TITLE: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit – "Lost"

AUTHOR: D M Harper.

SUMMARY: When Assistant District Attorney Alex Cabot is forced into the U.S. Marshal's Witness Protection Program, she doesn't handle her new life according to plan and struggles to let go of the feelings she has for the woman she was forced to leave behind in Manhattan.

PAIRING: Alex Cabot & OFC.

RATING: M for Mature Readers.

DISCLAIMER: This story comes from the imagination. I, along with other Fanfic writers, do so for fun and not for profit. There is no intent to infringe on the copyright of Wolf Films Studio, NBC Television or USA Television. This entertainment does feature consensual sexual interaction between two females, so if you are underage or unable to view due to restrictions in your part of the world, be gone with you and take my sympathy with you. If you find such material offensive, too bad, so sad, you chose to enter this web site of your own free will, hence you have no one to whine to expect yourself!

A/N: Please take the time to review.

Chapter 1

Secure Parking Lot

St Mark's Hospital

1920 hours Wednesday 1st October 2003

Chung, chung

Bathed in a thin film of perspiration, Alexandra Cabot grimaced as she slipped past DEA Agent Jack Hammond and took her place on the rear seat of the black Chevrolet Suburban SUV. Ignoring the sharp pain invading her upper left chest, the five foot ten blonde made herself comfortable, then gingerly rested her sling encased left arm across her stomach.

Six foot two Agent Hammond moved in to close the door and Alex locked onto his weary blue eyes, "Thank you Agent Hammond, I appreciate you taking this little detour for me."

With the smallest of grins, the good looking, bald Agent replied, "You'll have five minutes; that's the best I can allow under the circumstances. We are required to meet your plane at 2000 hours."

Holding back tears, Alex nodded, "That's better than none."

"I know this is hard for you right now Miss Cabot, but it's the only option available."

"I really don't have any other choice or say in the matter, do I?" she mumbled as the Agent secured the door.

Moving around to the opposite side of the vehicle, Hammond climbed in beside Alex then shut the door. "Let's roll Agent Duffy," he ordered the driver before withdrawing the cell phone attached to his belt. Keying in a number, he waited for two rings before his call was answered.

"Stabler."

"Detective, Agent Hammond here, I need to meet with you and your partner in ten minutes."

"What's this all about?" enquired Elliot with caution.

"It's about tying up loose ends."

"Hammond, the case is dead and buried," Elliot's voice broke. "Just like our former ADA."

"It's important we meet Detective Stabler," implored Hammond without further detail.

"Yeah okay, where do you want to hook up?"

"The Lakes area, Central Park."

"All right, see you in ten," grumbled Elliot before closing his phone.

"What's he want?" queried his work partner Olivia Benson.

"He wants to close out the case. We have to meet him in Central Park down by the Lake."

With the news, Olivia's hands started to shake against the steering wheel and tears well in her dark brown eyes, "Oh okay."

Elliot, forty one, reached over and gripped her shoulder, "I'm real sorry Liv."

"It's all right El, I'm okay," lied Olivia while swallowing the lump in her throat.

"This is just so fucking wrong," protested the upset detective. "I miss her too and it's okay to cry."

"It's all I've done for the past two days," admitted the thirty four year old with collar length brown hair. "Everything is so surreal and my hearts aches constantly."

"I know Liv," agreed Elliot sadly. "And I'm here for you whenever you need me."

"Thanks El. You and Kathy have been a tremendous help."

Elliot squeezed his best friend's arm, "Little steps."

"Yep, that's what the experts say," responded Olivia before changing the subject. "I'm looking forward to dinner at your place Friday."

"So are Kathy and the kids."

The long-time partners chatted away about Elliot's twins' latest school results until Olivia pulled their dark brown Ford Crown Victoria sedan alongside the kerb. They spotted the tail lights of the Chevrolet Suburban some twenty feet in front of them and alighted from the sedan.

Agent Hammond and two other Agents quickly exited the black vehicle as the two detectives approached.

Hammond walked towards them and shook both their hands in greeting, "Sorry about the clandestine tactics, but it is imperative we not be seen. I need your assurances that what is about to occur is not to be discussed with anyone, including your Captain Cragen."

"Sure, you have my word," replied Elliot impatiently.

Olivia shook her head, "Just get on with it."

Hammond motioned to an Agent and he opened the rear door of the SUV.

