.

The couple gasped at his nerve/accuracy and shot them more nasty looks.

"You are a terrible person!" Husband Number Three exclaimed.

"I practice."

The older couple finally returned to their own meal, realizing any further outbursts would only earn them more second degree burns. The tension seemed to ease a bit around that section of the restaurant without the man and woman constantly judging everyone around them. Alfred laughed while waiting for the next platter of delicious food.

"What's so funny?" the brunet asked.

"They had no idea what they were walking into!"

"Obviously."

"And they don't know you," he wiped his blue eyes.

"So?"

"So, they probably thought you had some kind of weird marital status-detecting Iris!"

Lovino's face was priceless.

oOo

Near the end of their meal, Alfred's phone went off in his pocket. The dramatic sword slicing notification sound identified the texter fairly quickly.

"Looks like Kiku has a question…mind if I take this?"

"Like I care."

"Gotcha," Alfred started speaking his response out loud. "On a date with Lovi…talk later…"

Before Lovino had a chance to acknowledge the slight flutter of his heart by being prioritized above work/school, a loud, unquestionably anime opening, ringtone started blaring.

Alfred silenced his phone and glanced at his new text; something about urgent Student Council business. The American shot his boyfriend an apologetic look.

"Seriously, you're taking that?"

"He said it was important…" the blond's finger hovered over the Accept Call option.

"Such a coincidence he realized that only after you told him about our date."

"I'm sure it's—" Alfred was cut off by his phone ringing again. "Wow, he's really persistent."

"Yeah, when it comes to being a pervert."

To Kiku's credit, he managed to greet Alfred and briefly discuss several student and teacher requests that had gone through the dropbox recently. He even threw in a bit about polls and positive statistics before he asked about the date.

"Heck, yeah we're having a good time!" the President happily reported. "Lovi just ordered five meters of a good time!"

"Five meters of breadsticks, idiots!" Lovino leaned over and hissed into the phone. He didn't have to see his face to know it looked like a bad case of sunburn. "I ordered us a damned appetizer! The food here is really good!"

"I'm sure it is," chuckled the voice at the other end.

"Stop turning this into unintended smut, rice bastard!"

"Yeah, Kiku, I have some manners after all!" Alfred managed to keep a straight face. "Intentional smut isn't until after the meal."

"If you two morons don't hang up right now, I'll kill you and frame Kiku for the murder."

oOo

Alfred soon found himself hunched over the table, battling off a food coma by resting his head on the smooth wooden surface. If not for the pile of plates on both sides of the blond and their waiter's newly developed back problems, it looked more like Alfred had a stomach ulcer than a full belly. One of the few mysteries Lovino couldn't solve was where his boyfriend put it all. Genetically-enhanced high metabolism was his running theory.

"You okay, Alfredo?"

"Nnngggh…" he groaned, shifting his body to look up at Lovino. "Super good, babe. Super good."

"Hang on, idiot, I know a cure for nearly stuffing yourself to death."

"Really?"

"I'm Italian."

"Okay, what is it?" Alfred lifted his head up, hearing his boyfriend shuffle over to his side of the table…only to be met with a gentle kiss on the lips. The blond considered it a personal victory that Lovino actually initiated a kiss in public around plenty of strangers. He usually saved being affectionate for when the two were alone. Alfred had a hard time not smiling into the kiss.

"Well?"

"I dunno…I think I need another to make sure."

"Greedy bastard."

"Says the guy curing my food coma with kisses."

"I'm Italian," Lovino repeated with a shrug.

Their wonderfully normal date was coming to a close. After Alfred narrowly avoided a food coma with the help of Lovino's special kisses and paid for dinner, the two walked outside.

"I still say you tipped him too much…" the brunet sighed. "He was about as authentic as Olive Garden."

"It didn't matter what he sounded like, Lovi," laughed Alfred, munching on his extra biscotti treat, courtesy of their waiter. "It mattered that he kept bringing me food!"

"How are you even eating more food when you insisted the decorative, religious paintings were part of your near-death experience?'

"It's dessert, so it doesn't count."

"You're an idiot."

"See, that attitude right there is why I always get the extra cookie," Alfred flashed him another crooked grin.

"Biscotti isn't…nevermind," his boyfriend sighed. Some battles weren't worth fighting. "Where to next, bastard?"

"The amusement park!" Alfred cheered, clutching both hands in determination. "I'm going to go to the shooting gallery and win you all of the stuffed animals!"

