Chapter 5 – Chiseling

Let me show you a real relationship.

Holy shit. Olivia backed away from him slightly, looking down; did he even know what he just said? She wanted to ask him what he started smoking after she left. There was no way he wanted to go through with that at all; nobody wanted to deal with her. She was better off alone. "I'm better off alone, Elliot," she voiced just barely above a whisper.

There was a small dip between his eyebrows at her words, "Tell me why." She had nothing left to lose; Olivia bit her lip for a moment. Elliot lightly gripped her chin and forced her to look him in the eyes, "Liv…"

"Nobody, and certainly not you, wants to put up with me, El. I thought we already established my past with men."

"What makes you think I'm anything like those other men?" Elliot questioned, gently stroking her jaw. It was distracting to say the least; she held back a small moan and pulled from his grasp. He sighed and ran his fingers through his short hair, "I'm not gonna lie to you Olivia, you can be a pain in the ass, and stubborn as hell but you were my partner. I still care about you."

"How much? Like 'my partner' care or…?" He hadn't expected her question; she wasn't going to expect his answer.

It would probably scare the hell out of her too.

"'My partner' caring doesn't mean anything anymore," he replied; that was probably the safest answer he could give her. It keep her in the room at least.

"You're not answering my question."

"Do you really want to know or are you going to leave me right here?"

"What the hell, Elliot…" Olivia said, aggravated. She turned away from him and faced the counter, bracing her hands against the false granite. Elliot wrapped his fingers around her forearm but she ripped her arm from his gasp and glanced over her shoulder at him, "Will you stop! Throwing! That! In! My! Face!" She was hitting him on the chest now, continuously prying her hands from his.

"I'm not saying it to insult you!" He said, finally stabilizing her, "Liv, I'm telling you the truth, whether you want to hear it or not. Hell, whether you admit to it or not." Elliot tried to keep his voice even with her but her rising attitude wasn't helping him at all, "But I know you know it's true. Oregon, Kelsey…you can't tell me you didn't run away for both of those."

"I was reassigned—"

"Bullshit. You asked to be reassigned," Elliot snapped, "Don't lie to me, Olivia! I know you asked Cragen."

"I have nothing to say to you," she finally said.

"Good. Because I have tons to say to you," he retorted. Olivia rolled her eyes and turned her gaze away from him; she was focusing on everything but his face. She would listen, but she wasn't happy about it at all. "I know your record with men, okay? I've watched you for years, Liv, I've seen when a relationship fell through. You were miserable for a day, and then you moved on. Don't tell me that another relationship is going to scare the pants off of you because if I was as lucky as those guys to spend a night with you," Olivia rolled her eyes again, smirking some, "I would do my damnedest to make sure I didn't hurt you." Her eyes flickered to his then; they looked almost guilty, and somewhat hopeful.

"El—,"

"Tell me why you're not willing to try this." She couldn't look away and she knew she was doomed. He wasn't going to drop the subject until she gave him an answer.

"Mommy!" Kelsey called from the other room; saved by the kid.

"We're not finished." Elliot said, lowering his lips to her ear. She shivered as his breath hit her skin and shook her head.

"Kelsey needs me," Olivia slipped out under his arm and practically sprinted out into the living room. Elliot sighed; he knew she wasn't going to come back into the kitchen as long as the topic was still so fresh in their minds, so he followed her out into the other room.

He wasn't going to let her off that easily. When Kelsey was asleep maybe they could control their volumes a little better and actually discuss things.

He doubted it, but it was worth a shot.

XxxxX

"I love you, daddy," Kelsey yawned, wrapping her little arms around his neck; Elliot pulled back some and kissed her cheek. He snuggled into her hold and just breathed her presence in. He couldn't believe he was the father or not only five, but now six children.

He would be lying if he said it didn't make him think he was just like their perp who was a reproductive abuser; if that were the case, he could only hope Olivia or Kathy didn't own a wasp knife…or that they would ever use it on him if they did. His chest felt the pain from the thought and he sighed, "I love you too, baby girl."

"Daddy, I'm not a baby," she said, emphasizing her point. Elliot chuckled; he missed the innocence. However, the estrogen/testosterone levels were once again off balance in his family life. It was only him, Dickie, and Eli who were the male figures; Olivia, Kathy, Maureen, Kathleen, Lizzie, and now Kelsey tipped the scale with another female.

