Chapter 1

Adam was angry…well, maybe not angry. He was sad…well, that wasn't it either. He could say for sure he wasn't happy at all. He stared down at the post hole he'd dug and realized it was big enough to set the outhouse on. He laid the mattock on the ground by his shovel and sat with a plop, pulled off his gloves and tossed them down beside him. He and Pa had another argument about where Adam belonged and now Adam was more confused than ever. Confused…yeah, that was how he felt.

Every week, just like clockwork, they received a letter from Grandfather Stoddard asking about when he would be enrolling at the college that Grandfather had chosen for him. He would be living in Boston with a grandfather he only knew in letters. In his responses to his grandfather's letters, Adam had made excuses about Pa and his brothers needing him here. Pa never set the old man straight and just let him believe that it was his fault that Adam hadn't come to visit yet.

Adam adjusted his hat and started absently plucking at some blades of grass while his eyes strayed across the field to the cattle grazing there. The herd had grown until there were enough to sustain them now. Next spring's calves would double the herd and they would be running out of pasture, so the new fence needed built soon. But, Adam knew that after the fence was done, he'd have another excuse and he and Pa would argue again.

He just didn't know what to do. His grandfather was not getting any younger and if he didn't make the trip soon, he might miss the opportunity to meet him. On the other hand, he had become attached to the Ponderosa and the three years he would be in engineering school would see many changes here that he would not be a part of. He really wanted to go to a real school for a change. All his education had been at the knee of his father or one of his step-mothers. The rest he'd obtained by his voracious appetite for books. No matter how poor they were, Pa had always found a way to provide Adam those books. When Adam was old enough to earn his own money, he'd started buying his own.

Adam felt the shadow of his father standing over him and looked up to see his caring expression, then looked back at the blade of grass that had dropped onto his pant leg. Darn it! Why did he do that? Although he'd received a paddling or two in his life, his father would rather give him that look that made him feel worse than any paddling ever could. Then he made him talk about the problem. Adam hated talking when he was upset. He'd rather brood on his own than have one of Pa's talks. Pa sat down beside Adam and sighed.

After a moment, Pa spoke. "We just don't communicate very well, sometimes. You and I are very different but very much alike. I know that you have invested as much of yourself in this ranch as I have. We've been together since you were born and I'm going to miss your companionship and your help, but I'd be a bad parent if I made you feel obligated to stay here." Hearing no response, Pa kept going. "Adam, what is it that you are really concerned about? Hoss is old enough and big enough to take on all of your chores and then some. Little Joe is getting big enough to share in the work and we can hire help now when we need it. The only thing really holding you back is you."

Adam knew Pa was right that he was just stalling for time. "Pa, what if my grandfather doesn't like me? What if I can't fit in there? What if he's ashamed of me? I'm not exactly practiced in the ways of the upper crust of society. What if I fail at that school? What if Little Joe forgets me?" He hadn't intended to let that last part slip.

He felt his father put his arm around his shoulders and found himself pulled closer. "Adam, don't ever doubt that you are just as good as any of those blue-bloods in Boston. The things you've learned are much more important than which fork to use and which side of the street to walk on. You will adapt and fit right in at the college and excel just like you always do. I have no doubt about that either. As for Little Joe, he won't forget his big brother. He's going to be sad when you leave, but he's as happy for you as the rest of us are. Your grandfather has been very generous with paying for the schooling and the costs of your travels there and back. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't want you with him."

Adam pulled his knees to his chest and scooted around to be face to face with Ben, then rested his chin on his knees with his arms looped around them. "Pa, I appreciate the faith you have in me, but you have to admit you aren't exactly an objective observer. What if I want to come back? How do I not hurt Grandfather's feelings?"

Ben smiled. "Adam, he let me take you with me to pursue my dream of moving west when you were a tiny baby. He even encouraged me to go when I wasn't sure I was ready. Your mother would have come with me and he knew that. I think he'll understand your need to return to us if you just don't want to stay. All we ask is that you give it a chance. You'll always be wanted here."

Adam thought about the great opportunity he was being given and how disappointed his father and grandfather would be if he didn't take advantage of it. Still, there were some doubts about going so far away and being gone for so long. "Pa? What if I decide I want to stay in Boston?" He said it half-jokingly.

"Well, Adam, I guess I'll miss you but I'll know that you are doing what you want to do. I'll be proud of you whatever you decide. I'll leave you alone to think about it some more." With that, Pa got up and walked back toward the house. Watching him leave, Adam considered their talk and decided that he would send a letter to Grandfather Stoddard to expect him within the month.