"Gee, I must be the luckiest guy in the world," Lovino rolled his eyes, but smiled, reaching for his boyfriend's hand. "Just remember to…"

"…Hmm? Remember what, Lovi?" the blond nudged the other, curious why he trailed off.

"Something's wrong."

Suddenly, a black van raced down the street, coming to a screeching halt beside the boys. Four large soldiers dressed in suits jumped out and grabbed the boys. Alfred didn't realize who it was right away, shoving two soldiers off to get to Lovino. The brunet had realized Alfred was their target and sure as hell wasn't making it easy for them to snatch him up while he was here. At first, all four rushed towards the American, but Lovino wasn't having that, so two had to try to keep him back. In the end, the squad decided it would be easier to shove both resisters into the van and did just that.

"Hello, Alfred," a familiar Aussie waved casually from his seat in the middle. "Being difficult?"

"I'll show you difficult!" Lovino snarled, causing a third soldier to assist his comrades in holding him back.

"Jett?" Alfred blinked a few times, recognizing his handler and relaxing. "Wait! Lovino! It's okay, I know them!"

Alfred's word was enough to calm the spitfire down a bit, but Lovino was far from trusting these guys. Whoever they were, they had military training, which boded about as well as peanut butter sandwiches and nut allergies. Lovino wasn't liking any of the possible reasons Alfred was overly-familiar with people carrying half their weight in guns, either. The van was silent. With not much else to do, the two resumed their staring match at each other.

(Right Friggin' Now)

"I told you we should have just done dinner and a movie…" the brunet spoke up after a few minutes of uneasy silence. A few soldiers even cracked a smile.

"How was I supposed to know we were going to get kidnapped today?" Alfred defended himself.

"If we wanted to kidnap you, we'd have you halfway to the moon by now!" laughed one of the older soldiers.

"Oi, remember this is a Common Baron situation, idjits," Jett barked to his subordinates.

They fell silent after that, leading Lovino to believe it was code for 'Shut your damn traps around the civilian!' Or something. Jett resumed jabbering to the driver in more code. Parts of it were muffled and parts of it sounded like a reality TV show, so the Italian didn't bother trying to break their code. After another few minutes of mind-numbing silence, another soldier spoke up.

"So, Alfred is this guy…the 'super special awesome boyfriend' you mentioned?" he gestured to the brunet sitting next to him.

"His what?" Lovino felt his face heat up. "What kind of dumbass names are you—"

"Yup, that's him!" beamed Alfred.

"Then why the hell aren't you sitting by him?" the solder on Lovino's opposite side chided the blond. "Here, switch with me."

The soldier guided Alf over carefully (they were still in the middle of traffic), patting him on the shoulder. Several of the other soldiers took a liking to Lovino (after spending so much time in a sterile, disciplined work environment, a little snark now and then was a welcome diversion), similarly congratulating Alfred. The American just laughed with them, proud of his boyfriend. Lovino on the other hand, thought the whole situation was just fucking weird.

"You were right, he is a cutie!" one of the female soldiers poked Lovino's cheek.

"You thought I would lie about that?!" Alfred looked aghast.

"Well, when you said gorgeous, I assumed you meant by high school standards, not supermodel standards."

"You haven't seen nothing yet!" Alfred fished out his phone. "Check out our Homecoming pictures!"

"Wow! Is this for real?!" the soldier brought the phone closer to her face. "You guys went all out!"

"We…we go to a really weird school…" the Italian caught a glance of the candid picture of the happy couple holding hands, walking among the various festival stands. They weren't even dating at that point, but looked so natural together.

"Scroll down, there's more!" the blond's smile was so bright it managed to pierce through the dark tunnel they were driving through.

"Awwww!"

Lovino wasn't sure what color his face was at that moment, but suspected it was probably somewhere between ketchup and actual bloodbath. He was suddenly very grateful for the tinted windows restricting much of the light inside. Not that it stopped Alfred from noticing and chuckling at his expense. Clearly, it was time to play his strengths and change the topic before he strangled his boyfriend, highly-trained soldiers be damned.

"So, are you going to tell me why you kidnapped us or make us guess?" he asked Jett, the guy in charge.

"Classified info, kiddo," the Captain responded, uninterested in the topic. "All you need to know is that a government post needs Alfred for something."