"I'll be damned," whispered a shocked Elliot as Alex was helped out of the car.

"Oh my god," cried Olivia while struggling with her emotions and the knees that were determined to buckle underneath her. "Your funeral is tomorrow, I can't believe you're alive."

Alex smiled miserably through her tears at the Detectives, "I apologise for the deception; it wasn't my idea."

Elliot reined in his disbelief and asked, "How ... why?"

"I have to go away I'm afraid, it's the only way to stay safe. If Velez can get to Zapata Gaviria then he can get to me." Teardrops continued to fall from her eyes as she hugged Elliot, "I don't have much time. Take care Elliot and be safe."

He embraced her back, mindful of her injury, "You too Alex and I'm so glad you're alive, but it blows that you have to leave us."

Stepping back, Alex moved to Olivia. The brunette was sobbing and lost for words. Her broken heart healed for a brief moment then shattered all over again.

Alex drew her into a tight clinch and whispered, "I love you so much, but I need you to let go of me. I won't ask you to wait for me. As long as Velez is free I won't be able to return. It could be several years baby and I can't do that to you."

With deep gulps of air, Olivia held on firmly and wept, "I love you Alex and I can't let go now I know you are alive."

Alex leaned back and cupped her distraught lover's face with her right hand, "Please Liv, I won't be able to survive this if I know you are here waiting for my return."

"I understand, but I'll always love you."

"You'll always have my love, be happy Olivia."

Stepping in, Agent Hammond interrupted the two women, "We have to be going Miss Cabot."

Without another word, Alex moved in and captured Olivia's lips in a tender, heart crumbling kiss of goodbye.

Olivia's eyes were still closed when Alex ended their contact. She couldn't bear to watch the woman she loved walk away.

As the car drove off seconds later, she felt Elliot's arms around her shoulders and for the third time in three days, she collapsed to the ground and wailed uncontrollably.

-0-

Newark Airport DEA Hangar

1930 hours 1st October 2003

Chung, chung

The blonde bawled all the way to Newark Airport and only pulled herself together when the car drove into a large hangar. She exited the vehicle once Agent Duffy opened the door for her.

Spotting a white Gulf Stream aeroplane, Alex noticed a tall, dark skinned male approaching her location.

Agent Hammond retrieved two suitcases from the rear compartment and handed them to Duffy, "Put those on board." He passed the stranger a large yellow envelope, "Deputy Hopkins, Miss Cabot is officially under the protection of the U.S. Marshals."

"Thanks Jack."

"We'll be in touch when you are required Miss Cabot for court proceedings," explained Hammond while securing the tailgate.

Duffy returned to the Suburban and the DEA Agents departed the building without further fanfare.

The man Hammond identified as Hopkins extended his right hand to Alex, "I'm Deputy Marshal Hopkins ma'am. If you'll follow me, we'll be under way."

Alex shook the offered hand firmly then followed. She was too stunned to speak and just wanted to be with Olivia and have this nightmare end.

Trudging up the steps, she was directed to take a seat and buckle up.

"That's a little difficult with only one arm," she pointed out.

Hopkins grinned, "Oh yes, sorry about that. I'll help you."

"Thank you."

Alex looked up towards the cockpit area when the door opened. She studied the olive skinned, dark trousers and navy blue polo shirt attired woman for a second then turned away. "I appreciate your assistance," she told Hopkins once he was finished.

He took a seat while the tall, dark brown haired female sat opposite Alex.

A well-toned long arm reached towards Alex, "I'm Deputy Marshal Taylor." After shaking the blonde's hand, she leaned back into the seat and fastened her seat belt.

Instantly, Hopkins handed over the envelope and Taylor opened it up. Placing a manila folder onto the table between her and Alex, she continued, "As of the twenty ninth of September when you were unfortunately shot, life as you know it ceased to exist. Alexandra Cabot is no longer considered alive and you are now Emily Grace Johnson."

The Deputy ignored the blonde's rolling eyes and proceeded, "I know you are tired, so your new identity and cover story can wait until tomorrow morning."

"Where will I be living?" enquired Alex with more than a hint of resentment.

"Wausau Wisconsin."

The information stunned Alex and she burst into tears, "I'm not happy about this."

Brown eyes glistened with sympathy, "Not too many people with WitSec are ma'am. Once we settle you into your new home, I'll go over the procedures with you."

