This story kind of builds on my recent mini fanfic, Unstable Energon. Starscream is recovering from a serious injury involving an exploding energon cube, so Skywarp has called in a Seeker medic he met who specializes in doctoring other jets—and in seducing unsuspecting mechs. Her name is Moonbeam, and Skywarp falls for her almost immediately. What he doesn't know is that Thundercracker is secretly out of his mind with jealousy and wants Moonbeam for his own, inducing constant fights between the two of them. Starscream, who ends up caught helplessly in the middle of this terrifying web of drama, suspects that Moonbeam is not as good a femme as she seems—and, worst of all, that he is losing his two best friends. Is a beautiful femme all it takes to split up the famous three jets? (Rated "M" for certain naughty activity.)

"Oh, I ache," said Starscream miserably, lying down again on the repair table and moaning in pain. "When is the medic going to get here?"

"Don't worry," said Skywarp, tapping his foot. "She'll be here."

"Well, I hope she will be," mumbled Starscream, trying to find a comfortable resting position, but no matter which way he turned, he landed on something that had been injured.

"Slag it, Starscream, will you knock off all that squirming around business?" Thundercracker snapped. "You're driving me crazy."

"Well, excuse ME," Starscream said angrily, lying flat on his back, and let out another howl of pain as his helmet and wings slammed into the hard metal bed. "SKYWARP!"

"What?!" said Skywarp.

"WHERE is your little friend?" Starscream demanded. "Come on, I'm dying here!"

"You were dying a few days ago," Megatron reminded him. "Now, you're just recovering."

"Starscream?" they suddenly heard a female voice say. "The medic will see you now."

"Oh, goody," said Skywarp, and disappeared. When he decided to teleport back into the med bay, he wasn't alone.

She was a femme Seeker, mostly black, but with shining golden wings, forearms, and feet. She was rather small, only up to Skywarp's shoulder, but she was well put together and pretty. She wasn't smiling, exactly, but she had a hint of a smirk on her face—the kind of look that says, I'm sexy and I know it. In one hand was a box full of medical supplies. Starscream hoped this wouldn't be too painful.

"Everyone," said Skywarp, putting his arm around her, "meet Moonbeam."

"Nice to meet you, everybody," Moonbeam said in a flirty voice, waving at them all.

"Thank Primus you're here!" Starscream sighed with relief. "I hope you can help me. As you can see, I'm very injured."

"Well, I just happen to specialize in that, sir." Moonbeam approached the repair table and set down her box of medical supplies. When she opened it, Starscream looked more than a little nervous.

"What's that?!" he asked, feeling panicked as he watched her pull out a large needle and a little jar of medicine. "Will it hurt?"

"This is just the anesthesia, silly," laughed Moonbeam, lifting up the needle, as Starscream's facial expression turned to terror.

"Do you want to squeeze my hand?" asked Skywarp. Starscream nodded and quickly snatched the purple jet's hand.

Moonbeam smiled sweetly. "Now, this may pinch a little…"

"OW!" Starscream shrieked as she jabbed the needle into one of his wings. "I thought you told me that was the anesthesia!"

"It is," said Moonbeam. "It just takes a few moments to sink in, that's all."

Starscream winced. "It takes a few—ohhh…"

"What happened?" asked Skywarp, letting go of Starscream's hand.

"His pain's going away," she replied. "I haven't seen someone this injured in a long time, so I gave him quite a bit of that stuff. It's meant to keep his sensor nodes from detecting the pain. In fact, he might be a bit…loopy for a few hours after this."

"Loopy like how?" asked Megatron, looking at Starscream, who was slowly settling back into the covers like a sparkling at bedtime.

"Well, he might act kind of funny after it reaches his CPU," said Moonbeam. "And he won't remember the procedure...or who any of you are, necessarily. Oh, and don't let him out to fly for at least another four hours."

"Medic?" called Starscream, waving his hand all around in the air. Now he had a rather relaxed, peaceful smile on his face.

"Oh, yes, of course," said Moonbeam. "Don't worry, this will be over soon."

The medical procedure lasted about an hour, during which Moonbeam helped Starscream recover from all his battle wounds a few days ago. Just as she predicted, Starscream wasn't really acting like himself; he just lay there in the bed, smiling tranquilly. Whenever anyone tried to talk to him he just mumbled something unintelligible back and laughed a little woozily.

When Moonbeam was finally finished with her stitches, bandages, and other doctoring in general, she put all her tools away and patted Starscream's helmet.

"Now, just relax and let everything heal," she told him, standing up. "You'll be feeling better before you know it."

"Who are you?" said Starscream, then blacked out.

ONE HOUR LATER…

Starscream woke up from stasis. Megatron and Thundercracker were still there, but Skywarp and Moonbeam were gone.

"Megatron!" called Starscream drowsily, waving. "Hey, what's up, buddy?"

"I see you are awake, Starscream," said Megatron coolly.

"Man, did you see that medic, Screamer?!" Thundercracker shouted. "Dear Primus, was she smokin'!"

"Smoke?" said Starscream, sounding confused. "Is something burning?"

"Get Soundwave in here, Thundercracker." Megatron smirked. "I have got to record this."

Thundercracker nodded and left to get Soundwave. Starscream yawned and asked, "Hey, where…where is everybody?"

"Skywarp and that femme left to go grab an energon smoothie," said Megatron. "Thundercracker is finding Soundwave."

"Soundwave?" asked Starscream, waving his hand in the air, obviously struggling to formulate words. "Is he the one with the…with the…the cat?"

"Ravage," said Megatron.

"Nice to meet you, Ravage," Starscream mumbled.

Megatron slapped himself in the forehead then sat down in the chair next to the repair table. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"I-I, um, ten," said Starscream confidently.

"I'm only holding up one hand!" yelled Megatron.

"One what?" asked Starscream, then lay back again and closed his eyes as Thundercracker and Soundwave walked back in.

"Starscream, what is your most embarrassing secret?" asked Megatron, as Soundwave started to record his reply.

"I think I wondered what…what it would be like to kiss…to kiss a gorilla," mumbled Starscream.

"What's that?" asked Thundercracker.

"It's some Earth creature," said Megatron. "It's basically like a flesh creature, only I think they might be a different species. I don't really remember. Or care."

"Oh," said Thundercracker. "Okay, then, what else shall we ask him?"

"Do you really like Seeker Daily Drama after all, Starscream?" asked Megatron.

"What?" said Starscream. "Oh, yeah, um…good. Good."

"What do you like about it?" Thundercracker grinned.

"The…the 'facing," Starscream told him. "Man…I'm sleepy."

"Okay, that's enough," said Megatron, and Soundwave stopped recording.

"Do you think all those things are true?" asked Thundercracker. "Because, honestly, I can't decide which was the funniest."

"They probably aren't true," replied Megatron. "After all, he's under the influence of some pretty heavy depressants…but he still said those things, so who cares?"

"Right." Thundercracker laughed. "He's just gonna be pretty mad when he goes back to normal, though."

"By the way," said Megatron, leaning back in the chair, "did Skywarp happen to say when he was planning to be back?"

"No, of course not." Thundercracker scowled suddenly and turned away. "I suppose they'll be done with their smoothies by three in the morning, maybe."

"And then they'll hit the sheets!" Starscream blurted out. Megatron just laughed, but Thundercracker didn't look quite as happy.

TO BE CONTINUED…