Disclaimer… I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters, but I will use them in my stories for your enjoyment.

A/N: I have found that any time I lose someone close to me I reflect a lot: on my time with the person, my life, their lives, etc. The loss of my grandmother was no exception and I started to think of all the stories she told me or I heard throughout the years. For a long time, I have wanted to write a story that include the way my grandfather proposed. It is cute, sweet, and enormously hilarious. My grandfather knew he loved my grandmother the moment he laid eyes on her and used to call her his little China Doll since she was Chinese and he was Scotch/Irish… I know, interesting combo. So the story will be loosely based on their courtship and my former relationship. Enjoy the new story everyone!

Chapter 1 – I'm Sorry, I Want More

Time, although constantly moving, can feel as if it has completely stopped and currently stands still, unmoving and stagnant. That was how Haruhi felt at the exact moment Tamaki proposed to her and she respectfully declined. She loved him, but realized after dating him the past few years that she was not in love with him, and there was a big difference between the two. She wanted, no, she craved more. She wanted the never ending, unerring love that her father felt for her long dead mother. It seemed impossible, but she would settle for nothing less.

Haruhi had never given much thought to love or marriage, and had once believed she would just do it, and since she loved Tamaki, she would probably end up marrying him. Things change. The brunette can't say she had some sort of epiphany or anything, or when her mind and heart decided that for her; she only knew that when Tamaki finally asked, she could not accept.

The hurt on his face broke Haruhi's heart and tempted her to change her answer… tempted, but nothing more than that. Being honest with herself did not allow for the change, and no matter what she faced, she would hold her head up high, standing firm in her choice, "I'm sorry, Tamaki. I just… I can't."

"May I ask why? I love you Haruhi," Tamaki implored, a catch in his voice as he strained to hold back the pain and tears. How had this happened? They were in love, had been dating for four years now, and had nothing but happy times with each other… for the most part. Haruhi was just finishing up her second year at university and he thought it was the most ideal time to propose, but now he wondered if he had been fooling himself throughout the years. Did one not propose when in love?

What could she say? She wanted to use the old go to excuse of "it's not you, it's me", but that seemed oddly cliché and Tamaki deserved better than that. How did she explain it all though? Opening her mouth a couple of times, nothing came out and she decided to stop and breathe for a moment to organize her thoughts. When she was ready, she began again, "It's not that I don't love you, I do. You are a great guy and I should want to marry you. You would make a great husband and have been a wonderful boyfriend."

"Then what is it?"

"I… I just… I want more. I thought I could be okay with living the rest of my life with someone I loved and had a fantastic friendship with, but I want more. I want to be in love with the person I commit myself and my life to, and as much as I love you, I'm not in love with you and never have been. I want the type of love that my parents shared. My father might have his flings here and there, but he still loves my mother and mourns for her every day, carries on conversations with her, desires to have her by his side again, and sometimes pretends that she is still there. I know to some people that sounds sad, but I realized I want that type of love. The all-consuming love that my parents shared. I want to be in love with my husband, to be more than just friends and someone I care fore. I mean, I want the friendship too, but I want more… I want it all. I'm sorry that I can't say yes to you, and I will understand if you hate me…" She wiped away a few tears that had started to fall and sniffled, "You know, I thought I would be able to say yes to you. Only recently did I realize what I really wanted, and you should want that too. You should want your wife to love you wholeheartedly and without question. You deserve that and more. I just can't be the one to give it to you. I understand if you hate me now, but…"

Tamaki interrupted her, his own tears falling down his face, "I don't hate you, I can't. I just don't understand how we are not meant to be together when I love you so much, but I know you, and once you make up your mind it is hard to change it. Goodbye, my Haruhi."

That goodbye seemed so final to her ears and as soon as Tamaki left her home, she fell to the floor and wept. This was for the best and now she could stop feeling guilty about being with him and move forward in life. She had no idea what would happen now amongst their friends, but she hoped they would all be alright and be able to push through this. Maybe not, and if that is the case, then so be it. She cannot go against what her heart and soul are telling her. She and Tamaki both deserve more than that. Granted she had no idea who she was destined for, she only knew that Tamaki Suoh was not the person, and as much as it hurt her to break his heart, it would have hurt more to say yes now and break it later… maybe it would have happened after they were married, who knew, but it would have happened eventually because she cannot give all of herself to him and that would have driven a wedge between them at some point in time. No, there was less hurt to be had by all breaking up today and declining the proposal than letting everything drag on longer. Now the only question remained was how would this affect their friends? Would she still have them when they discovered what she had done? What about Tamaki? That farewell… well, only time would be able to tell what the repercussions of her actions would be. She could only hope and pray now.