DISCLAIMER: Trigun and its characters belong to Yasuhiro Nightow.

The ceremony was complete.

Milly looked at Meryl and Vash. He was staring at the bottle of scotch, seeing something that wasn't there. Meryl was looking down, fighting a battle within herself over something.

You couldn't celebrate Wolfwood's life without being affected by his death all over again.

Milly suddenly found it stifling in here. It was hard for her to breathe. She could feel the walls closing in around her. Meryl and Vash had something brewing that would pretty soon either make two people into one couple with its explosion, or rip them apart with its explosion; either way, an explosion would happen, and Milly wasn't sure at this moment she could take being in the blast radius.

She had to get away, had to find a way to catch her breath…

"Please excuse me." She fled onto the back deck, closing the door firmly behind her. Leaned on the railing and let the cool, dry breeze slow her heart rate.

Good things were supposed to happen if you were good. Hadn't Milly been good? Hadn't she always stuck by Meryl? Hadn't she helped take care of Vash when he needed it?

Things had turned out ok for Meryl. Vash had come back to her. She got what she wanted, as she should have.

Why didn't Milly get to have Nick?

Why did he have to die and Vash got to live? Why did Meryl's dreams come true and her dreams became nightmares? Why did she feel resentment stir deep within when she looked at Meryl and Vash?

WHY?

Milly would never wish ill for her friends, not truly; life without Nick just hurt so damn bad.

Did she love him?

It was a question she always struggled with. She had no one to compare him with. No idea of what love beyond family felt like.

Tears hit the deck rail as precious memories surfaced.

"I'm a man of the cloth."

She giggled. "Do you like, make pretty dresses?"

What an introduction.

The bus rattled along, most of them lost in exhausted sleep after their desert ordeal. She felt something tap her shoulder. Looked up and found his eyes on hers.

"Can I sit here?"

"Huh? Oh…yeah, sure." She wasn't sure why he wanted to sit next to her, after having been deep in conversation with Mr. Vash, but she didn't mind, either. He was really nice - and if you couldn't trust a priest, who could you trust?

She stiffened at first when he put his head against her and nodded off. But when he sighed and said, "Hey, you're really comfortable," she felt something click inside and relaxed against him. He might be as skilled as Mr. Vash in bad situations, but he was no danger to her.

He was so gentle with her, always so gentle. How could a man who turned out to be so dangerous have been so gentle?

She knew Meryl was overjoyed to see Mr. Vash hadn't been killed in the quick-draw tournament, after all. She knew Meryl's heart beat faster to see him alive. She knew this because she felt the same thing, looking at Mr. Wolfwood standing there with a cocky grin.

Good God, he was a man. Meryl loved Vash, but she preferred Nick. Ever-serious Nick. Her big bad handsome man.

They'd been driving for so long, but at long last the town was in sight.

His voice broke the silence that separated Meryl from Mr. Vash. "Ah, there it is! We're here; it's about time!"

She couldn't contain her joy at the end of such a long trip. "YAY, team! I'll have a pudding a la mode and a mocha frosty cream."

"Am I correct in assuming that means you're hungry?"

She was stunned at his near-psychic perception. "Amazing! How could you tell, Mr. Wolfwood?"

"I know absolutely everything about you, honey."

There was truth in his flirtation. He saw things in her no one else did. Just as she saw the good man he couldn't bring himself to admit he was.

"I'm staying here, Meryl. He told me to stay here. He made me promise. So I'm not moving until he comes back."

Milly looked up at the stars, blinking away the tears that came when she thought of him. "Is that why it hurts so much when I look at Meryl and Mr. Vash, even though I'm glad they have each other? Did I love you, Nick?"

Maybe it was because her eyes were so teary, but she saw his face in the night sky. Closed her eyes. The breeze blew, ruffling her hair. She felt…something, like a feather-soft kiss on her lips.

Opened her eyes and smiled. She had her answer.

"I did love you. I still do."

And that was ok. She didn't have to resent Meryl for having Vash while Nick was gone, because Nick wasn't really gone.

Not the most important part – the love that he left in her heart.

Milly breathed in the night air and relaxed. She was going to be ok.