Author's Note: I don't own Escaflowne or the song "Inside a Dream" By
Amanda Marshall. Just written on a whim but I plan to continue it! It takes
place after the Escaflowne series. Tell me what you all think of it! It
won't all be a songfic, this is just special for the first chapter. I'm
busy finishing up my Saint Tail story but I'll try to juggle between the
two and when I finish the Saint Tail story I can fully devote myself to
this. Enjoy! And remember, the more reviews the more inspiration I have to
write faster.
... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...
~By: Lauren~
-Chapter 1-
"Inside A Dream"
Hitomi stared ahead with empty eyes. The terrain was the same as always; various colored cars bustling through the gray streets, a light blue sky with marsh mellow clouds and hundreds of people walking and moving along with their life. It was a beautiful scene full of life, so why did she hate it so much? At that very moment she wanted to do nothing more than to run up and shred the perfect picture into little pieces. She wanted to see the skies of Gaea, to feel the clean breeze rustling through her hair and to feel his warm body against hers while his strong arms enveloped her into a tight embrace. But the likeliness of that happening was extremely thin. After the jade-eyed girl had returned from the other world it was as if no time had passed by. Nobody had even noticed her disappearance and when she tried to explain to them what had happened they would only claim it was a dream. A mysterious fantasy she made up on a whim. Hitomi would have loved to see their faces if THEY ever went to Gaea. But did it really matter? How would they go to Gaea when she too was unable to return?
Hitomi let out a sigh, blowing the air out of her mouth so it formed a thin fog before dispersing. She knew if she wanted to make it to school on time she'd have to hurry but right now she didn't care. She only had one thought. One thought that plagued her constantly, never leaving her soul or mind alone for a single second. Only one thing she dreamed about. Him.
~*~
Standing on the edge of time
Playing out a reckless pantomime
And every day's another wrong to rectify
I dream about a stranger's touch
And voices in my head I cannot hush
And every night's a hunger I can't satisfy
~*~
He was always there, always somewhere in the back of her thoughts. She could never forget his smile, his gentle touch, his raven hair, his sparkling eyes or his tanned skin. Nothing. No matter how hard she tried; the memories would only rush back the moment she let her mind wander. It wasn't that she minded thinking about him, gods, she loved to think about him. But when she was done dreaming of being with him, she was left with an empty loneliness inside. She felt like a shell, wandering around the town aimlessly with no real sight or view in her life. She didn't know where she was going or what the future held for her. She had no true plans on what she wanted to become; she only wanted to make it through the day without tears or a broken heart. Her heart only longed for one single thing and it was the thing that was the most unreachable. It was the farthest from her grasp.
Hitomi turned her back to the school, picking up a fast pace as she sprinted through the crowds, weaving in and out. She remembered something somebody had once asked her.
"Have you ever been in a crowd and felt...alone?"
"Always." Was what she had replied. And it was true. Her heart lurched as she broke free of the people, wandering into a luscious green park. There she collapsed onto the ground, letting her good clothing soak up the morning's dew from the grass.
She sighed, feeling the coolness wrap around her. Closing her eyes, she rolled onto her side, resting her head on her arm. "Nobody will even notice I'm missing from class." She murmured out loud then sighed. Her friend Yukari was constantly with Amano so what did it matter if she was gone? She was only a third wheel to them. She was like a child, constantly tagging along after them.
Tears clouded her vision but she didn't care. She had to tend to the ache that filled her heart for the lost dreams she had and the emptiness that truly scared her. She feared she could drown in this sadness, this horrible pain. She was all alone and nobody cared. They were separated; both torn apart for what she feared would be forever. She knew she had to move on, she knew she had other things to think about in her life right now yet...she just wasn't able to. She couldn't let go. She didn't want to let go. She was lost inside a dream, lost inside a false hope of being with him forever. She was lost inside something she could never have.
~*~
It's the secret that I keep
It's the ache that makes me weep
And I know I'm in too deep
I'm gonna drown
It's the emptiness I fear
Baby, please don't leave me here
'Cause I'm lost inside a dream
That's out of bounds
~*~
Hitomi let out a rasped breath, her mind curving between a frown and a smile. Her dream, when she thought of it, brought so much joy to her heart yet it was mixed with so much pain. It hurt so badly because she knew it would never come true. She knew she couldn't return to Gaea. For her to return her thoughts had to connect with Van. It sounded easy yet it was so hard to truly do that for there were so many fleeting seconds in a day, so many single chances to meet but it would never happen. She had only seen him once in the horizon since she had returned home. A stray tear escaped from her eyes, dribbling down her cheek until it soaked into the ground.
