What is the point of a reason? For anything? I had always had a reason behind anything I did, although it was usually the same reason for many things. But things seemed to be slipping from me now. I don't like it. Not one bit but I just can't seem to take back control.

The case is at an infuriating standstill. I'm aware that Kira, Near and I are all just dancing around each other, waiting for someone to make the next move to set off a chain reaction of events that we're all planning.

Even myself, I'm only down to one last option and with the way things are going, I'm not sure it'll work out for the best for me. And even then, I still have no choice but to wait for Near and Kira to make their moves or mine would be utterly pointless.

I sighed, tilting my head a little and watching the way my hair shifted with my movements in the dingy bathroom mirror of the apartment I've been using as base. My hair looked gold. Maybe because of the terrible lighting in here, maybe because of how burnt it had become, maybe simply because it was still wet.

I watched rivulets of the shower water slowly run down my bare body. Bare except for the red and black rosary that hung around my neck. I hadn't bothered to get dressed quite yet as my mind started racing and I became distracted by my own appearance.

My gaze drifted lazily over myself, distractedly. My shoulders are broad, arms and chest filled with muscle. Lean, but not terribly skinny. My hair is a golden blonde and my eyes are blue. I have fine blonde hair upon my chest and down, under my navel and further.

I examined my scar. The very same that had disfigured my appearance. From my face down my neck to my shoulder and chest and back. I lifted my fingers and grazed them across the marred, rough skin. It was healed now, though I could feel the pressure from my fingers, I couldn't feel them actually touching me.

I looked into my own eyes. They always seemed to be glaring. I didn't even know if it was possible for them to look softer, not that I'd want to, but it was still the question of actually being able to. My eyes are always so cold and angry. There was once a time when I loved them for that.

Now it just felt like a waste. In fact, I felt quite completely useless. All my life I had worked for one thing. One selfish thing and never really accomplished anything of my own. I could have though. I could have accomplished virtually anything if I had the drive for it. But no, I had my mind set to other things, things I had once deemed the most important thing I could ever do.

It seemed so mediocre now.

I sensed him there before I even heard the ruffle of his jeans or the sharp inhale and exhale of thick cigarette smoke. I sighed again, not exactly in the mood for him.

"What?" I snapped, not taking my eyes off the mirror. I heard him inhale deeply and the scent of him assaulted my nose.

"What are you doing?" He asked. It was a casual question. It always was with him.

"Thinking." I replied simply.

"About the case?"

"More or less."

"I think you need to relax for awhile. Distract yourself." My eyes closed and I exhaled sharply.

"Get out." I snapped, glaring at him. He was shirtless, like he usually was in this stuffy apartment. "I'm not in the mood for you. Not to mention you have work to be doing."

"I finished it." He replied with a shrug. "I finished over an hour ago, I've been waiting for you to get out of the shower so I could tell you."

I sighed. "What time is it?"

"After ten."

It's been two hours? I'm losing sense of time now, just perfect.

"Just.. leave me alone, Matt."

"Are you alright, Mello?" I cringed at his tone. He's not suppose to me soft with me. He knows better. He's not allowed to use the tone that unknowingly calms me.

"I said get out!" I growled and he put his hands up in surrender, the cigarette burning away between his lips.

"Alright, alright, I'm gone." He left and a draft blew through the open bathroom door and I shivered.

I looked back in the mirror and sneered in disgust. I was sick of looking at myself. I would never admit it, but perhaps Matt was right. I needed my distraction. However, I couldn't seem to get myself to leave the bathroom and by the time I could, my body was dry and my hair only dripped a little. I rung it out in the sink before I ventured out.

As expected, Matt was sitting hunched over the couch, playing some game that I could hear the sounds of all the way in. The back of the couch was to me as I approached, seeing his cloud of silver smoke circle up around him.

I approached him swiftly, threading my hand into his mused hair and pulling his head back to look at me. He looked unfazed, at least as far as I could tell through his goggles. I grit my teeth as the stench of his cigarette hit my nose and I pulled it from his lips.

"Hey!" He protested.

I lowered it and pressed the burning end to his stomach, just above his jeans where only a few pubes were showing.

"Fuck! Mello! Jesus Christ!" He bellowed in pain as he swatted my hand away and I grinned down at him evilly. I lowered my head next, still holding his head tilted back painfully, and I bit into his throat.

He hissed in pain but I soon heard his game pause and the controller fall and then his hands were around my shoulders and in my hair. I dug my teeth into his jugular as I sucked the skin there.

When I pulled back, he pulled me back into his lips, kissing me hard and clumsily. I growled and tightened my grip on his hair and pulled away. "Get up." I commanded in a low hiss. Even with his eyes covered, I could still see how his eyes shone under them with those words. Or maybe I had just seen it so many times before that now I just knew it was there.

Either way, he complied and stood from the couch once I let him go. I turned and walked off, knowing he'd follow unless he was an utter moron. However, I decided to give him a little more credit than that.

Just as I walked into my bedroom, I could feel his hands ghosting my waist and ass. "Matt." I warned. I heard him click the door shut behind him and I spun around pushing him against the wood and successfully pinning him to it as I bit and sucked at his neck and chest.

I pulled back, reaching up to pull his goggles down to around his neck so I could get a look at his vibrant eyes. I leaned in, kissing him again as my hands dropped to get his pants undone.

