Preface

At 16 you think that you have everything figured out. You think that you are in love with the boy who lives across the hall from you and got you pregnant. You think that you and he will be able to make it with the child you are carrying. You think that the world isn't that bad after all because moms don't kick you out, and let you keep your baby. But you're wrong. You are so wrong. Because school is still hard, and now you have to write papers and change diapers. You used to relish sleeping in, but now you're up all night and you swallow coffee like it's your job. And speaking of jobs, you work a dead end one after school to make the money you need for the endless baby supplies. And you wonder, why diapers cost so much if they are a necessity for babies. You wonder each day if you made a mistake in keeping Tegan, when you finally get the chance to take a piss, or to quickly take a shower.

He promised that everything was going to be ok, but moms decide that he shouldn't sign the birth certificate, or tell anyone that he's the father of your child until you're 18 because otherwise you'd be removed from the house. And your 16 year old mind agrees, because you're not getting kicked out after all, but what you don't realize is that nothing changes. You're still not allowed to be together, and you just agreed to give him a get out of jail free card. And it's okay right? Because he said that he would help you as he begged you to keep this baby. He said that he would never leave, but everybody eventually leaves right? He comes home later and later as the days turn into weeks and then into months. And people only give you dirty looks as you push the stroller to the day care up the road each morning. And you were already a pariah at school and Tegan causes you to have no one, not even her father. But at night he comes from the house into the garage where you and Tegan stay, to tell you he loves you, and he loves her. And he makes empty promises that you choose to believe because this is as good as your life is going to get is it not?

And you both pretend that you're still in love, or that you ever were in the first place, and when Tegan turns 4 you find solace in each other for the first time since Tegan was conceived. He's on top of you, and inside of you since Tegan is with her grandmothers for the night. And you and he share a passionate night as a goodbye since he will be going off to college in a month. You get lost in the familiar feel of his body rubbing against yours in the most sensual of ways, since you're both adults now and it's no longer illegal. You sigh as he tells you he loves you and peppers your face with kisses and slides himself back into you after a few moments of rest. You don't remember him feeling this good, and you don't remember the last time your mind shut off and let you have a little fun.

You are both the parents of a rambunctious four year old girl, with wild brown pigtails and hazel eyes. And you both love her dearly, and he finally signed the birth certificate. And for some reason you feel as if your life is getting back together slowly but surely. Tegan was only a detour you tell yourself, and even though you graduated high school with honors, and are ready to go to the local community college to continue your education, and those sleepless nights are finally over, you still wonder what it would have been like if you didn't walk out of the Planned Parenthood almost five years ago. Where would you be now? What college would you be going to? But as he drives deeper into you, arching your back, and making you cry out in pleasure, the thoughts are wiped from your mind as he pulls another elusive orgasm from the depths of your belly.

Monday

I wonder silently where I could have contracted this stomach bug as I find myself throwing up into the toilet bowl in my tiny garage apartment. Tegan is playing with her toys in her makeshift bedroom, and through the retching I could hear her clacking her dolls around the carpet, getting upset when the toy car gets caught on the rug. My body is shaking from the violent retching and I am thanking everything that I can that my hair is always pulled back now. I can feel the rim of the toilet seat poking into my stomach once again like it did almost five years ago. There is sweat and tears sliding down my face, and I can't for the life of me stop the vomit from crawling it's way up my throat. When I feel as if I can stop for a second, I lean back onto my ankles and sip slowly from the bottle of water that I had brought into the bathroom with me. Rinsing my mouth as I thought back to five years ago when I was crying into Brandon's shoulder as he found me clutching the pregnancy test in my hands while spewing my guts into the toilet. I didn't have the time to dawdle this time around, so I stand shakily and brush my teeth, getting ready to prepare my daughter for bed. Walking out of the bathroom I take another sip of water to try and calm my stomach from the rolling waves of nausea I am currently experiencing.

"Tegan," I called out weakly to my daughter. My voice cracked just a bit from the strain of trying to yell to her. I walked closer, hand clasped to my mouth in case another bout of bile forced its way back up my throat. "Tegan!" I tried again once I got closer to bed bedroom door. "It's time to get ready for bed. Want to call Daddy?" I asked her. She nodded her head, jumping to her feet and running at me full speed. Her tiny arms clasped around m calves, and my heart swelled with pride as I thought back to that week where I made the decision to terminate my pregnancy. And I won't lie and say that it was easy, and that raising Tegan is a cakewalk, because it's not. I'm sure that I still have sleep that needs to be caught up on, and I'm not sure if my hair will ever be clean again, and there are stretch marks now in places I never had them before. My breasts are fuller, and my hips no longer fit into any of the junior sized jeans I used to be able to slide over my body. I had to grow up fast, in ways that I couldn't even imagine.

