Dear Mama,

It's been four weeks...four weeks since Natsu and Lisanna confessed their feelings for each other and my world has managed to somehow get turned completely upside down. Some part of me knew this was coming I'm not blind I saw the signs just like everyone else. I saw the heated looks and the hugs that lasted just a little too long. I saw the way she would watch him when we left one a mission together and the way he would light up when she walked into a room. We all knew this was coming I just didn't think it would affect me the way that it did.

I had always told myself that Natsu and I were "just friends" and that's all that we ever would be. I never thought of a relationship with him. (Ok...maybe that one time...but it was totally Mira's fault for putting the crazy idea into my head in the first place) I just never looked at Natsu and thought to myself "Now there is a guy who is grade A boyfriend material I should get with it" he was always...just...Natsu. He was loud and destructive and a total pest always breaking into my house eating all my food and sleeping in my bed. However that was then and now..I don't know what changed but something did and now I don't know what I feel

I know I should be happy for Natsu he's with his childhood sweetheart those two overcame some amazing odds to be together and I'm happy he's happy I really am...just why can't it be with me? I know it sounds cliche but I didn't know what I had until it was gone. I took our relationship for granted and I realized that the day I came home to an empty house and a fridge full of food. I miss him. I miss him in ways I never thought I would. I miss the looks that were just for me, I miss coming home to find him in my bed, and I miss it just being the two of us and happy. We were like a little family.

I wish I could say that Lisanna was terrible and she didn't deserve him. I want to be angry with her for taking him away from me. I want to hate her for having the man I never realized I wanted, but I can't. Lisanna is...in a word...amazing. The two of them are beautiful together it's like they each found their other half they complete each other. Seeing them together, no matter how much it hurts me makes me happy, because I know that she belongs with him and not me.

Lisanna has been so understanding of mine and Natsu's friendship I feel guilty for even thinking of wanting to hate her. She's never jealous when Natsu and I go on "Team Natsu" missions, and she has never once tried to replace me to make Natsu choose between the two of us. She's tagged along with us on our last few missions and she fits right in with everyone perfectly. She's strong and smart, a great asset to the team and it's nice to have some one to have "girl talk" with when Erza isn't around. I can't hate or be angry at her mom no matter how much I wish I could; she's been such a wonderful friend to me and I don't want my regrets over my relationship with Natsu to come between us.

I guess I'm just having trouble with letting go of what could have been between me and Natsu. If I had been the one to walk up to him after a mission and kiss him square on the lips and told him I was in love with him would he have looked at me the same way he did Lisanna? Would he have felt the same way about me or would he still be pining for her? It's like the second she told him she loved him...I wanted to scream that he was MINE that she couldn't take him away from me. I realized in that moment that not only did I love him, but that I could never have him. The way he looked at her, no man has ever looked at me that way.

I wanted to run home, shut myself in my room, and cry for days but then he looked at me and he was so happy I couldn't ruin that moment for him. The guild was so happy those to finally confessed their love that they threw a party the next day. I went of course Natsu is still my best friend, but every time someone would congratulate them or tell them it was "about time they hooked up" it was like my heart broke all over again. I smiled and drank with the rest of the guild I tried to pretend I was as happy for the love birds as they were and I had everyone convinced...well almost everyone.

I should have known that I couldn't fool Erza or Mira. They waited for me to break away from the crowd and go to the bar alone Erza didn't say anything she just exquiped and pulled me into an almost crushing hug. Mira brought me another drink and promised me that there was someone out there for me too and she "wouldn't rest until she found him". I spent the rest of the night at the bar laughing as Mira went through every man in the guild trying to decide who I would "make the most beautiful babies with". She seemed genuinely upset when I shot down the idea of blue haired brown-eyed babies with Bickslow stating they would have been gorgeous.

Erza walked me home that night not saying a single word until we got to my house. Once she came in she changed into her pajamas sat on my bed and just held out her arms for me and I broke down. I sat on my bed with her for what felt like hours and just cried as she held me telling me that everything would be alright. And you know what mom? She's right everything will be ok because I have all of my friends at Fairy Tail and they will always be there for me. I have a mission with all of Team Natsu tomorrow and Lisanna is tagging along, so wish me luck and tell Dad I love him.

Love Always,

Lucy

Lucy leaned back in her desk chair stretching and rubbing her eyes. "Ugh when did it get so late" she mumbled to herself as she sealed the letter to her mom and put it with the rest. Getting up she made her way to the bathroom to take a quick shower and change into her night-clothes so she could at least get some sleep before the mission tomorrow. "I really hope Natsu and Erza can keep the destruction to a minimum this time I really need this money for my rent" she thought as she closed her eyes and let sleep over take her. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

Thank you for reading! This is my first Fanfiction so if something seems off I'm open to any suggestions to help improve things. Also I'm sorry if things seem slow I promise they'll be picking up really soon I just wanted to use this first chapter to kind of set the mood for the story.