FAN MAIL

Disclaimer: Tinker Bell and Disney Fairies are the property of The Walt Disney Company. Tinker Bell originated by author J.M. Barrie.

This fan fiction is not for monetary or financial gain. It is intended solely for the entertainment of its audience.

Tinker Bell and her friends have gathered in front of a pine forest with tall, green trees to answer some fan mail. Terence is in charge of lighting, while Bobble operates the camera and Clank manages the boom microphone. They are recording a session to be shown on the Disney Channel in bits during commercial breaks leading up to the release of the next Tinker bell direct to home video movie. In front of them are a giant, touch screen enabled, LED monitor. From this screen, they will access queries sent by email. Accompanying the LED monitor is a large mailbag full of letters from their fans.

"Hi, everyone. Tinker Bell here with my fairy friends and we're going to answer some fan mail. Starting in January, I set up a website asking you, our wonderful fans, to send us questions by mail or email for us to answer. We will be showing your questions and our answers on Disney Channel all this month leading up to our newest DVD adventure Disney's The Pirate Fairy."

"Funny how they've taken your name off the titles on the last two films," Vidia says.

"It represents a shift from focusing only on me to all of us," Tinker Bell says diplomatically.

"Is that why Terence only had five seconds of total screen time in your last film?" Vidia replies.

"Oh stop it, Vidia," Rosetta tells her. "Now settle down and let's have a good time."

"I intend to, Ro," Vidia answers. "I intend to very much."

Tinker Bell starts things off by choosing a letter from the mailbag. "Okay, Victoria in London asks, 'Tinker Bell, do you and your friends actually bring the seasons to the mainland? Or is that just something invented for the movies. And if you do can you make it stop raining so much here?'"

She answers, "Yes, yes we do bring the seasons to the mainland, Victoria. As for your follow up, sorry we don't do requests."

"Here is one sent from Alejandro in Mexico City, Mexico. 'Dear Tinker Bell and friends. Do you bring the seasons only to the British Islands or the whole world?'"

"Alejandro, we bring the seasons to the whole world. Were kind of like Santa Clause, only we have wings instead of reindeer."

Vidia adds, "Tink has the Sexy Santa outfit to prove it."

"VIDIA!"

"What?"

"Hey, how come I've never seen the Sexy Santa outfit?" Terence asks.

"It's only available on the toy," Tinker Bell says sounding a bit annoyed, but trying to keep positive.

"Ooh, can I read the next one, Raindrop?" Silvermist asks.

"Sure. What do you want, email or snail mail?"

"Snails can write letters?" Silvermist asks with a surprised but clueless look on her face.

"Here," Tinker Bell says with a chuckle. She hands the water fairy a letter from the mailbag.

Silvermist opens the letter and starts reading it…to herself.

"Aloud! Read it aloud so we can all hear it," Vidia tells her with an annoyed tone.

"Heh, sorry. This one is for Fawn. It's written by Brent in Washington State, USA. Ooh, a British colony."

"Sil," Fawn says, "The United States is a separate country now."

"It is?! When did that happen?"

"Are you sure she isn't a 'water on the brain' talent?" Vidia declared with her usual snippy attitude.

"Don't listen to her," Rosetta says. "Now you read that letter there."

"He says, 'Fawn, you are my favorite fairy in the whole world. You're very pretty and I love your long, braided ponytail.'"

"Aww, isn't that sweet," Fawn says, her cheeks blushing.

Sil continued reading the letter from Brent. "'Fawn, will you go to the Junior / Senior prom with me this spring? I'll even pay for your dress.'"

"Brent, I'd love to," she answers.

"Fawn," Vidia whispers, "you do know that in the U.S., after the prom it is customary for the boy and girl to go out and have sex."

"OH, but look at my schedule," Fawn adds nervously. "Skunk training, bringing in the seasons, uh…, putting the mongoose on spin dry. Busy, busy, busy. Thanks anyway, Brent."

Rosetta gets a strange look on her face. "The mongoose on spin dry? You really are reachin' there aren't you?"

Fawn grins sheepishly. "Heh, I saw it on an episode of Ducktales." Then she leaned over and whispers to Vidia, "Thanks."

