Title: Devotion

Author: Sassy

Rating: T

Pairing: Sebastian/Mary

Disclaimer: I don't own Reign, CW does.

Summary: Set right after 1.11. Sebastian and Mary discuss the aftermath of the poisoning.

Devotion

News of Catherine's attempt on Mary's life spread like wildfire though the gossip channels of the castle. Mary's ladies rushed in and formed a formidable wall around Mary, who was wet and shivering despite Sebastian's tight and warming hold. He was loathe to let go, but despite the fact he would face any form of danger for Mary, the three ladies' on a protective mission was a fight he could never win. He settled for sitting outside the bathing room door, ready to fight any other intruder while Greer, Kenna and Lola pushed Mary into a new tub of hot water to wash the poisons off, as if it hadn't already seeped into her skin. They were doing the only thing they knew to do to care for Mary and no one wanted to acknowledge that little could be done to stop the poison, and all they could do was pray it wasn't enough to eventually kill Mary. Sebastian had pulled her out of that tub so quickly, they knew, deep in their hearts, that she would be okay. They couldn't imagine otherwise.

When the door opened and Mary emerged in a white cotton night gown, her hair in a top knot, her head down, Sebastian rushed to her. He couldn't stop himself. He'd already pushed past what was proper. He'd held her in his arms naked and wet. Holding her in her nightgown was the least of their proprietary worries. The girls flanked her on either side, but made room for Sebastian to grab Mary's hands.

Sebastian didn't know what to say. None of them did. The girls were unusually quiet, Sebastian had nothing mischievous to say to cheer them all. The silence spoke volumes. Worry, fear, anxiety was thick in the air between all five of them.

He could read the exhaustion on her face. She looked so young, so weak, something that she rarely shine through since the day she step foot in the French court. She always kept a determined look on her face, no matter what was happening to her. It showed her underlying strength to everyone, friend or foe, that she was a force to be reckoned with. This had startled all of them to a point of no return. Why this was the one that affected her, after so many various attempts on her life, he couldn't say, but she was lost now.

They hurried her into the bedroom, the girls unable to speak, tucking her deep into her bed. They kissed her cheeks and hugged her, promising that they would never leave her side again. They were sentimental, these teenage girls, and Mary was the center of their universe no matter what diversions they came up with while they were in court. They played flighty when it suited them, but Sebastian knew that they were in actuality incredibly intelligent and thought their every move through. That was a requirement of court life. This had shaken them to their core and every single one of them felt it was their fault for leaving Mary alone for even a second.

Sebastian knew the feeling. They had known Queen Catherine was dangerous and that she was after them both. Mary had apologized time and again for putting him in such a dangerous position, as if she didn't understand that his simply being the bastard son of King Henri was enough to put him in danger whether he loved the Queen of Scotland or not. Sure, she brought the worst fears of a bastard at court to the forefront, but she was not responsible. It was as if they had focused on the attempts on his life and ignored that Mary was still in just as much danger as he was. He was to blame for letting them relax on their watch of Mary. They should have kept their eyes on her at all time, a guard directly outside her door not down the hallway. They should have made sure no guards could be bribed by Catherine to get out. So much of this was his fault, and these sweet, devoted girls took the blame.

Sebastian took a step back and watched the kind of loyalty this Queen elicited. Every one of those girls would have taken her place if they could have and they obviously were terrified that they were going to lose her. They knew Mary best, and just like Sebastian, they could see the defeated look in her brown eyes. It wasn't a matter of them being her subjects, it wasn't a matter of it was their duty. It was their absolute love for her. They saw her as so much more than a Queen, just as Sebastian did. They saw the girl inside, the girl who wanted to climb trees and run free with her dog, dance pretty dances and wear sparkling outfits. To them, this was the girl that was attacked, not the Queen of Scotland who had turned everything about the French Court upside down.

