Author's Note: I hope you all don't hate me. I know it has been forever since I last updated, but it's mainly because this story is probably the most important thing I've written for fanfiction purpose reasons, and I really don't want to force anything when my muse is off. I want to make it the best I possibly can! I hope you all enjoy this chapter and it's to your liking! There is more to come for these two! Hopefully more progress with Finn's memory to come. ;)

Also, if you want, and I highly recommend it, you should listen to 18 by One Direction after reading this chapter. It's kind of fitting and it came on while I was reading the end...so it gave me all the feels. Okay, enjoy!

Finn's body ached. He was purposely avoiding the mirrors in his apartment, knowing that obvious black circles colored the skin under his eyes. However, now he paced the hardwood floors of his apartment, glancing at the clock hanging on his wall, causing him to instantly do math in the back of his mind.

54 hours.

He had now been awake for a solid 54 hours. 54 hours of him restlessly pacing his apartment, replaying his conversation with Rachel in his mind, or taking random chunks of time to read through the endless files on his computer that contained noted memories.

Even though every part of Finn was riddled with exhaustion, he couldn't sleep. Eating was out of the question as his stomach still churned endlessly.

However, Finn knew the real reason he wasn't sleeping.

He didn't want to forget.

He could write down everything Rachel had said and read it the minute he woke up, but it just wasn't good enough. He wanted to be able to remember everything. To remember the interaction between them with every vivid detail, which involved the way he felt upon hearing her newly shared information. The pain that cut through him.

Maybe staying up was also a tactic for helping him sort through his thoughts so he could move forward in the best possible way. However, that was proving to be nearly impossible.

His mind was too fuzzy. Too clouded. It felt almost like he were trying to access information from his past and being put in the dark, except his brain was making it difficult for him to form coherent thoughts as well.

Each thought consisted of him trying to sort out his past and how everyone could have put together these lies. But due to not knowing anything about those clouded moments, he fell short. All he knew was the lies from his friends had piled up over the years without him even knowing. The people who he had trusted all these years had wronged him, and now Finn felt completely alone. Left alone in his apartment to soon just resort to slamming his head into his dry wall.

Finn took a deep breath as he continued walking, his emotions only running high as he thought about Quinn's expression as she saw him laying bruised and beaten in his hospital bed.

She ran.

He closed his eyes tightly as he shook the thought away from his mind. But then another idea came flooding in. He could imagine Puck and Santana sitting with him, laughing as they had done back in high school.

They lied.

Then came the final image. The image of Rachel sitting on his couch as she discussed the idea of her being deleted from his life.

Fuck!

Screaming filled Finn's mind as he withheld the pain inside. However, it didn't stop him from kicking over one of the chairs that stood at the island in his kitchen. It came crashing down as Finn began to grind his teeth together.

As soon as the chair settled, Finn's front door flew open, causing him to glance over and find Puck standing there. His best friend's expression seemed bewildered as he looked from the chair to Finn.

"I heard the crash and thought you fell or something, dude," Puck spoke, closing Finn' s front door behind him. "I bolted up those freaking stairs. I don't think I've ran that fast since our high school football days."

Finn glanced away from Puck, running a hand through his hair as he let out an annoyed sigh. "Yeah, well, I'm fine. So what do you want?"

"Whoa. What's got your panties in a twist today?" Puck asked, furrowing his brow at Finn.

"Nothing," Finn spoke, his jaw clenched.

"Bullshit it's nothing," Puck fired back.

His brow still furrowed, Puck neared Finn, now getting a better look at his best friend.

"Holy hell, man. You look like shit," Puck said, concern entangling with his frustrated tone.

Finn scoffed. "I feel like shit."

Turning away from Puck's eyes, Finn walked toward his couch and fell back onto the cushions. He then leaned forward as he ran his hands over his tender face.

"What the hell happened?" Puck asked, coming towards the couch.

"Would you just go?" Finn spoke harshly over his shoulder.

