"No dean, I wouldn't. Same circumstances I wouldn't."

Sam can see it on Dean's face, he's devastated, and the only thing he wants to do now is turn tail and run as fast as he can, as far from that expression as humanly possible. All this for nothing his message yet again totally misunderstood.

But he's tired of this argument, tired of not having his brother with him, he's had enough.

"You just don't get it, do you, Dean?" He says and he can feel anger building in his chest.

"I do, Sam, I-" Dean says with ire underlying his calm tone and Sam wants to punch him. So fucking much.

"No, you don't. You have no damn idea. I'm not talking about you now. I'm talking about myself. About what happened to me. I didn't say that if you were stabbed I would sit beside you and do nothing, I said that if you were dying after a long, painful struggle, and it was something you wanted, something you welcomed, then I would let you go. Only then. I asked Death to make my passing something irreversible because I didn't want to live anymore and you tricked me into accepting an angel to take over my body and what he had done? Lied to all of us and killed Kevin. To get rid of him we needed Crowley's help and now he's in the game again. And don't get me wrong I'm... I'm happy that you want me around but it's not Sam you want, not really. You just don't want to be alone. You don't give a damn about what I wanted you just had to stop me from leaving because you'd have to stay here all alone."

Dean was staring at him with his mouth slightly agape and Sam hoped that he was finally seeing the truth.

"I'm saying that you'll have to acknowledge that if you want us to be brothers again. Not because I don't want us to be brothers but the issues that started accumulating when you brought me back after Cold Oak are all destroying what we have left of us. That was the first time I died and I should've stayed dead then but you didn't have Dad anymore and you were more willing to do to me what he had done to you although you couldn't bear it rather than live on without either of us. You know, that's when everything started to go down and it never stopped since. We never stopped it." Sam paused and took a deep breath to calm himself. No matter how much time had passed and how many more awful things happened the pain he'd felt never lessened. "I recognized my faults and tried to redeem myself and gain your trust back because no matter how good I thought I was being in the end I was wrong. But it's a two way street and I need you to see that we're equally at fault for everything that had happened ever since.

"I wanted for you to realize it yourself, what I was trying to tell you this whole time. Because I was trying but you were not getting it. And I'm sick of it, Dean."

"Sam, I..."

"Well?" There was a pause where Dean was clearly overwhelmed and tried to say something but nothing made it past his lips. "I spelled it out for you. And now I'm going to sleep. Good night, Dean." Sam said, stoop up and left the room.

He could only hope that now things would finally start getting better.

/txtbreak/

I'm a horrible human being that right now should be working on at least the two stories I've got in progress but this was gnawing at me and I couldn't get past this. So I had to let it out and thus this happened. Dean couldn't look past himself to realize fully what Sam had told him so I made him listen and and understand. I just couldn't take it anymore ;)

Hope you like it.

Supernatural does not belong to me. It belongs to Eric Kripke.