Author's Note: This entire story came out of the dance scene in Dracula: Dead and Loving It when the Count and Mina are tangoing in his house.

I own neither the movie nor Hellsing. In fact, I own nothing since my cat owns me and is entitled to all that's mine.

Coughcough: This is going to be a little more... varied than my other fictions. Just...um... prepare yourself and remember that M doesn't stand for Mumbo the Magician in this case. OwO

Reflections are dicks.

They hardly have anything good to say; even their non-verbal communications aren't what you want to look at. They usually tell you that your teeth are stained with the remnants of your meal, or that you walked outside without a ponytail and your hair is now frizzy, or even that you probably should have stayed in bed today, because it's clear that you didn't get enough beauty sleep.

Luckily for humans, reflections can't speak. Otherwise, they might tell you things you don't want to hear. They may decide to voice their opinions about how your bathroom counter is covered in dried toothpaste, or how dusty your vanity is. They may sneer at your choice of clothing while tactfully pointing out that everyone can see the three spare tires you carry around when you wear that shirt. No, it is best that reflections stay quiet and just mimic the faces women make when they put on makeup.

However, non-humans don't have it so lucky. Seras Victoria found this out the hard way when she looked in the mirror one night in her room and her reflection arched a brow, remarking "Are you really planning on going out in that?" Seras never answered, since she fainted dead away from shock.

Upon waking, Seras discovered a wonderful, horrible thing. She was a vampire. Well, more specifically she was a vampire that had lived to be about ten years old.

"That comes with several major changes," her reflection had explained in a slow, calm tone. It was still standing, though Seras was sitting in one of the two chairs in her room and staring at the mirror with a sense of morbid fascination and overwhelming concern for her own sanity. "One of those being that our powers are settling down a bit." The reflection tilted its head, searching for the right words. "Meeting your ten-year mark; it's almost like vampire puberty of sorts." Seras nodded faintly. She could understand that metaphor well enough.

"Vampire puberty." Seras shook her head and looked at the mirror again. "And you are…who exactly? I mean, you're me obviously, but at the same time…." The reflection smiled knowingly.

"Technically, I'm a physical manifestation of your inner powers using a reflected surface as a medium between your physical plane and mine." Seras eye twitched and the reflection laughed. "I'm a more realistic form than the one your shadows take, but we're basically one and the same." She shook her head at the same time Seras opened her mouth. "No, no one else can see me. And no, Captain Bernadotte doesn't know about me. The only one that can speak to me is you." It smiled. "We Midians are a strange bunch, aren't we?"

"I'll say." Seras stood, finally grounded enough to be on her feet without swaying. "And so what other changes are coming that I should know about?" she asked almost angrily. She was irritated— as she'd been many times in the last ten years— that Alucard hadn't thought to warn her of this. A small part of her always piped up with the thought that clearly Alucard had been planning on being around longer than what he'd been, but still—it wasn't fair that she had to go through all this alone! The reflection thought for a moment, hand stroking the tip of its chin as it pondered before snapping its fingers.

"Well, first and foremost would be your cycles." Seras' eyes widened and she groaned audibly after a moment. She looked around, her face coloring as she leaned in close to the glass. The reflection leaned in too, coming close to hear what she was going to say.

"You mean that I'm getting my period again? I thought that I'd be safe now that…well, I mean ten years have gone by without—" She blushed fully and couldn't say any more. The reflection tittered and shook its head.

"No, no, no. Not menstrual cycles. Estrous cycles. Completely different things." The reflection mused for a moment before walking out of the mirror's frame. It returned a moment later with a reflection of the chair in Seras' room before sitting down on it. It crossed its legs and rested its hands on one knee. "Listen. When Midians get to a certain age, they aren't baby fledglings anymore. They grow up a little, so to speak. It really is like puberty."

"Are-are you giving me "the talk"?" Seras asked with a slightly-hysterical giggle as she got her chair and sat it in front of the mirror, mimicking the reflection's pose. The reflection shrugged and fluffed the blonde bangs away from its face.

"The point being—our bodies are ready to choose a, well—hmm." The reflection paused, crimson eyes becoming befuddled. "What's the word I'm looking for…" it muttered. Seras, seeing where the conversation was heading, tried to help.

"Boyfriend? Lover? Mate? Significant other? Husband?" she spouted off. The reflection frowned and nodded.

"There's not really a word for it, but I suppose that "spouse" could suffice. It's the same as being married, but without the holy vows and "before the eyes of God" and such and such." It clicked a gloved finger against one fang and hummed to itself. "Well, anyhow; that's what's happening. It's time."

"I see…" Seras frowned and looked down at her body; horrid, defiant thing that it was. "And so what's going to happen to me? I mean, am I going to turn into a bat for a week or what?" The reflection began to laugh hard enough to sway sideways and almost fall off the chair. Seras glared crossly at it until it managed to calm down.

"No! Silly thing; we're not turning into animals here!" it crowed. It wiped the red stains from its eyes and cleared its throat, trying to regain a sense of control. "It's just a few minor changes. For now anyway."

"For now? You mean it escalates or something?" The reflection nodded.

"These first few times, no one will pay attention to what's going on but you. Your powers will begin to amplify, and you'll notice that your scent changes a bit. This is what happens for the first few months, at least. Your power boost will remain, but the new scent will diminish with the new moon."

"New moon?" Seras tilted her head and frowned. "That's when it all ends?" The reflection nodded again.

"Yes. It starts fully with the full moon, ends fully with the new moon, and a break in-between until you find the right guy." It paused. "Or girl. I'm not picky." Seras sighed.

