koolcat400

icetail0912

Bloody-kick-ass

Jack Frost Is Me

Thank you guys for all of the favorites, follows and reviews! I'm sorry This took so long, I've finished finals and have had some stuff going on at home so without further delay. This fanfiction proudly presents: Ezio Auditore.

Warning, this is going to be boringly descriptive, imagine your worst movie set tour and auction seller for how it's gonna be.

"So tour of the house huh? Welp, I guess the best place to start is the room we're currently in. This," I make a grand gesture to the 'small' dining room, "is a dining room, we have two here, this one is mainly for family use, the other is used either for parties, and both are used when the family comes over. This dining table normally seats eight but there are slides that can add an extra four places. The table is made out of mahogoney!1 The edges of the table are carved in a flowerish, leafy, stemy design with gold painting. The chairs have matching designs for the back of them and the seats...actually i don't know a lot about the seats besides that their red and comfy. Just about each room in the house has specific country art work. This is Italy with a Basilica of Santa Croce painting, classic Leaning tower of Pisa, the Coloseum, and a few more my parents never told me the name of. Over the table is a chandelier with all pieces hand-blown glass that need to be taken down individually to clean...all...200 of them...God I hate chandelier day" I shudder at the memories. It took appoximately three hours to properly clean all of those damn pieces.

I look up to the Italian on my arm to see him staring at one of the pictures. He was remembering something, I look at the picture again and I remembered what it was. Piazza della Signoria, where his father and brothers were killed. I snap Ezio out of his trance by touching his arm. His eyes snap to mine and I see the tears forming. "Come on, let's go check out the rest of the place, I'll take it down later if you want?" Making it seem a question so I wasn't presumptuous. Ezio only shakes his head, but I could see it still bothered him. Nodding my head I bring him into the kitchen.

"This, obviously, is the counters and the island are black granite, the sink and the refridgerator are stainless steel, and are about 14 cabinets in total. All you need to know right know is that the cabinets above the stove," I motion to the black gas stove, "are where all of the plates and cups are. On this counter", turn us a little bit is the toaster, toaster oven, and coffee maker, the other miscalanious appliances are in the bottom cabinets." He just looks at me, not knowing a single thing I said. Right, not from even the late 20th century. "Don't worry about it, I'll explain what these do later if you want." Ezio nods gratefully, which for some reasons cause a smile to form on me.

Taking him out of the kitchen I bring him into the den. "Alrighty, this is the den, where most of the games are played, books held, and movies watched. That, " I motion to the 60" HD flat screen, "is a fancy television, like...moving pictures. We get tons of different channels on it. and you can get up and manually control it, with the buttons on the bottom of the screen, or with this." I hold up the remote control. "This is a remote control, kind of in the name of what it does, it controls the television, remotely. Want to see how it works?" He looks suspicious of it but nods. "Don't worry," I try to comfort him," what ever is on that screen cannot harm you, I'm telling the truth." Smiling up at him, I point to the power button. "This is the power button, it activates the tv. Like so," pressing the button and I hear the click of the tv coming to life.

"Now it takes a few seconds to load, but once it does you can see- HOLY CRAPOLA NOT THAT!" I type in random numbers to get that off of the screen. Thankfully I hit the right numbers and 'The Pokemon Movie' came on instead. "That never happened, agreed?" Looking to Ezio out of the corner of my eye, I see him nod slightly, though I'm too mortified to see his reaction. But not so bad that I wasn't going to find the person responsible for the damn channel.

"Be right back." I call to Ezio who is enraptured by Pikachu. Walking out of the den, I pass the kitchen, two bathrooms, the small dining room, to the living room, where the culprit is lounging in a comatose state. Creeping up close, I gently blow in her face to wake her. Nada, I poke her; nada. Finallly I creep up close to her ear and as gentle as a butterfly kiss, "RACHEL ANNA-MARIE SMITH, WAKE UP!" Jolting back, I gaze upon the flailing giraffe as it jumps a few feet in the air, to land gracefully, on its face.

"What! What? Who? Where? What?!" Rach holds up the remote to smite the fool who woke her. But I am no fool.

"Hi. Hi. Me. Here. Hi." My voice dripping with sarcasm and amusement. "Good morning Dear, Dear Rachel. How did you sleep? Well I hope." I cross her and sit on the arm of the couch.

Finally sleep is rubbed from her eyes, "Oh, hey Phi, yeah I slept okay thanks, I had this weird dream that Ezio came to life and-"

"He did."