"Alright, you can cut the crap, Hudson. I haven't heard from you in almost a week and now I find you looking like you're on the verge of death? I'm not going anywhere so you better start talking," Puck said, moving forward once more.

Finn sighed, hanging his head as his sore neck tensed slightly.

"Why should I tell you anything?" Finn murmured before picking his head up again. "Seems like you and Santana didn't think it was really necessary to tell me everything."

"What are you talking about?" Puck asked, genuine confusion coating his tone.

"About Quinn!" Finn raised his voice, now turning to look at Puck. "About the fact that she fucking ran because she didn't want to be near me! You guys just dicked me around for years instead of telling me where the hell she went and why she left!"

Another scoff left him as he addressed all the details that Rachel had given him. "No one had the balls to tell me that she left because of me. Because she couldn't handle being with me."

"Who told you that?" Puck spoke up.

"Rachel," Finn managed out, his voice breaking on her name. "She told me everything."

"And where is she now?" Puck asked.

"Gone," Finn said, replaying his own words to her. Telling her how he couldn't do this…that she needed to go.

"Gone?" Puck pressed on.

"Yes, okay! She's gone. Just like everyone else," Finn said now gripping his hair tightly in his hands.

"I don't know what you mean by 'everyone else,' because last I checked I'm right here," Puck said, annoyance filling his own voice.

"Physically, but not figuratively," Finn retorted.

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Finn stood from his seat, turning to completely face his best friend. "It means that you might be standing there and acting like you give a fuck about me, but I know it's all just bullshit. If you really cared then you would have told me the truth."

"Oh, yeah. Keep feeling sorry for yourself, Hudson. I'm sure that's going to help," Puck shot back.

"Screw you, dude," Finn said, shaking his head as he turned to head back into his bedroom.

"Did it ever occur to you that we didn't tell you the truth because we were trying to protect you?" Puck spoke, stopping Finn in his tracks.

"Great job. You're right, I feel so protected," Finn said, sarcasm sitting on every word.

"Just shut up, will ya? I know we had a shitty way of going about it, but it's the truth. We did tell you once. We told you once right after you woke up from your coma, figuring that it would be something we'd have to write down for you to read every morning so you knew where Quinn went. But when we told you…you lost it. Completely. You blew up in the hospital room and the doctor and nurses had to calm you down," Puck explained.

"You told me?" Finn asked, watching his best friend.

"Yeah, we did. And the reason why we told you was because of Rachel. She wanted to tell you and she visited you in the hospital for a week in order to attempt to do it…but we stopped her from doing it. Then she gave us one of her speeches about how you deserved the truth and you were still a real person. She left, Tana and I felt guilty, so we told you."

Finn continued to listen to Puck, baffled by the new information he was providing.

"But Rachel didn't say anything about that…" Finn trailed off.

"She doesn't know. She stopped visiting because Santana threatened her, and we made sure no one knew about your blow up," Puck continued. "And Santana hated Rachel for all of it. She blamed her for everything. That's why she hates her so much…for being relentless…for you freaking out."

"But it wasn't Rachel's fault," Finn said, shaking his head.

"Of course it wasn't, but Santana wanted someone to blame and that's who she chose," Puck said with a shrug.

"That's not fair though," Finn said, his frustration growing once more.

"I agree, it's not, but that's what she believed," Puck spoke.

"So, after that…you guys never tried to tell me again? Because you were scared I would blow up again?" Finn asked, wondering if he would have responded that way every time, or if he would have somehow eased the blow every time.

"I guess…but it was bigger than that to us. We saw you freak out that first time and we just couldn't do it everyday. We couldn't see you hurt that much every time we told you. The tears, the yelling, the repeated words of resentment. Not for her, but for yourself. Despite what you might think now…we love you. And to see you hurt that much was just out of the question," Puck explained.