Alex's fury, tiredness and immense heartache combined into an eruption, "I know the protocol Deputy. I'm an ADA and have assisted with numerous witnesses who have required protection. I'm not some idiot bimbo off the streets."

In reply, Deputy Taylor remained professional, "I apologise if I offended you. My statement wasn't intended to imply any disparaging assessment regards your intelligence."

Alex was about to respond when the jet's engines started. Instead she closed her eyes and attempted to block out the calamity her life had become.

-0-

When the aircraft levelled off to cruising altitude, the brunette unfastened her belt and took a seat beside Hopkins. "This is going to be a fun assignment," she complained. "Only five minutes in and I've managed to piss her off."

Hopkins chuckled softly, "That's a new record for you."

"Jesus Lewis, this is the worst part of the job."

"I hear you. At least it's only an hour and a half before we touchdown."

"That my dear friend will be the one and only highlight," quipped Taylor as she stood and entered the galley.

She returned moments later carrying three bottles of Tynant water. After tossing a cobalt blue glass bottle to Lewis, she sat opposite Alex again and said to the teary eyed blonde, "I thought you might like a drink."

Accepting the offered container, Alex mumbled, "Thanks."

"I know this whole situation is unacceptable to you and quite frankly, this is the hardest part of my job."

Alex directed her eyes to the attractive brunette with a clipped English accent and asked, "How so?"

"It's my responsibility to ensure you leave your life behind and pretend to be someone else."

Despite her circumstances, Alex finally relaxed, "I don't envy you your career."

"You have my utmost sympathy and I fully understand how horrific and confusing it all seems right at this moment."

Alex noted the hurt in the Deputy's dark brown eyes and said, "Thank you and I just don't know how I can do this."

"Take all the anger you have towards Velez and put it aside. It will only eat you up inside and trust the DEA and the DA's office to do their jobs and bring your would-be assassin before a court."

Alex nodded slightly, "How long have you be doing this?"

"This is my seventh year as a Deputy and third at having to disrupt people's lives and keep them safe."

Alex's mouth curled upwards, "I guess it doesn't help when your primary behaves like a spoilt brat."

"You were fairly tame compared to others, so don't worry about it."

Feeling more at ease with the Deputy, Alex enquired, "What happens once we arrive in Wausau?"

"They'll be a vehicle waiting for us at the airport then from there it's a short drive to your new home."

"What will happen to my apartment in Manhattan?"

"In time, everything will be sold as per your will instructions."

"Damn it, I was supposed to make several amendments before all this mess occurred."

"If you still want to make those alterations, I can organise it so a copy is discovered in your apartment."

"Thank you, but what if this nightmare is over within the next six months?"

"Your estate will be conveniently held over in rebate for two years just in case that eventuates and your apartment will be subsequently rented out during the interim."

"Can I ask you another question?"

"By all means, go ahead."

"What's the longest period of time someone has been with WitSec before returning to their old life?"

"To be honest, same people never go back, even after the threat no longer exists. For some it's too hard to contemplate starting over again and they are happy with their new identities."

"That won't be me," replied Alex defiantly.

Taylor had heard that statement before from dozens of people and none had returned to their previous lives. She didn't share that knowledge with the former ADA and excused herself to go talk with Lewis.

-0-

Wausau, Wisconsin

2128 hours 1st October 2003

Chung, chung

It was close to nine thirty when Lewis activated the remote controlled garage door of the modest home with three bedrooms and a study and drove inside.

"I'll go ahead and search the interior," offered Deputy Taylor as she opened her door. "You two remain here."

"You got it," acknowledged Lewis.

After scrutinising the house and surrounding yard, Taylor returned to the garage and secured the roller door, "All clear, let's get you settled Emily."

Alex baulked at the sound of her new name momentarily then followed the deputies inside.

"Your bedroom is down the hall, first door on the right," directed Taylor. "I suggest you try to get some sleep and we'll begin your background story in the morning."

Silently, Alex drudged down the corridor carrying her two bags. She returned to the kitchen moments later and found Lewis on the phone.

He finished the call and asked, "Is there something you needed ma'am?"

"No thank you, I was just going to grab a drink."

"Oh okay, there's plenty of beverages in the refrigerator. The house has been fully stocked."

"Yes, I noticed the new linen in the furnished bedroom. Where is Deputy Taylor?"