Before long, he was naked right along side me and our hands were all over each other as we kissed. I pulled back and gasped a sharp breath and he panted for a moment, his face having developed a nice pink shade.

I smirked a little and threaded my hand through his hair and guided him to my bed, tossing him down on his stomach. He caught himself on his hands and knees though and I brought a hand down smacking him hard on the ass with a resounding 'crack'.

He let out a disturbing moan and pushed his ass back towards me even more. He was already sickeningly hard as his cock throbbed between his legs and I snickered to myself, crawling on the bed behind him.

"I have half a mind to fuck you raw." I informed him and he groaned in response, shaking his head a little. I smirked. As much fun as it would be to hear him screaming, begging and crying in agony, his whiny voice was something I just wasn't in the mood for. Not to mention I'd have to deal with him bitching for the next couple days until he felt better.

Instead, I sucked on a few of my fingers until they were moist and swiftly pushed them inside him. "Fuck.. Mello…" He groaned and I growled.

"Shut up, Matt. You know the rules, either we talk, or we fuck. Not both." I moved my fingers faster inside him, tugging, stretching, scissoring. He groaned and nodded.

I simply rolled my eyes and pulled my fingers from him. He whimpered a little at the loss and I smirked at how needy he was. I climbed off the bed and circled it, standing to the side of his face.

I threaded my hand in his hair and yanked his head towards me, forcing my half mast length inside his hot mouth. He began sucking eagerly, swirling his tongue around me as I fucked his face. I'd never admit it to him, but he was brilliant with his tongue and mouth.

I moved my other hand down his back and pushed back inside his ass to continue fingering him while he sucked me off. I bit back groans, residing that I wouldn't dare make a sound to him yet, and soon I was just as hard as him.

"Enough." I growled and pulled his face away from me and removed my fingers. I looked down at him once, his eyes were half lidded, clouded with lust, his cheeks were pink with a blush, his hair was mused from my hands and his sweat. He looked absolutely pathetic and I loved it.

I shifted around and took my spot back behind him. I gripped his hips in my hands, digging my nails in and swiftly pushed inside him. He cried out in pleasure and pain and I rocked my hips, thrusting in and out of him.

I removed one hand from his hip and slowly slid it up along his spine, causing goosebumps to form all over is overly sensitive skin. This was one reason I loved this activity so much, the complete and utter control I had over him in these long minutes.

He turned into complete putty in my hands. Everything I did made him give a reaction to me. And being the lazy, uncaring bastard he usually is, I just couldn't get enough of this side of him.

My hand trailed all the way up until I found the strap of his goggles that hung around his neck. I gripped the strap and pulled back on it tightly, half choking him as I pulled it taut against his throat and fucked him mercilessly.

As many moans and groans as he was making, I could tell he was holding back. True, I didn't like hearing him speaking during this, but other sounds made him sound so pathetic and helpless and it spiked a fire through me knowing how in control I was.

And he wasn't giving me that! I grit my teeth and moved faster inside him. I released the strap of his goggles and leaned over him, forcing myself deeper inside him and bit down on his shoulder blade.

Finally, he cried out again. "Hng.. ah..! Mel- nnggg…" I smirked to myself and groaned into his flesh as I moved inside him quick and deep. I dragged my teeth across his back, sucking and biting his flesh. The nails I had in his hip were already drawing blood and my bites were now doing the same.

His head rested between his arms on the bed as he cried out. He spread his legs a little more, probably for his own balance but it only gave me more leverage to pound deeper inside him. It was purely blissful, if I'm honest.

I was reaching my limit, and I knew he was too. I took my hand from his back and reached around him, resting it at his collar bone. I dug my nails into his flesh and dragged a line all the way down his torso to his cock. He yelped out, crying and moaning in pleasure.

I then took his throbbing dick in my hand and pumped quickly, causing him more moans and shivers of pleasure. Despite the pain I caused him, I knew damn well he was in a euphoria of ecstasy and was loving every moment of this.

This was just how it was with us. I didn't try to understand it as it would only give me an unwanted headache if I tried but this was how things were. Matt was my release. He was the distraction to any annoying little flea in my life. He relieved my stress like I had never been able to before.

Our shameful bliss lasted far longer than I could ever hope to keep track of. But we soon came and collapsed on the bed together. Once my breathing had evened out and my senses had calmed down enough for me to regain my composure, I found myself on my back with Matt's head nuzzled into my chest.

I sighed and rubbed at my eyes as I looked down at his ridiculous mused locks and the way his hand ghosted over the sensitive skin of my stomach. It sent shivers through my still heated body and I cringed. I knew that despite how much power and control I could have over him, this moronic asshole could still cause very similar effects over me.

"Matt." I said expectantly and he hummed in reply. "Get off me." I snapped.

"Too tired, Mello…" He grumbled sleepily and nuzzled into me more. Dammit all! I groaned softly before a yawn broke through my lips.

"I'll deal with you in the morning." I told him and I swear I felt his lips curve into a smile against my skin. I shook my head and reached to pull a sheet over us, realizing only one hand was free to do so and the other was now trapped under Matt's body, somehow wrapped around him.

I sighed and let my eyes fall shut but looked down one last time. I noticed then, how the only articles either of us wore- Matt's goggles and my rosary- were currently intertwined together as they dangled from our necks.

Shrugging it off, I drifted to sleep.