Not So…Normal…
by Zenin

Some people like healing.  They say that it is soothing; that it calms your nerves and even makes you pleasantly sleepy afterwards.

I beg to differ.  It is not soothing.  I mean, I could feel my bones snapping back in place, my tendons weaving together, and the one large bump on my head being forcefully pushed back into my skull.  A hammer might have felt better than this woman's healing tactics.

She opened her vivid blue eyes and smiled at her handiwork…or what was left of it.  I gripped the edges of the cot, gasping with pain and thinking of several fine descriptions of the healing process, healer, and generally anything to do with the nightmare I was living.

"That should make you feel better," she said absently.  Without bothering to glance at her companions, she continued speaking in her airy voice; all the while inspecting me as if I were some rat they were about to experiment on.  At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case.  "Who is she?"

Faleron never took his eyes off her, a dreamy smile plastered on his attractive-and-yet-incredibly-shallow face.  "She's a trollop we found on the banks of the Vassa."

Glaring icily at him, I spat at his feet.  Mary Sue, however, seemed to find this information very interesting.  She turned to his gushingly. 

"You were in Scanra?  Mithros!"

Strangely enough, her expression had flickered when she had said that.  For one, brief moment, her face had transformed from vacant airhead, to a shrewd look of business.  She quickly reverted to the former, though, as Faleron puffed out his chest importantly.  "Yes, yes.  Scanra.  Nasty country.  Now that we have control of the border, we like to keep mischief-makers like that one," he gestured dismissively at me, "behind bars."

"That must be very dangerous," she murmured demurely, lowering her long eyelashes.  "You're so brave.  Both of you," she hurried to add as Mr. Fluffy Orange Hair opened his mouth to object.  His mouth shut with a click and he smiled at her wistfully.

"It's our duty to protect the crown," said Faleron affectedly.

I just about gagged with the superficial shallowness of it all.  Somehow, I had always thought that Faleron would be the perfect knight in shining armour.  Humorous, dedicated, deadly…not to mention the fascinatingly great looks.  However, the sickening scene that was playing before me just about clinched it: either Faleron was being hypnotized by Miss Tortall, or he truly was a sapped bastard.

Whatever it was, it wasn't helping my situation.  Sure, maybe I'm being a bit self-centred here, but I – am – the – prisoner.  I sat up, quickly pulling the remains of my karate gi around myself as I confronted the trio (fouro, if you count the silent, hooded guy).  "Look, I am not a harlot.  Or a cocotte.  Or a trollop.  I fell into the river — Vassa, was it? — and got pretty badly beaten up.  As for my clothing, well, it used to be a set of breeches and tunic, but the belt was torn away in the river and everything else was pretty much slashed to shreds.  Besides, trollops don't usually go around drenched and mangled, do they?"

They silently stared at me, their faces blank.  Anger finally took hold of me as I grabbed the nearest thing at hand — a pair of rusty manacles — and flung them at my captors.

"Why the hell did you save me if you were only going to pin false accusations on me and lock me up?  Have you ever heard of justice?"  My voice fell to a snarl.  "No…I don't think you have."

A fair amount of silence followed my tirade.  I flopped back down, not even realizing that I no longer felt the pain of broken bones and bruises.  I was too busy telling myself to suck it up.  The last thing on my to-do list was Cry.  Nervous Breakdown came after Cry, and after that —

"Um…"

Oh look.  They do have tongues after all.

I sat up and eyed Mr. Fluffy Orange Hair impatiently.  "Yes, O Captor of the Unfortunate?  I suppose you are now going to put me into hard labour and make me your slave.  Freshly squeezed grape juice, milord?  Or how 'bout a foot massage?  Or hey," I said brightly, "I could always spit in your face and force you to eat dirt…"

A smirk spread across his face.  "No thank you.  Perhaps tomorrow."  At my venomous glare, his smile widened.  "Actually, what I was going to say was this: we didn't save you."

Eh?  Maybe the darkness was affecting my hearing.  It sounded like — but that's not right.  Somebody saved me.  I didn't exactly float serenely to shore like the Lady of Shallot.  "What do you mean, you didn't save me?  Who pulled me out of the river?"

The two knights shrugged their shoulders simultaneously.  "Dunno."

"You don't know?"

They ignored me as dear, sweet Mary Sue began talking again.  My gosh, I hate the sound of her voice…

"I suggest you put your mind on happier things," she said helpfully.  Her face shone with obliging goodwill as she began listing things that I could focus on instead.  "Like birdies, flowers, sunshine…you know, cheerful things.  They'll make you feel better."

"Yes.  Sure.  I'll focus on sunshine in this dank cell.  Right."

A tinge of impatience edged her words.  "You aren't being very cooperative."

"Well, you'll just have to forgive me," I snapped.  "Won't you?  Seeing as I have absolutely no reason as to why I should be enjoying myself.  For one, I find it rather difficult to be cheerful when all I have for clothing are the miserable rags I'm trying to cover myself with!"

