Note: after writing all this, I must say the Indoctrination theory sounds very... believable...

Red.

I still remember that last dream I had. It had been different from the previous ones. In those dreams I was always chasing the young boy I failed to save back on earth. But those dreams became darker, and shadows and whispers were closing in.

But this dream was different. Instead of running in slow motion through a forest, I found myself walking on a shore barefoot. I could feel the warm sand underneath my feet while a warm sun was shining down on me. As I walked on the tranquil shore I saw several silhouettes appear. They eventually took shape and I recognized them as my former squad mates. Legion, Mordin, Ashley... and Thane.

Thane just stood there smiling and looking proud. I must've smiled back and began to head their way, but the assassin shook his head and something within told me not to come any closer. They were dead, yes, and so was I. Wasn't it normal then that I wanted to be reunited with them? I had done my part and I just wanted to rest. But it was almost like they told me that it wasn't my time yet and that I had to return. I really didn't want to go to be honest. This place was so beautiful, so tranquil, so pure. I just wanted to lie down in the sand and watch the clear blue skies for all eternity surrounded by the ones I love. But fate wasn't done with me, after all, there were way too many things I left unfinished.

The silhouettes began to fade and I saw Thane's lips move. I have no idea what he said since he couldn't produce any sound, but I think I understand what he tried to tell me. I would definitely return to this place when it was my turn to die, but not today.

I woke up screaming in pain. My body was a complete mess and I guess that I wasn't supposed to wake up yet. But like in the past, sedatives didn't work good on me. Several nurses and doctors stormed into the room and pushed me harshly into the bed while I began to trash from the left to the right. It was then that I saw my arms- ( or what was left of them ) they were charred black. That's right, Harbinger nearly fried me when I was running to the pillar of light.

the doctors were yelling to each other and I couldn't understand a word of it. Later I would learn that they were talking Dutch and that I was in the Netherlands. One of the luckiest country that wasn't completely destroyed by the enemy forces.

" Het is al goed, het is al goed... " I heard a doctor saying while he stared down at me with a look filled with pity. " We zullen goed voor je zorgen "

I slowly opened my mouth but I was getting so sleepy and the words I wanted to tell him simply disappeared from my mind. So I closed my eyes and slowly fell in a deep but dreamless sleep.

It was almost like I had entered project Lazarus 2.0, only this time there wasn't cutting edge technology to fix me completely. No I would forever walk around with the scars that Harbinger had given me, but I would wear them proudly. Why? Because I was still alive and he wasn't. My scars were the absolute truth that the Reapers weren't the 'vanguards of our destruction'.

It took me several months of operations and rehabilitations before I could finally call myself human again. The Dutch doctors and nurses were really nice and polite to me. They helped me in any way they could, but there were things they didn't respond to. Like, where was I? What day was it? They wouldn't give me any information at all.

Whenever I asked they just gave me a polite smile and leave the room. The look they gave me before they left showed me they wanted to reply, but they couldn't. Something or someone was preventing them from answering my questions. It was frustrating, but I had to conserve my strength and concentrate on getting better.

I miss Garrus.

It was heartbreaking when I had to leave him on the Normandy, but he was hurt and I didn't want Harbinger to do any serious injury to him. One facial scar was enough after all... Still, he must think I am dead by now. Alliance personnel would surely go and search for my body amongst the rubble on the Citadel, but of course they wouldn't find anything. Or they did and I was already inside an Alliance base. But even if it were so, weren't they my allies? Wouldn't Anderson or Hackett come for me? They could surely get me out of this prison. But where were they?

Anyway, once I had recovered enough some soldier filled me with sedatives and I was brought to a new location. A prison cell to be precise, and in this place there aren't any nice doctors or nurses. Actually, there was no one. I was in a room with a lot of cells but they were all empty. It was only me and a random guard that changed shifts every fifteen minutes. They brought me decent meals from time to time, but no words or looks were changed.

I feel isolated from the world. I want to know what's going on and how everyone is doing. Was choosing the Destroy option really the best choice? Wasn't Control or Synthesis better? Was it selfish of me that I didn't went and die to protect the ones I loved? No, with the Destroy ending I made an end to the destructive cycle. It was an end I had been fighting for ever since I first set foot on Eden Prime. I wouldn't sacrifice a single soul of our species, and that's what I've done.