Elliot didn't mind much at all though; he loved all of his children equally. He tried to put Ken Turner and his thirty-something children and female-victims out of his mind. He was nothing like Ken, and he never would be because he respected women. This was just a…happy accident?

And he didn't know if he even wanted anymore children, especially at his age now.

He couldn't really classify it at the moment either; he gave Olivia what she always wanted, and she didn't blame him or accuse him of anything. Kelsey gave him a chubby-cheeked, innocent grin; he could faintly see one of her front teeth growing in; he suddenly wondered if she was like Dickie and just pulled them out, or if she was like Lizzie and waited for them to fall out themselves.

"One more story?" Kelsey tried.

"How about you tell me a story tonight?" Elliot suggested, "Like how you lost those front teeth?" He lightly tapped her small lips with his index finger, earning a small giggled from his little girl.

"Okay!" She sat up, wiggling out of the cocoon he'd tucked her into; well, she was like Dickie in one way…no matter how many times he dragged his son back to his room, Dickie was always back out thirty seconds later. "I was in mommy's bed…I had a nightmare and she said I could stay with her. My toofs was loose for a while, mommy said it was okay because they grow back. This one," she pointed to the small nub of a tooth that was growing in and continued, "has growed back. Mommy wanted to help me pull them out so they could grow back faster but I was scared it would hurt. Mommy let me wait…" Elliot smirked; oh thank you God, I don't want to worry about a sixteen-year-old female-version of Richard.

"Did it hurt when it finally came out?"

Kelsey shook her head and smiled, "Nope. I told mommy 'I told you so'. She laughed."

"And Kelsey, tell me…does mommy snore?"

"Why are you asking our six year old daughter if I snore, Stabler?" Olivia asked from the doorway; Elliot bit back his laughter; he had been caught red handed. Kelsey giggled and ducked her face beneath the blanket.

"I think mommy heard you!" She half-whispered; she whispered like a hurricane, but Elliot loved her more from something that reminded him Kelsey was so much like Olivia.

"I think so too," Elliot grinned, pulling the blanket down to kiss her cheek, "Time for bed, baby girl. I love you," he stood up and tucked her into another cocoon; she smiled up at him before closing her eyes and snuggling further into her pillow.

The sight, though she had seen it a few times these last few nights, never ceased to make her tear up. She advanced towards the bed and pressed a soft kiss to Kelsey's forehead, "I love you."

"I love you too," Kelsey mumbled sleepily. She yawned one last time before they turned the light off and shut her door carefully.

"I know you want to talk still, Elliot," Olivia began, heading into the kitchen with him right behind her, "but I need to say something first, okay?" He nodded and she worried her bottom lip for a moment, scraping her teeth across it, "It's not that I'm not willing to try a relationship with you…I want you in her life, I've made that very clear. It's just that we've been partners for so long and I'm afraid I'll say or do something that'll ruin everything." Elliot gave her a gentle smile, shaking his head.

Of course he would dismiss her fears.

"Elliot I'm serious…"

"I know you are," he said, just above a whisper, "Liv, I wouldn't be pushing this hard if this was something I wasn't sure of. You need to trust me." Of course she trusted him, she just didn't trust herself. And this was a new territory that scared her nearly to death; it just seemed so fast.

"I need..." she was going to sound like a selfish bitch; she faltered on her words some and sighed. If I'm a bitch, then so be it. She didn't want to hurt him, but she needed to talk to him, even if it was like pulling her own teeth. "I need time, El. I'm willing to try, but we need to take steps. I can't just jump into this again." She didn't see an ounce of hesitation in his expression; she actually saw relief flood through him. Elliot nodded and pulled her into his chest, resting his chin on her shoulder. He turned his head a little, his lips brushing gently against the skin of her ear.

"Just don't go anywhere, Liv. Please…" he whispered. Olivia released the breath she had been holding and nodded in return.

XxxxX

It was routine.

She was slowly becoming an insomniac; she almost wanted to rip those glowing stars off of Kelsey's ceiling and slap them up onto her own. This no-sleep-for-Olivia act was getting old really quick. She didn't know what was keeping her up, but for the last few days she noticed just how big, and empty her bed felt.

And that just wasn't acceptable right now.