Maybe...Maybe he didn't think of her. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe Hitomi was destined to be alone. Maybe Van didn't love her anymore. Maybe he had let go of her already.
Hitomi was sure that with the building of the new cities Van was meeting some beautiful woman. Or maybe his advisors were fixing an arranged marriage for him. They would have him marry an exquisite princess from one of the other countries and he wouldn't have a second thought of Hitomi. Hitomi didn't mind all that much, or so she told herself. She wanted him to be happy, even if it didn't involve her.
But...she could still dream, couldn't she? Couldn't she imagine Van stumbling home with her after a blissful, romantic day together? Couldn't she dream of them laying together, gazing into each other's eyes tenderly? Couldn't she imagine him sliding a golden ring onto her finger? When she closed her eyes, she could see him there. She could see his hand rising up to brush away her tears tenderly with his thumb. She could see him leaning in to press his warm and soft lips briefly against her own. A rush went through her, terrifying her while at the same time relaxing her. She knew it was wrong to think of him like this, to think of him holding her and kissing her.
Why should she dream of something that would never happen? Every day Hitomi told herself to be strong, to hope and to pray to be with him one day and yet...inside...she knew she was weak. She knew she would never find that day she dreamed off. Even if they had a bond between them, even if there was a mysterious force binding them, how could they love each other when they were worlds apart?
~*~
I close my eyes and it's so real
And all at once I know just what I feel
And baby it's the kind of rush that terrifies
I am weak...I am wrong
And every day I swear that I'll be strong
But there's a bond between us that I can't deny
~*~
Hitomi bit into her lip, drawing a coppery taste into her mouth. She didn't care if she was bleeding. In fact, she didn't care if a car smashed into her at this very moment. It would feel better than the pain she was experiencing right now. In fact, anything was better than what she was feeling. She wanted to be with Van so desperately yet...she was pulled back always by some unknown force. It was as if her world was holding onto her, not allowing her to leave even if both ends wanted to meet. Even if Van DID want to be with her, they never were able to.
The doubt that tormented her mind was enough to drive her crazy. She was sure she would go insane at any moment. Another muffled sob escaped her throat, driving more tears to her eyes. Why couldn't she let go of that damned stubborn boy?! WHY was he always there? WHY couldn't she just forget about him?! He didn't care about her so why did she have to care about him? Did anybody even care about her? Hitomi wasn't very sure of that anymore. She had to let go, no matter how hard it was. If she died, Hitomi wouldn't care. She didn't care about anything anymore. So Hitomi made a vow. She vowed to the sky, to the sun, to the trees and to herself that she would never love another again. She would never feel this empty loneliness again. She would fight any tiny bit of love, no matter who it was with. She would never be lost to this sickening cycle ever again. Then she made one last vow. She vowed to forget all about Gaea. She wanted to forget everything about that place, everything about Van; she wanted to forget everything she cared about there.
Suddenly, Hitomi felt rough hands grab her wrists. A scream escaped her throat before a harsh blow to her head quickly silenced it.
~*~
It's the secret that I keep
It's the ache that makes me weep
And I know I'm in too deep
I'm gonna drown
It's the emptiness I fear
Baby, please don't leave me here
'Cause I'm lost inside a dream
That's out of bounds
~*~
Van sighed, letting his mind wander from the boring meeting he was at. Sometimes being a King was such a pain yet it was something he had to do. It was his duty and it wasn't as if the young man didn't enjoy it; it merely got on his nerves sometimes. He tried to stop his thoughts from wandering to Hitomi but he knew it was a useless fight. He had convinced himself to never call upon Hitomi again. She had a life in her world and a family and friends who cared for her. She didn't deserve to leave them again. Not for just him at least.
Merle tried to hide her worried gaze from Van. She was scared for her dear friend; he so often went into a dream-like state that she was beginning to worry about him. Ever since Hitomi had left he seemed to be different, getting agitated quickly and wrapping himself up in his work. As much as he wouldn't admit it, she knew it was because he missed the girl from the Mystic Moon. After a two years, Van had gone through relationship after relationship of princesses and other high-up girls and in the end, he always ended it somehow.