"Don't worry, Lovi…" Alfred squeezed his hand comfortingly. "Everything will be fine. No one's in any danger here."

"Fine, but if this is some Captain America Super Soldier serum shit, I'm going to kill you."

oOo

Alfred was reluctant to leave Lovino in the main lobby after they'd arrived. He knew it was against all protocol to bring a civilian any farther than that, but it didn't make either of them feel better. The blond knew his boyfriend would spend most of the time worrying about him, what he was doing, and if he was safe. He figured the rest of Lovi's time would be divided up into feeling uncomfortable in an unfamiliar setting, refusing to make eye contact with the others, and paging through whatever magazines were in the lobby (both of their phones were collected at the entrance for security measures).

"I'll be back as soon as I can," Alfred placed a quick kiss on his forehead.

"You'd better, or I might get bored and ditch you here."

"Just don't get too wild with the latest edition of Better Homes & Gardens," he laughed, handing the brunet a magazine.

"No promises there, bastard."

Another wave and Alfred was escorted to a different room to handle business. The blond tried to put off coming up with a plan for explaining all this to Lovino later. The Agency would definitely tell him some fib about a harmless government program that Lovi would see through in an instant. Alfred was really going to be in hot water once they were alone again. He couldn't lie to Lovino, but he didn't want to endanger him either. It was a real dilemma…thank goodness Alfred was such an accomplished procrastinator. As they made their way down the familiar tiled floor, he was brought up to speed by a familiar woman in a suit.

"Thanks Agent…uh…what was it…?"

"Galante," the Latvian replied coldly.

Alfred then vaguely recalled being assigned the task of selecting her for a mission earlier in the year. She had seemed much nicer during the interviews….

"Your task today is of considerable importance," she began.

"Yeah, I kinda figured, since you guys interrupted our date."

"What was that?" she arched an eyebrow, daring him to compare his love life to a national security threat.

"Er, nothing," he smiled sheepishly. "You were saying?"

"We have a possible mole within our Company who needs to be identified," came her reply. "With Agent Washington taking on another assignment at the last minute, you are our best concealed interrogator."

Alfred nodded, recalling the other man. Agent Washington had an Iris that measured the threat level of anyone he looked at. Like Alfred, he could also do so from behind two-way glass, without anyone knowing he was there. Neither had to ask any questions, as they could figure out a person's motives without a word. To be compared to him in such high regard made Alfred feel proud of his ability.

As Alfred wasn't a full-blown Agency Man himself, Jett provided him a list of questions to use with his Iris. Sometimes the blond came up with his own questions, which were recorded as well. All it took to get the information he needed was watching groups of employees working out below the observation deck, in what they believed to be a routine physical exam. Alfred found the mole within a half hour of searching.

"Excellent job, Alfred!" Jett clapped him on the back. "You're getting faster every time you do it!"

"Heh, thanks!" the blue-eyed prodigy gave weak smile back.

He was always happy to help and appreciative for the team's support with all the help they'd given him over the years to improve his Iris, but always felt a pit of unease whenever he completed a big assignment like this one. Alfred couldn't help but worry that dangerous people were infiltrating this high up on the ladder. At what point did those people become a legit threat to his friends and family? Alfred tried to shake off his thoughts before they went too dark. Instead, he focused on returning to Lovino. He expected the Italian to be bored out of his mind and/or pissed off about waiting in vagueness.

Imagine his surprise when he found Lovi winning hand after hand of poker around a table of guards.

"What the…" Alfred felt his jaw go slack.

Nobody noticed with the game of the century playing out before their eyes. The high school hustler revealed his hand, causing the observers to cheer around him. Lovino had kicked the final player out of the game, winning yet again. The brunet didn't even notice his own boyfriend. To be fair, it was hard to notice much when he was raking in the mountain of loot in front of him. His winnings pile was already taller than him.

"There's no damned way you won this fairly!" the sore loser complained. "You've gotta have some card-related Iris or something!"

"I already told you I'm an Iris Zero," scoffed Lovino. "Check my government profile, if you don't believe me, Mr. Bigshot Soldier Bastard."

"He got you good, bro!"

"Shut up, you were the first one knocked out of the game!"

The others laughed and congratulated Lovino on another win, while Alfred could only stare in disbelief. The Italian was surrounded by sunglasses, pocketknives, hats, jackets, waterbottles, and other goodies. It looked like he just robbed a military-themed gift shop. How had they even managed to pull off gambling on the job? Wasn't that illegal? Maybe Alfred stumbled into an alternate dimension? That was the only explanation. Two passing soldiers clapped him on the back on their way past.

