120: I will not give hallucinogenic substances to Eren then make him turn into titan form.
"OH MY GOD! THE FLYING PONIES ARE EVERYWHERE!"
needless to say that the plan failed miserably.
121: I will not ask Annie why she is always PMSing.
the doctor is still trying to figure out how the petite girl managed to pull Jean's spine out of his asshole.
122: I will not arrange it so Dot Pixis and Armin have to share a tent.
what happened that night is - yet again- confidental. we can, however, tell you that Armin now shudders at the very mention of male thongs, super glue, and rubber ducks.
123: I will not ask all the girls for there measurements.
yet again was the doctor stupefied at how Jean was alive with his spine yet again anally removed, this time coupled with a split skull, a 'bloody eagle' and his legs bent 90 degrees the wrong way.
124: I will not not try to set Rico and Armin up together.
actually the two hit it off pretty well. who knew that strategizing the imminent downfall of the titan race could be so much fun.
125: I will not paint Eren's titan form green and call him the incredible hulk.
"EREN SMASH!"
*crash! bang! boom!*
"I FUCKING KNEW IT! HE CAN TALK!"
126: I will not set up a Levi fan club.
"haaaaannnnnjjjjjiiiiiiii..." Levi ground out between grit teeth. the bespectabled woman backed up in fear.
"a-ano Levi heichou... this... this is... ermmmm... I'M SORRY!, THIS WAS ERWIN'S IDEA TO RAISE FUNDS FOR THE RECON CORPS!"
127: I will not sell official Levi fanclub merchandise.
"get your official Levi T-shirt now! only $5!"
"so this is where our money comes from huh? commander..."
Erwin put the shirts down as he stared at Levi for a few seconds.
before running off at top speed.
"ERWIN-KUSOU YAROU!"
128: I will not try to turn the Levi fanclub into a religion.
"all hail our benevolent lord Levi!"
"ERWIN!"
129: I will not tie Eren naked on Ymir's bed.
the tall brunette merely shrugged, picked him up and threw him into Mikasa's room. afterwards, she put in some earplugs to block the sounds of Mikasa's sqealing and moaning out.
130: I will not try to sell Armin on the black market.
Eren kicked Jean in the groin, before hoisting Armin onto his shoulder and walking off. leaving a crying Jean, and a sad priest with a bag of money.
131: I will not Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip...
Connie and Sasha forgot that morse code was one of the languages that Levi knew, so when they said that he was a PMS-ing midget on steroids in morse, he had them clean the men's toilets with their own toothbrushes.
132: I will not stop making make eye contact.
Jean creeped Armin the fuck out.
133: I will not stop breaking eye contact.
when Jean did this, and actually started blushing every time he looked away, Armin outright refused to be in one room with the guy.
134: I will not Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Annie smiled at her horse. "you are an amazing creature, you know that?" Eren smirked as he walked up to her.
"that's what YOU think Annie. I know a horse that's even more amazing. it can walk on it's hind legs, and even speak."
Annie, not believing it, raised an eyebrow.
"where is it then?"
"room 103."
"isn't that kirchstein's room?"
"that's what I said."
135: I will not invent nonsense military jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
"the goat has been milked!"
"copy that. seven dwarves in the hole?"
"no. only six, and one panther."
Eren just stared blankly at the two grunts.
"I'm staying out of this one."
136: I will not Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
Levi sniffed the air in disgust.
"nin-nin."
"YEAGER!"
137: I will not recite the entire braveheart speech before all missions.
"FREEDOM!" Erwin roared as he charged the titans on his infamous unicycle. the rest sweatdropped as they watched their one armed commander ride on top of a titan's arm at impressice speeds, and slicing it's neck with one sword.
"he's only gonna become crazier, ain't he?"
138: I will not handcuff Eren and Levi together.
Levi walked off with his hand cuffed to a bleeding severed hand, and a bonesaw in the other hand. Eren cursed and rolled around on the ground, holding his already regenerating stump. Erwin watched him from a small distance.
"at least yours regenerates." he deadpanned.
139: I will not suggest Hanji should get pregnant with Eren's babies so she can give birth to titans.
he only left a single note behind as Hanji looked for him... dressed in a provocative nightgown.
'dear friends.
I'm off castrating myself with two bricks.
tell Mikasa I love her, and tell Jean to shut the fuck up and keep his hands off of her.
-sincerely yours-
-Eren Yeager.'
140: I will not get Eren drunk.
"huh... never thought he'd destroy HQ... my bad."
141: I will not let Mikasa strip in front of Eren and Jean.
Jean got knocked out with a nosebleed. then Eren curb stomped his face into the wooden floor a few more times. Jean is currently still in a coma.
142: I will not treat everyone as a kitten.
"and how awe you Levi-nyan?" Erwin asked in a cooing voice.
Levi responded by throat punching his superior.
143: I will not sneak in Mikasa's room and stick Neko ears on her head while sleeping.
Eren nearly died of a moe overdose that day.
144: I will not sneak into Eren's room and put his hand on his mouth while sleeping.
nothing happened.
145: I will not put Armin beside a Titan Eren.
"COMMANDER! THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"
the hysteric laughter of the commander could be heard for days.
