The Fault in Our Stars

Epilogue

My Dearest Augustus,

I honestly can't think of a reason as to why I am writing this to you, (it's not as if it will ever make it to you). Maybe it gives me a sense of hope that I will someday make my way to you, wherever you may be. Or maybe I'm hoping as of this moment you're reading this over my shoulder in the form of a ghost, or maybe I just feel the need to respond to the letter you wrote to Van Houten all those years ago. Regardless of my reasons, I wish I could be absolutely sure that you're out there somewhere, smoking unlit cigarettes in our idea of a capitol S something just waiting for the day I find my way back to you. But alas, as we have learned the hard way, the world is not a wish-granting factory.

A week after I received your letter via email from Lidewij, I got a letter from Van Houten in the mail. At first, I thought it was just another one of his lectures on ancient philosophers or whatever, but it indeed proved to be my eulogy just as you had requested of him. I'd like to think the guy has changed, that he is not longer drinking away his life but I know better. And even though the guy is a total ass, he did speak the truth about us, about everyone being a side effect of life. Of us all being failed experiments in the evolutionary mutation of life. And who am I, a mere person living in the middle of history like any other, to tell Van Houten he is not to tell the truth because it's hurtful. And though we like to avoid the truth to keep from getting hurt, eventually we must face the inevitable truth.

I wish I could say I improved after I found your letter to Van Houten, needless to say I didn't. However, I prevented myself from getting any worse. I was no longer the invisible, anti-social girl, who's only accomplishment was having cancer. I instead, devoted my life to noticing the universe and all the little wonders that often appear to be overlooked by people. I finished college, spent my days writing and even found love again. And though he was an amazing guy, no one can compare to you Gus.

I never told anyone about us, about our infinity. Not my parents, or Kaitlyn or even Isaac. As I've said before; like all amazing love stories, ours will die with us, as it should.

I don't need anyone to remember us or to even be aware of our mere existence. The only person I ever want to remember me is you. And so, as I close up my final gift to you and the world, I hold onto the smallest shred of hope that I can find my way to you and to our capitol S something.

I love you Augustus, present tense.

Okay,

Hazel