Chapter: Rules and Regulations
Chapter Number: 1/100
Characters: The members of Hufflepuff House
Year: 1-7
Rating: PG
Summary: Every Hufflepuff has The List. Every Hufflepuff can add to The List.
Word Count: 1,648
Notes: Chapter one of Dirty Paws, a collection of One Shots following John and Sherlock during their seven years at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
RULES FOR NEW HUFFLEPUFFS
TO BE HANDED OUT TO EVERY FIRST YEAR UPON THEIR FIRST TIME IN THE COMMON ROOM
DO NOT ADD TO THE LIST UNLESS GIVEN PERMISSION BY NYMPHADORA TONKS, ANNA SPRINGFIELD, CEDRIC DIGGORY
1. Do not mention or show this list to Sherlock Holmes or John Watson.
2. Yes, they know about the list, you are still not allowed to show it to them.
3. John's birthday is August 7th, remind him that you have not forgotten it.
a. If you want to get/send him a gift; he likes books on Defence and Quidditch supplies would not go amiss.
3. Sherlock's birthday is January 6th, do not vocally remind him of it. He hates it.
a. Sherlock likes books. If you want to get him something, get him books. Any type of books; muggle or magical, he doesn't care.
b. If muggle books: he enjoys the sciences. Chemistry and Biology are his favourite. Do not get him pulp fiction. He is a factual person.
4. If the password to the common room changes, tell them at breakfast. Neither of them will ask.
a. Try not to change the password in the middle of the day. It's cruel and will not be tolerated.
5. The table and chairs by the unicorn tapestry are theirs.
a. Do not touch anything left on said table.
b. Do not move said table.
c. Do not sit at said table unless you are invited to do so.
d. Do not eat off said table unless Sherlock or John says it is okay
THIS IS A SERIOUS HEALTH HAZARD. DO NOT EAT OFF THE TABLE.
6. Don't ask them when they're going to go back to their common rooms.
7. Don't mention the fact that they're in the wrong common room at all.
8. Don't ask why they're with us and not with their housemates. It's rude.
9. If they fall asleep in the common room, don't alert anyone to it.
a. If they stay the entire night, do not tell any of the professors, prefects, or head students.
b. If anyone asks, no, they went back to their own common rooms late and were back extremely early.
10. If Sherlock is sleeping, do not wake him up. He needs all the sleep he can get.
11. If Sherlock is not sleeping, keep blankets and pillows free and close by in the common room.
12. If Sherlock is awake and it's really late, offer up the place by the fire and a blanket.
13. If John and Sherlock are both awake, leave them alone.
14. They are both invited to all Hufflepuff parties.
15. John likes all sorts of tea. Offer to drink some with him when Sherlock isn't there.
16. Do not tell Sherlock he needs to eat more. He knows he does. Pointing it out is cruel.
17. If you have a cat and Sherlock likes it, it can stay. If he doesn't like it, keep it away from the lounge area.
a. If John doesn't like said cat it is not allowed in the common rooms at all.
18. Friends/partners who make fun of Sherlock or John are not permitted to come back.
19. Do not let John clean the entire common room. If you make a mess, clean it up yourself. He's not your maid.
20. Always get enough food from the kitchens for three and share with them.
21. Sherlock will only eat some types of meat or fruit with honey across the top.
a. Do not put food upon Sherlock's plate. He or John will do it.
22. John is not picky, but he does like spicier food than most.
23. Donate all books you don't want to Sherlock. We're pretty sure he has a library in that trunk of his.
a. If you need a book, go to him. He most likely has it.
24. If any Gryffindor/Slytherin ask for Sherlock or John they are never in.
a. The password for accepted people are Pongo and British Government.
b. If people do not give you the password then they are not allowed at all.
c. Luna Lovegood is always allowed.
25. Do not mother either of them.
26. If anyone knows anything about broomstick care, help John out with his.
27. Yes, John is allowed at the Hufflepuff Quidditch practices. He is also allowed to be up in the air with the team.
28. If you want to give them something, give it to John.
a. Say it's from your mother. John cannot refuse mothers.
b. Sherlock will also know you're lying. Don't be daunted by that.
c. Sherlock will also never say thank you. He is thankful.
