Summary: Parody. The night Konoha was founded, Madara parties hard. A man has a right to relax every once in a while, right? Inspired by chapter 664.

Warning: Adult situations, non-graphic description.

Underestimated

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Overindulgence wasn't something Madara ever approved. It dulled senses, loosened tongues and generally was a good way to get yourself killed. Madara prided himself on his absolute control and total awareness of his surroundings, among other things.

Except, right now, he kind of didn't give a shit about all of that.

The peace between the Senju and the Uchiha clans was finally established, the village was founded (though he didn't exactly remember why it was named Leaf Village. Why not Tree Village? But no, that would favour that bastard Senju. So maybe it should be Free Booze Village? In current circumstances, it seemed the most accurate.) and the celebration was in full swing. As the leader of the Uchiha, Madara couldn't exactly not participate and so he got into a drinking game. Drinking games. Quite a few of them.

But that was beside the point at the moment. What really counted as important was the little, sweet ass sitting on his lap, subtly grinding onto him in the most fantastic way and small hands running up and down his chest provocatively, feeling and caressing his strong physique. Pouty, red lips pressed butterfly kisses up his neck and jaw, stopping by his ear. Madara shuddered with pleasure and turned his head slightly, inhaling the sensual perfume of the vixen straddling him.

"Let's go upstairs," she whispered into his ear and ground her hips into him to make her point clear.

Madara groaned. "Let's," he readily agreed, the throbbing in his pants seeking relief.

Somehow, both Madara and his lady friend, whose name he still couldn't recall, got up and shakily made their way across the room, bouncing off the various furniture that some asshole must have placed in their way out of spite. Madara swore he would execute whoever did this in the morning.

One of his men stopped him at the foot of the stairs.

"What is it?" Madara hissed angrily at the delay.

The other Uchiha slipped an inconspicuous box into his hand. "Stay safe, Madara-sama," he warned and left.

Madara stuffed the offering down his pocket and quickly helped the woman climb up the stairs, practically carrying her. She didn't protest, instead busying herself with covering with kisses all the exposed skin on his torso that she could reach.

Madara groaned and opened the first available door... then recoiled and shut them quickly.

"What's... wrong?" his companion asked, licking his throat.

"Nothing," he replied and wished for another drink. He didn't want to remember seeing Hashirama and some blonde chick doing... that. Whatever the hell it was.

Bleh. Thank Rikudo that he didn't have his Sharingan on.

Thankfully, Madara forgot all about he saw the moment the woman in his arms kissed him on the lips. They furiously made out in the corridor, then he somehow blindly felt for a door knob and turned it. The room was unoccupied this time and they hurtled inside, still kissing like crazy.

Madara barely remembered to close the door, he was so eager to try out the large bed in the middle of the room. The two parted, only to hurriedly shuck off their clothes to the floor, before tumbling down on the soft mattress together.

Their mutual need of each other was so pressing and overwhelming, that soon Madara was hovering above the panting woman, one step away from his goal of completion.

"Wa-wait," she gasped. "A condom?"

For a second, Madara considered getting off the bed to fetch the box of contraceptive measures from his pocket. Just for a second, because his brain down there had different ideas.

Madara leaned down and silenced the woman with a scorching kiss. Protection? Who cares, he thought.

He would just pull out.

Nine months later, First Hokage Uchiha Madara stifled back a grunt of pain as his wife's inhumanely strong hold pulverized all the bones in his hand into a fine powder.

"You idiotic, egotistic, stuck up moron! I told you to use a condom! Prick! It's all your fucking fault!" she yelled at him before letting out an ear-splitting scream of pain.

Madara suffered alongside her in dignified silence, gritting his teeth when she squeezed his hand punishingly. He wondered when his life had taken a turn for a worse and pinpointed it to that cursed night he had made peace with Senju, gotten wasted and scored with the Uzumaki princess. It turned out that she had been sent there to marry the future leader of the new Leaf Village. Unfortunately, he had gotten her pregnant before the choice of said leader had been made and that's how he'd been saddled with the responsibility.

Now he had to deal with a village full of whiny people, irritating council members, neverending paperwork and a harpy of a wife. On top of that, Hashirama copped out of the village he had wanted in the first place, because apparently the Senju were oppressed. Madara snorted. He bet the bastard just went off gallivanting like a bum, because he was afraid of his own wife.

If only he had bothered to put on that stupid condom, everything could have been avoided... Madara felt like kicking himself. Repeatedly.

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The End

AN: I don't know what I wrote, it's so strange. But I thought that I would share.

Tell me what you think!