A/N: So... I don't really know where this came from. I've been really fascinated by Cloud's entire backstory lately (I mean, more so than usual) and I kinda wish his feelings about Zack weren't so overshadowed by his feelings about Aerith and I wanted to take a lot of things and incorporate more Zack/Cloud interactions because I love their friendship, like, a lot. I really liked the idea of elaborating on Cloud kind of putting together the fact that the girl that Zack always told him about was Aerith and the guy she had compared him to was indeed, Zack, and finally gaining clarity on everything that happened, and how they feel about it, helping to absolve his incessant guilt... And I'll shut up now because I could ramble on and on about Cloud Strife. Also, Clarity is kind of a play on Cloud and Aerith's combined name, Clerith, to Claerity. And if some of what they say sounds familiar, it's because I used a lot of actual dialogue from different parts of the compilation.
Clarity
If our love is tragedy, why are you my clarity?
He didn't know how it happened or why, but he was surrounded by a vast whiteness, flowers under his feet, his own personal vision of guilt standing close behind him.
"...You came. Even though you're about to break. That's a good sign." Aerith said softly, encouragingly.
She paused, and they stood back to back, breathing quietly.
"So... Why did you come?" She asked in the same soft tone, in a way that implied that she already knew the answer.
"I think..." Cloud closed his eyes, tilting his head back. "I want to be forgiven. More than anything."
"By who?"
Cloud swallowed hard, finally turning to meet emerald eyes. "By Zack. By you." He paused, looking down at the flowers. "By everyone I'm always disappointing. Denzel, Marlene... Tifa."
Aerith nodded slowly, her whole body glowing ethereally.
"I... I let you both die." Cloud finally choked, his eyes burning. There. He said it.
"I never blamed you, not once. You came for me. That's all that matters." She paused, letting him absorb her words. "Isn't it time you did the forgiving?"
Cloud's head jerked up to look at her. "I..."
Aerith nodded and smiled gently. "Do you remember that night at the Gold Saucer?"
Cloud paused, nodding solemnly.
"Two, please!" Aerith chirped, so excited to be riding a gondola. She knew that the whole reason behind their journey was a serious one, but she'd never been out of Midgar, and she was going to enjoy every second of down time they had. She was going to make the most out of being out of the slums for the first time.
"Enjoy!" The girl said, handing Aerith the tickets.
"Wow, how nice... Oh! Look, Cloud!" She'd turned to look out the window, her hands perched on the sill, eyes wide with wonder. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" She seemed wistful, then frowned slightly, becoming serious.
"You know, at first, it bothered me how you looked exactly alike. Two completely different people that look exactly the same. The way you walk, gesture..." She paused, lost in thought. "I think maybe I must have seen him again, in you."
Cloud had looked at her strangely. He'd had no idea what she was talking about.
"But you're different. Things are different. I'm... I'm searching for you, Cloud."
He looked at her questioningly, arms crossed.
"I want to meet you."
"But I'm... right here."
Aerith shook her head. "I know, but what I mean is... I want to meet you."
Cloud remembered the night well, though he hadn't thought about it for a long time. He remembered being so confused by what she was saying, something in his mind not allowing him to let himself really think about it. Suddenly, knowing what he knew now, the pieces fell into place.
"You were... You were talking about Zack." He clarified.
She smiled warmly, nodding. "Yes. I... I loved him very much. When I met you, you had sort of taken on pieces of his personality. I mean, even the way we met mirrored the way I met him."
Cloud nodded. He had realized that in the lifestream, with Tifa's help. He just hadn't registered how Aerith had fit into that.
"It's why I liked you so immediately." She recalled, smiling fondly. "I missed him a lot. I didn't know what had happened to him."
"He really loved you, Aerith. He was trying to get back to you. I just... I didn't remember. I'm sorry."
"I know that now." She smiled. "You couldn't cope. Your brain handled it the best way it knew how."
He nodded.
"Forgive yourself, Cloud. Zack and I, we love you, and we want you to be happy."
"Zack, too...?"
