Hello, boys and girls. I want to tell a story.

It's been a while since I've written a Bleach story, probably about six years. Add to the fact that I haven't even written a fic about my favorite Bleach ship and you've got a long overdue fic.

This particular fic is inspired both by my own experience and one of my good friend's, BonneyQ, fic. And that's all I'll say on the subject.

And now, our feature presentation.

No Man's Land

When one thinks of a word that describes Kurosaki Ichigo, cowardice doesn't readily come to mind. After all, in his short life, he has come face to face with monsters known as Hollows, fought powerful Shinigami lieutenants and captains, taken down Arrancars and Espadas and defeated men who were considered gods. This substitute Shinigami can didn't back down from any challenge.

So why was it that Ichigo was having a hard time with this one? Why were his palms getting sweaty? Why was his eyes flitting about, trying to see whether or not someone was watching? Why were his feet stuck in place? And most importantly, why was there a pink tinge on his face? Perhaps it was because he was about to enter a realm he wished he could avoid. No man's land!

I suppose this needs a bit more context.

It is mid-winter and school was out on winter break. Ichigo had planned on enjoying the break. His life was finally starting to slow down. There were no threats to Karakura Town or the Soul Society, save for the occasional Hollow (which was normally handled by the representative for his town). He caught up with all of his work that he couldn't do while he was saving the world. He reconnected with his school friends and was planning on going to see the latest Bad Shield movie next week. His boss had just given him a pay raise, which meant more money in his pocket. In fact, the only thing he was worried about was which colleges he wanted to apply to and what did he want to do with his life.

Ichigo was working on the last of his homework in his room. It was math, not his best subject. But he was working through it when his cell phone rang. It wasn't his normal ring tone, which he put for people he didn't want to talk to. No, his phone was playing the theme to the X-Files. Ichigo smirked. His girlfriend was calling him. Oh, did I mention that he has a girlfriend? That's kinda important. He pushed the talk button almost immediately.

"Hello, Orihime." Ichigo said with mirth in his voice.

Surprised? Well, Ichigo was too when Orihime confessed to him. And now they have been together for a year. Sure they've had their ups and downs just like any couple, but they love each other. What more do you need?

"Hello." Orihime answered weakly.

Ichigo's brow furrowed when he heard his girlfriend's voice. "Are you alright?" He asked, concern crept in his voice.

"I'm fine." She answered in a raspy voice. "I just need some help on the homework."

Even Ichigo could tell over the phone that she was sick. "Stay right there." He commanded. "I'll be right over."

"No, you don't..." She said before Ichigo quickly hung up the phone. It may have been rude but the substitute Shinigami knew that she would protest him coming over. This way, she didn't get the chance to talk him out of it.

Ichigo put on a pair of jeans, a light coat and his sneakers. Then he walked out of the room and down the stairs. Because he was concerned about his girlfriend, the orange haired reaper forgot about...

"IIICCCHHHIIIGOOOO!" A loud Tarzan-like voice yelled out.

Ichigo got clocked in the head by his father's roundhouse kick.

"Masaki!" Isshin wailed dramatically in front of the poster of his wife. "I have failed as a father. How could he not see my Tarzan Roundhouse Kick? I even slowed it down to a snail's pace for the boy."

Ichigo growled at his father and attacked him. "Leave me alone!" He yelled. "I've got to see Orihime."

Isshin's lips cracked into a cartoonish smile. "Ahh, the lovely Orihime-chan." He laughed. "My son, I know you are itching to make love to such a beautiful woman, but if you do, you must use condoms. You two aren't ready to have kids yet."

Ichigo's ears turned dark red. His father was always making some crack about having sex with Orihime ever since he formally introduced her as his girlfriend. (For the record, they only did it twice and it was no one's business but theirs.)

"Shut up, dammit!" He yelled, his ears red. "She's not feeling well and I'm going to see what's going on."

Isshin laughed in an annoyingly dramatic soap opera manner. "Ichigo, you have to come up with a better excuse than that." He chuckled.

Ichigo didn't dignify that with a response. Instead, he walked out the door.

