I do not own any of the Invader Zim people. However, The Hound belongs to me. And so does the old guy, but I really don't want to take responsibility for him. This is not ZaDr. Just thought I'd point that out...

I tried to wipe the sweat from my forehead, but it was hard, considering the fact that I was hanging upside down.

Aaaaaaand there was the slight problem that came in the form of a totally crazed Irken laughing his head off below me.

"Ahahahahahaha!" Zim cackled. "Stupid Dib! Did you honestly think that you could sneak into my base without being noticed?"

I tried to shift into a more comfortable position, but the claw keeping me suspended was too strong.

I just settled for giving Zim an ugly look.

"PITIFUL HUUUUMAN!" Zim continued to giggled. " You'll NEVER best ME, the almighty ZIIIIIM!"

"I CAN best you!" I spat. "I'm earth's protecter!"

So cliché. Why did I even bother?

Apparently though, Zim had been waiting for this answer.

"HA, DIB!" he grinned. "NONE of the other PITIFUL humans think of you as a protecter! You're just CRAZY to them!"

"But we both know that's not true!"

Man, I was literally replaying this whole conversation over in my head. I had done it so many times. He had done it so many times.

We both knew what would come next. His plan to kill me would fail, I'd escape, he'd chase me, and then some random act of nature would cause both of us to limp home miserably.

Very cliché. It was almost depressing.

"Enough talk!" the alien growled. "BEHOLD! MY NEWEST CREATION!"

Zim took a remote from his pocket and clicked the single red button on it. The floor trembled and slid off to the sides, exposing a deep pit with…. was that a cat at the bottom?

"Um…. what?" I asked, confused.

"BASK IN THE GLORY OF THE VAMPIRE-WEASEL!" Zim shrieked, waving his arms madly over his head. "BE AFRIAD!"

The creature at the bottom of the pit began to run in circles making little squeaking noises.

The alien and I watched it for a while.

"Look at it go…" Zim said half-heartily. "Isn't that… scary?"

"Yeah…" I agreed. "It really is."

We watched it some more.

"Yeah…" Zim said. "Uh…"

The weasel yawned and curled up for a nap.

We watched it some more.

"Can I go now?" I asked timidly.

Zim glared up at me.

"Just for asking, I'm going to… um…."

Zim looked around for something horrible he would do to me.

"AH-HA!" he cried triumphantly. "I'M GOING TO DROP YOU IN TO SAY HELLO TO OUR LITTLE FRIEND!"

I squirmed against the metal claw.

"No! Don't do that!"

"Too late!"

Laughing like a maniac, Zim pressed the button again. This caused the wall behind him to explode.

"ARGH!" he screamed, shielding the back of his head. "STUPID- ARGH!"

Zim fumbled around for a moment and produced another remote.

"HA!" the alien cackled triumphantly. "HERE WE GO!"

He punched the button again, and this time, the claw holding me began to move.

"Put me down!" I ordered.

Zim dangled me above the pit.

"Say GOOD-BYE, Dib!"

The claw released me, and I fell through the air with a yelp.

When I hit the ground, I was surprised to discover that I bounced back up slightly and that I wasn't completely hurt. Zim had padded the bottom of the pit, probably to make it more comfortable for his creation.

Oh well. I wasn't complaining.

Sitting up and rubbing my spine, I glanced around and was a little frightened to find that the weasel wasn't anywhere in sight.

"Where'd it go?" I asked myself.

I felt something wet on my ankle, and I looked down to see the weasel licking my skin.

I froze, terrified.

"HA HA HA!" Zim cackled. "NOW YOU SHALL SUFFER!"

The weasel crawled onto my legs and curled up in my lap. With a yawn, it nodded off.

"Aw..." I found myself saying. I reached out and stroked it behind the ears.

The weasel purred.

"WHAT?!" Zim shrieked. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!"

The alien disappeared from the rim of the hole. In a few moments, an elevator appeared in the side of the pit. Zim strolled out, looking livid.

"You stupid animal!" he hissed. "You're supposed to be CRAVING blood! WHY aren't you eating him?! I've been feeding you blood since the start of-"

The weasel opened one eye to stare at Zim. Its mouth curled into a hideous snarl and it flung itself onto the Irken.

Zim screamed and tried to bat the animal off with his P.A.K legs. The weasel continued to gnaw at any bits of skin it was able to bite.

"GET OFF!" Zim screamed. "GET OFF, GET OFF, GET OFF STUPID CREATURE!"

As he screamed and flailed around, Zim back up into the wall. I saw the first remote fall out of his pocket and fall towards the ground.

"Ohhhh..." I said, my voice sounding like it was in slow motion.

The remote fell button-side down.

And then the base exploded.

"FRIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!" Zim screamed. "NOT AGAAAAAAAAAIN!"

I dropped low to the ground, covering my head with my hands. The shards of metal and stone pounded down from above, but cramming myself into a corner, I managed to avoid being squashed.

After a few moments, I looked up.

Dust and debris made me cough, and there was a cloud obscuring my vision. I managed to use a pile of rubble to climb out of the hole.

"... Zim?" I called, looking around once I had reached the top level.

No answer.

I didn't think for a minute that the alien was dead. If there was one thing I could admire about Zim, it was his amazing ability to survive tricky situations and walk away with minor scratches.

At the moment though, it didn't look like he was going to be bothering me.

I sighed. This had been a complete waste of my time. Actually, I didn't even know why I was here in the FIRST place.

I think I came just to yell at Zim. I needed to vent.

Oh well.

Just as I was turning away, I noticed a pile of rubble trembling.

"Zim?" I asked cautiously.

I was surprised when the weasel wiggled out from under the shards. It shook its fur, looking pleased.

"Oh," I said. "It's you."

The weasel squeaked and ran up to me, climbed my pant leg and settled on my shoulder.

"Heh..." I smiled, rubbing its ears. "I don't know why you're being so friendly... Aren't you a vampire?"

I thought of something and rolled my eyes.

"He's probably been feeding you IRKEN blood, huh? Stupid Zim..."

I cradled the weasel in my arms.

"Well..." I said to myself. "At the end of all this, at least I got a really cool pet."

There was a loud crash from the other side of the room. Zim stood on top of a pile, a large bazooka-looking gun on his shoulder.

"DIE, FILTHY ANIMAL!" Zim screeched. "YOU SHALL NEVER BITE ZIM AGAIN!"

I saw the weapon charge up and fire in slow motion.

"Oh."

After a few moments, I escaped Zim's base smoking, limping and bleeding.

Without my weasel.