"Go get your pajamas on and meet mommy in the bathroom to brush your teeth." I managed to say to Tegan before I turned and rushed back to the bathroom. I hissed in pain as my knees hit the tile with such force that I was sure I had shattered a knee cap. And before I could even take a breath, my head was back inside the seat, and I was throwing up everything I had inside of me. There was a burning in the back of my throat, and the sting of the acid from my stomach caused tears to spring back into my eyes. I continued to think to myself that this stomach bug must have come home with one of the twins from UCLA. There was no other explanation for it right? I was still throwing up when Tegan walked into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She placed her small hands on my shoulders and laid her head in the middle of my back.

"Mommy, are you ok?" She whispered to me once I had stopped spitting.

"I think so, pumpkin. Let's brush our teeth together."

"OK! I want to put the paste on the brushes!" I smiled as she climbed up onto the step stool and reached out for the toothbrushes that were sitting in the holder to the right of the faucet. She tapped her foot and huffed at me as I continued to quickly wash my hands.

"I'm sorry pumpkin." I said as I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the two different tubes of toothpaste. As we stood brushing our teeth in the mirror my eyes wandered around the bathroom. My stomach had calmed a bit, and I breathed a sigh of relief hoping that the vomiting was over for the night. It wasn't until my eyes roamed the shelf to the right of the toilet that I realized that this was probably not a bug.

"Good night Daddy!" Tegan said sleepily into the phone. "I love you, only 97 days until you come home!"

"Good night Tee, I love you." Brandon whispered back, before I lifted the phone to show my face. I smiled at him through the camera. You could see the city lights behind him, and I wondered for a second if I had disturbed him with the nightly phone call. I could hear a bit of music drifting in from his side of the call.

"Hey Callie." He said once I had situated myself on the couch in the small living room. From here I could see directly into the kitchen in the house. I sighed, my shoulders immediately loosening and before I knew it I was crying. "Callie, what's wrong?" Brandon asked, alarm ringing through the words. I could feel the panic in his voice. I tried to take a deep breath to steady myself, but the tears kept coming. I could feel the gut wrenching sobs work their way up before I emitted the loud wail. Dropping the phone to clamp my hand around my mouth before I woke our sleeping child.

"Damnit Callie, what is happening? Is everyone ok?" I shook my head hoping that he could see me. Shakily I reached down for the phone, wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt, and deciding that maybe that wasn't a good idea since I had been throwing up in the bathroom for the last few hours.

"No Brandon. Everything isn't ok. I'm not ok." He continued to look at me through the phone, the question etched into every line of his face. "I think I'm pregnant."

Tuesday

I was rushing around the garage trying to find a stupid doll for Tegan, because she wouldn't go to daycare without it. I could feel the difference now in the way I was carrying my weight, could count the number of days I was late if I thought too long about it, and if I closed my eyes long enough I could still feel him emptying himself inside of me. I had sat on the couch for a long time the night before, with Brandon sitting on the other end of the phone just as silently. It was a long time before he got up the courage to speak my name again, telling me that it was all going to be ok. That he would come home, and that he would get a job teaching kids to play the piano, and he would take care of us. He would provide for his family. And all I could think of was how I couldn't do it again. He didn't have to go through the nausea, the pain, the sleeplessness. He didn't have to go to summer school with an infant, because he was put on bedrest for the last three months of the pregnancy with Tegan. He didn't put his life on hold, and share his body with a stranger. He didn't get the post partum depression, where I wanted to run everyday, because it was hard. Being a parent was hard. I didn't get to give up and move across the country to go to Juilliard and study music. I had to stay, and give the Tylenol, and the baths, and make sure Tegan got to go to school.

"I love you, Callie." He had said to me as the minute hand creeped closer and closer to the midnight hour, as the night began to shift to day. I love you. How many times had he uttered those words to me as he walked out of the house to go out with friends. Or when he had sort of rekindled his relationship with Talya, and then there was Cortney. How many times did I sleep with our daughter clutched to my chest with tear stained cheeks, because he loved me. But I found myself whispering that I loved him too. And I did. A part of me always would love him because he gave me the best gift I could have ever received. He gave me Tegan, and five years ago I loved him with every cell in my body. I would have laid down my life for him. But I was just as scared now as I was then. I couldn't raise another child with him away at Juilliard. And I know that he said that he was willing to come home to care for us, but how could I let him do that? And Moms would never hear of it, they would scold us. I found myself sitting on the couch, gripped in fear for having to tell them that I was pregnant again, and once again we didn't even bother with protection. Two times we had made love, and two times it resulted in a baby.