"Ahh, young love." Isshin chuckled quietly.

Ichigo broke into a brisk jog. It was normally thirty minutes from his house to Orihime's apartment. At times, he wish he could use his Shinigami powers with his real body. Flash steps would be really useful right about now. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way.

It took him twenty minutes to arrive. The jog shaved about ten minutes from the time. When he reached the door, Ichigo dug in his pocket and took out his key ring. Shuffling through it, he found the key Orihime gave him when they first started dating (for emergencies only, of course).

He knocked on the door loudly. "Orihime." He called out. "It's Ichigo."

The orange haired reaper waited for a response but received none.

"I'm using the key." He yelled.

He put the key into the lock and turned it, opening the door. Ichigo let himself in and closed the door behind him. Taking off his sneakers, he walked from the entryway to the living room and found Orihime asleep on the couch with a blanket covering her.

Now normally, Ichigo would take the opportunity to admire her sleeping form. This wasn't one of those time. He went over to the couch and crouched. The substitute Shinigami put the back of his hand on her forehead to check her temperature. She felt a little warm but he couldn't really tell because he had just been outside. So he leaned in and placed his lips where his hand once was. This time, he could feel her burning up. Ichigo also saw that her breathing was shallow, she was sickly pale and she was sweating profusely.

Ichigo gently shook Orihime awake. "Hey Orihime." He whispered. "Wake up."

Orihime moaned sickly. She opened her eyes wearily and saw the face of her boyfriend.

"Kurosaki-kun." She said in a scratchy voice.

Ichigo couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips. "A year of dating and you still call me Kurosaki-kun?" He teased.

"Force of habit." She whispered.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Cold." She replied with a cough.

"You're sick." Ichigo told his girlfriend matter-of-factly.

"I think so." She answered in kind.

"Couldn't you heal yourself with your Shun Shun Rikka?" He asked, curious about it.

"It takes a lot of concentration to use Soten Kisshun." The healer explained. "I can hardly keep my eyes open to call them."

Ichigo got on his feet. "Gather some things." He said. "I'm taking you to the clinic."

Orihime shook her head. "I don't want to be an inconvenience to your father."

"Are you kidding?" He scoffed. "I think he likes you better than me."

Orihime laughed weakly. With a soft groan, she got up from her couch and shuffled to her room.

"Do you need any help?" Ichigo asked.

"I'm okay." She called back.

Ichigo pulled out his cell phone and called for a cab. A couple of minutes later, Orihime exited her room with a red duffel bag. The substitute Shinigami took the bag from her with little protest and took his girlfriend by the hand, leading her out of the apartment. Making sure to lock the door behind him, he walked with into the waiting taxi and the two of them were off to his house.

The cab dropped them off at the Kurosaki Clinic. Ichigo guided Orihime out of the cab and took her duffel bag. He paid the driver and closed the door of the vehicle. As the driver pulled away, Ichigo looked at his girlfriend. She looked like she was asleep on her feet so he picked her up bridal style and carried Orihime to the door. Fiddling with his keys, Ichigo opened the door to his home.

"Oi, old man." Ichigo yelled.

Immediately, Isshin, Yuzu and Karin ran over to the door. Isshin was in full-doctor mode, completely serious.

"Get her to the clinic." He commanded.

Ichigo nodded and took the side door to the clinic. He found an empty bed and laid her gently on it. Isshin came in soon after and started examining her.

"How was she when you found her, Ichigo?" The doctor asked, continuing to examine his son's girlfriend.

"She said she was cold." Ichigo explained. "Her forehead was burning, she was sweating and her voice was scratchy."

Isshin nodded as he checked Orihime's breathing and heartbeat.

"Well it doesn't look like anything serious so far." Isshin told him. "Probably a little bug. Some bed rest and fluids should do the trick but we'll keep her here overnight, just in case."

Ichigo agreed.

As the doctor was finishing up his exam, Orihime woke up.

"Hello, Kurosaki-san." She greeted wearily.