29. Whatever Sherlock just said, no, he didn't mean it like that. He's just awful at talking with people.
30. Allow John to do damage control.
a. Some butterbeers will also not go amiss between affronted parties.
31. John and Sherlock will solve problems for you. This is a privilege, not a right.
a. They can turn you away.
b. Do not tell them about your dating problems; neither of them care.
c. If you do ask them to figure something out for you, give them a gift in appreciation—they offer to do it for free but that doesn't mean they should.
32. If you have money left over for Christmas presents, quills, ink, parchment, potion supplies, and various books would not go amiss.
33. Do not ask them why they are staying for the holidays.
a. If you happen to be staying the holidays with them, let them stay in the common room. The House elves will place their presents accordingly.
34. Do not ask where they are going for the summer holidays.
35. Don't ask about their home life at all.
36. Sherlock and John don't celebrate Easter, give them an egg anyway.
37. Sherlock's owl is named Athena, yes, you may borrow her if you don't have your own. Give her a treat when she's finished.
38. The emergency fund is hidden behind a stone in the third floor boys dorm. That money is for Sherlock and John only. Neither contribute to it and they should never know about it.
39. In an emergency, send a letter to Mycroft Holmes.
40. If Sherlock admits to being sick, he's probably dying. Get to John immediately and then go for Madame Pomfrey.
a. If there is a medical emergency of any kind, inform John ASAP
41. Comments about Sherlock and John's experiments and staying up late is neither welcome or appreciated.
42. Do not get either of them involved in dorm battles. You may be right, but they are Switzerland.
43. If they are fighting remind both of them that they're terrible at social interaction and then put them in close proximity. Most fights are solved in this manner.
44. There is a chart on the wall next to their table. This shall be followed religiously; if neither are back by their last class and are not at dinner, remember to check the Astronomy tower, the Silver and Gold room (password changes, be sure you're up to date!), and the kitchens. If they are still missing, contact a professor.
a. Remember that they take long walks around the lake on weekends.
b. Follow these steps to the letter. Professor McGonagall gets pretty twitchy if she just finds them lounging around on the lawn.
45. Sherlock is incredibly good at Potions and Transfiguration; he is willing to tutor.
46. Same with John in regards to Charms and DADA.
47. Neither Sherlock nor John get the newspaper, give them yours once you're finished.
48. If you are having family problems and cannot go home, speak with the two of them no matter how late. They will help you.
49. If you are being bullied, inform John and he'll help you out.
a. If any of your friends are being bullied, inform John.
b. Do not go to Sherlock, he will probably commit murder.
50. Do not expect Sherlock to remember dates. That's why John is there.
51. Sherlock will play his violin whenever he wants to, let him.
a. If the sound is distracting you, tell him and he'll put a ward around their area to silence it.
b. Do not touch the violin.
52. Do not make any derogatory comment about John's jumpers.
53. Do not give Sherlock cigarettes or any drugs. Just because he's old enough does not mean he should have them.
54. Do not get John drunk.
55. Do not ask Sherlock about the skull and crossbones painted on his bag or the picture of the dog in his potions text. It's really none of your business.
56. Yes, Sherlock will know all about your life in an instant. Do not get affronted by it, he can't help it.
57. Be sure that any and all injuries are actually real and not stage makeup before going to find John. If John is there and not panicking, all injuries are most likely makeup.
58. Do not touch Sherlock's things. Most of them are covered in curses and foul potions to deter bullies.
a. Same thing with John's
59. Professor Sprout knows that Sherlock and John are often in our common room. You do not have to keep it a secret.
a. You should keep the scorch marks behind the unicorn plant a secret, though.
60. Do not make any passing remarks about how either of them look after the summer hols.
61. Do not get into a prank war with them unless you are willing to face the consequences.
a. They are friends with the Weasley twins
62. Do not enter any sort of bet with Sherlock unless you are ready to lose.
a. This is a good excuse to give them things if you're looking for one.
a. John never loses either
63. Any remarks on blood status are not appreciated and the offender will be removed from the common room immediately.
a. If they are a Hufflepuff, they will face disciplinary action from the entire house.