AN: Multi-chapter crack fic as requested by my friend. Prompt: Masrur is asexual and just wants to sleep but various different characters keep preventing that by having sex with him. Will eventually cross dimensions. Updates will be sporatic. Rated M for safety.
Warning: dubious consent (thanks to the guest who mentioned it; I knew I was forgetting something)
It happened every time Sinbad returned from a diplomatic mission: Ja'far would stomp down the corridor to greet him, and they would get into a fight about the stupid decisions the king made this time. Masrur had learned long ago that it was best to avoid the king's private quarters for the next few hours after this happened. If the yelling didn't drive him nuts, the loud lovemaking following it certainly would.
Since the disaster in Balbadd, the fights got worse. Sinbad would leave randomly to go "continue negotiations with Kou" – they all knew he was trying to find a weakness before the inevitable war – and take a different set of generals with him each time. He just never took Masrur or Ja'far, saying they needed to "stay and guard Sindria" instead. Masrur knew the fights between Sinbad and Ja'far wouldn't be so bad if the king would just take them with him, but did Sinbad ever listen to reason? Of course not. Instead he took Sharkkan and Pisti. (That one resulted in Ja'far giving Sinbad the silent treatment for nearly a week – a new record.)
And Masrur couldn't care less about their lover's spats. Really, he couldn't. But lately it had begun affecting him.
It all started three days into the record breaking silent treatment. Masrur had finished his evening meditation and was preparing for bed. After a long day of training – alone now that Morgiana had left with the others – he was looking forward to a good night's sleep. Just as the thought crossed his mind, there was a soft knock on the door.
He opened it to see an irritated looking Ja'far. Without a word, Masrur stepped back and let the white haired man in, hoping whatever he wanted wouldn't take long; as much as he liked and respected Ja'far, he was tired.
As soon as the door closed behind him, the former assassin started talking a mile a minute. "It's like he doesn't even think before he agrees to all these stupid 'treaties'! They're going to notice that he keeps coming back himself to change the contents instead of sending someone else! It's completely irresponsible…"
Masrur tuned him out, still standing next to the door despite how Ja'far was now pacing up and down making wild hand gestures. He stared longingly at his pillow, hoping against hope that all Ja'far needed was to vent his frustrations for a few minutes before he left him again in peace.
If only he could be so lucky.
"…And how could he let Pisti accept that little Kou bastard's proposal! We know they're all bad news, and that one is particularly insane…"
At this rate, he would be lucky if Ja'far left before sunrise. He was in all-out ranting mode, and Masrur knew from experience that it was almost impossible to bring him down from that. He half considered leaving to find Sinbad, but the way the other general was playing with his knives wasn't promising.
"…Don't even get me started on Sharkkan's behavior! I received a damn message from Princess Kougyoku about how he got into a fight with "our cute little Judal" and almost destroyed half the damn palace. How Sin expects to pay that back is beyond me…"
This was starting to get ridiculous. Even Masrur's inhuman patience had a limit, and Ja'far and Sinbad's constant fighting was testing it.
"…Of course he expects me to do everything. He always expects me to do everything! What do I look like? Do I look like a magi to you? Because I'm fairly sure even magi's can't pull money out of their asses –"
Masrur slammed his hand over Ja'far's mouth as the other man's pacing reached him again. The shock of it was enough to shut him up.
"Enough." He glared at Ja'far and felt the other's mouth slam shut before removing his hand.
Ja'far had the decency to look embarrassed. "Sorry."
How Sinbad calmed him down was a mystery.
"I haven't ever avoided Sin this long before," Ja'far remarked to the floor. "It's…it's weird." A light blush graced his cheeks, and Masrur put two and two together. He didn't need a sex drive to know what Ja'far meant.
They stood there silently while Masrur had an internal battle. He did care about Ja'far – the man was probably what Aladdin would call his "best friend" – but he didn't care about Ja'far. And his friendship with the other only went so far. But if it meant the man would leave him alone afterward, then it would be worth it. Right?
"If we do it, will you let me sleep?"
"HAH?!" Ja'far stared at him as if he couldn't believe what he'd just heard.
"I'm tired." Masrur said as if it explained everything. Which it did; Ja'far knew what all of Masrur's different expressions meant.
Seeing that the other was going through his own internal conflict involving the situation, Masrur moved toward his bed, stripping off his clothes as he went. (He slept naked anyway.) He collapsed face first onto his pillow, slowing his breathing and ignoring the other man still standing in the corner. Ja'far could take the offer or leave it; he really didn't care at this point.
As long as he could sleep, that is.
A slight dip in the mattress announced the result. "Are you sure?" Ja'far still sounded conflicted.
Masrur just grunted in response; it wasn't his job to make decisions. Either Ja'far would do it or not.
He felt a cold hand on his inner thigh and sighed internally. Hopefully this wouldn't take long. Masrur heard fabric rustling before feeling cold liquid land on his lower back. He turned his head around and saw Ja'far pouring something onto his hands from a small bottle. He closed his eyes again, not surprised that the other carried lube with him.
The good thing about Ja'far was how gentle he was. It was clear the other man was trying to make it as painless for Masrur as possible, and the redhead found himself falling asleep to a peaceful massage. There was a point in time the assassin seemed to think he should try to make it enjoyable for Masrur as well, and he had to turn around and glare at the other until he removed his hand from under the Fanalis' body.
Despite the strange sensation of something thrusting into him, Masrur drifted off again. He was almost completely asleep when a half scream of "Sin!" woke him back up. He ripped the pillow out from underneath himself and threw it over his head, trying to block out the sounds. But of course luck wasn't working in his favor. The screams increased in volume, and came at random intervals. All he wanted was sleep.
The assassin's weight disappeared from his body suddenly, but the grunting and panting didn't stop for another minute. With one final cry, Ja'far collapsed, jolting Masrur as he fell beside him. Masrur relaxed once more as the other's breathing calmed down slowly, and he realized it was finally over. They lay in silence for a few more minutes, and darkness began to claim Masrur once more. Fabric rustled faintly, and the bed dipped once more. Masrur heard a soft whisper of thanks before the door clicked softly. He sighed in relief as he fell asleep; it was unpleasant, but at least he would never have to do it again.
How very wrong he was.