Isshin smiled. "Hello to you, Orihime-chan." He said in a friendly manner. "How are you feeling?"

"A little woozy." She admitted.

"How long have you been sick?" Isshin asked.

"Hmm, I wasn't feeling well yesterday." She told the doctor. "But I thought it was because I haven't had my peanut butter and barbeque omelet."

Ichigo and Isshin traded uncomfortable looks when she mentioned the food.

"Well, what you need is some nice hot soup and plenty of rest." Isshin recommended. "I'll have Yuzu make some for you."

Orihime shook her head. "I don't want to impose." She whispered.

"Nonsense." Isshin replied mirthfully. "Yuzu would be happy to make some for you. Besides, it's doctor's orders. And you can't go against doctor's orders. In the meantime, why don't you get some rest?"

"But I have so much homework to do." She protested weakly.

"It can wait, Orihime." Ichigo lightly chastised. "We still have a week and a half of break left. When you get better, we'll go through it together."

"And I have to go shopping for stuff around the house." Orihime continued.

Isshin held up a hand to stop her. "Why don't you write up a list and Ichigo can get it for you?" The doctor offered, patting Ichigo on the back roughly. "See, my son is perfect packmule material."

Ichigo glared at his father. "Oi!" He snapped.

"No, I couldn't." She said, shaking her head.

Ichigo gently interlocked his rough large hand with her slim smooth one. Orihime could only look up wide eyed at her boyfriend. He wasn't much for public displays of affections so for him to do this was pretty big. "It's no trouble, Orihime." He told her.

Orihime slowly nodded. "Okay. But I insist I pay." She quipped.

Ichigo snorted lightly. He knew his girlfriend could be just as stubborn as he was. So he decided to let her win this one. "Alright then. I'll get you a pen and paper."

The local convenience store around his block that Ichigo normally goes to for quick items was closed today due to family reasons. So he went to the supermarket ten blocks away. He grabbed a shopping cart and started his run.

The beginning of the list was pretty much straight forward. Milk, eggs, pasta, toothpaste, mouthwash. Pretty standard Then there was the middle of the list. Orihime asked him to get five jars of her favorite, red bean paste. He had to smile at that. Lucky for her, it was on sale this week. He got an extra three jars.

Then there was wasabi, peanut butter, kombu (edible seaweed), sudachi (a citrus fruit used for seasoning), bananas, olives. He could just imagine her putting all of it inside a sweet bread roll and eating it. Ichigo often wondered how it was she could eat as much as she did and have an amazing figure. (Her friend, Michiru, said that the food that Orihime eats goes straight to her breasts. Thinking about his girlfriend's breasts made the substitute Shinigami blush.)

Finally, Ichigo came to the end of the list. What he saw caused his eyes to bug out. He came to a sudden stop. The substitute Shinigami looked at the list again. There was no mistaking it. Orihime asked him to get her...those things.

Ichigo looked up and saw that his feet led him to the aisle where the products in question would be found.

And thus, we make our way back to the beginning of the story.

So what, my dear reader, was making Kurosaki Ichigo hesitate? What was so bad that this powerful Shinigami, veteran of two wars, stop in his tracks? The answer lies in what he was asked to get.

Tampons and cramps medication.

Oh yes! You read right. Tampons and cramps medication.

Being the son of a doctor, the older brother of twin teenaged girls, and the boyfriend of a very beautiful woman, Ichigo knew what these were and their purpose. Nevertheless, he couldn't help but blush. Even though he knew that this was part of growing up for a woman, it was just something he would rather not know about.

Ichigo took a deep, cleansing breath. Then another. Then another. And one more. Still, he couldn't move.

"Dammit." He cursed at himself. "Why is this so hard? It's just freakin' tampons."

With an angry stomp, Ichigo entered the feminine care aisle, AKA No Man's Land.

Ichigo looked at the list to see what specific brand he should get. He looked up at all of the different items: sanitary napkins, tampons, etc. They had tags like ultra-absorbent, fresh scent, super-max, odor absorber and so many more that they made his head spin. And now, it was looking like the names of the products were in a different language. If Orihime were here right now, she would suggest that the little blue men were behind the name changes.