Her face brightens with realization, "Oh." She looks at my 'you're so dead' face, and "Oh. Listen Phi I can explain-"

"You had porn playing on the tv! Who watched tv porn during the damn day!? I just showed Ezio relitively how the tv works and the first thing he sees is porn! C'mon Rach! Seriously?! Porn! During the day!" I wasn't sure how I wanted to maim her yet, but I think I'm gonna start with the fingers.

"You read porn all the time during the day! What's the difference?"

"Fanfiction is not all smut! How many times do I have to tell you this?! And reading about people doing stuff is different from watching it in HD!" Why must she always attack the fanfiction? Is it just me?

"Yeah well-" Her strawberry face puffing up.

Crossed arms, perfect posture moi, "Uh huh, use your big girl words. I know you can do it."

Letting out all the air in her, her deflated balloon self nods, "Okay, I'll admit it. It was creepy/rude/both. I'm sorry. But how was I supposed to know you'd show Ezio?" It is nice to win once in a blue moon.

"You couldn't, sorry about tha-"

"NO ASH, NO!" A cry comes from the den.

Rach looks at me. "What movie is on?"

"The Pokemon-" At the rememberance of the terrible scene we start running. In the den we see Ezio tearing up on the couch.

MOMMA MODE ACTIVATED!

"Ezio what's wrong?" We syncronize as we go to comfort him.

"Ash was turned to stone in order to protect Pikachu, and the Pokemon are all crying!"

Rach and I share a look. "But Ezio look," Rach points to the screen.

"Ash is gonna be okay, the pokemon are healing him, look!" We sigh in relief that the baby isn't crying over a petrified Ash anymore. I think we've emotionally scarred him. Well, everyone got emotionally scarred during that scene. "Ezio?" Shaking him a bit to get his attention. "Why don't we go finish the tour?" Nodding yes, but there's still trouble in his eyes. "Listen, Ash is fine, Pikachu is fine, hell, even Team Rocket is fine! If you're still worried about it by the end of the tour, I'll give you one of my Pikachu's okay?"

Snapping to his senses, he must've realized in what position he was in. The genius jumped up only to get a head rush. Which sent him flailing back onto the couch?

Looking at each other, me and Rach shared the same damn thought, 'This is the great damn assassin?' Rach let out a small sigh, but I had to supress mine; for I am the lovely hostess who was forced to house a flirty, fragile ego, and apparently emotional Italian assassin. Hooking my arm with Ezio's I slowly pull him up. "Genius, after you exert alot of energy into crying, you can't just jump up. You'll get a head rush."

"A head rush?" Ezio looked confused by my termonology. "Rach help me out here, how do you explain a head rush?" Rach was Ms. Anatomy, wanting to be a physical therapist all her life made her study anything that could be wrong with the body.

Running a hand through her hair, she tries to grasp her knowledge on the subject. "In lamen terms; it's when you quickly stand up after sitting for a period of time, and get extremely dizzy and or get a headache." And with that she flops on the couch and turns on E!. Turning back to Ezio, "Well there you go. Would you like to continue the tour?"

Nodding while observing the tv, I pull him to the right into the Main Dining Hall. "This is the main dining hall, used for company meetings, family parties, Christmas parties. It can be used for other occasions or reasons, but not normally. The table is cherry wood with Arthurian designs burned into the table top and matching chairs. The table is round for the Arthurian theme, which is why there are multiple medieval swords hanging on the wall. The table seats about 24, riduculous, I know, but we have a lot of family and my parents do a lot of smoozing. There's a little foyer of to the corner that takes you out to the pool, yard, and gardenI'll show you that stuff later." Turning on my heel was only then I realized my arm was still hooked with Ezio's. "Sorry." Glancing up and unhooking our arms.

Trotting ahead I bring him through the den again and take him up the stairs at the furthest left of the room. But not before changing the channel of the tv, messing up whatever she was watching and pulling Ezio up the stairs before she can follow. Bending over the rail to catch my breath. "Don't worry," huff huff, "she only comes up here to sleep, she hates stairs." I straighten and flash him a smile. I thought I saw a slight blush on his face but put it away to the pushing up the stairs."Now, this is where all the bedrooms are. Until we can figure out a way to send you back, you can choose one of the guest bedrooms to sleep in. There are six up here with two baths, one full, one half." I point to the two doors dead center, and then the one to the right of us. "This one closest to the stairs is my parent's bedrom. Where I brought you into to change. Across from it and next to it are guest bedrooms."

Opening the one across from my parent's bedroom, I motion in. "The beds are all full so they should be comfy. This one's theme is China so a lot of red and balck in this one.1" Closing that and opening the one next to it, "Japan themed, very tranquil.2" And doing the same with the next few guest rooms.