"You sure know how to pick 'em, Jones!"

"We should pick you up during dates with Lovino more often," laughed another. "This was actually an entertaining shift!"

At this, Lovino took notice of the blond and waved meekly.

"Well, glad to see you guys found a way to enjoy yourselves while I was busy saving the free world," the blond joked.

"Sorry, Alfred, but your boyfriend's more fun than you," shrugged a soldier.

"Yeah, that Iris thing he does is incredible!" another exclaimed.

"Captain, you gotta see this, Lovino here can—"

"Well, you're probably exhausted, Lovi!" Alfred quickly interrupted, pulling Lovino and his pile of loot towards the vans. "Sorry about all this!"

"A little," the brunet replied, confused, but following the other's lead. "Hey, you still owe me gelato."

An argument instantly broke out between four or five Agency workers over who got to take the boys out for dessert before going back on the clock. Or more accurately, who got to take Lovino and 'the other one' out for sweet, delicious gelato.

Alfred crossed his arms next to his rock star boyfriend.

"What am I? Chopped liver?"

Jokes aside, Alfred felt more relief than anything. He definitely didn't want Lovi caught up in all this government stuff. If Jett found out how super-smart he was, they'd be snatching Lovino up for 'projects' of his own. Alfred didn't want all that extra stress on the brunet's plate now or ever. It was hard enough for him and he had an unfailing Iris to rely on. As intelligent as Lovino was, Alfred knew he'd be wracked with guilt or shame if he ever handled a government level project wrong or failed somehow.

Lovino squeezed his hand, sensing his anxiety. That was all it took to make him feel better. Alfred was back to cracking jokes and superhero references in no time. As much as Lovino didn't trust these soldiers any farther than he could throw them, now wasn't the time to voice that. If they had Alfred on edge, then Lovino was completely over the edge and hitting the ground running. He just couldn't show them that.

The ride back was a lot less tense than the ride there. Alfred chattered away with the soldiers around them and Lovino mulled over all of the information he had learned. He was happy to have finally solved the case of the mystery caller who contacted Alfred a few weeks ago during their Student Council video presentation, but did it really have to be the freaking government? It took a lot for someone to make Lovino look normal, but Alfred was well on his way with his current 'part-time job.' The ease Alfred had around the military beasts and their secret base implied this had been going on for awhile. Was this really about Alfred's Iris being so useful? The questions kept piling up in the brunet's head and he kept filing them away for a later day. This really wasn't the time to interrogate Alfred or his groupies.

"So, should we invite my squad on our second date, too?" the blond tried to change the subject.

If looks could kill, Lovino would have a life sentence.

oOo

After gelato, the couple got a group picture with the four giants who escorted them (even without their combat gear, the Agency members could rival mountains). They looked it over more after the Spy Car pulled away, off to save the world from more danger. Alfred couldn't help but laugh. He knew what the brave men and women in the photo did for a living, so it was funny to see them making goofy poses with two mostly-normal students.

"That one's going in the memory book…"

"Ah, yes," Lovino leaned against him to get a better look. "Our very first date…with the CIA."

"How did you know they were CIA?" Alfred nearly gave himself whiplash facing the brunet.

"Huh?"

"That was a black ops site. There weren't any logos in the main lobby where you stayed…"

"Eh, I guess I figured it out when—"

Alfred laughed nervously and puts a finger to Lovi's lips.

"Actually, let's just keep it a secret."

"But I—"

Alfred hushed him with an urgent kiss.

"Fine, bastard. If you insist…"

oOo

A/N – "The Agency" is another name for the CIA, which is how I avoided naming it until now. As they pop up in the story, there will be some similarities and…creative differences with the real-world CIA.

-Rajikka

Translations

Tsundere – A type of character seen in anime or manga known for appearing cold or hostile, but having a hidden sweet side. "Tsun Tsun" is the aloof or irritable side, while "Dere Dere" is the lovey dovey side. (Jp.)

Fratello – Brother (It.)

Idiota - Idiot (It.)

Cibo Fantasia – Fancy Food (It.) I very nearly named it Non Si Può Permettere Questo "You Can't Afford This", but that didn't have the same ring to it.

Shachō – President (Jp.)