146: I will not put Annie and Eren beside each other when they are asleep and put their hands on their mouths.
"KYAAAAAAH!" came the synchronized screams of the two. they did not expect to wake up next to each other. Eren came down with a black eye that morning.
147: I will not send out invites to the wedding of Reiner and Bertholt.
"sooooo... you're gay?" asked a random grunt.
Reiner had to restrain himself from going full out armored titan on the guy.
148: I will not hum the imperial march from star wars every time Levi walks into the room.
the creepiest part was that he actually grinned when someone did this.
149: I will not say 'thats what she said' whenever anyone make an unintentional innuendo.
"so you'll go in, drop your load, and then get out, understood?"
"that's what she said."
150: I will not tell Hanji that Eren and Levi are married.
the mental image was enough to send the woman flying with a nosebleed.
151: I will not introduce the game MINECRAFT to the people in the Recon Corps.
"YEAGER! THE TITANS ARE ATTACKING!" a grunt roared. Eren quickly grabbed a pickaxe and ran to the front of te group, before digging into the ground and filling it with TNT. as soon as a particularly stupid titan stepped onto it, it blew the small horde up.
"who knew that that game would come in handy."
they had to restrain Eren, however, when he started mining into wall maria.
152: I will not introduce PEWDIEPIE to the people in the Recon Corps.
"oh god why..."
153: I will not start a multiplayer game of any game in the computer room of the Recon Corps.
"go, GO!"
"NOOOO! THE OTHER WAY, YOU IDIOT!"
"BOOM! headshot."
"AAAAAGGHH"
those sounds were heard from within the computer room for weeks.
154: I will not hide all of the 3D MANEUVER GEARS on top of trees.
"YEAGER!"
"dude, seriously? how in the actual fuck did you do this?"
"nin-nin!"
155: I will not introduce MY LITTLE PONY to the Recon Corps.
"iTS THE REVENGE OF THE FLYING PONiES!"
156: I will not hide all of Armin's books.
Armin's bloodrage was so great, that it was the first time in the history of mankind, where corporal Levi ackerman was not able to stop a living being. the hero of humanity is currently in the hospital with a broken arm, and a bruised pride.
157: I will not hide all of Levi's clothes.
"YEAGER!"
"sir, actually, this time it wasn't me." Eren deadpanned, standing next to him.
"then who did-"
"HAHAHAHAHAAAH!" Connie came running by, still holding one of his cravats.
"MOTHERFU- CONNIE! GET BACK HERE!"
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"
158: I will not hide Hanji's glasses under Levi's bed.
it was a suprise for Levi that the first thing he saw upon entering his room, was Hanji's ass sticking out from under his bed.
159: I will not use the song "Die Young" as a promotional video for joining the survey corps
nobody got within a 47-foot radius of Levi for the next month...
...Erwin's body was never found...
160: I will not tell Hanji that all Annie needs to wake up from her crystallization if for her prince charming to kiss the crystal.
she smashed Eren face first into the crystal casing so hard that both his front teeth smashed right through his bottom lip.
161: I will not tell Eren and Mikasa "I saw you two having fun last night."
Eren coughed on his drink while Mikasa ran at Connie with a butcher knife. the boy is still looking for his three missing toes.
162: I will not tell Auruo that Petra likes him.
he fainted after squealing like a fangirl.
163: I will not tell Petra that Auruo likes her.
her eyes rolled back into her skull, and she fainted.
164: I will not kiss Eren Jeager.
"aaaaannnniiiieeeeeeee... wheeeerrreee aaaarrrreeee yyyyoooouuuuu?"
Mikasa stalked the hallways of the HQ with a bloody butcher knife in her hand, and a disturbing smile plastered across her face.
"come out, come out wherever you aaaarrrreeeee... I wont hurt yoooouuuuu..."
it took the 104th regiment a lot of manpower, sedatives and psychological treatment to get the raven haired girl to stop hunting annie down.
it has now degraded into her keeping Eren on a leash 24/7 'for his own protection'.
165: I will not dress up as he-man.
"IIIIII haaaaveee theeeee POOOOWWWWEEEEERRRRRR!"
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ARMIN, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!"
166: I will not offer a free kiss from Levi for anyone who joins the survey corps in order to get more recruits.
the amount of girls joining the corps raised exponentially... so did the amount of throatpunches Erwin recieved from Levi.
167: I will not stick a 'kick me' sign on Levi.
Levi kicked back... hard... to the face.
168: I will not hug the 1st person I see and declare my undying love for them.
Jean did this to Armin.
the poor boy finally got over his Jean-induced homophobia, but now it returned, with a vengeance.
169: I will not put up signs announcing Hanji was pregnant with Levi's baby.
"has anyone seen corporal Levi?"
"nah... as soon as he saw the posters, he packed his bags, and ran like a bitch."
170: I will not drink too much coffee.
"oohwhatisthisthisissoamazingifeelfunnywhatisitcalledcanihavesomemoreyoulookfunnywhyamitalkingsofastifeellikekillingalotoftitansinordertorestorehumanityandeatsomepie!"
a valuable lesson was learned that day.
Mikasa Ackerman's one weakness, was caffeïne.