I'll go ahead and tell you that this is going to be a 2 part story. I've had a horrible headache all damn day, and I just don't think I'll be able to finish the whole thing tonight. However, I will be posting the second part tomorrow...hopefully. Cross your fingers for me...

GaLu Week: Day 7 - SECRETS

Hiro Mashima owns Fairy Tail.

HIDING HER HEART

It was nearing 9 in the morning when Lucy sat down at her desk. She knew she was just prolonging the inevitable, but she couldn't help it. But she also knew that once she got to the guild, she'd be a hot mess. The blonde been struggling with her feelings for Gajeel, and for the last week and a half, had almost constantly made a fool of herself around him. Now, she was sorely tempted to just avoid the place altogether.

Of course, she knew she couldn't. It wouldn't be long before someone in her team came looking for her, and she sure as hell didn't want to have to explain why she was making herself scarce. Still, she couldn't resist procrastinating a bit longer. She wasn't quite ready to face him just yet, especially after yesterday. So she took out her diary, and began to write.

Dear Diary,

It's almost time to go to the guild, and I'm kind of dreading it. I'm not ready to see Gajeel again, not after that disaster yesterday. I still can't believe I did something so stupid. I was walking across the room, and like always, I found myself watching him again. Because I wasn't paying attention to where I was going, I ended up plowing right into the back of Mira who was holding a tray full of drinks in her hands. My luck – everything fell to the floor. Glass went flying everywhere and the floor was completely soaked.

It was so loud that everyone turned to look at us, and I just knew I'd been caught ogling Gajeel. I was mortified, and to make matters worse, I could feel him watching me. My heart felt like it had climbed up in my throat, and I just knew my face had turned a brilliant shade of red. My first thought was hauling ass, but I couldn't leave Mira to clean up my mess.

I'd barely managed to squeak out an apology to Mira, but I forced myself to hang around long enough pick up all the pieces of broken glass and wipe up the spill. All the while, I'd felt overwhelmed and exposed, and though I knew no one was upset at me, I just couldn't wait to get out of there. So, when I'd finished things up, I'd made up an excuse and made a hasty escape.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I can't help feeling anxious at the thought of going back. I still feel so embarrassed. It's not like I've never caused an accident like that before, but for some reason, this time just really got to me. I guess it's because Gajeel saw me.

I'd been trying so hard lately to get his attention, just get him to see me. And yesterday, he did...just not in the way I wanted him to. I finally catch his eye, and it's all because I've done something stupid. It's so frustrating! I've been invisible to him for so long, and now, I'm not. But it still changes nothing. I've just gone from a no one to the guild clutz.

Am I being foolish for continuing to hope for something more? Am I naive to wish things will change, that he'll come to care for me one day?

Maybe I should give up. How long can I keep going this way, wanting him but fearing that he'll never feel the same way about me...wanting to talk to him, but not being able to?

I see him with Levy all the time, talking, laughing, and it hurts. They have no trouble conversing or getting to know one another. And I want that. I wish it was so easy for me, but it's not.

Levy's tried to help me out by inviting me to join her at his table, but I just can't. I'm far too nervous to do that. But I think about it sometimes, even going so far as to stand up to walk over. Then I see how he acts with her and the urge dies. They're so comfortable with each other, and it's hard to watch from across the room. How much harder would it be up close?

To be honest, I don't think it matters anymore. Based on the way he acts with her, I'm fairly sure Gajeel likes Levy the way I like him. And who can blame him? She's incredible.

And I can't lie. I'm jealous, so jealous sometimes that I can't even breathe. My chest gets so tight, and I start crying. And it feels like it'll never stop. But I can't say anything...I have to keep it all inside. I could never hurt Levy by admitting such a thing to her. She's so soft-hearted that she'd feel bad, and it's not her fault.