Mary tried to put her brave face on, telling them that she was fine; she was lucky Sebastian was around when she needed him most, her eyes flicking to his when she said that part. She returned their hugs and told them she was just tired and wanted to rest on her own. The three exchanged looks and seemed reluctant to leave. She did her best to put the sparkle back on her face, a fake smile that didn't fool anyone, and the girls decided that they would, but only if Mary promised to have her guards directly outside her door. Mary easily agreed, and her insistence at the girls returning to their chambers won. They still didn't speak much, their looks spoke volumes, and they filed out, each with one last look to Mary. Sebastian turned to leave also, but Mary's quiet voice stopped them.

"Bash. Don't leave me." Her voice cracked slightly and he was at her side, kneeling beside her bed, his hands entangled with hers.

Had it been just hours before that Sebastian had finally seen a possibility of their love growing? He'd loved her since he'd met her, years ago as a child, and his love had grown to something beyond him when she had returned to him as this brave, foolhardy, stubborn girl. He knew that she didn't love him. Not yet. She had tried her best to give herself wholeheartedly to Francis and they had only just changed her fate with the engagement. Sebastian didn't expect her feelings for Francis to vanish. He also knew she had something inside of her that she felt for him, his mother had spoken of a thirst she had for him as he had for her. But it wasn't love. Not yet. It was fondness, affection on her side. But tonight, she had told him that her heart was open and they'd kissed in a way that wasn't tentative, shy, or unsure. It was a kiss that spoke of hope and future and commitment and he had been flying from her words and her gentle touch. She could love him. She was ready to open herself to that possibility. Then, as high as he had been, he'd been dropped down low when he heard the guards yell about poison. He hadn't even thought when he pulled Mary, gasping and shaking from the bath, hadn't even contemplated his order to remove Catherine from their sight. Mary's words of defense, even in her weakened state, touched his soul and the fear that sliced through him that he would lose her, that he had lost her, that he almost had lost her was white hot and searing. He knew she was shaking, but he wondered if he was shaking as well. How had his night ended so badly when it had begun with such promise?

Mary's eyes were closed and her breathing was a bit ragged. He wondered if she slept, but he wouldn't leave her. Not after she had requested that he stay, in that sad, broken voice that he rarely heard from her. She wanted him by her side, even if it was only to guard her, and as he had said before, everything he was doing was for her. She was his family.

Her eyes opened slowly and met his searing eyes, a shade that was neither green nor blue. The worry that echoed in them touched her, mirrored her own. She gripped his hand, then reached up tentatively to touch his hair. "Do you ever get tired of it all?" She spoke in whispers, as if she was afraid of the ears in the castle walls.

He tilted his head and cupped her cheek. "Of what?"

"Being in danger, fearing for your life. Since I've been back, I've done nothing but endanger your life, Francis' life, my ladies' lives, my life. I'm so tired of being afraid. All the time. Aren't you?" She glanced away, unable to keep contact with his eyes that read her with one look. He stood from the position he had been kneeling in, contemplating her question. He lifted Mary's head, scooted himself into bed next to her, pulling her closely to his chest. He had never been this bold with her, only held her for moments before moving away, trying not to be too close to her. But he couldn't help himself. He felt like if he didn't hold her and shield her from the world, they would break, each for a different reason. He breathed in her scent, stroked the hair that had fallen from her knotted hair, still not answering.

She finally spoke, "Bash?" He let the way she said his name wash over him, full of questioning and affection and trust.

"I'm not sure how to answer that. Of course it wears on a person to have someone after them all the time. But honestly, Mary, I've spent my whole life afraid of being put to death. I'm here at the whim of my father, and just as easy as that whim keeps me here, it could send me away, put me to death. Catherine has never accepted my presence, always saw me as a threat. I've been in fear for my life since I was born.

It's not you, Mary. I've always been in danger. Just as you have been in danger most of your life. Do I wish that I could be free from the constant threat? Of course. But realistically, that will never be so, not until I am dead. You pushed for my legitimization, but that was Catherine's biggest fear to begin with. She's always wanted me gone. But with your push, I've gotten you. I never thought I would have you."