Her eyes widened.  "Oh, is that all?  Why didn't you say so in the first place?"  She giggled and clapped her hands gleefully, eyes starry.  "I think I have something that will fit you!  Oh, and shoes that are to die for —"

"I'd rather not," I muttered dryly.

The men were busy opening and closing their mouths in protest.  "Mary Sue, she's a prisoner!  You can't —"

Mary tilted her head to one side, the shrewd business look coming on again as she wrapped a golden curl around her finger coyly.  "Can't what?"

"We are going to take her to the lower cell division.  She can't be going around dressing up and…and having tea for Goddess' sake!" stated Faleron, watching the golden curl with great interest.

She gave him a calm stare.  "She wasn't caught in the act, was she?"

"Erm…no…"

"Then she can't be arrested.  All charges against this girl must be dropped."

What do you know, she does have a brain.  Heaven help us all.

"But…but Mary Sue…"

"Oh stop being such a stiff, Fal," she said with a girlish giggle.  The dumb look was back, and she waltzed around the cell like a bloody moron before dancing to my bedside and grasping my hands, pulling me to my feet.  "C'mon," she tittered excitedly.

I wrenched my hands away from her and glared distrustfully.  "Where?"

Mary rolled her eyes.  "You're going to get some decent clothing, okay?  Now, come on!"  With that said, she grabbed my hand and forcefully propelled me out the cell's door; the two knights and creepy thing staring at out backs in shock.

________________________________

The palace (yup, that was where we were) was a labyrinth of twisty passages.  I gave up trying to remember which way to turn after we bumped into a group of guards (who were rather impressed with my garb, the perverts).  Quite a few wolf whistles were received before Mary Sue (damn her to hell and back) remembered the right direction.  All I knew was that we had to climb a lot of stairs.  And I mean, a lot. 

Why she was taking the time to help me, I do not know.  Unless…unless there was a bit more to the girl than what met the eyes.

Which would kind of surprise me.  I mean, acting like a ditz can only go so far until you become a ditz.

An entire hour passed before we finally reached Mary's rooms.  Three maids greeted us at the door, none of them giving me strange looks or anything.  They simply curtseyed — smiling — and split up to prepare a bath, fetch some appropriate clothing, and find some hair things.

I was dumbstruck.  Imagine it, a grubby wretch enters your home and what do you do?  Well, you wouldn't go so far as to offer the beggar a bloody bath.  Especially if you have no clue as to who the stranger is.  The kindness of this action was astronomical…which would explain why I didn't like it.  Now I knew she had some plan for me. 

Mary Sue flopped down on her bed and buried herself with cushions, sighing luxuriously.  "I didn't sleep well last night," she muffled.

"Aw, isn't that just too bad?" I cooed.  "Did you try thinking of bunnies and sunshine?  That always helps me."

One cushion lifted, and for a moment I thought I saw her glare at me.  The cushion fell back before I could double check.  Now thoroughly bored, I decided to scrutinize her suite.

All three rooms were impossibly large and airy — the king of any country couldn't ask for better, I was sure.  The floors were paved with fine, sand-polished marble; thickly carpeted with plush velvet rugs.  The stone walls were panelled with carved cherry wood, each panel depicting a different scene: whether it be hunting parties or flying griffons.  There was even a detailed river, its gushing waters terrifyingly realistic.  Water roared in my ears as I stumbled backwards, rubbing my arms and quickly turning my attention to the stunning tapestry on the southern wall.

It was a brilliant, in-depth map of Tortall and the surrounding countries.  Using the best of colours and materials, every tiny city was perfectly replicated.  Even the countryside was faultlessly woven, almost three-dimensional in its perfection.  I could easily pick out the different cities and countries, each carefully labelled with minute stitching.  Mindelan, Trebond, Tirragen, Pirate's Swoop…  Strangely enough, I could not find a definable western border in Scanra.  The lines were oddly blurred —unevenly blurred, at that.  Even when I squinted my eyes, I couldn't find —

"Miss?"

I started and whirled around.  "What?"

The maid smiled kindly.  "Your bath is ready."

"Oh."  Swallowing hard, I nodded shortly.  "Okay.  Thanks."

The bathroom was amazing.  The bathtub itself might have passed for a Jacuzzi, with bubbles foaming to the surface in continuous swirls.  Scented soaps were displayed in cut glass dishes, fluffy towels folded neatly beside the soaps.  Several scrub brushes and washcloths lay in a wooden rack.  A floor to ceiling window spanned the entire western wall, the silken drapes flung back to display a stunning view of Corus, trees and rooftops mingling in the distance beyond the wall that surrounded the palace grounds.

The entire scene took my breath away…but not for long.  I barely waited for the maid to leave before slipping out of my gi and into the hot water.  Being clean had never, ever felt so good.  I allowed myself to soak for forty-five minutes, scrubbing my skin till it glowed.  I draped a towel around myself just as the second maid arrived, her arms full of colourful garments.  She deposited the clothing on the low settee and began picking through them, casting a critical eye on me.

