A/N: This story thing just came into my head one day when I was trying to write the next chapter of my other ff and I just had to write it :P I'm not really sure about it, and I haven't really read it through, so sorry for any mistakes. I'm not the best angst writer, so sorry if it doesn't really sound...right. (oh, and i applaud Carter and Craig for going through a whole episode without revealing her name- it's super hard to make it sound natural)

Disclaimer: I do not own How I Met Your Mother

When she met Max for the first time, she was only twelve.

She had just moved from New Jersey to New York, and therefore transferred schools. She was despised by most of her classmates, bullied by the bitchiest girls in her class, and was already labelled as the most unpopular girl in class (to a twelve year old, popularity meant everything)

It was really getting too much for her, and she was already considering changing schools again (wasn't changing schools just a way of getting a fresh start? damn it, she really wished that she could just start her 21st birthday all over again...) but after five days of crying by herself on the school bench, a tall boy in her class who she had never spoken to before walked up to her and smiled.

"Hey."

She had felt confused and lonely (and a little bit pleased that someone was finally speaking to her) but sniffed and said "hi."

"I'm Max. What's your name?"

Admittedly, she was a little annoyed that he still didn't know who she was, seeing that they were in the same class. Was she really that invisible?

"Why do you want to know?"

She thought she had blew it. Why the hell did she have to be so rude to the only person who had been nice to her in the whole damn school?

To her immense relief, all he said was "hi, Why Do You Want To Know," and then laughed at his own joke and promptly sat down beside her. (he was more easy going than half the girls in her class)

He had smiled and said "you're pretty."

She had snorted at that. The truth was, that summer she had made the crazy decision to shave all her hair off, get a fake nose piercing, and was forced by her mom to wear corduroy dungarees to school (she was convinced that this was the reason why she was picked on by everyone) and also had a the tiniest mustache, as well as braces.

"Yeah, right. Is this a dare?"

Max had looked slightly offended but grinned.

"No way! Jeez, can't I sit next to someone and compliment her without being accused? Man, what have you got to do to make friends these days?"

"You want to make friends...with me?" She had said, bewildered.

"Yes."

She sniffed and then frowned.

"Are you only doing this to seem nice?"

Max shook his long, dark hair out of his chocolate brown eyes and said "No! Okay, so the truth is, I saw in class that you liked ukuleles, and I liked them as well, so I was kind of hoped that you would teach me some songs."

Okay, so maybe there was a tiny part of here that was pissed that he was only using her for free music lessons, but she really had no friends and plus, playing the ukulele with a cute boy didn't seem like such a bad idea.

"Um, okay."

(One day later she told him her name, and he laughed and said it was much better than "Why Do You Want To Know")

~.~

Just after one month, they were inseparable. He called her "Bitchy Teacher", she called him "Crappy Student". They didn't really know how they become best friends, it just sort of happened. And although she really was an awful teacher and he was an even more awful student, they had a lot of fun.

Life had never been better.

She was only twelve but she already felt as if her life had been sorted out. It was simple, right? Marry Max, have children, live happily ever after.

(well, look how that turned out. it was alright for her, she found The One in the end, but what did Max get? oh, that's right, nothing)

Within two more years, Max had...changed her. She had finally grew her hair out, donated the dungarees (she didn't have the heart to burn them, even though Max had bribed her with a brand new ukulele), got rid of the fake nose ring and braces, and eventually managed to wax off the mustache. Max hadn't changed one bit, although his hair grew longer and he got taller and his voice broke (although she made fun of the voice cracks at first, she had to admit that he sounded hot)

She always found it strange how Max didn't appreciate it when she changed her appearance (apart from the dungarees, because even he found them disgusting) and finally confronted him about it.

He looked into her eyes and smiled nervously.

"I liked the way you looked before," he had admitted.

She had giggled and said "yeah, right."

Back then, she had no idea that Max was 100% serious.

~.~

In tenth grade, girls were spreading rumors that she was dating Max. For some crazy reason, she panicked and denied it. ("Our relationship is totally platonic! I think! Maybe platonish? Wait, is that even a word?")

When he found out, he went in front of all of them and promptly made out with her, while the other girls stood there with their eyes wide and their mouths wide open.

Max winked at her and whispered into her ear, "platonish? what does that even mean?" before walking off with his guitar.

"He's so hot," a girl whispered, and she felt like punching her in the face.

Max was hers. And no one else's.

(so why did she try deny that they were dating?)

~.~

At sixteen years old, life was incredibly stressful. She had exams, her beloved dog had been run over, her parents had been arguing 24/7, and worst of all, Max had started avoiding her.

It had hurt that the one person that she could have always relied on wasn't there when she really needed him.