I didn't need a test to tell me that I was pregnant, I could feel him in my veins.

"Mommy," she yelled from the front door, stomping her feet "Did you find Susie or not?" Tegan's voice pulled me from my thoughts as I reached out and gripped the doll that was sitting neatly on her bed.

"Yes," I called back to her. I gripped her hand tightly in my own before strapping her into the carseat and driving her to her daycare. It wasn't until I was parked at the local community college that I allowed myself to cry another batch of tears as I thought of the past. I remember the pain that tore through my body in the early morning hours as I went into labor. Brandon was off with his father that night, after I assured him that it was ok to go. I thought back remembering that at 16 I was so scared that I got up and changed my clothes and the sheets before I went to moms and told them something was wrong. Stef immediately jumped into action, dialing Brandon to tell him that it was time, but as he picked up the phone I could hear the laughter of the people he was with as he shouted into the phone that he couldn't hear us, and was everything all right.

I was in labor for 27 hours with Tegan, and she got stuck at the end there, or did I just stop pushing in hopes that Brandon would miraculously make an appearance. He didn't. She was beautiful as they placed her on my chest, and I didn't care that the nurse was giving me a dirty look as I looked down at my daughter. All I know now is that I couldn't do this again.

I thought about my future, Tegan's future. Try as he might, Brandon wasn't all in. And yes he did love us, but he's still a child himself. He didn't have to grow up the way I did. When things got tough he escaped out with his friends, or disappeared to his father's house. But me, I didn't get a break. I still don't get a break. And if I had another baby, how could I ever finish my schooling. And where would we live? Because surely moms would ask me to leave. Once was a mistake, twice was definitely a pattern. And did we not learn to use protection after the first time? My hands continued to be shaky as I exited the school parking lot and made the trek across town. The building was much smaller than I remembered it from five years ago, but it still made me shake. I didn't get out of the car right away, but I knew, deep down in my gut that I couldn't have this baby. And I knew, that whatever fragile relationship Brandon and I had managed to maintain over the last few years was going to break when I tell him that I was going to abort his baby. There was no backing out this time.

Wednesday

It was a rainy day in San Diego, the sun was no where to be found and Tegan was off with her uncles. I was huddled up in the living room of the main house watching the rain fall onto the ground outside. Marianna had sat down next to me on the couch, and I could tell that she wanted to talk. But words had failed me right now. I didn't know what to say to her so I just showed her the sonogram I had taken at Planned Parenthood just yesterday.

"Callie." She said, hissing as she took the picture from me.

"I've had sex three times in my life, Mari. Three, and two out of the three have resulted in a pregnancy." I looked up into her eyes. "I can't have another baby Mari, I just can't. And I know Brandon is going to be so upset, considering he begged me to keep Tegan. My life has forever changed because of that little girl, and I love her with every single piece of me, but I can't bring another child into this world. Brandon isn't here, and he was barely there during the end of my pregnancy with Tegan, and then he all but disappeared with Talya. And I understood then why he didn't sign the birth certificate but now, I think it was a dick move. She's his child. She was made out of love, and I guess so was this child, but I can't do it Mari. I have a life too you know. I don't want to have another kid right now. And I know that is stupid because if I truly didn't want one, then we would have used protection. I know all of this, and how could I be sitting here thinking about aborting this child when I kept the first. Why was Tegan special enough to live? And I hate myself for everything that I am thinking and sometimes I look at Tegan and imagine my life without her. And yes it would be easier, but nothing that is worth it is every easy. And I love my daughter Mari, and I love Brandon for giving me my daughter, but I don't think I love him. Because he abandoned me when I needed him the most. He abandoned Tegan. Hell he is still abandoning us." I paused and took a deep breath. "But at the same time I understand that he was a baby, and so was I. And he has goals and dreams, and who the hell am I to take that from him? But I can't go through another pregnancy by myself Mari, I cannot stop pushing another baby out of me in hopes that he will show up. And I can't make excuses for him to my daughter or this baby when he says he's going to be here, but then never shows. I won't have this baby, Mari."