Van tried to block out the monotone voice that droned on and on when suddenly, a pain ripped through his chest like no other he had experienced before. Someone needed him. They needed him badly. Something was calling to him...yelling at him to run outside, to run to the forest. Standing him, Van knocked over his chair, sprinting down the hallways until he burst out into the stables. He jumped on a brown gelding, untying the knotted bridal before galloping out of the gates.
~*~
I wanna surrender
I wanna give in
I wanna lay down and let it be now
And let it begin
Let it begin
~*~
Hitomi fought as hands grasped her arms, holding her down. She kicked, punched and bit yet it always seemed to miss her attacker. She could feel the person sitting down on top of her, using their brute weight to hold her down. Through her blurry vision, Hitomi made out the drunken face of a dirty man. She winced as his hand crashed down on her head, causing a sharp pain to jolt her body while her vision began to swim. Hitomi could taste blood filling her mouth while her body ached with every blow the man hit her with. She quivered and shrank back with fear as she felt his hands roaming her body, ripping her clothing while his weight crushed her, leaving her without breath. Her mind screamed out his name, calling out to Van, calling out to anyone that would listen, with all of her soul.
Why wasn't anyone coming to save her?
Why didn't Van hear her cries?
Why didn't he answer her pleads for help?
But it was too late as she felt a shearing rip grip her body.
Then her world went black
~*~
It's the secret that I keep
It's the ache that makes me weep
And I know I'm in too deep
I'm gonna drown
~*~
He could hear her screaming for him, crying out for him to save her from whatever pain that was being created for her. But why couldn't he bring her to him? Why couldn't he reach her and transport her to Gaea like all the other times?
VAN!!!
It was her voice for sure. His breath came in quickly as his horse swerved in and out between bushes and trees. Where he was going, Van wasn't quite sure but he felt his heart leading him.
"HITOMI!!!!!" His own scream pierced through the air as more pain seized his body. He tried to concentrate on memories of her, on thoughts of the girl he cared so deeply for.
And then she was falling towards him, her battered and torn body flying down to him, as she appeared to be unconscious. Van leapt off his horse, lunging forward until he caught Hitomi's body in his arms and then he collided with the ground with a bone-sickening crunch. His world then too went black
~*~
It's the emptiness I fear
Baby, please don't leave me here
'Cause I'm lost inside a dream
That's out of bounds
... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...
~By: Lauren~
-Chapter 1-
"Inside A Dream"
Hitomi stared ahead with empty eyes. The terrain was the same as always; various colored cars bustling through the gray streets, a light blue sky with marsh mellow clouds and hundreds of people walking and moving along with their life. It was a beautiful scene full of life, so why did she hate it so much? At that very moment she wanted to do nothing more than to run up and shred the perfect picture into little pieces. She wanted to see the skies of Gaea, to feel the clean breeze rustling through her hair and to feel his warm body against hers while his strong arms enveloped her into a tight embrace. But the likeliness of that happening was extremely thin. After the jade-eyed girl had returned from the other world it was as if no time had passed by. Nobody had even noticed her disappearance and when she tried to explain to them what had happened they would only claim it was a dream. A mysterious fantasy she made up on a whim. Hitomi would have loved to see their faces if THEY ever went to Gaea. But did it really matter? How would they go to Gaea when she too was unable to return?
Hitomi let out a sigh, blowing the air out of her mouth so it formed a thin fog before dispersing. She knew if she wanted to make it to school on time she'd have to hurry but right now she didn't care. She only had one thought. One thought that plagued her constantly, never leaving her soul or mind alone for a single second. Only one thing she dreamed about. Him.
~*~
Standing on the edge of time
Playing out a reckless pantomime
And every day's another wrong to rectify
I dream about a stranger's touch
And voices in my head I cannot hush
And every night's a hunger I can't satisfy
~*~
He was always there, always somewhere in the back of her thoughts. She could never forget his smile, his gentle touch, his raven hair, his sparkling eyes or his tanned skin. Nothing. No matter how hard she tried; the memories would only rush back the moment she let her mind wander. It wasn't that she minded thinking about him, gods, she loved to think about him. But when she was done dreaming of being with him, she was left with an empty loneliness inside. She felt like a shell, wandering around the town aimlessly with no real sight or view in her life. She didn't know where she was going or what the future held for her. She had no true plans on what she wanted to become; she only wanted to make it through the day without tears or a broken heart. Her heart only longed for one single thing and it was the thing that was the most unreachable. It was the farthest from her grasp.