"Quinn has always been an awful person, Finn. I knew it from the moment I met her, and I wasn't exactly afraid to voice my hate for her all throughout high school…but this was just too much. There's not a single ounce of good in that girl, and a person like that shouldn't have this power to make someone feel so shitty about themselves everyday. You didn't deserve to wake up every morning and instantly think, "I'm not worth it.' And she didn't deserve the ability to do that to you. I wouldn't give her that right."

Finn let Puck's words hang in the air around him, slowly seeping into his skin as each second passed.

He had spent these passed 54 hours thinking about how badly all of these people had hurt him, when he really hadn't given them enough credit for all the help they had given him throughout the past four years, and even beyond that. Finn had been so quick to hold onto all these details and moments of supposed betrayal, but really they had been moments of protection. Moments when the people who really mattered were attempting to relieve him from experiencing this sort of pain every single day.

Finn cleared his throat, his eyes focused down on his feet. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything…I just wanted you to know the truth," Puck said with a small shrug.

Slowly, Finn's eyes raised to look at Puck once more, giving him a shrug of his own.

"I…I'm sorry," Finn managed out. "I should have known everything you guys did was to protect me…it's just hard when I keep getting these random reminders of how little of control I have over my own life…how everything could just slip away so easily if everyone else allowed it to."

"We would never let that happen, man. We got your back no matter what. We're not going to tear up certain files or add fake ones because we want to work you like a puppet. It's just this Quinn thing…we couldn't do that to you," Puck spoke.

"I appreciate that," Finn said, his throat tightening. "I really do."

Finn had to agree with Puck. He wouldn't want Puck to suffer from knowing someone had left him in his time of need, making him feel worthless. Especially when Finn's accident had been so fresh and new. Now he had time to sit with the entire thing. His feelings for Quinn had faded and those feelings were now aimed towards Rachel.

"Oh, shit…Rachel," Finn spoke, running his hand through his hair once more.

"I think you have a lot more apologizing to do," Puck said with a nod.

"Yeah…it seems like I'm just as guilty as everyone else at blaming Rachel for things that weren't her fault…she was just trying to help," Finn spoke.

"She did have a bad habit of sticking her nose in other people's business, but I could see why she was doing it. I mean, we always knew she had a crush on you, but she really cared for you, dude. And she still does. I'm pretty sure she'd do anything for you. Even since that first day we saw her in the hallway," Puck said, his tone sounding almost sad.

Finn could picture that first moment all over again. When he had caught sight of her from the corner of his eye, but attempted to not notice due to the company of his friends. However, as they continued down the hallway he managed to glance backward, only catching sight of the back of her head and the brown hair falling down her back.

All those years in high school…she had cared for him and he had cared for her. And yet they had danced around one another, and everyone else. But now he cared for her more than anything, and he was done dancing. He was done with people blaming her for things that weren't her fault, including himself.

"I need to go talk to her," Finn concluded, moving quickly to grab his jacket and house keys.

"Now?" Puck asked, glancing at the clock.

"Yeah, it has to be now. I need to make this right," Finn said, now pulling on his shoes.

"Dude, I can tell you haven't been sleeping and I think it would be better for you to lay down for a little while. Rachel will still be there tomorrow."

Finn shook his head as he stood up straight and straightened his coat.

"No. It has to be right now. I can't sleep. I can't risk forgetting about all of this," Finn said, finally ready to walk out the door.

"Then we'll write it down," Puck tried to reason.

"It's not the same," Finn said, meeting his best friend's eyes. "I need to do this. I need to do it now."

Puck stared back at Finn before finally letting out a sigh and retrieving his keys from his pocket.

"Alright, let's go," he spoke, gesturing for Finn to lead the way.

"What?" Finn asked, feeling slightly baffled.

"Let's go, man! I'm obviously going to drive you over there," Puck said, once again gesturing.

A smile spread across Finn's face as he led them out of the apartment and down to Puck's truck.

"This is it," Finn spoke as they pulled up to Rachel's place.

"Do you need me to stay? Or do you just want to give me a call once your done?" Puck asked, putting his truck into park.

"Nah, you go home and sleep. I'll be fine," Finn said, hopping out.