"Callie." Marianna said again, still looking down at the sonogram.

"No." I stood and walked to the window. "I go Friday afternoon for the procedure, and I won't let Brandon talk me out of it this time." I said before walking out of the house into the rain fall.

When I came back inside it was to a ringing cell phone on the end table in my living room. I could see his name and face flashing up at me, and I continued to ignore the call as I sat down soaking wet on the living room couch. It wasn't until he called back a seventh time that I answered.

"Yes," I asked calmly, standing and walking into the bathroom to get out of my wet clothes.

"Mari called me." He spoke evenly, though I could tell that he was upset.

"I go on Friday." I said back to him. "I'm not scared this time."

"Please Callie, don't do this. Don't abort my baby." I sighed.

"Your baby, Brandon? Your baby? Where were you when Tegan was born? Where were you when I had to rush her to the hospital because her temperature was reaching 102 degrees. I love you Brandon, I truly fucking do. But I can't have another baby with you. You are still a baby, and you need to grow the fuck up."

"You're not thinking clearly, Callie. I love you, we can get married and make this work." He pleaded, much like he did five years ago. I softened.

"I know you love me, and I love you too. But are we in love with each other Brandon? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me? Do you want to raise another baby with me? Because you're half present for the first child. We made love over a month ago before you left for school, it was wonderful and I enjoyed it. But we should have been more careful. You're in New York, and I'm here and on Friday I am going to have the procedure, and this time you can't talk me out of it." I could hear the tears he was crying through the silence. And before long I felt my face become wet with tears of my own. "You don't live my life Brandon, you don't understand everything I have had to sacrifice. You got to grow up normally, you still had friends and a girlfriend, and when you were lonely you would climb into bed with me. And out of respect for moms we would never have sex, but we used each other for release in other ways. You were it for me, but I need to take back control of my life Brandon."

"Please, Callie, please don't do this."

"No, Brandon, no."

Thursday

When I awoke on the next morning, it was not to the shouts of Tegan from the other room, but to the sounds of my daughter laughing at something in the other room. I tiptoed quickly to the small kitchen area to pour myself a cup of coffee and stood in the doorway of my daughters bedroom. I froze at the sight before me, my blood running cold, and the coffee cup smashing to the ground at my feet, the hot liquid scalding my legs on the way down. He stood up and was at my side before I could say that I was ok.

"What are you doing here Brandon?" I asked him, stepping backwards to avoid coming into contact with him.

"I'm here to show you that we can make this work. I've come home. I'm transferring schools." I shook my head, reaching behind me to grab the mop and the broom.

"No." I said.

"What do you mean no?"

"I thought I was clear last night, Brandon. I'm not having another baby!"

"Mommy, you're having another baby! That's so cool!" Tegan said from the other side of the spill. I glared at Brandon. I handed him the broom and mop, and reached out to lift Tegan over the spill.

"No baby, Mommy isn't having another baby." I said, sitting her besides me on the bed. "Mommy is growing a baby for a short time, and then the baby is going away." Tegan looked confused, trying to work out the logistics behind what I meant before she turned to look at me.

"What do you mean, Mommy?" I sighed, before making eye contact with Brandon and then with our daughter.

"Sometimes Mommies and Daddies make babies when they are not ready for them. And then the mommies and daddies have to make some decision. You know what a decision is right honey?" I paused and waited for her to nod her head.

"Like when Daddy went to school." She whispered, her eyes darting back and forth between us.

"Yes, baby just like that. Some mommies, don't have good daddies like you do, and so they decide to give away the babies early on, way before the babies are even born." I paused, looking at Brandon, his eyes were trained on me. "Some people don't like this way of giving babies away, but sometimes mommies and daddies cannot give the babies the life they deserve, and so they make the best decision they can. Mommy has made the decision to give her baby away, because Mommy cannot afford to give the baby the life it deserves. Do you understand baby?" Tegan shook her head no.

"But Mommy, if Daddy is back, why can't we afford another baby?" She asked, her large hazel eyes looking deep into my own.

"Just because Daddy is back, doesn't mean that he and I can afford another baby sweets. Babies cost money, and Mommy and Daddy don't make a lot of that. And we both are still in school." She nodded her head before scooting over to the edge of the bed and climbing down. I watched her walk out of the living room and into her bedroom. She came back a few moments later with her ceramic unicorn bank.

"Here Mommy," she said holding out the unicorn to me, "Now we can ford the new baby." I looked down at the ceramic bank and wept.