"Why are there so many choices?" He griped, his face tomato-red. Ichigo had no idea exactly what he was looking for and he sure as hell wasn't going to ask anyone about it.

Ichigo willed himself to be calm. "Dammit, Ichigo. You're eighteen years old." He muttered to himself. "You've already seen women naked. This shouldn't be so difficult."

With one deep breath inhaled and exhaled, the orange haired teenager looked at the list to see the specific brand he should get. This time, when he looked up, he saw exactly what Orihime wanted. As he reached out to get it, Ichigo felt the need to look to the left and right of him, as if he needed to make sure no one he knew was watching him. Then he grabbed the tampons and cramps medication. And, for added measure, he put it on the bottom of his cart.

"Good, good." He sighed in relief. "Now to pay for these items."

Ichigo took his cart out of the aisle. He was home free until he spotted something in the deli aisle that sent shivers down his spine... or rather someone. Particularly five someones.

For some reason beyond him, Rukia and Renji were standing by the deli meat slicer, arguing while holding ham slices and asking the butcher for more. Toshirou was carrying several shoe boxes in his arms which was causing him to struggle just to stand up. Matsumoto and Hinamori were carrying bags from boutique shops and chatting happily. Whatever it was they were doing here, Ichigo didn't know and honestly didn't care.

"Okay, Ichigo." He muttered to himself. "Back away slowly. You don't know these people. They don't know you're here. You can still escape."

Ichigo tried to sneak away quietly. However, his cart decided that now would be the perfect time to squeak really loudly against the linoleum shopping floor. When that happened, the five Shinigami turned to the direction of the noise and saw one scowling orange haired teenager.

"Yo, Ichigo." Renji casually waved.

Ichigo sighed. No avoiding them now. Hopefully, they won't ask what was in his cart.

"What's in the cart?" Rukia asked.

Dammit.

"Stuff for the family." He answered simply. Then Ichigo realized that Rukia was stretching the ham slice. Curiosity got the better of him.

'What the hell are you doing with that?" Ichigo asked.

Rukia glared up at Ichigo. "How rude." She scoffed. "Renji and I saw this meat slicer. They don't have those in the Soul Society. So naturally, we asked the butcher to see how it works. He let us operate it."

"Then we compared who cut it thinner. And I got the thinnest slice." Renji chuckled proudly, holding his slice of ham above Rukia's head.

"Fool." She sneered in a rather unladylike manner. "My slice is thinner than yours."

Ichigo turned his head slightly, as if to digest the situation. They were arguing over deli meats.

"Fine." Rukia huffed. "Double or nothing on the cheese."

"You're on." Renji accepted. Then they went back to the slicer to continue their contest.

Ichigo gazed blankly at the two. Why he was friends with them he didn't know.

"Well as for me," Matsumoto offered. "I'm showing Hinamori all of the amazing stores in the human world."

The white haired captain grumbled something, probably about paperwork or stupid excursions to the human world, but it was muffled by all of the boxes.

"Rangiku-san was kind enough to show me around." Hinamori said in a respectful tone.

Matsumoto grabbed Hinamori and pressed her against her enormous breasts. She started sobbing melodramatically. "I am so glad that you consider me a friend, Hinamori." She cried.

The fifth division lieutenant struggled against Matsumoto's iron grip and her girls. "Can't breathe." Hinamori gasped.

The well-endowed woman released her friend and set her eyes on Ichigo. She released Hinamori, who slumped to the floor gasping for air. She grinned. The substitute Shinigami felt a shiver go up his spine. He felt like she was a lion and he was the prey.

"So how's Orihime-chan?" Matsumoto's words dripped like honey. "Have you been taking good care of her?"

Something about the way Matsumoto said that made Ichigo's face heat up. "Of course I have." He said without a hint of stutter.

"Good." She smiled. Then the tenth division lieutenant put on her most scary face, unnerving the substitute Shinigami. "Because if I hear that you are treating her badly, I will make sure to show you Haineko's special ability up close and personal."