And yet one day, when she stepped into her bedroom, she found a very familiar tall boy with shaggy brown hair and large brown eyes and a tiny ukulele.

"Max? How did you get in here?" She asked, surprised, but he had already started to sing.

"Hi, super bitchy teacher,
I don't know how to rhyme,
But it was really nice to meet ya,
(I promise I'll learn to rhyme better, just give it time)

So basically all I wanted to say,
Was that we are best friends and hey,
I just realized that I really, really like you,
And surprise! Not in a platonic way!

So yeah, just go out with me
Because I like you a lot and- oh crap, what rhymes with "me"?
Wait, a lot of things rhyme with "me"!
Er, I like the honeybee."

He paused and looked at her anxiously.

"Crappy Student, I only have one thing to say."

"Yes, Bitchy Teacher?"

She had never seen him look so nervous before.

"Hell yes!"

They hugged and kissed and in that moment, she had never loved anyone more than Max.

He was unmistakably, undeniably The One.

(and when she met Lily and told her about Max, she said that Marshall had asked her out the same way)

~.~

It wasn't until they were seventeen when Max told her the real reason why he had walked up to her when they were twelve and made friends with her.

"Everyone other girl would curl their hair and wear craploads of makeup and wear the shortest skirts. But I could tell that you didn't care about that stuff, you know? You weren't as shallow as the rest of them, you were really passionate about music and that's the same with me. I think that you didn't really care about your appearance, and that's super rare these days. You were truly special and unique and that's what made me go up to you that day. And that was the best decision of my life. Listen, I really, really like you, and I'll say it. I think we have a future together. I've never cared about anyone more you, and that's a fact."

~.~

One day, when Max came back from visiting relatives in Canada, he proudly presented her a DVD.

"Space Teens?" She said, confused. "Max, this looks like a kids show. And a low quality one at that."

"No, you don't understand! I was watching this with my little cousins because my parents made me, and oh god, you would not believe how dirty this thing is."

"How dirty?" She asked suspiciously.

"Watch and find out."

And they did watch it, and they laughed and laughed.

"I feel so sorry for those two girls," she giggled. "Robin Sparkles and Jessica Glitter? Man, they have really odd last names."

"They're super attractive, though. But not as beautiful as you."

He leaned in and kissed her and they looked into each other's eyes and she blurted out right there, "I think I'm in love with you."

It felt so, so right. (well, maybe it was a bit odd, seeing as they were in the middle of watching a show where two teenage girls were talking about their beavers)

~.~

They had already started making plans for their future at the age of eighteen.

"We should have two kids. Luke and Leia," she had said.

"Luke and Leia? As in Star Wars? Come on, you know I hate that movie!"

She closed her eyes and sighed. Max might have been perfect in many ways, but he absolutely despised Star Wars.

"What do you suggest then?"

"I don't know, something musical? Melody for the girl and Chord for the boy?"

She snorted. "Those are total hippy names! And Chord? What does that even mean? Max, the poor kid would be bullied in school for all eternity!"

"And they wouldn't if they were named after Star Wars characters?"

"Luke is a perfectly fine name!"

They had argued for another hour when he finally said "let's just wait until you actually get pregnant."

(but of course, in the end, it never happened)

~.~

At senior prom, she was kinda drunk and Max was kinda drunk and after hours of dancing to La Vie En Rose ("Max, this is totally our song! I'm so gonna teach you how to play this even though you are truly a crappy student!"), they stumbled into the school bathroom and he started to undress.

"Max? What are you doing?"

"Come on, let's-lets do it right now! At prom! Nothing more romantic than that, right?"

"We're drunk, Max. Not a good idea."

"Yeah, we're drunk- drunk on love!"

"What does that even mean?"

"It means that I love you! Listen, you are the most perfect woman I have met in my life and I literally can not imagine life without you. Please, let's just do it and then we truly will have the best prom ever!"

So she giggled and they locked themselves in a stall and the zip on her dress got stuck and they spent five minutes trying to unzip it ("Wow, Max, this is so romantic, huh?") and then she felt a little claustrophobic inside the stall and they had to go out for a bit of fresh air, and then he had to pee so she waited a bit, and then some other girls entered and they waited for another few minutes, but then they finally managed to sneak into the janitor's closet and do it there.

It was slightly awkward. The janitor's closet was tiny and smelt of bleach and wasn't anywhere near romantic. They had to be silent in case anyone heard. She didn't know how to move or where to touch and kept on going "wait! wait! are you sure this is how to do it?" Several times, she kept on coughing because the smell of disinfectant was making her sick.

But it was with Max, and that made it perfect.

~.~

Max liked cats, she preferred dogs.

Max loved nature, she liked buildings.