Hitomi turned her back to the school, picking up a fast pace as she sprinted through the crowds, weaving in and out. She remembered something somebody had once asked her.
"Have you ever been in a crowd and felt...alone?"
"Always." Was what she had replied. And it was true. Her heart lurched as she broke free of the people, wandering into a luscious green park. There she collapsed onto the ground, letting her good clothing soak up the morning's dew from the grass.
She sighed, feeling the coolness wrap around her. Closing her eyes, she rolled onto her side, resting her head on her arm. "Nobody will even notice I'm missing from class." She murmured out loud then sighed. Her friend Yukari was constantly with Amano so what did it matter if she was gone? She was only a third wheel to them. She was like a child, constantly tagging along after them.
Tears clouded her vision but she didn't care. She had to tend to the ache that filled her heart for the lost dreams she had and the emptiness that truly scared her. She feared she could drown in this sadness, this horrible pain. She was all alone and nobody cared. They were separated; both torn apart for what she feared would be forever. She knew she had to move on, she knew she had other things to think about in her life right now yet...she just wasn't able to. She couldn't let go. She didn't want to let go. She was lost inside a dream, lost inside a false hope of being with him forever. She was lost inside something she could never have.
~*~
It's the secret that I keep
It's the ache that makes me weep
And I know I'm in too deep
I'm gonna drown
It's the emptiness I fear
Baby, please don't leave me here
'Cause I'm lost inside a dream
That's out of bounds
~*~
Hitomi let out a rasped breath, her mind curving between a frown and a smile. Her dream, when she thought of it, brought so much joy to her heart yet it was mixed with so much pain. It hurt so badly because she knew it would never come true. She knew she couldn't return to Gaea. For her to return her thoughts had to connect with Van. It sounded easy yet it was so hard to truly do that for there were so many fleeting seconds in a day, so many single chances to meet but it would never happen. She had only seen him once in the horizon since she had returned home. A stray tear escaped from her eyes, dribbling down her cheek until it soaked into the ground.
Maybe...Maybe he didn't think of her. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe Hitomi was destined to be alone. Maybe Van didn't love her anymore. Maybe he had let go of her already.
Hitomi was sure that with the building of the new cities Van was meeting some beautiful woman. Or maybe his advisors were fixing an arranged marriage for him. They would have him marry an exquisite princess from one of the other countries and he wouldn't have a second thought of Hitomi. Hitomi didn't mind all that much, or so she told herself. She wanted him to be happy, even if it didn't involve her.
But...she could still dream, couldn't she? Couldn't she imagine Van stumbling home with her after a blissful, romantic day together? Couldn't she dream of them laying together, gazing into each other's eyes tenderly? Couldn't she imagine him sliding a golden ring onto her finger? When she closed her eyes, she could see him there. She could see his hand rising up to brush away her tears tenderly with his thumb. She could see him leaning in to press his warm and soft lips briefly against her own. A rush went through her, terrifying her while at the same time relaxing her. She knew it was wrong to think of him like this, to think of him holding her and kissing her.
Why should she dream of something that would never happen? Every day Hitomi told herself to be strong, to hope and to pray to be with him one day and yet...inside...she knew she was weak. She knew she would never find that day she dreamed off. Even if they had a bond between them, even if there was a mysterious force binding them, how could they love each other when they were worlds apart?
~*~
I close my eyes and it's so real
And all at once I know just what I feel
And baby it's the kind of rush that terrifies
I am weak...I am wrong
And every day I swear that I'll be strong
But there's a bond between us that I can't deny
~*~
Hitomi bit into her lip, drawing a coppery taste into her mouth. She didn't care if she was bleeding. In fact, she didn't care if a car smashed into her at this very moment. It would feel better than the pain she was experiencing right now. In fact, anything was better than what she was feeling. She wanted to be with Van so desperately yet...she was pulled back always by some unknown force. It was as if her world was holding onto her, not allowing her to leave even if both ends wanted to meet. Even if Van DID want to be with her, they never were able to.