"For what?" the flyer whispers back. "You haven't had any in years. I thought you would jump at the chance."

"Gak! Do I look desperate?!"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Girls, girls," Tinker Bell interrupts. "Can we?" She then mumbles to them, "And ixnay on the exsay alktay."

"Good one, Tink, because humans can't speak Pig Latin," Vidia replied sarcastically.

"My turn," Rosetta says cheerily as she reads a letter by email. "Okay, this one is from Sven in Norway to Iridessa. He asks, 'You always follow the rules in the movies, almost to the point of nervous compulsion. Is this an accurate portrayal or are you a crazy bad ass who raises hell and treats boys like your personal playthings in real life?'"

"WHAT!" Tinker Bell screeched. "How did that get in there? Des, you don't have to answer that."

"Oh I'll answer it," the light talent fairy says. "Sven, I'm not anything like that. I follow the rules because I believe they exist for a reason, to protect us from harm and sometimes from ourselves. And I'm not loose with my morals, either. I recognize that I'm a role model for young girls and I take that responsibility very seriously."

"Good answer, Des," Tinker Bell says. "Sven, Iridessa is the most upstanding of all us. And that's saying something. Each and everyone one of us treats our role model responsibilities with the gravity it deserves. Even Vidia."

"Speak for yourself, tinker fairy" Vidia replies, much to the amusement of Fawn and Rosetta. Tink glares at the fast flyer, but continues.

"We are very careful about how we are perceived in the media. So we go out of our way to avoid any controversial, unglamorous or vulgar lifestyle choices in our personal lives. Our movies are intended for the whole family. With this in mind we all work hard to be as family friendly as possible both on and off camera. I hope that answers your question, Sven."

"I don't even like to look at myself naked," Iridessa suddenly adds. "I keep my eyes shut tight when I'm taking a bath."

Vidia, and the others burst into laughter while Tinker Bell face palms. "We didn't need to know that, Dessa."

"Oops, sorry."

Tinker Bell just wanted to move on as quickly as possible.

"Okay, next letter," Tinker Bell said. She gave Vidia a handwritten letter.

"Alright, now this one is from Capucine in Aix-les-Bains, France," she said. "It's addressed to someone named 'Clochette.' Who's Clochette?"

"Oh, that's me," Tinker Bell said. "That's my name in French."

Vidia is silent for a moment. "I can't read this. It's in French. Anyone here read French?"

"I can," Fawn said.

"You?!" the other girls reply, shocked.

"Wait a minute!" Vidia said with a furrowed brow. "You can't even speak Spanish. How can you speak French?"

"I learned it online," Fawn replied. "It's a very lovely language."

"But you're Hispanic," Vidia indicated. "You're supposed to speak Spanish!"

"What?! Vidia do you know how awful that sounds?" Fawn said, angry and hurt. "You're saying that because of the color of my skin I am supposed to do certain things. That is so mean. You don't see Silvermist speaking Chinese, do you?"

"I speak Mandarin," Silvermist said.

Fawn glared at the water fairy. "Way to stick up for me, Sil."

"Just read the letter," Tinker Bell pleaded.

Fawn took the paper and began to translate. "Dear, Tinker Bell. You and Terence are my favorite pairing in your movies."

"Aww, how sweet," Tinker Bell replied.

"When are the two of you going to get together as a couple? And will you ever consider marrying him?"

Tinker Bell laughed a bit. "Capucine, Terence and I have been together for a long time now. Remember, the movies take place during the late Victorian Area. We got married a good while ago."

Tink then looked to her right, off camera. "Terence, you remember our anniversary? Don't you?"

"Yeah, sure," he said. He put his left hand to his head and closed his eyes to think. "It's uhh..., June 15, 1957."

"He remembered," Rosetta said sounding a bit surprised. "I can't even get Sled to remember the month much less the day. All he cares about is that we are married. The actual day has little meaning to him. You are so lucky, Tinker Bell."

What Tinker Bell or the girls didn't know was that Terence had the date inscribed on his wedding band so he wouldn't actively have to remember it. It was why he put his left hand up to his head and feigned being in deep thought. If she ever found out, he would be dead meat.