Max was never into commitment- too much time and effort. She needed commitment.

Max could always get a bit hot-headed, she was calm and collected.

Max, when passionate about something, would kill to defend it. She would side with anyone to make them happy.

Max had awful, scruffy handwriting, she had her own calligraphy set.

Max was a slob, she was neat freak.

And somehow, despite their differences, they sort of worked.

(the only thing that both of them had in common, apart from music, was that that they both hated olives)

~.~

"Happy birthday babe, i've got a surprise for u ;)"

She had smiled at the text and replied "I'll be waiting. Love you."

Back then, she had absolutely no idea what would be coming next.

She really did not know that in several hours, her whole world would never be the same again.

~.~

"Yes, this is she..."

When she got the phone call, it was like the whole world had suddenly stopped and everything was breaking and she couldn't breathe.

How could the universe take him away from her?

He never did anything wrong. He was perfect and they were meant to get married and have children and decide on their names and buy a house together and die only when they turned old and grey.

That would never happen now.

It was insane. How could Max just leave her like that? How could he have been so selfish?

Her 21st birthday was the day that she became an adult and Max became...well, nothing.

"Max is dead," she whispered, and it didn't sound right at all.

Nothing was right anymore.

This wasn't meant to happen. Her 21st birthday was the day that she stopped believing that everything happened for a reason, because why the hell did Max have to die? What did she possibly do to piss off the universe so much and make her alone in the world?

She didn't even have the energy to cry anymore. All she wanted to do was join him and have everything end.

What was the point of living without Max?

He was her whole future. Her whole world. Her whole universe.

And the ukulele that he left her was everything she wanted. She could never thank him now, not ever. He'd never know how much she loved it, how much it meant to her that he spent so much money on the one thing she wanted most in the world (and now the only thing she wanted was for Max to come back), how much she loved him.

She looked upwards at the sky and said "Max, we live in one sick, twisted world."

~.~

One day in January 2011, she was walking in Minnesota and went across a church. Somewhere, she heard a man yelling about his dead father and a voice mail.

She never did find out who that man was, but he really had her thinking about Max's last words.

Was it bad that she never even remembered what they were?

~.~

Louis couldn't ever have compared to Max. It was like when her beautiful, loyal, obedient dog was run over, and her parents had tried to replace her with a new dog, which tore open her pillows and peed all over her bed and barked 24/7.

She had tried to kid herself that they were working at first, that he was a winner, that he was The Next One, but soon she had to live with the fact that he was her rebound guy.

And when he proposed, she didn't know what to do. He'd never, ever be as good as Max, not even in a million years, but it was better than nothing.

But she couldn't do it. She just couldn't.

Anyway, she had already found The One. The only problem was that he was dead.

Why was life so complicated?

~.~

But eventually, she found him. She found Ted.

He was so much more different than Max. He was more calm, more collected, more romantic. She didn't love him more than Max, but at the same time, she didn't love Max more than him.

She didn't need to give Max a speech this time, because she knew that he would've been fine with it.

She still missed Max so much that it hurt. She'd never be able to get over him, because that was impossible. But at the same time, she loved Ted so, so, much.

He was her safety shaft back when she felt like she was drowning.

She really did owe her life to him, and she couldn't even begin to express how grateful she was.

~.~

It's after he's finished telling the kids another story about god knows what when she sits down next to him and smiles. She can hear them grumble "even Marvin's dad doesn't take this long to finish a damn story..." and can't help feeling so grateful that she has a family. She glances at the aging shelf, at the old, cracked leather sofa, at the gently flickering fireplace, at her husband. He's quirky and lovable (and maybe a little bit douchey at times) but to her, he's the knight in shining armor that saved her life. Still, she can't help but feel a tiny twinge of guilt that Max will never, ever have a future.

"Hey, beautiful," he says, and kisses her on the lips.

"Hey, Mosby. So what have you been telling poor Luke and Penny this time?"

Ted slings his arm around her and she nestles into him and he whispers "the story of how i met you."

He runs his fingers through her hair. She feels so safe and stable and warm in his arms. Max is like a distant memory now. Yes, she still loves him, but now she has Ted and he is truly the one and she loves him so much that it hurts.

It's a funny thing. You can't force love, like she did with Louis. It comes to you naturally. The truth is, she's only ever felt true love four times.

First time, her parents.

Second time, Max.

Third time, Ted.

Fourth time, Luke and Penny.

But with Ted, there's just something else. It's like she's just so grateful that he happened to meet her. He helped her live life to the fullest at a time where she believed that she couldn't survive. With Ted, she loves him and it's stronger than the pain she feels for Max.

Love.

It's a feeling that she hasn't felt for the longest time.