The doubt that tormented her mind was enough to drive her crazy. She was sure she would go insane at any moment. Another muffled sob escaped her throat, driving more tears to her eyes. Why couldn't she let go of that damned stubborn boy?! WHY was he always there? WHY couldn't she just forget about him?! He didn't care about her so why did she have to care about him? Did anybody even care about her? Hitomi wasn't very sure of that anymore. She had to let go, no matter how hard it was. If she died, Hitomi wouldn't care. She didn't care about anything anymore. So Hitomi made a vow. She vowed to the sky, to the sun, to the trees and to herself that she would never love another again. She would never feel this empty loneliness again. She would fight any tiny bit of love, no matter who it was with. She would never be lost to this sickening cycle ever again. Then she made one last vow. She vowed to forget all about Gaea. She wanted to forget everything about that place, everything about Van; she wanted to forget everything she cared about there.
Suddenly, Hitomi felt rough hands grab her wrists. A scream escaped her throat before a harsh blow to her head quickly silenced it.
~*~
It's the secret that I keep
It's the ache that makes me weep
And I know I'm in too deep
I'm gonna drown
It's the emptiness I fear
Baby, please don't leave me here
'Cause I'm lost inside a dream
That's out of bounds
~*~
Van sighed, letting his mind wander from the boring meeting he was at. Sometimes being a King was such a pain yet it was something he had to do. It was his duty and it wasn't as if the young man didn't enjoy it; it merely got on his nerves sometimes. He tried to stop his thoughts from wandering to Hitomi but he knew it was a useless fight. He had convinced himself to never call upon Hitomi again. She had a life in her world and a family and friends who cared for her. She didn't deserve to leave them again. Not for just him at least.
Merle tried to hide her worried gaze from Van. She was scared for her dear friend; he so often went into a dream-like state that she was beginning to worry about him. Ever since Hitomi had left he seemed to be different, getting agitated quickly and wrapping himself up in his work. As much as he wouldn't admit it, she knew it was because he missed the girl from the Mystic Moon. After a two years, Van had gone through relationship after relationship of princesses and other high-up girls and in the end, he always ended it somehow.
Van tried to block out the monotone voice that droned on and on when suddenly, a pain ripped through his chest like no other he had experienced before. Someone needed him. They needed him badly. Something was calling to him...yelling at him to run outside, to run to the forest. Standing him, Van knocked over his chair, sprinting down the hallways until he burst out into the stables. He jumped on a brown gelding, untying the knotted bridal before galloping out of the gates.
~*~
I wanna surrender
I wanna give in
I wanna lay down and let it be now
And let it begin
Let it begin
~*~
Hitomi fought as hands grasped her arms, holding her down. She kicked, punched and bit yet it always seemed to miss her attacker. She could feel the person sitting down on top of her, using their brute weight to hold her down. Through her blurry vision, Hitomi made out the drunken face of a dirty man. She winced as his hand crashed down on her head, causing a sharp pain to jolt her body while her vision began to swim. Hitomi could taste blood filling her mouth while her body ached with every blow the man hit her with. She quivered and shrank back with fear as she felt his hands roaming her body, ripping her clothing while his weight crushed her, leaving her without breath. Her mind screamed out his name, calling out to Van, calling out to anyone that would listen, with all of her soul.
Why wasn't anyone coming to save her?
Why didn't Van hear her cries?
Why didn't he answer her pleads for help?
But it was too late as she felt a shearing rip grip her body.
Then her world went black
~*~
It's the secret that I keep
It's the ache that makes me weep
And I know I'm in too deep
I'm gonna drown
~*~
He could hear her screaming for him, crying out for him to save her from whatever pain that was being created for her. But why couldn't he bring her to him? Why couldn't he reach her and transport her to Gaea like all the other times?
VAN!!!
It was her voice for sure. His breath came in quickly as his horse swerved in and out between bushes and trees. Where he was going, Van wasn't quite sure but he felt his heart leading him.
"HITOMI!!!!!" His own scream pierced through the air as more pain seized his body. He tried to concentrate on memories of her, on thoughts of the girl he cared so deeply for.
And then she was falling towards him, her battered and torn body flying down to him, as she appeared to be unconscious. Van leapt off his horse, lunging forward until he caught Hitomi's body in his arms and then he collided with the ground with a bone-sickening crunch. His world then too went black
~*~
It's the emptiness I fear
Baby, please don't leave me here
'Cause I'm lost inside a dream
That's out of bounds