Hey, everybody. To all my loyal readers of Hyperdimension Neptunia is Real!, don't fret; I'm just taking a bit of a break. I thought I'd write something new just to break up the monotony a bit and I couldn't help but think of this two-shot complete with epilogue. Granted, most of it's taken from the events of Hyperdimension Neptunia mk2 but since when has that stopped anyone before? Going over established canon and putting my own spin on it is kind of my thing.

Anyway, I've been dilly-dallying. Here is the first of two chapters of Not Invited. It will be pretty much inconsequential but I was bored.

Planeptune's Basilicom somehow managed to be both very busy and not very busy at all. "Not very busy" in how there were few people in a frenzy. "Very busy" in how the one person that was pushed themselves into overdrive to tackle the monolithic workload that had spread all over her schedule and free time like moss thanks to a certain purple-haired goddess not lifting a single button-mashing finger to do any of it herself. Oh, how Histoire was just about ready to pummel Neptune despite the girl being at least three times larger than she was. She was just about ready to take all of the papers and bury Neptune underneath all of it and then...

But Histoire had to collect herself. Dwelling on such thoughts was not healthy for her. Sadly, she did not have a stress ball small enough for her so she had to settle for breathing in and out. The idea of taking up yoga sounded so... right with the Oracle. However, there was so much work to be done and she had no time for such activities. She needed to clear everything here! And there! And, if that wasn't bad enough, occupying the same list of Things Histoire Direly Needs To Do Now was—

The Basilicom doors opened. Histoire, desperate for some sort of distraction from her turmoil, turned to see who had entered the holy building. As it turned out, it was the four CPU Candidates: Nepgear, the more responsible little sister of Neptune; Uni, who is almost as tsundere as her big sister, Noire; and the Lowee twins Ram and Rom, respectively the outgoing and shy sisters of Blanc.

"Oh, Nepgear! You could not have arrived at a better time!" Histoire panted as she flew towards Nepgear and her party.

"Histoire? Why are you rushing around?" asked Nepgear.

"There has been an emergency. I... don't know if it's appropriate to ask for assistance..."

"If it has to do with work, please don't hesitate," Nepgear assured with a smile. Oh, bless her purple heart (tee hee hee)! No way in any development hell would Neptune say something like that.

"I don't have anything better to do," said Uni. "I'll help out, too. Besides, I'm not convinced Nepgear can handle it on her own." Histoire doesn't really know why Uni's abrasive attitude qualifies her as Nepgear's highly implied One True Love Interest but, then again, friendships in Gamindustri manage to hold strong when they really shouldn't so she's stopped voicing her questions of the matter.

"Hey, yeah, I wanna help, too!" Ram shouted excitedly.

"Me, too," Rom volunteered shyly, completely opposite to her pink-clad sibling.

Four willing helpers! Histoire was beginning to think she had died! It wouldn't surprise her, given all the work she was forced to do for Neptune while the CPU was too selfishly preoccupied with her video games like she was just an ordinary girl doing ordinary things instead of a goddess doing goddess things like she damn well should but instead forced onto her Oracle to do even though it was her job in the first place to handle most of the nonsense she was... Calm thoughts, calm thoughts, think of rolling waves... Ah, that's better. Histoire was close to exploding from anger right then (and dying for real).

"Thank you, everyone," Histoire said as a calm and collected individual who was not suffering from anger issues as the result of a negligent manager. "The current crisis involves the sudden appearance of octopuses." One might be tempted to correct Histoire and tell her she had meant to say 'octopi'. However, the word actually came about in the 1700s but then there was a push to make words more Latin so the word 'octopi' actually came after 'octopuses' but then some people figured out 'octopus' was actually Greek and came up with 'octopodes'. Not that this actually matters to anyone, not to people who can't even properly capitalised words in a fanfiction review or to the people of Gamindustri who didn't have Earth's history and were allowed to say whatever they darn well pleased.

"How many octopuses?" asked Nepgear.

"I do not know the particulars but reports indicate numerous octopuses are raining from the sky."

"That makes even less sense," Uni responded as if everyone else wasn't thinking that already.