No, it's mine. I'm the one that can't find the words to admit how I feel. I'm the one that's too scared to talk to Gajeel. I was the one that never believed I had a chance. That's not because of Levy. She doesn't deserve to feel bad about what I lack.

The truth is I'm not brave. If I was, I'd go after what I wanted. But I'm not. I'm afraid and pathetic, and what kind of man wants a woman like that? Certainly not a guy like Gajeel. He's strong, fearless. A man like him would want a woman with guts, a woman who isn't afraid to say what she thinks.

I was like that once, back when Gajeel was in Phatnom Lord. I got in his face and yelled at him. I had no trouble saying how I felt when we were enemies. But now, when it really matters, my tongue is tied. What a sad irony.

Brushing a tear from her eye, Lucy sighed. She'd hoped writing it all out would make her feel better, clear her mind a bit, but quite honestly, it had only made it worse. Seeing it all down on paper made her realize how impossible the whole thing was. And she knew she was just going to have to accept it. He was never going to be hers.

With that depressing thought, Lucy closed the book and stood to gather her things. It was time to go. She had to face him at some point. It wasn't going to get any easier, no matter how long she waited, so she figured she might as well get it over with.

Hiding on the window sill behind her pink curtain, Happy watched as his friend finished writing and then wiped her eyes. He hated seeing Lucy so upset, but he didn't have a clue what was bothering her. Plus, he wasn't sure how she'd react to him sneaking into her house to spy on her. So he'd stayed hidden until she left and then flew down to see what she'd been writing.

His shoulders slumped as he read the hastily scribbled words, his own eyes filling with tears. She sounded so sad, he thought. But what could he do? He didn't know how to fix it for her. He couldn't even get Charle to accept his fish.

Then it came to him. Natsu...Natsu would know what to do. Feeling hope well in his chest, he grabbed the small book and flew off to the guild, easily bypassing Lucy's slow pace. He sniffed again at the sight of her looking so forlorn, but pushed on past her. He had to get to Natsu.

Swooping through the guild doors, he looked for his partner, then flew straight into his chest. "Natsu!" he cried, his voice wavering slightly. "You have to help!"

Natsu's eyes widened at the Exceed's demeanor. "What's the matter Happy?"

"It's Lucy," he sniffled, glancing around them before holding up a small book. "She's sad."

The pink-haired man frowned. "Is that her diary? Happy, you're not supposed to read that."

"I know, but I had to. She was crying," he explained, his eyes watering up again as he turned to what she'd written minutes before. "Just look at it, Natsu."

Natsu bit his lip with indecision. He knew Lucy wouldn't like him invading her privacy like this, but it had been a long time since he'd seen Happy so upset. And if there was anything that bothered him, it was seeing his friends unhappy. So, taking a deep breath, he looked down and scanned the page Happy indicated.

His eyes widened, and he shook his head in disbelief. How had he not known she was interested in Gajeel? From what she'd written, it sounded like she'd liked him for a while. Why hadn't she said anything?

The further down the page he got, the more upset he got. He couldn't believe she felt that way. How could she say that stuff about herself? Lucy was his best friend, and to him, she was amazing. She always took care of him and Happy, feeding them all the time, letting them stay over at her place, cleaning their house when it got really bad. How could she possibly believe she wasn't good enough for Gajeel?

Happy watched Natsu's face darken with worry, and he nodded his head sadly. "See? I don't like it when Lucy cries."

"Me either buddy," Natsu said absent-mindedly, looking across the room at his fellow dragon slayer. "...And I'm gonna see what I can do to stop it." With that, he stood to his feet. "Happy, stay here and keep an eye out for Lucy. I'll be right back."

A/N: Okay guys. I'm really sorry if it felt scattered. My mind has been a bit scrambled all day from that migraine, so please forgive the shabbiness of this story. I promise the next part will be better.

On a lighter note, thanks so much to everyone that participated in GaLu Week! I am thrilled with the turn out we had. If any of you still want to do some stories for it, then please do! We're always happy to have more!