"Okay, who is next?" Tink asked.

"Well, since Fawn had to translate the last letter, I would like to take my turn again," Vidia said.

"Go right ahead," Tink answered. "Maybe try an email this time."

Vidia looked at the monitor and slid her fingers up the screen to move the list. She kept scrolling through the emails.

"Today, Vidia," Rosetta complained. "I want to get back my gardens."

"Ah, here is the one I want," she said. Vidia tapped the screen and opened the missive. "Oh, it's for Silvermist from Brisco in Miami, Florida. Who names their kid Brisco?"

"Maybe they were fans of that old tv show, The Adventures of Brisco Country, Jr.?" Silvermist asked.

Vidia wanted to skewer the water talent with another sharp remark, but didn't. "Y'know, that almost makes sense. Okay, Brisco wants to know 'Silvermist, sometimes you act very Sapphic? Is that who you really are?"

"Oh I get that quite a bit," Silvermist answered. "We do look alike, especially with the pointed ears and dark hair."

"Look like who?" Fawn asked.

"Saavik," Silvermist replied. "From Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. I really enjoyed Kirstie Alley's performance. When Robin Curtis replaced her in Star Trek III, she left me feeling cold."

"No, not Saavik," Vidia corrected. "Sapphic!"

"What does that mean?" Iridessa asked.

"Here, let me check on my iPhone," Fawn said. The animal talent fairy tapped her iPhone and opened the dictionary app. She typed in the word as Vidia spelled it out to her. "Okay, Sapphic means 'Of or relating to the Greek goddess Sappho or her poetry.' Alternatively, it can mean 'of or relating to Lesbians.'"

"WHAT?!" Tinker Bell shrieked. "How did that get in there? When I set up the web page, I specifically said only questions that were kid safe and family friendly! I even added filters to reject questions based on certain key words!"

Tinker Bell went to the web page from her iPad and found that something had been changed, "IT'S GONE! THAT QUALIFIER IS GONE! It says 'all questions welcome, even adult or the taboo.' I didn't write that!" Then she looked at the code behind the page and discovered something else. "My filters are missing! There aren't any filters! What happened to my filters and web page?"

"Oh, I changed those, sweetie," Vidia said.

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Tinker Bell shrieked. "These are supposed to be kid safe and family friendly, Vidia!"

"Where is the fun in that?" she answered.

"Vidia, our biggest fan base is young girls and their mothers. I can't have them watching this smut on the Disney Channel; no one will buy our DVD."

"Hey, don't you think I know that?" Vidia replied. "I've got a big fat contract on the line, too, y'know. I don't want to lose it and the nice paychecks it brings in."

"Then why did you change the web page?" Tinker Bell asked.

"Oh, that. I changed it right before we started this morning," Vidia told her. "However, I did amend your html code to send all those rejected questions to my inbox. I added them to the list before you ever noticed. I did the same thing with the letters we got, too."

"Well, we can't use any of this, Vidia. Now we're going to have to pick out all the nasty letters and emails and start over."

"Oh, c'mon, Tink," Fawn said. "Why don't we just have fun and answer some of the juicier letters. Then we will reshoot this with only the kid safe letters later, in another recording session."

"What about all that stuff that Iridessa said about being responsible off camera?" Tinker Bell said.

"We're responsible, not dead," Rosetta answered.

"Yeah, I don't mind having a little fun," Iridessa stated.

"We can keep this one for ourselves and save it for when we need a good laugh," Silvermist suggested. Everyone one gawked at the water talent. "What did I say this time?"

"No, it was perfectly logical!" Fawn said.

"Maybe she really is Sapphic? I mean Saavik. Oh for crying out loud, now she's got me doing it," Vidia said.

"C'mon, Tink, please?" Fawn pleaded.

Tinker Bell didn't want to, but she finally caved in. "Okay, okay. I suppose we can try it this way."

"Alright," Silvermist cheered. "Now, to answer the question, I am not Saavik."

"Ugh! And she is right back to normal," Vidia declared.

END PART ONE

I do hope you enjoyed this first part. Part 2 will be posted soon. I should warn you, though, it only gets worse from here.

Reviews are always appreciated. Thank you for reading.