Friday

I didn't sleep at all that night after Brandon and I bathed Tegan and put her to bed. I sat on one end of the couch with my feet in his lap, and his fingers kneading the soles of my feet with his long fingers. I had my head tilted back, moaning quietly, because during my first pregnancy he wasn't even allowed in the same room as me without supervision. He didn't speak much and neither did I but I could see the fear in his eyes, and I wonder if he had done this on purpose this time. I remember thinking that I had gotten pregnant with Tegan to have my cake and eat it too, and I couldn't stop myself from wondering the same about him.

"I know that this isn't what you want, B." I whispered as his hands moved up to massage my calves.

"This, right here, my daughter asleep in the other room, and touching you, is exactly what I want." He said, his hands still working their way up my calf. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there for most of your pregnancy for Tegan. I'm sorry I told you that you had my full support and attention and then I let Mom bully me into staying away. I'm sorry I was off getting drunk with Talya when you went into labor, and I'm sorry that I wasn't there after she was born. I'm sorry for running out with friends, and dating Cortney, and for sleeping with you before going off to school. If I could take it all back I would, but I would not take back my children or my love for you. At 16 I thought I had it all figured out, we'd wait the two years and then disappear together. But then Tegan happened, and I love her. And she calls me Daddy, and I love being her father. And all I want is to love you Callie. And if the way to keep you is to let you abort our baby, then so be it. I'm not happy about it, but it is your body, and I could've put a condom on, but I didn't because secretly I wanted this with you again." His hand had moved further up my legs now, his hands were caressing above my knee. And higher his hands travelled still, until they were touching the hem of my shorts. And my chest was heaving from the tension in the room. I looked into his eyes and nodded.

"I love you too." I whispered as he slipped a finger inside of me, yanking my body closer to him by my leg. It was the early morning of a Friday in October as he made me come undone, with his fingers, and his mouth, and his dick.

It was a mid morning on a Friday in October when he disappeared for a few hours, leaving me to shower and get Tegan ready for the day out with her grandfather. I had secured Mike a week ago to watch her today, before I knew that I was pregnant, before I had made the appointment. Brandon pulled up to the curb at the same time his father did, and I watched them embrace from the living room window. There was a time when Brandon wouldn't even speak to his father in regards to me. I watched Brandon pull something out of his coat pocket and turn his body to block any view from the house and garage. Deciding that if he wanted to keep it a secret, that was fine with me, and so I continued to get dressed in yoga pants and his hoodie from the previous appointment all those years ago.

It was a Friday afternoon when he walked with me to the beach where I had accidentally came and fell asleep on him, and the wind was whipping my hair around, because I actually had the time to take a proper shower with him around this morning. My hair was finally clean. I didn't notice that he had gotten down on one knee until I saw the faces all around me.

"Callie Marie Jacobs, I have loved you since I saw you at my kitchen table with a black eye, and a busted lip. I knew I wanted to marry you the minute I laid a piece of lasagna on your plate, and you ate it so slowly, afraid that it would disappear if you approached it too quickly. I knew you would make a wonderful mother the day I found you throwing up in the bathroom when you were sixteen. I love our daughter and I want to continue to love the both of you until the very last day of my life. And no matter where we go after this, no matter what your answer is, I'm done running. You and Tegan and Quinn, do you like Quinn?, if you're keeping the baby that is…"he trailed off. Taking a deep breath he stood and directed me away from the crowd.

"What I mean to say is, if you abort out baby, I will always be here. If you keep our baby I will always be here. Marry me Callie?" He whispered, kissing me on my forehead as he whispered my name. "Marry me?" he asked again, producing a ring and sliding it onto my finger.

It was a Friday afternoon in October when we got married in the same backyard as our moms did. We stood between two trees and pledged our love in front of our family and friends.

"Mommy," Tegan said pulling on the bottom half of my dress.

"Yes baby," I asked squatting down to her level.

"Mommy, Quinn had an accident, and he peed himself, and he smells, and I don't remember how to change a diaper." I tilted my head back and laughed a bit, holding out my hand to Tegan and scooping up Quinn and placing him on my left hip. I smiled at Brandon along the way, and he excused himself to come scoop up Tegan. He leaned down and kissed me before we continued walking.

Hey guys, I wasn't ever sure that I was going to write another piece to this. But I am glad that I did. This story started out based off of a scene in season 1, so you know not much after that had happened. It's done now, so...there you have it. Thanks for reading.