The sound of footsteps filled the space and I stood up from the bed I had been sitting on. Curiously I went to the bars and peeked to the left of me. A total of eight soldiers dressed in Alliance uniforms marched towards me and their faces didn't look exactly happy. I did one big step backwards and they began to open the door. A somewhat young looking soldier entered my cell. Even though he was doing his to keep his poker face, I could see in his eyes he look worried.

" Do I have to cuff you, or will you behave? "

I was still injured, so I had no intention to fight eight healthy men.

" If you are asking if I will put on a fight, then no. Lead the way. "

He gave a faint nod, and he signalled me to start walking. But my legs however were still hurting, so my walk changed into limping. The young looking soldier noticed that and without warning he took my arm gently and swing it over his shoulder.

" The least I can do " Muttered the guard under his breath.

I shot him a thankful glance and grateful I began to shift some weight onto him. The other soldiers weren't pleased with the action of their fellow colleague but they didn't do anything.

We walked through a long dimly lit corridor without any windows. Oh how I wished I could look outside and see how my Earth was doing...

We entered a brightly lit room and the young looking guard escorted me towards a chair with a table. Groaning I sat down and then I noticed someone sitting on the other side of the table. It was an older looking man probably in his mid forties. He was blonde but several gray strands betrayed his age. His eyes were dark brown they were looking very serious in my direction. In all of my years in the alliance I had never seen this man before, and judging from the yellow striped on his shoulder he was high in rank.

The soldiers took stand at the door and they watched us quietly. The unknown mad sat a little forward and some wrinkled appeared on his forehead.

" Commander Shepard, its an honour to finally meet you in person. " He said. His voice sounded very monotone, and it made me wonder if his words were sincere. " You will call me Liam for now and you are brought here to explain your actions the past few years. This conversation is recorded so please watch your language. I will randomly ask you questions and I hope you will reply them truthfully. Because, in the end, your story will determine your fate. "

I raised an eyebrow. My story will determine my fate? What the hell was he talking about?

" My questions won't be in chronologic order, so I ask of you to keep focussed. "

Whatever.

" Well then, what happened after you were struck by Harbinger's beam? Intel told us that none of you made it, and yet you and Anderson made it to the beam. How was that possible? "

I thought back and memories came flooding in.

" To be honest I have no idea how Anderson managed to enter the beam since I didn't see him in the battlefield. And how I managed to enter the beam? Through sheer luck I guess. Harbinger's red beam obliterated everyone that came close to the white pillar. He tried to fry me too, but he stopped his beam just inches away from me. Why he did that I don't know, but thanks to that I survived. However, he knocked me out cold and sometime later I woke up severely injured. When my vision went from blur to sharp, I noticed how Harbinger left the battlefield like it was in a hurry. Why he did that remains a mystery to me since he must've known that I survived and he left the beam wide open.

Anyway, I got up and as I was struggling to reach the beam I found myself under attack by a marauder and several husks. I managed to defeat them, but not without suffering a bullet in my shoulder. I was in a lot of pain and threw myself into the beam. I believe it transported me to a place inside the Citadel where the Reapers got rid of subjects they didn't need. There were dead bodies everywhere, and the scent of rotting flesh was so bad that I had a hard time not to throw up.

It was then that I heard Anderson's voice through my radio. I was certain that it had been fried along with the rest of my gear, but strangely enough it was still working. we had a small conversation about the place, and then we kept going forward... But this should've been common knowledge right? Shouldn't have Anderson told you what happened next? "

Liam's frown deepened.

" Did you forget commander? Anderson died long before the Reapers were defeated. "

Anderson... Yes, now I remember... He died after being shot by me. I-I killed him after being controlled by the Illusive Man. That's why he hadn't come to see me, but that doesn't explain Hackett's absence.

" Right... well, we eventually ended up in the same room but what we didn't know was that the Illusive Man was waiting for us. "

" The Illusive man? " Said Liam somewhat surprised. " Are you certain? You said you and Anderson were the only ones that had entered the beam right? Then how did he get up there? "

" The Illusive man was indoctrinated, so my guess is that he entered the beam long before we did. Since he was now one with the Reapers my guess is that he was allowed to enter. The Reapers controlled his thoughts so he was no longer a threat to them. When I think about it, maybe he was placed there as a last line of defence. I don't know, and I guess we never will "

" Very well... Please continue. "

I took a deep sigh and gave a nod.