"With your hair colouring…yes, and eyes…a warm colour would set those off best."

As if I'd care.  Really.  All I wanted was a pair of decent breeches and a shirt.  Oh yes…I'd also like a one-way ticket out of here.  That'd be great.

But before I could protest, I found myself in a yellow gown.  And you want to know the most surprising thing?  It was actually comfortable.  Maybe this was because it had been the plainest dress in the pile.  And it happened to be the only thing not made of silk.  It was made of soft wool and was, admittedly, a little large.  Actually, it dragged against the floor pretty badly.  But, since it wasn't pink and it wasn't all frilly and stuff, I was content.  It was when the third maid arrived and tried shoving these tight-fitting, shushy slippers on my feet that I totally rebelled.  I adamantly refused the slippers and opted to go barefoot…even though I was chased the length of the bathroom and sitting room in order to escape.

I was breathless when I skidded into Mary Sue's bedroom, not to mention annoyed.  Why was she doing this?  I mean, really?  Did she want me to do some tasks for her?  Pay calls to her suitors and hand out invitations to tea parties…maybe she wanted another maid.  If so, we have a problem.

"Look," I snapped.  "I don't know what you're —"

"Oh, you're looking so much better," she murmured musically, an overly-pleasant smile spreading across her face.  "Yellow suits you."  She gestured to a chair.  "Have a seat and let's chat."

I stayed where I stood, arms crossed.  "I'd rather stand, thank you."  Without giving her time to open her mouth, I continued.  "Why are you helping me?"

Mary Sue tapped a slender finger against her chin thoughtfully.  "Why am I helping you?  Because you looked like you needed help.  Isn't that enough?"

"Actually it's not.  I'm not that stupid, Mary Sue."

The entire vacant façade slowly vanished, a slow smile spreading across her lovely face.  "You and I have so much in common…"

"Out with it!"

At this, she looked slightly startled.  "Well, for one, we're both female."  She paused, hoping to gain suspense in the next few words.  "And we're both from America."

That statement was no surprise.  Maybe because her name was Mary Sue.  Do you think that that's enough of a hint?  How obvious can you get?

"Your point is —?"

"Well, I noticed you liked my map…"

Wow.  That was a smooth topic change.

Mary Sue stood gracefully and strode to the southern wall, gazing at the tapestry happily.  "You see that blurry line between Scanra and Tortall?"

"Yeah?" I said slowly, trying desperately to hold my temper in check.

"That tapestry was made by me.  I weaved some magic into it to make the borders change, the cities rise and fall and the landscape to move whenever such changes took place.  But I added a bit of a twist —"

"Get on with it, will you?"

She sent an annoyed glance to me and turned back to the tapestry. "You see, every time someone from my world — our world — enters this world, the lines of the country in which they land get more blurred. So far, Scanra has proved to be the one part of the atmosphere that has the most warp holes in it. Thus, Scanra has blurrier lines on my tapestry. This helps me to pinpoint exactly where a warp hole is, if I grid it correctly."

"And?"

She looked smug. "If people from our world can get into this world, then it should work vice versa. We can send people into America, or Europe, or Asia…wherever. And more people from our world can come into this world."

"Why would they want to do that?" I asked, bored.

"Our world is getting worn out. See, over here, even the medieval era is far more advanced than ours ever was. I mean, they bathe. And they are discovering more powerful magicks…even better, I have discovered that people from our world are more powerful as mages than any of their people could ever be. I'm sure you've noticed."

"Actually, I haven't. The only thing that happened was I lost six years of martial arts training and all my sense of direction."

"Really," Mary Sue stared at me for a while, tapping her finger against her chin again. "Hm. Maybe you'll take a while longer. Injuries are always setbacks. I'm sure once you're fully healed, you'll discover your true power."

I shook my head sceptically. "I'm still not quite sure about what you want."

She smiled, her golden hair forming a halo around her head and making her look angelic. "I want to get rid of the Tortallans. I want to get selected persons into Tortall to take over. We can repopulate this world and live longer lives than if we were living on Earth. This land is so much purer than our old one was —"

Ha. She's gone from ditz to deranged in less than one hour. "No."

Mary Sue's smile faded. "What?"

I snorted. "Got a hearing aid? I – don't – want – to – live – here. I like my old world just fine and I'll be damned if I see anyone like Prince Jon ruling my country. You're cracked."

The next thing I knew, I was out on the streets of Corus, wearing my ratty karate gi, and busily cursing a certain insane Mary Sue…what…what did you say?

Save Tortall?

You've go to be kidding. I'm no hero.

_______________________________________________________

Well.  It's certainly longer than the other chapters.  What do you think of it?  Good?  Bad?  Ever-so-slightly insane?  Anyways, leave your comments if you wish.  I certainly like to hear your thoughts on this one.

~Zenin

© Copyright 2003 All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of Zenin.