Ram crossed her arms and smirked. "It doesn't matter how hard it rains octopuses. I'll burn them all up with my awesome magic." It was a rather odd thing to boast since all of Ram's best magic was of the ice element while her fire attacks, if she had any, were strictly limited to her lame combos. Perhaps she was saying she'd give them all cold burns?

Histoire was not the kind of person to worry over such details like that, however, so she continued. "The location where this octopus storm is centred is a place reserved as a natural sanctuary. It is banned to bring weapons into this area, let alone use magic."

Ram stopped smirking and Uni stopped looking so aloof for once. Nepgear and Rom were also concerned. "How are we supposed to get rid of them?" asked Planeptune's CPU Candidate.

"Carry them?" guessed Rom, twiddling her fingers.

"I fear that is the only solution." Apparently, taking a helicopter up into the sky to investigate why the octopuses/octopi/octopodes were falling was out of the question. "There is one other restriction." And here came the part Histoire did not want to mention. It was a stupid restriction and whoever thought it up should be slapped upside the head by Neptune... that is, if it wasn't Neptune who came up with the restriction in the first place. Frankly, that wouldn't surprise Histoire. "As I mentioned, this area is a protected zone to preserve the ecosystem there. You must purify yourselves first."

"A swarm of octopuses are raining on the area already. Why're they so concerned with protecting the environment there?" Now that was a sensible question on Uni's part. Good girl.

"Due to the strict nature of this task," began Histoire with an awkward smile, having sloppily dodged the question, "I was uncertain who to designate for it. However, I believe you all can do this. Please bring them back here, if possible. Thank you." It seems that Planeptune does not even have an army of faceless NPCs anymore to deal with problems like this. Talk about understaffed. Histoire should probably work on hiring more people. But first, she had paperwork to deal with. Back to her workspace she went.

Nepgear turned to her friends with an excited smile. "Great, we're going octopus hunting today!"

Uni was not excited. Instead, she looked very sceptical. "Did we accept this job a bit premature?" She probably meant 'prematurely' but I think she's only twelve and we all made all sorts of mistakes at that age. And every age succeeding that one. "I'm getting a bad feeling about it."

Perhaps her bad feeling was because, around the corner, a sinister dark shape was listening to their every word...

The Gamindustri Graveyard was the most horrific place in Gamindustri. Rusted and worn oversized gaming technology protruded from heaps of dark rubble on this landmass, perpetually overlooked by a menacing sky of black and blood red clouds. Actually, that was pretty much all there was to it. It's important to understand that, even if it's the most horrific place in Gamindustri, it's still only in Gamindustri.

What made everyone stay clear of the Gamindustri Graveyard apart from lacking many facilities, being ages away from the nearest settlement where one might be able to buy goods, being general inhospitable overall and being mostly inaccessible due to it floating in the air above the middle of Gamindustri for some reason, was that it was home to ASIC. The Arfoire Syndicate of International Crime was a malicious organisation that terrorised Gamindustri with piracy and game mods (they were big deals over there) using all the might of their mere six members. One mascot, one grunt and four leaders were all that formed ASIC, which might explain why they didn't have a lot more presence in the landmasses and only dispatched one member for a job at a time.

So the grunt and two of the heads — Linda, CFW Magic and CFW Brave— were preoccupying themselves by playing on a portable game console, reading a book and just standing against a wall with his arms crossed respectively. Linda, the gray-skinned deviant wearing a rat-styled hoodie and baggy pants, was essentially growling at her game console as she pressed buttons and moved sticks with more force than necessary. CFW Magic, the purple-skinned de facto leader of ASIC who was wearing essentially just a black microkini and an eyepatch, turned to the next page of her book before chuckling. CFW Brave was just minding his own business. You'd think a three-metre tall robot coloured in red, white and blue with shoulder cannons, airplane wings and a lion's face on his chest would have plenty to do but no. His hands were too big for gaming or reading, after all, and CFW Judge was too busy being dead to spar with him.

"DAMN IT!" yelled Linda as she jumped up in the air and threw at the ground her console worth tens of thousands of credits, where it shattered into dozens of diminutive yellow pieces.