"She's doing a perimeter check before turning in. I'll be taking first watch, so don't be alarmed if you hear me walking around."

Alex opened the fridge and fetched a bottle of water, "How long will you be here?"

"Two weeks then it will just be Deputy Taylor with you full time until it is deemed you are no longer under extreme threat."

"Oh I see, well goodnight Deputy," replied Alex as she headed for her room.

"Goodnight ma'am."

Collecting her toiletries and sleepwear, Alex entered the bathroom and took a long shower.

She nearly bumped into Deputy Taylor in the hallway on her way back to the boudoir.

"Goodnight ma'am," said the brunette. "If you require anything, please don't hesitate to ask."

"I won't and goodnight."

Once Alex was settled in the unfamiliar bed, her thoughts turned to Olivia and she cried herself to sleep.

-0-

It was well past nine when Alex woke the following morning and prepared for her first day as Emily Johnson.

Entering the kitchen, she found Deputy Taylor sitting at the breakfast counter typing away on a laptop. She looked up and smiled, "Good morning ma'am, there's bacon and eggs in the oven."

"Thank you and good morning. So how does this work?"

"After you've eaten we have to dye your hair then I'll explain all about your cover story."

With an expression of horror, Alex ran a hand through her long tresses, "My hair?"

"Yes, we need to disguise you in some way."

Collecting some food, Alex sat down at the dining table. She remained quiet throughout the meal and sobbed when Taylor helped her colour her hair to a shade of light brown.

"I'm really sorry you had to go through that," commented Taylor when the two women returned to the kitchen and took a seat at the counter.

As a dense sorrow befell Alex, she finally snapped, "Stop apologising, it's not your fault. Let's just get on with it Deputy."

"My name is Erin," replied the Deputy as she opened the folder and attempted to lighten the burden for her primary. "Okay, your new date of birthday is November fourth 1976."

"Great, I get to be twenty-seven twice this year."

"Once your hair is dry, I'll take photos for a new driver's licence and passport then send them to the U.S. Department of Justice so all the authentic documents can be organised. You start work next month on the fourth as a claims adjuster with Tower Insurance. Your work office is located at 706 West Thomas Street which is a six minute drive from your present location."

"Wow, that sounds absolutely riveting," scoffed Alex deadpan.

"It's the best we could do under the limitations of available time. Your home address is 20 Grant Street and I have to remind you that you are prohibited from owning a cell phone or have internet service until such time as it is considered no longer a risk to use those forms of communication."

"I'm aware of that, they're far too easy to trace unless they're fitted with a scrambler program."

"Correct and your car will arrive tomorrow and for all intents and purposes, I am your cousin from Tulsa. I will be your only contact with the Marshals Service once you are left on your own and I will be checking in with you randomly."

"So I'm just expected to build a life here until further notice?"

"Unfortunately that's a yes."

"Anything else," asked an irritated Alex.

"I'm your only living relative."

"Well that cuts back on the learning process."

Erin stood and walked away from the counter, "I'll give you some space and allow you to finish your coffee. I only seem to be upsetting you."

Alex felt terrible about her behaviour and was about to apologise when the Deputy's cell phone rang. She watched as the five foot ten, slender frame moved down the hallway.

"Taylor," Erin answered.

"Bradford here," replied her immediate supervisor. "I need an update."

"Yes sir. The primary is having difficulty in adjusting which is understandable."

James Bradford chuckled at the statement, "Well there's a surprise."

"Yes sir."

"Do you think you can carry out the transition without Hopkins?"

"Yes sir, I can handle the situation solo."

"Good, I need your partner on another case. When he wakes can you inform him his is required back here?"

"Yes sir and he is due to wake at 1100 hours."

"Okay, I'll leave it in your capable hands Erin and speak to you at the next check in."

"Yes sir."

Erin returned the phone to her belt and reached for her Glock 24 in the holster tucked under the back of her black polo shirt when there was a knock on the front door. She ran to the kitchen and motioned for Alex to go into her bedroom and wait.

Alex didn't hesitate to comply, understanding the look of urgency etched on the face of the Deputy.

Going to the entrance and peeking through the spy hole, Erin recognised the woman in her mid-sixties as Mrs Irene Calder, the next door neighbour.

Holstering her gun, Erin calmly opened the door, "Hello, can I help you?"