"You sure?" Puck spoke up.

"Positive," Finn said right before he closed the door of the truck.

Puck just responded with a serious nod before Finn turned and raced up the stairs to Rachel's place.

Once he reached the door, Finn knocked quickly a few times, shifting from one foot to the other as he waited. He wasn't sure that Rachel was awake, but he was praying that she was. He needed her to be.

After a few seconds, Finn knocked once more, but was stopped abruptly when the door was suddenly pulled open.

"Finn, what are you doing here?" Rachel asked quickly when she was revealed to him.

Finn knew he needed to focus on the heaviness hanging in the air between them, carrying in Rachel's tone especially. However, even through all the pain they had experienced over the past few days that involved Finn's sleepless nights, he was still left breathless at the sight of her. Even in her pajamas and bare face, she managed to make his heart race in his chest and the air to escape his lungs.

"Really? You really have to look at me like that right now?" Rachel's annoyed tone cut through his thoughts.

"I'm sorry," Finn spoke. "I can't always help it."

Rachel looked as though she were going to argue against his words, but instead her features became softer as she studied his face.

"You look like…hell," she spoke, her tone now touched with concern.

Finn let out a small laugh. "Yeah…I think I just got back."

Further concern melted into Rachel's brow as she studied him.

"Have you…slept?" She finally asked. "You know, since we talked?"

Finn shook his head, his eyes remaining on hers. "I couldn't," he murmured.

"Why?" she asked softly.

"Can I come in?" Finn asked, glancing down along the hallway at all the other doors from the other occupants of her building. "I'd rather not have everyone else hear our conversation."

Rachel seemed to hesitate for a moment, eyeing him with uncertainty as she fidgeted with her fingers slightly. However, after a moment she stepped back and allowed Finn to pass through her doorway.

Finn removed his coat as he walked into her home, heading straight into the living room. Rachel was quick to close the front door and follow along with him.

"Can you answer my question now? Why didn't you sleep, Finn? It has been days since we last saw each other," she continued.

Finn laid his coat on top of her couch before turning back to her, offering her a shrug.

"I just couldn't. I needed to sort through things, but I didn't want to forget anything. I could have recorded it. I could have written it down, but I didn't want to. I wanted to remember how I felt. I wanted to actually remember every detail instead of having some word document tell me how I was supposed to feel, you know? There was a chance I could wake up, read that, and feel worse…or better. Just different then how I really felt. It wouldn't be the real thing."

Finn knew he was rambling, but he couldn't fully help it. There was just so much to say. To explain. He was running on no sleep and he was sure to have scattered thoughts.

"You shouldn't do that to yourself. You should have slept and taken care of yourself," Rachel spoke, shaking her head.

Finn couldn't help put laugh at Rachel's words, but he instantly tried to hide his smile.

"What's so funny, Finn?"

He cleared his throat, knowing he really shouldn't be laughing right now. Not after what they had been through, but he couldn't stop himself. Not after what him and Puck had talked about.

"It's just that…even though I know you're beyond pissed at me…you still care. About me…just like you always have," Finn explained.

Rachel's expression still remained annoyed as Finn spoke, but there was still a gloss in her eye, letting know Finn know he was right.

"Of course I care. I can't just stop caring about you within a matter or days, even though I've been trying to," Rachel spoke.

"Why would you do that?" Finn asked.

"Because you told me, and I quote, 'I can't do this.' I think when someone tells you that it's a pretty good indicator that things are over!" Rachel said, her voice raising.

Finn sighed. "I know, I know." He stopped for a moment, closing his eyes tightly as he tried to compose himself before continuing. "I was just hurt…and I took it out on you." His eyes opened once more as he looked at her. "And as usual, you didn't deserve it."

Rachel didn't say anything, just continued to stare at Finn with her arms folded across her chest.

"Puck came over tonight...and he just started talking about what happened after my accident. About how you tried to convince them to tell me…how they pushed you away and Santana threatened you. But then they told me the stuff you didn't tell me about…that you couldn't tell me about because even you didn't know."

