Disclaimer: I do not own The Emperor's New Groove (or anything else I might mention which might be owned by someone else).

"Welcome to the palace of Kuzco!" the tour guide exclaimed brightly to the diverse group in front of her. "I am Roxipapoticalulu, but you can call me Roxi if you have any questions! Now if you'll follow me, we'll begin our tour!"

Two old men playing chess watched the group going in. "What's up with them?" the one asked the other.

"Ah, the emperor's gotten so famous since his last movie that people from all over are clamoring to see his palace in person," the other replied.

"Ah," said the one, and they resumed their game.

The group followed Roxipapoticalulu as she led them from one room to another. "Here is the entryway where Emperor Kuzco gets his groove on each morning!"

Ahhhh, said the crowd, whipping cameras out.

"Here is the Emperor's throne room, where he defies architectural sense with the stairs up to his throne!"

Oooooo, said the crowd, lenses flashing.

"Here's the dining room, where our beloved Emperor was first turned into a llama!"

Mmmmm, said the crowd, shutters clicking.

"Here's where his advisor Yzma first began her plot to get rid of Kuzco! Notice all the fragments still on the floor from the numerous Kuzco busts that she smashed with a hammer!"

Eeeeeeeeh, said the crowd, surreptitiously picking up pieces.

"And here at last is Yzma's 'secret lab'! Before we go inside, do notice—yes, we have a question?"

A little girl popped her bubblegum noisily and said, "Yes. Why does she even have that lever?"

"Ah, yes, the infamous question! There have been many theories put forth over the years. Some say that it is the remnant of times long past when prisoners were kept here…

A guard drags a dejected prisoner behind him. "Stand here. We are setting you free today."

The prisoner perks up. "Really?"

"No, not really. Back down you go!" He pulls the lever and the prisoner slides down the chute with a scream.

"NO FAAAIIIIIRrrrrrr…."

"Some believe that it is a mere standard booby-trap used to keep curious invaders out…"

A man with a fedora and a bullwhip sneaks up to the pair of levers. "I'll bet there's a wealth of knowledge and treasure behind this door…which belongs in a museum!"

He stands back from the door and pulls the lever with his whip to avoid any traps. Unfortunately, he didn't stand far enough back and ended falling down the tube, and somehow ended up in a tunnel with a large boulder coming from behind to squish him.

"How do I always end up in this kind of situation?" He yells at the ceiling, trying to run faster.

"Some insist that it is a metaphysical plot device that allows bizarre and random events to occur against the laws of common sense. Like an Improbability Drive!"

"Pull the lever, Kronk!" Yzma shouts. He complies, but…. "Wrong leverrrrrrr…!"

On the other side of the world, a bowl of petunias suddenly materializes 1254 feet above the ground, instantly plummeting down at the rate of 32 feet per second. "Oh, no, not again…." moans the bowl. "Why does this keep happening to me?"

Sometime later, a llama and a large village man also pull the lever. At that moment, a wormhole suddenly appears beneath the unfortunate Yzma and her henchman Kronk, who had been dangling over a large pool of crocodiles after being struck by lightning while trying to fly over a large gap between cliffs. With a startled yell, they fall into the wormhole and suddenly appear in Yzma's "secret lab", just in time to welcome Kuzco and Pacha.

"But of course, the real reason…." The tour guide lowered her voice and everyone leaned in closer. "The real reason…is that…well, do you notice how the levers are attached to the statue to form the tusks? Well, they built two levers because…."

Everyone held their breath.

"…the statue just looked funny with only one tusk."

The group stared at her, then stared at the statue head on the wall. After a moment's silence, the bubblegum girl agreed. "Yup! It would look ridiculous with just one tusk."

Thus the matter was settled, the tour continued, and everyone lived happily ever after.

Except the bowl of petunias.

A/N: Just a little humor to lighten the day! I hope that everyone enjoyed their tour of Kuzco's palace! Also, in case you were wondering, the two shout-outs were for Indiana Jones and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.