Magic looked up from her book at her subordinate. "Did you die again?"

"No! I was about to win! Then the battery crapped out on me!" Linda's fists were clenched so tightly and shaking so quickly that she probably could've crushed a lemon in her grip.

"Oh dear. I am sorry to hear that." Magic was used to Linda getting frustrated and lashing out but it didn't stop her from expressing concern. "If only Pirachu hadn't run off on us. Where is he, anyway?"

"Hell if I know..." grumbled Linda as she sulked away to the nearest rock pile and slumped down next to it. It wasn't commonly known but Pirachu had the ability to generate electricity from his body. As the Graveyard was bereft of any power outlets and the oversized gaming instruments were completely out of juice, Linda would often use Pirachu without his consent as a power source. "I swear, when that rat gets back here, I'm gonna choke him by his own tail."

"CFW Magic, ma'am!" squeakily called the devil as he ran towards the pair as fast as his stubby little feet could carry him. As Linda said, he was a rat. As Linda didn't say, he was a huge rat. A huge grey bipedal red-eyed rat standing at over a metre tall with an oversized head and a zig-zagging tail ending in a black heart that had a red zig-zagging line in the middle of it like a broken heart. This strange monstrosity hurried over to Magic before bending at his knees, panting to get his breath back.

"There you are!" Linda stood up and pointed her jagged iron pipe at Pirachu. "My game lost power and I lost all my progress! Where were you?!"

"Ah, shut it! Why should I care about your stupid game?" Pirachu then glanced over at the sharp remains of Linda's handheld. "And why'd you break all of it if power was your only issue? Man, you're an idiot."

"I'm an idiot? Who's crushing on a stupid bimbo that sounds like a rotted rubber duck?"

"You take that back! My dear sweet Compa's voice is absolutely divi—"

"Ahem."

Magic clearing her throat had the same effect on Pirachu and Linda's hostilities as a cannonball did on a house of corn chips. The now terrified mascot and grunt shakily looked towards their leader with the wide and fearful eyes of deer with broken legs. Magic flatly looked at them with all the mild disapproval of a parent having to tell their child to take their shoes off inside. Dog-earing her current page, she closed her book and set it down before walking over towards Pirachu. The poor rat only shook more and more with every step she took. "Where did you go?" she asked.

"P-P-P-P... P-P-P... P..." the rat stuttered.

"Spit it out."

Pirachu yelped. "Yes ma'am! I was at Planeptune's Basilicom! I was eavesdropping! I know where the Candidates will be! They will be without their weapons and no one else will be around! Please don't stew me and feed me to an ogre!"

CFW Brave glanced at the mascot. Well, he might have, anyway. It's rather hard to tell such a thing if the glancing eyes were the immobile optics of a giant robot.

"Wait, what'd you just say?" Linda asked, suddenly very interested. "You know where the tramps'll be?"

"Earlier today, Planeptune's Oracle told the four Candidates to go to some place for a job. They're not allowed to bring weapons or use magic there so they're completely defenceless."

"This is great!" For the first time today, and most likely the only time today, Linda was cheering. "We can smash them in one fell swoop! Let me go get 'em, ma'am! They won't even see me coming!"

CFW Magic was not so easily riled by the prospects of low-hanging fruit. Instead of jumping right for it, she pondered the opportunity. "It sounds like a pleasant chance for us but it seems too good to be true... Tell us, Pirachu, where are they?"

The bipedal rodent shrugged its stubby little arms. "Nowhere special. Just some natural sanctuary. They're going to take care of some octopuses that are falling in the area or whatever."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" bellowed the loudest voice of ASIC, shocking Pirachu, Linda and even CFW Magic as the voice's owner shot around the corner like a Haunted Mansion ride prop at an amusement park. One of the Four Felons alongside CFW Magic, CFW Brave and the not-even-slightly-missed CFW Judge, Trick was certainly unique amongst them. Instead of looking the part of a fearsome felon, Trick was an obese yellow robo-dinosaur that looked more like a teddy t-rex made of metal than anything else, complete with an extremely long red tongue hanging out through his jaw of red diamond teeth like the world's fattest red curtain.