Mary stared at the ceiling of the canopy. She thought about what Sebastian said, about always being in danger. This was why she was so tired of it all.

"I was sent away from my home because of the continuous threat. I was sent to the convent because of it. I was sent away from the convent because of the threat. I have seen people murdered because of things intended for me; the nun who ate the poisoned food, Aylee, the sacrifice you made in the blood wood to save me, Isobel and her baby. I've hurt so many others, on top of this all.

It's too much, Bash. It's something I never wanted. I don't want to be Queen. I don't want to be told what to do and where to be and how to act and who to love. I don't want to have a life that involves myself or everyone else around me in danger. I want to give it all back, return it all to someone else and live my life. A life that isn't constantly threatened by others."

Sebastian kissed the top of her head, closing his eyes and letting her words sink in. He smiled just slightly for the first time since he thought he had lost her.

"Then let's run away."

Mary sighed dreamily. "Yes. It worked so well the last time."

They were quiet for a moment, each surrounded by their own thoughts. They lay together like it was the most natural thing in the world for them to hold each other like their life depended on it.

"I never thought she would try to kill me. Not really. I know she threatened me, but Catherine was so kind to me as a girl. I think that's why it hurts. I know we are enemies, but I never thought the woman who was kind to me as a child would kill me only a few years later. It hurts that someone so close to me would try to kill me. Everyone else doesn't really know me. It's just their orders from other people who don't really know me. But Catherine does and she did it anyway."

"We won't underestimate her again. We always thought she would focus on murdering me. We won't make that mistake ever again." Sebastian vowed. He felt a tear drop on his tunic. A single tear. She wouldn't cry. She never allowed it.

"It's not your fault, Mary. You said you put all of our lives in danger, but don't you see it's not you? It's never you. It's those who plot against you. You're not the one with the poison, with the call for sacrifice, with the desire for an English throne. You are caught in the middle of a battle bigger than you, and so are the others. You may be Queen, but you don't have the control over your life you should have. So you must never blame yourself. I would step into the fire for you. Greer and Lola and Kenna would fight to the death for you. You inspire devotion. You inspire love. You inspire loyalty. This is what makes you a Queen above all others. This is why so many people are afraid of you. Because you inspire everyone around you."

"Hardly everyone. If I did, Francis wouldn't be who he is, who treated me the way he did. Henri wouldn't be able to force me to fight for a throne I don't wish for."

"It is their fear of what you are able to inspire that makes them want to control you. If they can control you, they can control so many others."

Mary sighed once more. Sebastian had an answer for everything. He was so insightful, he always seemed to see things she never could see, things she never recognized. He would be an asset to her as a ruler and a person, despite the background he held. Somehow he always seemed to see this magical version of herself, somehow true and fantastical at the same time. Maybe it was the love he held in his eyes when he looked at her. It colored his perceptions into something Mary wanted to be, wild and controlled, free and respected all at once.

Something stirred inside of her besides just the fear she felt earlier, the betrayal and hurt. She closed her eyes again, her breathing less ragged, fear slowly draining from her face. She whispered once more, "I'm just so tired of it all, Bash."

"Then I'll carry it for you awhile. Until you're strong enough to take it once more." He said it simply and matter of factly. Like he would love to take on all of her burdens until she was ready to face them. He gave no thought to his own burdens, many of them caused by her. Because she was wonderful and she did inspire devotion. She was everything he had ever dreamed of having, so much more. He would take on anything for her. As long as there was still hope. And with Mary, there was no way to see anything but hope.

She tilted her head up and their lips met, softly, smoothly. This was not a kiss of passion, but of devotion, devotion coming from both sides, not just one any longer. She leaned her head back down and he pulled the blankets closer to her chin. As she started to doze off, the adrenaline from the day wearing off, she whispered once more, this time without the break in her voice because Sebastian made her a braver, stronger version of herself, "Don't leave me."

His hold tightened as he whispered back, "Never."