"So you're saying that until I choose a… spouse, if you will, I'm going to be basically in heat for weeks at a time." The reflection nodded with a bright smile on its face.

"Exactly! You got it!" It gave a thumbs-up. "Don't worry about going off and finding someone though. Your pheromones act as a natural filter. Only certain other vampires will be attracted to it, so it does all the process of elimination for you!" It grinned cheerfully. "And even the humans won't be bothered by it. It smells faintly sweet to their ill-mannered noses, so you won't have to run away from them."

"I see," Seras mumbled again. "This sounds like it's going to be a pain in the bum."

"Oh, it will be," the reflection agreed gleefully. "But you'll always have me here to help you out. When you go through it, I go through it, so we can lean on each other." It frowned at the mirror. "Well, not literally but you get my point." It held its hand up against the glass and Seras brought hers up to match it; a perfect fit. She smiled and the reflection returned the gesture before pointing again to her clothing.

"If you're really going to wear that, pick a better bra."

o-o-o-o-o 15 years later o-o-o-o-o

"Fuck it all!" Seras moaned as she slumped down against the wall of the bathroom, clutching her stomach for dear life. Her dæmon leaned up against the mirror and looked down sadly, its face a mirrored shade of green. "Men don't have to go through all this!"

"No, but they go through something a bit like it when they begin courtship," the reflection conceded. "Although their pains aren't half as bad." Seras groaned again and leaned over the side of the toilet, throwing up thick chunks of half-congealed blood and black bile.

"It's worse than last month. A million times worse." The reflection nodded with a frown.

"It's because you're officially twenty-five years old this month. You haven't chosen a mate yet," it admonished gently. Seras scowled up at it and the reflection shrugged. "I know you want to wait, but it's only going to get worse and worse until you finally choose. We'll start burning this year, too."

"Burning!?" Seras' voice reached a high-pitched shriek. "What are we going to do—have a sudden yearning for sunlight?"

"No but…. You'll see." The reflection ducked down out of the mirror and shadows skated across the floor to brush the Draculina's hair back sympathetically as she lurched over to heave again despite the empty contents of her stomach. "You'll see," an airy voice whispered inside her mind.

o-o-o-o-o 5 years later o-o-o-o-o

"Thirty years old—happy deathday!" the reflection cheered. Seras scowled and moved away from the mirror before burying her face in her hands. "Or maybe not so happy. I thought you'd be ecstatic, now that your creator has returned."

"I would be, under any normal circumstances. But I can feel it, and I know you can too," Seras moaned in utter embarrassment. The dæmon frowned and mimicked the motion of patting the Draculina's hair through the glass. "What am I supposed to do? Do you realize how embarrassing it's going to be for me?" she wailed.

"We're not the first female vampires, you know. He knows what we'll go through. He'd have reason to worry if nothing were to happen to us." This thought did little to calm the vampiress and the dæmon scowled in irritation. "Quit crying! If you're going to bemoan your own fate, at least do it with as much dignity as possible!" Seras sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve, looking up with red-rimmed eyes at the mirror across the room.

"I'm sorry. You don't have to be so mean," she mumbled. The reflection rolled its eyes and stepped out of the mirror, its humanoid form dissolving into shadows that slithered up the table leg and pulled Seras' glove off her one good hand.

"Come along then, let's get to bed. It's been a long night and tomorrow will be even longer," the light voice whispered in her mind. Seras nodded and rose from her chair, "arm" shifting into a shapeless void.

"Pip, I'm going to sleep," she called into the inky darkness. The Captain's torso emerged and he gave her a thumbs-up and a nod before melting back into the gloom of her powers. "Don't bother waking me unless it's someone important," she added as an afterthought before crawling into her coffin and closing the lid. "I need my sleep. Lord knows I won't be getting any next week."

Alucard sat quietly in the corner, leaning back in a procured chair that Integra had had brought for him. He tilted the chair on two legs, gazing out at the spacious office from beneath the brim of his hat. Integra was talking to Meadows, the current Hellsing retainer, about the supplies being trucked in for next week.

"Everything seems to be in order then." Integra hunched over the paper slightly, reading it slowly and going over the list in more detail. "Oh, don't forget the ice for Seras; she's going to need enough for eight days at least," she ordered, looking up from the paper at the aged man standing across from her. He nodded and scribbled a side note on the paper once he had gotten it back from her.

"Perhaps ten days," he mused openly. "Last month eight was hardly enough. She did mention that each passing becomes a bit longer." Integra nodded with a frown.

"Poor girl," she said pityingly and Meadows nodded his agreement before bowing and leaving without another word. Alucard waited until the burly man had completely made it down the hall before asking.

"What, pray tell, does the Police Girl need ten days' worth of ice for?" he queried half-curiously.

"To sit in, when the pain gets to her head. She says it's like flames licking all up and down her body; an immense hot flash that's a side effect of the moon, of all things." Integra picked up a pen and a scrap sheet of paper, writing a short memo to the captains before typing it up in an email. "You wouldn't know; apparently it only happens to female vampires." She said the last part in a sort of disgusted fascination: he likened it to van Helsing himself, who used the same infliction whenever he found out a new, morbid fact about Nosferatu and their habits.

"Hm." Of course, the Cycles. He'd completely forgotten. He returned to his silent state, his mind turning over this new tidbit of information. Of course his little fledgling would need some ice. He'd been gone 30 years, and she hadn't chosen any sort of mate yet; that much was clear. The Draculina had to be in a terribly anguished state every two month. He allowed himself the tiniest smidgen of sympathy for the girl. Poor thing, poor thing, he thought to himself, mimicking his Master's pity.