Ichigo gulped.

"See, Haineko's ability is that it turns into ash." She explained. "And that ash goes anywhere I want it to go. So imagine your eyes being blinded by it, your lungs inhaling it, hell, I'll even put it in every open orifice you have. Think on that."

Ichigo turned so white, he could have been mistaken for his hollow.

"I told you, I'm not going to do anything to hurt her." He repeated.

Matsumoto's sunny demeanor changed. "That's great." She said cheerfully.

Ichigo nearly fell over at the quick turnabout.

"So what brings you here?" The lieutenant asked.

"Getting some stuff for Orihime." He said, recovering from the shock. "She's not feeling well so she asked me to do some shopping for her."

Matsumoto grinned lecherously. "Well, aren't you the good boyfriend." She intimated. "Trying to score some brownie points with her?" She nudged his ribs with her elbow.

"N-n-no." Ichigo stammered, blushing at the implication.

"So what's in the cart?" She asked, reaching her hand inside Ichigo's shopping cart.

Instinctively, Ichigo jerked the cart away from her hand. Then he cursed himself. By doing that, the substitute Shinigami made it seem like he had something to hide which made her all the more curious.

"You've got something naughty in there." She leered.

"NO!" Ichigo shouted adamantly.

"You do." She sang. "Let me see."

Ichigo had to play keep away to stop the woman from looking inside. Knowing Matsumoto Rangiku as he did, she would be persistent in trying to figure out what was in the cart. If she saw the feminine products, his life and image as he knew it would be over. Ichigo would never hear the end of it.

He had to act fast.

"I see that you've been to a bunch of shops, Rangiku-san." He yelled out.

The lieutenant stopped what she was doing. "Yeah. What of it?" She asked.

"Have you been to the boutique on 21st and Main?" Ichigo asked, praying that his ruse would work.

"No, why?" Now she was curious.

"Well, there's a sale on dresses there." He lied. "40 percent off on everything on top of whatever other sales they have. But I think they close in an hour."

Matsumoto's eyes sparkled. She turned to Hinamori, who was almost recovered from her unintended suffocation.

"Hinamori, did you hear that?" Matsumoto squealed in delight, grabbing the smaller girl's wrist. "We have to go there now."

Matsumoto dragged a barely conscious Hinamori out of the store. Hitsugaya followed slowly behind with the boxes in his arms, saying something to the effect of "I will kill you slowly and painfully". However, his words were muffled by the boxes. Rukia and Renji followed after, still comparing the thinness of their deli meats.

Ichigo sighed. He really has some very weird people in his life. In any case, they didn't find out what was in his cart. And he was almost home free.

Ichigo finally reach the checkout line. He put all of the items on the conveyor belt and sighed in relief. He has reached the last step.

There was a girl working the register, probably about the same age as him. She smiled at him. He nodded back, hardly paying her any mind. He just wanted to be finished with all of this.

The beep of the items being scanned produced an even rhythm that allowed Ichigo's mind to wander. This was a nice change of pace from worrying about the secret war between Shinigami, Hollow, and Quincy for the fate of humanity, even if it was embarrassing. He could just be a regular teenager, deal with teenage problems, experiencing teenage love instead of going out on the battlefield and expected to carry the world on his shoulder.

A buzzer sound broke Ichigo's mental reverie. He looked up at the cashier. Apparently, one of the items didn't scan properly. To his chagrin, it was the tampons. The cashier looked confused and repeatedly tried scanning the item. She tried pulling on the packaging to allow the bar code to be scanned properly. She put in the UPC manually on the register. No good. Nothing was working. Ichigo watched as she leaned towards the microphone to the PA system.

She wouldn't...

"I need a price check on register three on some odor-absorbing, full-size, super-plus tampons." She spoke into the intercom.

Ichigo froze. She did it. She actually did it. She announced what he was buying to the whole store. Now it felt like everyone was staring at him. It felt like everyone was silently judging him. He turned around and glared at everyone who was staring, which was kinda hard to do considering that his face felt like it was in permanent blush mode.