" In that room The Illusive Man tried to convince me that we shouldn't defeat the Reapers, but that we should try to control them. After all, if we were able to do that humanity could gain so much. His will was so strong, so absolute that I had a hard time to keep my mind pure and free.

He was radiating... so much dark aura that he briefly controlled me, and he made me shoot Anderson. I am certain that if I hadn't won our conversation that he would've shot me as well. However, just like I reminded Saren of his indoctrination and mistakes, I did the same to the Illusive Man. He managed to break temporarily free of the Reaper control, and he shoot himself through the head.

Limping I went to a console and the arms of the Citadel opened up. I watched how the Crucible connected to the Citadel, and I thought that my role in all of this was completed. I limped back to Anderson and sat down next to him. We both stared into the dark open space and saw the Reapers and space ships fighting each other. We had another small conversation, and eventually Anderson... died. "

I swallowed something that must've been the size of an apple and continued.

" I felt my own death approaching as well. My body was a complete mess, and I was bleeding heavily from a wound in my side. I have no idea how it came there, but with all the adrenaline that had been coursing through my veins is a possibility that Harbinger gave it to me. I closed my eyes and slowly felt my consciousness fading. However, I was shot back by reality when I heard Hackett's voice calling out to me through my radio. I have no idea why he did that because how did he know that I had reached the Citadel? When I was still down after being nearly fried, I remember hearing the order of a full retreat. Anyway, Hackett told me that the crucible wasn't firing and that it had to be something up my end. No longer being able to walk I crawled back to the console but lost consciousness before I could push a single button. I was probably transported through a new room, because when I woke up I found myself on the top of the Citadel. A white, almost transparent, figurine approached me and he resembled the look of a kid I couldn't save back on earth. He told me to wake up, and he introduced himself as the Catalyst. to make a long story short, he explained that he controlled the Reapers and that he in fact made them. He said that every 50,000 years they would come from dark space and would harvest the most advanced species they could find in the universe. They would convert them into Reapers and so they would balance the entire universe.

Organics represents destruction while the Reapers represent order. They get rid of the destruction, and allow less advance life to flourish. It's a complicated story I know, and in my ears I could only hear bullshit. What he was actually trying to tell me was that the Reapers shouldn't be destroyed, and that I shouldn't break the cycle that had been going for a very long time. However, he said that no single organic had ever entered his den, and that he was at a loss of what would happen now.

So he gave me three choices. He knew that he couldn't stop me, so it was in his best interest to educate me in the three options I could choose. Synthesis, Destroy or Control. Green, red or blue. The green one, synthesis, would melt my DNA with synthetics and that would mean that we would practically melt together. Control, blue, would made me a new Catalyst. At the cost of my own life, my spirit would be able to control the Reapers and I could do as I saw fit. And red, destroy, would destroy all synthetic life along with most technology. I could sense that the catalyst wouldn't want that, because it would mean the Reapers would perish as well. He even warned me that I shouldn't do it because I, too, am partly synthetic. "

" So why did you choose the destroy option? "

" I didn't have much faith in the control option. Mainly because I had the feeling that I would become a Reaper myself, and maybe it would made me continue the cycles. And the synthetics option... That choice wasn't for me to make. I have no right to change the DNA of every single organic and synthetic in this universe. It would be wrong to change the entire galaxy. no, only the destruction option seemed reasonable. So I took my gun and pretty much blew up the red beam. "

Liam sat back in his chair and he was staring harshly into my eyes.

" You know that this sounds like... space magic right? A 'god' child gives you three options to save the universe? Do you know how absurd that sounds? "

" And yet it happened. " I said firm. Was he mocking me?

The man rubbed his eyes and sighed.

" Bring our commander back to her cell, we will continue this tomorrow and let's hope she will keep her space magic to herself. "

If I hadn't been injured I would seriously beat the shit out of him right here and right now. But then again, why was I surprised? This wasn't the first time that people doubted my story. Heck, if they didn't in the first place then maybe I didn't had to choose 'red'.

I was brought back to my cell and after the soldiers locked the door I sat down on my bed. My mind has been made up... once I regain my full strength I will escape this place. I will work with them for now, and speak the truth. But if there will be a slight chance that I can escape I will take it.

With force if I have to.

To be continued~~