Rachel's expression seemed to soften slightly as she listened to him, completely uncertain about what Finn could be referring to.

"About how they took your advice and told me about Quinn… the truth about her. Not about how her parents took her away, but that she left," Finn continued. "And then after I heard that…I lost it. I had an episode and no one knew what to do."

Rachel's arms were now unfolded, her face almost ghostly as Finn stared at her.

She really did have no idea.

"And they agreed they could never make me feel that way again…so they agreed to not tell me about Quinn. To not let her have that power. But that didn't stop Santana from blaming you for my outburst, because you know Santana. She's unable to take the blame herself," Finn spoke.

Rachel nodded, and small laugh leaving her even though her expression remained sad.

"Then I started realizing how much I blamed you for this. And how it really wasn't your fault. You were always trying to help me, and I took your care and protection in the worst way possible," Finn continued.

"I just wanted to help," Rachel voiced.

"I know," Finn spoke softly.

"And all that stuff about not believing in you, I really hope you know that's not true. I have complete faith in you. I just fear of losing you more than anything because…"

"You care about me," Finn finished for her.

Rachel slowly nodded, tears coating her eyes.

"I know you do," Finn spoke. "And I care about you. So much. I just wanted you to believe in me so much that I became too focused on the possibility of you losing that faith in me…and I fed into it."

"If there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that I will never stop believing in you, Finn. It has nothing to do with your feelings and this obstacle your going to overcome. It only came down to my fear of losing you. I already felt like I was," Rachel said before she let out a small laugh. "Or maybe I thought I already had."

"What do you mean?" Finn asked, furrowing his brow.

"I know it's ridiculous, but I still felt like that high school girl. The one who was endlessly pinning after you, wanting you to notice me. So once this started happening and we started dating, I just thought it was too good to be true," she explained. "Because you're you…and I'm me."

Finn shook his head, moving forward to close the distance between them. He allowed his hands to rest against both sides of her face as he held her gaze in his own.

"And what's so wrong with being you?" he asked gently.

"We came from different worlds, Finn. You were the quarterback and I was the captain of the geeky Glee club," Rachel explained quietly.

"But I didn't care about that. I liked all the stuff about you, and I just liked you in general. Quarterback and geeky Glee kid or not…I saw you and I saw everything I wanted. You may have pinned after me, but I was pinning right back."

Rachel laughed, a tear falling from her eye and landing on Finn's thumb. "Why didn't we do anything about it sooner? We could have saved ourselves a lot of pain and misery."

Finn shrugged, allowing himself to laugh as well. "I don't know. Maybe it was just the universe doing it's thing."

Rachel let a small smile fall on his lips as she listened to him.

"Or maybe I was just a coward," Finn said finally with another laugh.

Rachel laughed as well. "Yeah, maybe."

Finn continued to stare down at her, his hands still on her face as he held her glossed brown eyes in his own.

"We were in two different worlds, but I cared about you since the moment I met you…whether I wanted to or not. When it comes to you…I have no control…but for once I don't mind. I don't want to stop caring for you," Finn spoke.

"Please don't," Rachel whispered.

Finn swallowed hard, his heart now racing in his chest.

"I love you, Rachel," he finally stated.

More tears escaped from her eyes, falling down her face and onto Finn's hands.

"I think I loved you back then, but I know for sure that I love you now," he continued. "And something tells me I always will."

"I love you too," Rachel spoke, her voice breaking.

Finn couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as tears fell into his own eyes.

"Yeah?" he asked.

Rachel nodded, offering him a small smile. "Yeah."

Without another word, Finn leaned forward, his lips meeting Rachel's as a small whimper left her. It fell from her lips and went right into Finn's as he only pressed them closer together.

They were a tangle of lips, tears, and tongues, but they didn't care. They were lost in one another even as they pulled away and Finn allowed his forehead to rest on Rachel's.

"I love you so much," he whispered. "I want to remember this. I want to remember this so badly."