The cashier repeated her request for a price check on the intercom for everyone to hear.

Finally, a manager came and gave her a price for the item in question, allowing Ichigo to take whatever was left of his shredded dignity and exit the store. He was already resolved in never coming back again.

The entire trip took him about an hour and a half: the trip to the store, then going to Orihime's place, depositing all but the tampons and the cramps medication in her apartment and then heading home. When he walked through the door, he half-expected his father to attack him but thankfully all was quiet on that front. Ichigo took the door leading to the clinic where he saw his father on the phone with one of his patients. Isshin saw his son's return and wordlessly told him that he could go see his girlfriend.

Ichigo walked into the clinic and saw Orihime watching her favorite television program while eating a bowl of Yuzu's soup. She noticed her boyfriend's reiatsu and turned to him. She smiled.

"Welcome back." She said. Her voice wasn't as sickly it was before. Though she still wasn't 100 percent. She was still doing better than when he left her.

"Yeah I'm back." He replied. "I finished your shopping and left the food in your apartment."

Orihime cracked a small smile. "Thank you, Ichigo-kun." She said in gratitude.

"Yeah, no problem." He answered, scratching the back of his head. "Oh yeah, I got your...other stuff... on your list." Ichigo mumbled and handed her the bag.

Orihime cocked her head in confusion. "What other stuff?" She asked as she grabbed the back.

When she looked, the healer noticed tampons and cramps medication. Her face scrunched up in bewilderment. "I asked you to get this?"

Ichigo, himself, was confused. "Yeah. It's on the list." He said, handing the list over to his girlfriend.

Orihime looked over the list and saw that it was on the list. "That's weird." She said. "I actually have some in my apartment. I didn't need any."

"WHAT?" He yelled.

Orihime laughed in embarrassment. "I must have been really out of it to write it. I got these the other day." She admitted.

Ichigo's face twitched. So he endured all that... all the embarrassment... the humiliation... for nothing?

"Even so, thank you." Orihime smiled.

At once, Ichigo was still. He did not expect her to say that.

"It must have been embarrassing for you to get these for me." She said in a soft voice. "I remember the first time I got these. I felt like everyone was watching me, judging me. I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. I'm sure it must have been doubly embarrassing for you because you are a guy."

Ichigo nodded.

"It makes me happy that you got me these despite your embarrassment." Orihime smiled at him, a beatific smile that lit up her entire face. It was a smile that was reserved only for him and he loved every second of it. "When I get better, I'll make it up to you."

Ichigo chuckled huskily and walked over to Orihime. He gently put his hand on her cheek, rubbing the cheekbone with his thumb. "You can make it up to me now." He whispered to her and leaned in, kissing her lips gently. The substitute Shinigami was cognizant of the fact that she wasn't well but it didn't matter. He just had to kiss her.

And just as quickly as it began, Ichigo pulled away. Orihime looked a little disappointed.

"Relax, Orihime." He said with a smirk. "That way, you'll get better faster."

Orihime slipped under the covers of the clinic bed and mock-saluted him. "Yes sir, Doctor Kurosaki sir." She addressed him in a half serious tone as she returned to watching her program.

Ichigo snorted. He took the seat besides her bed and watched the program with Orihime.

A rare smile crept along his face. The orange haired teen couldn't help it. Ever since he started dating her, he's been smiling more often, mostly because of her. Day by day, Inoue Orihime was getting a bigger place in his heart. He loved her and loved every minute with her. For her, Ichigo would do anything, even if meant another trip into No Man's Land.

And that's the end of the story.

You'll have to forgive me. I have no idea where the whole deli meat thing came from, probably in the insanity that is my brain.

If you don't know, I am a guy. Like Ichigo, I know what tampons do but I would rather not even think about it. And yes, like Ichigo, I feel embarrassed when my girlfriend asks me to get them. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. Thankfully, I have yet to have someone I know see me buying them.

In any case, liked this story? Hated it? Have no opinion one way or the other? Leave me a review. I'd love to hear from you.

Until next time,

A. Angel