(Author's note: I'm lazy. So skipping the bathrooms, the room themes will go right, across, diagonal, across, also numbers are the pictures of the rooms that'll be on my profile. Not my pictures)

"Egyptian3, France4, Ireland5, and then my bedroom. Which we are obviously not going into. Now if you'll follow me-"

"Why not?"

Slightly stunned and embarrassed, "Why what Ezio?"

"Why can we not go into your room?" He motions towards my door.

"Uhm-uh-I mean." Damn it, you're fabulous at lying, think of something quick! "It's a mess! Yup! A total disaster area, you wouldn't want to see it." Good thinking, totally not obvious. With a wave of my hand I turn back around...

When I see an Italian standing in front of me blocking my way. "Do ya mind? People do need to walk, and you're perfectly situated where they need to be."

"Well then, the only way you can move me is if you show me your room." Damn his smirk. Damn his head tilt. Damn his exsistence. Damn my exsistence while your at it.

Sidestep-he follows, step back-he follows, diagonally-this bastardo follows. It's like a sick joke of this dance. Every move I make he just follows half a second sooner; damn his assassin-y-ness. "Fine!" Exasperated, "Fine, fine, fine. You win, happy?" He simply nods.

Self confident bastard. I open my bedroom door, which is blue with varying stickers, posters, bands, ya know, the classic "teen" door. Inside was my bed with a British flag comfeter6 and matching pillows, canopy, and bean bags covering the wooden floor with a striped rug. My black desk that was very modern and where I did most of my homework and my scroll up writing desk where I dabble in different things and read my fanfic. Christmas lights were strung up as additional lights, but I did have like normal lamps. I had pictures and posters covering almost all of my walls leaving the color of the walls to be guessed at any random time. My television was in the corner with my Xbox 360 and PS3. It's kind of sickening how rich my parents are...I like my stuff and all, but I don't need most of this.

Red cheeked, and irritated."Alright now you've seen it, can we please continue?" Ezio's in a damned daze as he wonders through my room. Jerking his head he stares at me, back at the room, back at me...you get the picture.

Reclining against the door frame, I gaze at this moron. "You're gonna give yourself whiplash honey. I suggest you stop that."

"Here." He finally mutters.

Groans come up from my position. "What do you mean 'here'? No you're not staying here Ezio, yes this was probably where you woke up." The stunad still ain't listening. Grabbing his arm, I finally haul his fat ass out of the room. "My room is not for you, we are not sharing my room, you are not sleeping in my room." I repeat over and over as I walk down the stairs to the living room/small dining room area.

"In conclusion, this is the living room, where most guests are taken into because this is the front of the house. There are three very comfy black leather couches, and two very comfy black leather chairs. There is a fireplace, it's not real...sadly. That is another flatscreen, although showing you more tv might destroy your mind; heaven knows it's destroyed Rach's."

"I HEARD THAT!" The devil speaks from the den.

"GOOD!" I yell back.

"So," Turning to the stunned Italian, "That's basically it except for the basement and the yard, which need to be tackled on a different day. Any questions?" I smile, which seems to knock Ezio awake.

"Yes, well- I was thinking-"

"WE SHOULD SHOW HIM THE INTERNET!" Rach runs in, bouncing (almost) off the wall.

"How many pixie sticks did you have?" I give her the mom look.

Her face turns as red as her socks, "Not a lot." Looking down at her feet.

Sighing, "How many?"

"...Twelve?" Sheepishly she grins.

"Dear God you're not staying here-"

"EZIO, DO YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHING?!" The child screeches.

With a headache forming in the ranks, I try to calm the situation. "Rachel sweetie, why don't you come with me?" Softly turning the corners of my mouth up, and touching her arm gently.

Wide eyes stare me down, "NO!" The little buta shoves me and runs...right into the bathroom. Headache in full view now, I realize I'm not on the ground. Looking up I see the one and only. I'd be blushing if my head wasn't being invaded by a sledgehammer. "Thanks Ezio." I push myself off him, and head for the medicine. Popping two pills of pain reliever I stumble to the couch in the living room. Damn it damn it, make it stop. I can't even really see from the pain.

"Ezio," I hear footsteps walk towards me, "Ezio, can you please close the curtains? I can't make it up to my room right now, so I just need the dark, or muted light at least. I'm sorry I can't be much help. You can sit next to me if you want, or wander the house again." With that I flop my head back and start to doze. I feel the presence of a person on the floor in front of me. All I was able left to do as I fade into unconsiousness it put my hand on their head and rub it gently. "Thanks," was the last coherent thing I said.

Thank you for reading, and my sincere apologies that this took so long! Hopefully I'll be getting more out soon.