Final Note: Yes, the riddle from last chapter is answered here. When I first posted that riddle I challenged everyone to answer it. I left a clue in the text, and a hint that there was a story behind why I chose that particular riddle. From the original author's note, "The riddle? Oh yeah...the clue I was talking about is "Clow had gone to the grave with it." I got the idea because a friend of mine went to his grave with the answer to this riddle over eight years ago. He had told it to a friend just a couple of months before he died, and refused to answer because he wanted others to figure it out. Right after his funeral we all sat around telling riddles and that one came up...and we had no idea how appropriate it was for a few months when we found someone who had heard the riddle before. The answer? Anthy and Askani Blue were right. A coffin."
Those two still get credit for answering before I posted this chapter. I was impressed that people actually got it, and a few people have come forward since then to tell me they knew the answer too. Bravo! That one truly had me stumped for a very long time.
One final thing. This story takes place in the same timeline as "Solace". If you haven't read that, you might be wondering about the second part of this epilogue. All I can say is, it ties in with that, and takes place a few years in the future when Sakura and her peers are around the age of 21.
Thank you for reading this.
Resolution
That night Kinomoto-sensei...wait, no, Fujitaka-san...decided to ignore Sakura's enthusiastic cry of my real name. It didn't take long though for him to get the entire story out of Sakura. It was time.
The full moon brought me out on the roof to bask in the cool glow and feel the energy bathe over me. The delicious burn sang through my veins and my heart fluttered as I gazed at the distant perfection of the glowing orb I was named for. Laying there felt a lot like falling in love, but without the loss of control or absolute surrender to another. It was a sweet intoxication that filled me with so much power I felt lost in the effect. The world around me was both crystal clear and inconsequential as I just lay there, grateful for the good weather.
Not that that had ever stopped me.
"The answer is a coffin, Yukito-kun."
I was startled out of my reverie, surprised that anyone could have sneaked up on me. Fujitaka-san was actually seated next to me, looking as if he had waited a while for me to notice him. I sat up, brushing the hair out of my face and pulling some of the longer strands back.
That's when I realized what he had called me and what form I was actually in. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came to me.
"Yes, I know now who you are. I didn't before, but Sakura told me everything I needed to know."
"How much did you remember before she told you?"
"Not much. I didn't want to remember a lot of it. I wanted to be normal. Emotions mostly I think. There were dreams and visions occasionally of you and Cerberus. I didn't try to put them in any kind of context. I somehow knew I didn't have to. I had a different roll to play. Though, in the back of my mind where I didn't have to think about it I was piecing together everything. I couldn't help that, it's who I am."
"I see." I settled back to bask in the glow some more, but my awareness was utterly captured by the man beside me. "And now?"
"I understand more, but really nothing has changed. I just thought you'd be relieved to know you don't have to hide anything from me. You can be yourself."
I smiled appreciatively, looking over at him for a moment. He was enjoying the glow of the full moon also, and I wondered idly what it was like for him. Did his former life as a mage make the energy sing through him? Did this lifetime of being normal reduce the moon in the sky to just another pretty light? Or was it somewhere in between?
The answer didn't matter. It was just idle curiosity. I had asked Touya what he felt once. He said that before he gave me his magic it had been a heady experience, though nothing next to what I felt. Now he said he felt a silent appreciation for what was and a gentle pleasure knowing that what he missed now had gone for the best of reasons. I gave in to a pang of guilt about that, but the sweet words warmed me. He thought I was worth it and would do it again in a heartbeat. That was the greatest love.
There was a subtle shift in Fujitaka-san's aura. "Yue, in a few years you will be able to return what was taken. You're right, Sakura still isn't as powerful as I used to be, but when she gets older she will surpass that power." It was Clow's deep voice and soothing presence suddenly, almost removing or replacing the kind teacher for at time. I held very still, not daring to look, not knowing if I'd lose control and cry or beg or do something I might regret. Yet, the message was of hope and a welcome one to hear.
"I didn't know it was possible."
There was no reply. There was no need for one. Clow was once again diminished and Fujitaka-san was returned to normal, though with a more thoughtful expression on his face. I pulled my knees up to my chest, pulling my wings close around me to hide from the emotions threatening. I heard the creaking of the ladder behind me this time, heard it removed to where it belonged, and when I was sure I was alone I wept under the moonlight for both the loss of my old love and for the hope of my new love. Finally, finally, I could let myself feel it all. Finally I could let it out. In the moon's cool embrace I let myself feel everything I hadn't let myself deal with before, and when I finally returned to Touya's arms I felt whole.
New Year's Eve:
I stare out into the cold night, looking out over the lights of Tomoeda from Eriol's balcony. He had moved back here to spend more time with Syaoran, of all people. I couldn't believe it. I didn't understand it. But he was happy, and that's all that mattered. He was finally happy without me. And that had finally, finally freed me to be happy with Touya.
The cloud cover tonight blocks out the light of the moon, but that's not important. I feel only slightly diminished by the lack of direct light. It lends itself to my melancholy reverie. It's the first time in a while I've let myself really reflect on what happened ten years ago, how my life changed so completely.
Shinpansha Yue.
Innocent Yukito.
Which life changed the most? I used to think it was my Yukito half, but as the smiles and laughter continue I realize that even before Clow's death I was never this happy as Yue.
It was such an extreme difference to have started from anyway.
I can hear the party going on downstairs, all my closest friends are together for this party. Nakuru-chan was the one who had thought of it, and though I knew everyone thought of it as Eriol's party, I knew it was really hers. This was her new beginning. She had used some butterfly analogy when she explained it to me, confiding in me that this was her way of symbolically letting go of the hope of love forever.
I couldn't tell her, but I'm holding on to hope for her. She has to let go of Eriol, just like I do, but to live forever without love at all?
I hope she finds it somehow. If I had never loved Touya, if I had never loved Clow, my eternal life would be so empty it wouldn't be worth living. If she gives up hope, she'll never find how wonderful it can be to just exist, sometimes to just breathe. When I'm with Touya there are times I really just concentrate on each breath and I'm thankful for it. It's a breath we've shared. It's a breath I wouldn't have given up for anything in the world.
Sakura has found her happiness with Tomoyo also. She told me that she knows for sure that it's true love because there is no magic to blind her. Sakura has become so confident, so much more beautiful with Tomoyo by her side. Her magic is so powerful now too, and I realize it's time to ask her if we can return Touya's magic to him. Maybe it will be a birthday present from both of us, for him to be able to see his mother again. I'm sure she would return just once so he could see how proud she is of him.
I know I am.
Someone else needs the solace and peace of the balcony, so it's time to return inside, but these words on the wind...they're both my happily ever after and the beginning of a new story. Life is better that way.