Aerith laughed, and it carried like wind chimes in the field. A soft breeze blew and she turned to look behind herself. From the mist emerged someone with unruly black, spiked hair.
Cloud looked past Aerith, his breath catching. A ghost from his past.
"Somebody call me?" His voice was as full and cheerful as Cloud remembered.
"This guy always thinks he's so important," Aerith teased, motioning to the broad man before her.
"Hey!" He called in mock offense, his eyes glowing as they looked at her.
Cloud felt a strange sickness at seeing the two people he missed the most, but also the two biggest sources of all of his guilt and self-loathing.
"Cloud! Together again, huh?"
"Zack," Cloud choked, the familiarity of Zack's words striking him like a punch to the gut.
"Hey, Aerith's right, you know," He said, patting Cloud on the back.
Cloud nodded, feeling that's all he could manage in their presence.
"I'm proud of you, Cloud. You did it."
"I didn't do anything. You died for me."
"I died so that you could live, Cloud. So live."
"But I... I have geostigma."
"So what if it looks hopeless? If it were me, I still wouldn't give up. You have to fight."
Cloud looked up to them, his eyes flitting back and forth between them, memorizing them, before landing decisively on Zack. There was something that had bothered him ever since he'd remembered his best friend. He felt like he'd let him down. Your living legacy. But he hadn't been, hadn't been able to live for both of them. "I swore that I wouldn't forget."
"You had mako poisoning. You remember now, and that's all that matters. You saved the world." He paused, gazing at Aerith, who smiled serenely at him, then looked back to Cloud. "Time for you to go, friend. You don't have a place here yet." He finally said, smiling fondly at his best friend.
Cloud felt anxious. There was so much he wanted to say. "I... miss you both."
"We're with you, always. Right here." Zack promised, tapping Cloud's chest over his heart.
Cloud nodded, feeling the ground fall out from beneath his feet as pink and black blurred together and faded away.
"Cloud! ...Cloud?" A cool hand resting on his forehead, absently stroking his hair.
"...Mom?" He uttered, his voice hoarse. Had he been dreaming?
It all came rushing back to him. Zack. Aerith. He sighed.
A delicate laugh, a sound that embodied his childhood, a sound he'd loved for his entire life, echoed in his ears.
"No, silly."
Tifa? "Tifa." He murmured.
"Mm-hm. Are you okay?"
He finally opened his eyes to meet deep chestnut-colored eyes as they leaned over him. She leaned away as he sat up, scooting herself to sit beside him.
"I feel... lighter."
"Lighter?"
"Yeah. Maybe I lost some weight," He joked.
Tifa smiled warmly at him. "Weight, huh?" She murmured.
He smiled genuinely at her for the first time in what felt like forever.
"You're smiling." She said, surprised.
"I am?" He laughed under his breath, seeming as surprised as she was.
"Hmm," Tifa hummed.
"It all starts now. A new... A new life. I'm gonna live. I think that's the only way I can be forgiven."
Tifa smiled, happy to see him in a better state.
"We've been through a lot," He finally said.
"Yeah," She agreed.
"But when I think about how many times I thought about how I was going to start a new life, it's funny..."
"Why?"
"Because I've always failed to do it." He said matter-of-factly.
"That's not funny," Tifa frowned.
"After this, I think I'll be okay, because... I have you this time."
"You've always had me." She bumped his shoulder with hers.
He smiled to himself, looking suddenly shy. "Yeah, but what I mean is... kinda different."
Tifa blushed, smiling back at him. "Oh."
She cocked her head, smiling softly at him. "I think... I'll be okay because I have you, too."
He blushed, glancing briefly at her, then away shyly.
Just behind Tifa, he spotted two figures bathed in a pale white light.
See? A soft voice resounded in his head. Everything's alright. She made her way easily toward Zack, and Cloud's eyes followed, landing on his friend. Zack caught his gaze, lips turned up on one side in a crooked smirk, and waved a hand, as cool and casual as he had been in life. Cloud smiled.
I know. I'm not alone, Cloud thought, running his fingers through Tifa's hair, pulling her close. Not anymore.