"Oh hello dear, I'm Irene Calder from next door. I saw the lights on last night and thought I'd welcome you to the neighbourhood." She handed over a plate of home baked cookies, "I won't bother you because I know you'll be busy settling in."

"That's very kind of you Mrs Calder. I'm Erin, but I'm only here helping my cousin Emily move in."

"Oh then I look forward to meeting her another time. If you need anything, don't be a stranger."

"Thank you for your hospitality Mrs Calder."

"You are welcome dear, goodbye."

"Bye."

Erin secured the door then placed the biscuits on the counter. She went and rapped on Alex's door, "You can come out now."

Alex opened the door, "Thank you."

Turning heel, Erin went to the refrigerator and retrieved a bottle of water.

Minutes later Alex finished her coffee then joined Erin in the living room. She was carrying the dossier and passed it to Erin, "I guess we better get on with it."

-0-

Lewis departed in a taxi a little after 1130 hours and a 1990 Honda Civic was dropped off in the drive ten minutes later.

Erin went outside and spoke to the tow truck driver then handed the keys over to Alex, "I know it's nowhere near as nice as your BMW, but your new salary doesn't allow for luxury items."

"I'm sure I'll adapt Deputy."

The two women returned to work and took a break for lunch an hour later. Alex volunteered to make sandwiches while Erin checked in with Lewis.

For the next three days Alex went over her new background time and time again before she felt confident.

Erin noted the sadness on Alex's face after dinner and remarked, "It's hard to leave a lover behind."

Alex put down the file and locked eyes with her guardian, "It breaks my heart every day I'm without her."

"For that, I am truly sorry." Erin stood, "If you'll excuse me, it's time for my security checks."

Alex and Erin fell into a comfortable routine and by the second week, Alex's new identity was put to the test when Mrs Calder invited the pair to dinner.

After being introduced to her husband Walter, the questions began.

"You're not from England then Emily?" asked Irene.

"No. Erin's father, my Uncle George, was on holiday in Europe when he was twenty and met his future wife in London."

Erin continued with the remainder of the story, "It was love at first sight and they had a whirlwind romance and my father ended up living in England for several years. They married a short time later and two years on, I arrived."

"That's a wonderful tale," declared Irene. "Do they live in Tulsa too?"

"No, they are both deceased."

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry dear."

"It was a long time ago."

Alex caught sight of the tears in Erin's eyes and changed the topic, "You have a lovely home Irene."

"Thank you. Since Walter retired from the Navy last year, we've had time to renovate. If you don't mind me asking, what did you do to your arm?"

Alex glanced down at the sling, "Oh, I was clumsy while packing and managed to dislocate my shoulder when I fell off a stepladder."

Walter grimaced, "That's a painful injury; I've suffered it myself." He went on to share his many career adventures and the evening drew to a close at eleven.

Alex went straight to bed while Erin carried out her usual sweep of the house and yard before settling on the couch. She was still wide awake when Alex tiptoed into the kitchen some sixty minutes later.

She was wearing a light blue satin nightgown and Erin watched her graceful movements for several seconds before saying, "I'm not asleep and even if I was, I'm a light sleeper."

Alex fetched a bottle of water and walked over to Erin, "Aren't you tired?"

"Yes."

Alex looked down at the Deputy, "I know it's not a good idea for you to disclose any personal details, but I saw the pain in your eyes at dinner. You've lost your parents, right?"

Erin's reply was a soft whisper, "Yes, back in 1991."

"Apart from the names, that was a true story you told Irene and Walter?"

"Yes, it's easier for the emotion to be genuine if I recall an actual experience."

Alex perched herself on the armrest of the couch, "You must have been a teenager when it happened."

"You should go to bed Emily," suggested Erin unwilling to cross the professional line and divulge any more information. She was on the job and was not going to have a friendly conversation, even if she felt the urge to tell the woman everything.

With resignation, Alex sighed, "Yes I should and sorry for putting you in an awkward position."

"That's fine; just remember this is work for me."

Standing, Alex agreed, "I know how the lines can become blurred sometimes, goodnight Deputy."

"Goodnight Emily."

Erin pulled the sheet up over her head and recited the U.S. Marshals motto of justice, integrity and service over and over to eliminate the desire to be friends with her primary. Exhaustion finally won out and she drifted into a light sleep.

-o-