I've had this idea stuck in my head for a long time. I have this headcanon where when she was younger, Elsa cut herself to help control her powers. It will be explained more in upcoming chapters, but for now, this is just the prologue.

It takes place at that scene right in the middle of "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" where she begs her parents not to touch her.

This story will eventually pan out to be a Helsa fic, but for now, this chapter is focusing solely on Elsa and her self harm. I don't know when we'll see Hans, but he will be around eventually.

This chapter is really short, and kind of graphic, because I use this scene to illustrate the first time she self harms. That's quite literally all this chapter is, so I apologize in advance if this is triggering. You have been warned.

"I'm scared! It's getting stronger!"

The ice was everywhere. The walls were covered in it, and everywhere Elsa stepped left angry white streaks all across the floor. Her breath hitched in her throat as she looked down at her hands, mortified.

"Getting upset only makes it worse," the king said in his most soothing voice, reaching for his daughter. "Calm down-"

Just as he was about to embrace her, Elsa ducked out of the way. "No! Don't touch me!" she yelled, recoiling. "Please! I don't want to hurt you!"

The king stopped reaching for her, as per her wishes, sadness in his eyes. Sadness in both their eyes, Elsa noticed, as her mother put her hand on his shoulder. They wore equally hurt expressions.

Elsa turned away from them, unable to bear seeing them like that. "I.. I need to be alone," she whispered, hugging herself.

She heard her mother sigh. "We love you, Elsa. We only want to help." Elsa shut her eyes tight and shook her head. She didn't open them until she heard them shuffle out, closing the door behind them. "She just needs some time," she heard her father's words, muffled on the other side of the doorway.

Once she was sure they were gone, Elsa opened her eyes, watery with tears, and looked around the room at the destruction she was causing. The curtains were covered in ice, her chair was frozen solid. Everywhere she looked, she saw white. She hated herself for it.

Conceal. Don't feel.

Elsa slowly slumped to the ground and pulled her knees up to her chest, hugging her legs as she cried.

She needed to stop this somehow. But she didn't know how. She had tried everything to repress this, but they always came back, no matter what she did.

She needed some other way to get these... these... emotions out. Because that's what this was. Her powers always got out of control when she was emotional.

No. I don't need to control this. I just need to die.

She felt more tears coming, stinging the backs of her eyes. That's what she had to do, she decided. She just... she needed to die. Then this would all go away. All of it. Everything would be better off without her.

With her mind made up, she looked around her room, frantically searching for something, anything, that would aid her in her attempt at her life. She saw nothing. Just ice.

And ice would be fine, she decided.

She reached out towards one of her icicles on the wall with a shaky hand, breaking it off. She turned it over in her hand, examining it. She tapped her finger on the tip, and it bled. It was sharp enough to do damage.

Her breathing was as shaky as her hands as she took her makeshift blade and held it to her wrist. How do you even go about killing yourself?

She let in a shallow breath, and slowly slid tip across the inside of her wrist. Almost instantly, there was an angry red streak where the ice had just been. Blood welled at the end, and slid down her forearm.

It didn't hurt. It didn't feel like anything, really. Not only that, but as Elsa sat, contemplating just what it had felt like, the frost on the walls had started to recede, and she noticed this right away.

But had that really been because of what she just did?

She did it again, and again. And even more times after that, until she couldn't even see her pale skin in between the red and the blood.

She didn't stop until the icicle melted. Elsa looked around the room, feeling like she was seeing the world with new eyes, heightened senses. She could think clearly now; there was no frost, no ice, nothing. Everything looked normal again.

Maybe she didn't have to die. Maybe she really could control this.

So... there it is. I really hope I'm getting this right. I have never put my self harm into words before, and I did it to the best of my abilities here, but I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense in some places. Her thoughts are so scattered, which is how it is when you are depressed and suffer from anxiety.

The next chapter takes place right after the movie.

Anyways, I hope people will end up sticking with this.