She needed sleep, and if she asked Elliot to try and help her sleep both her sanity, and her 'I need time' excuse would be shot to hell. She sighed, yeah it was an excuse, but she didn't really want to admit that she would scare the piss out of herself if she agreed to go any further than their current situation.

Heaven knows he'd be by her side every second, and though there shouldn't have been anything wrong with that, she would have just felt trapped and tried to run again. Her goal was to try, not run like a little bitch and lose him all over again.

Olivia was almost tempted to lightly knock on the wall and see if he was awake; yes, she was giving in. She didn't care at the moment, she just needed some sleep. Instead, she threw the covers off of her feet and stood up. The creaky floors gave her movements away.

Olivia fixed her shirt, pulling it down over her thighs. She opened her door and walked across the hall to his, knocking loud enough so he could hear it. There was no movement at first, Olivia turned around suddenly thinking it was a mistake, but the door opened quietly behind her and his voice rang out, "Olivia?" Had he been sleeping? His voice sounded groggy; glad he could sleep…

She turned back around to face him and nodded, "I couldn't sleep," she admitted, lowering her eyes to the floorboards.

He actually thought he was in a dream; for one, she was standing in front of him with just an overgrown t-shirt and shorts, and second, she was here because she couldn't sleep. He couldn't remember the last time she admitted that to him.

"Do you want to stay in here?" He asked softly, opening the door more. Olivia glanced in for a moment and nodded.

"We can just talk…I mean—,"

"I don't mind, Liv." He smiled slightly, "Come on." His fingers circled around her wrist; he led her into the room and sat down on his bed, motioning for her to pick whatever side she wanted. Olivia got in on the opposite side. Elliot pulled the blankets down for her and she muttered a small thank you.

It was foreign, but the empty feeling was gone. Damn you, heart.

Her head was screaming how wrong this was, how weak she was, but her heart felt stronger and told her head to shut the hell up because this felt right. She sighed, not sure if it was out of contentment, exhaustion, or from the tiresome war her head and heart were at right now. Elliot turned the side lamp off and settled into his side, turning to face her. Olivia was in his bed right now…her scent would be everywhere once she left, and he was perfectly okay with that.

"Is something wrong?" He whispered; he could faintly make out her figure in the darkness. She had already made the mattress warmer, and he couldn't have been happier she was actually here. No, he wasn't going to try anything with her…he'd be an idiot to try and mess up what was currently taking place. If they could stay like this forever, he'd be just fine with it.

"I just couldn't sleep," Olivia replied, curling her legs up to her chest. Her head rested on the soft pillow and she felt her eyelids getting heavy already. Damn you, heart. It seemed lately she was always damning something, it was probably her life's motto by now.

"I know the feeling," he said, his breath fanning her face. She could smell his spearmint toothpaste and it brought back a lot of memories. She felt her body shift towards him some; she didn't try to stop herself, she needed the sleep and she was determined to get it anyway possible.

"Weren't you just sleeping?" Olivia asked. Elliot chuckled quietly; his fingers danced across the top of her hand, causing her body to break out in a comfortable shiver.

"I was," he answered, "but there were nights, after you left, where I didn't."

"I'm really sorry, Elliot," she said sadly, "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Let's not talk about that right now." He hadn't said it harsh, or too quick. He'd said it was compassion and forgiveness. It only made her ache more because there was no way he knew how sorry she was. She would say it for the next twelve years if she had too.

"We have too sometime," Olivia said, "I've been trying to avoid it when you want to talk but that's not fair. I can't stand you thinking that I regret it."

"I don't think that, Olivia." He moved closer, linking his fingers through hers underneath the thick blanket. "I don't think that at all, believe me. I know we have to talk, and I'm ready whenever you are, but I'm not going to push you." He didn't want to upset her right now, so he left out the part about her running again if he did push her to talk. Eventually, he'd have to but right now he wanted things to be left the way they were.

"I think that was part of our mistake," she sighed, defeated.

"How about we try for some sleep and continue this tomorrow?" Elliot suggested; he pulled her into a small hug, resting his arms under hers and around her waist for a moment. He expected her to pull away and rest on her side of the bed, but instead she wrapped her arms around his neck and nestled into his neck, releasing an exhausted breath. He heard a quiet okay in the midst of it before her breathing evened out, and she was asleep.

He drifted off shortly afterwards.