"How do we not hear you coming?" asked Linda.

"Did you just say my dearly beloved nubile maidens are going to be around octopuses?!" Trick demanded as he stormed right up to Linda.

"Yeah, I did." Linda was not fazed as she found herself looking upward to meet Trick's gaze. He was one of the Four Felons so he was an extremely dangerous combatant that could knock Linda around before she could even crack at how he was a robot nonsensically designed to be fat. However, taking into account his tongue being at such a length that he shouldn't be able to speak, his high-pitched yet deep voice akin to a hive of drunk bees in a pot and the fact that he moved by bouncing around on his backside due to his legs being too short to support his bulk, it was hard to take him seriously.

"Oh no, this is a disaster!" Trick bum-shuffled over to the nearest wall and cried against it. "My lovely pure angels... How could anyone let them suffer at the malefic hands of... of... those things?!"

"What on Gamindustri are you going on about?" Magic asked.

"Don't you get it?!" Now Trick was mad. This was a very rare occasion, since Trick was about as smart as... well, a teddy t-rex. The only things on his mind were 'little girls', 'more little girls', 'knitting for little girls' and 'this game is too hard'. No one quite knows what that last one has to do with others and it's been a matter of several debates that have, unfortunately, never gotten anywhere. "Octopuses are evil, disgusting, slimy, ugly, round, stupid, perverted little monstrosities! No maiden should ever be around one!"

"You should get one as a pet," Pirachu remarked.

"The tentacles... oh, the tentacles!" Now Trick was sobbing again. "Slicked with the ocean water, they wrap their tendrils around the exposed skin of their prey as a nurse wraps a bandage but with their suction caps, sticking to the skin like blu-tac kisses that leave blue hickeys that poison both the skin and the beauty it holds together! And that is but one way those demons below violate the fountains of youth that glide around our world, untainted by these perversions as they should be!"

"Have you been reading my books?" CFW Magic inspected her novel for slobber.

The fat robot shoot his fist at the sky. "I cannot idly sit back while knowing my delicious little muffins are to be infected! I, CFW Trick, must protect them at all costs!"

Not even Histoire, the tome whose pages contained all information there was of the world, could have predicted the following event. The members of ASIC, who actually knew Trick personally, would never have expected that which was to occur. Anyone who ever met or saw CFW Trick would have laughed viciously at you if you even entertained the notion that what was going to happen would happen. Nevertheless, it happened in a moment as sudden and fleeting as a shooting star.

Trick stood up.

"S-S-S-Sir?!" Linda babbled.

"T-Trick! What has gotten into you?!" shouted CFW Magic.

"Hey, hey! Take it easy!" Pirachu joined in, as it was customary for all members, without exception, of a group of anime characters to make shocked remarks in response to a surprising event.

With one swift motion of his thick hand, CFW Trick raised his index finger to the black and red sky. "Time is of the essence! I must go and save my nubile maidens! Don't worry, my precious angels! I'M COMING!"

After announcing his intentions, Trick ran towards the edge of the floating graveyard, every step of his short thick legs hammering against the ground and shaking Magic, Linda and Pirachu. This continued for a minute or so until the monstrosity finally left the area and got to the main land of Gamindustri somehow without a freight elevator or even a parachute.

Linda pulled off her hood and wiped her forehead. "Wow... that was something new."

"I think," began Magic, "that we should leave the Candidates very much alone."

"Second," agreed Pirachu.

It was then that CFW Brave walked past the trio, along the path that Trick had just stormed down with all the force of a legged boulder.

"Where are you going?" inquired Magic.

"I'm going with Trick," he answered. "If he's going to encounter the CPU Candidates, I have to make sure he doesn't compromise us."

"You just want to see Uni again..." Linda muttered.

Brave turned to look up at the sky. "Did anyone else hear that? I seemed to have missed it. Oh well. I'm sure it was nothing significant."

Magic placed a hand on Linda's shoulder and squeezed it gently. The poor underling was getting all worked up.

"Now," continued Brave, "if no one has anything important to say, I shall depart."

Not one of the trio said a word. Brave waited a few moments for that to change but it didn't. So he left without saying another word.