Pain Management - Chapter 1
This is a collection of missing scenes from 'His Last Vow', SPOILERT ALERT!
The scenes are about the suffering and handling of mental or physical agony. Be aware, loads of angst, hurt, comfort, pain and suffering. More inside.
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Don't read if you haven't seen the episode, yet; this contains spoilers!
The scenes deal the events that followed the shooting in Magnussen's apartment.
I have to admit two scenes from the episode triggered me (triggered like in PTSD), caught me a bit off guard.
I love the episode so having it trigger me was not an option - because the next times I want to watch the episode untriggered :) I tried to work through it and this is the result!
Standard disclaimer: Sherlock, John and all other mentioned characters belong to BBC or Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I just borrowed them for fun. I wrote this for my personal delight and improving my English, no copyright infringement intended. No money changed hands and no profit is being made.
This chapter was beta-read by CiCi98!
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Part 1 - Post-OP
Fight…
The memory of his fight to get back up the stairs jerked through his mind.
He needed to fight!
He had been in an operating theatre.
Fight…
…for John.
Protect John from Mary.
He needed to wake up now!
There were noises all around him. His eyes jerked open.
He was in a large room with several beds and people in OP-clothing.
Someone was next to the bed. In a long, green paper robe, mouth-cover and a bonnet. He blinked… Where was he?
His haze in his environment cleared maddening slowly and the noise of busy and hurting people gained unnerving quality.
Post OP…
He had been awake briefly in the operating theatre before, he remembered.
People there had talked to him; they seemed agitated… and then put him under in a hurry.
The memory felt uneasy and had an aspect of… panic… utter disturbing panic.
It felt too real, too vulnerable.
Therefore, he must be in post OP now, it was all blurred… the memories, his sight, and his mind.
The palace mixed with reality… Then the pain was registered by his foggy brain… he hurt!
It hurt as much as it had shortly after he was hit…
Now, he needed not to fight the pain… let it pass… He knew that he needed to let it pass, but his brain was too dazed to start the mechanism again that enabled him to do so.
The figure next to him was watching him... he was in a regular bed already.
Okay, so surgery was definitely over.
He tried to swallow… his mouth was dry… it hurt.
He needed to find that mechanism he usually used to release endorphins into his bloodstream… He had learned how to do that years ago… why wasn't he able to do it now?
He knew how to start it, but it didn't work.
"Sherlock?" the blurry figure touched his hand, he looked into John's eyes… it was John in the concealing outfit…?
That was good, he didn't want to be touched by anybody else… unfamiliar people had touched him enough in the theatre and it had been…
But there was something important…
Oh, it was burning with importance…
What was it, what was it?
He felt a distant realisation that the importance was mingled with panic.
What was it?
It must be John, nothing else would trigger this level of importance… John was in danger.
Mary! He needed to tell John he was in danger.
He tried to speak, but nothing came out… His throat was sore and it was painful to speak. He tried to grasp his friend's sleeve, but his hand was barely moving and he was clumsy. He realised he was trembling slightly.
"M'ry…" he managed a whisper, on the third try.
"Sherlock, it's okay, mate… You're fine… Wake up fully and we can give you something for the pain," John gently intoned.
"Ma'y…" Sherlock tried to sit up.
Pain jerked through him.
Oh, god! It hurt!
It made him wish to lose consciousness again… but he needed to speak to John! No sleeping for now! The pain kept him from sinking back into the dark… he just needed several breaths… until he'd be able to open his eyes again.
Something touched is forehead… there was talking over the noises in the room… John was talking.
"Sherlock…? Are you with me…? Don't move! You'll hurt yourself," John held him down gently.
Someone was fumbling with something on his arm.
He managed to open his eyes again; John removed his hand… a nurse was doing something with his IV port.
"Talk to me Sherlock… Tell me, how are you?"
"W'rs M'ry?" he tried again, "Sta'way."
"Sherlock? You want me to go away?"
He shook his head, at least this couldn't be misinterpreted. As long as John was with him he was not with Mary, which protected him.
John needed to stay with him. He wanted the nurse to leave him alone and John to stay away from Mary.
"How do you feel?"
"Shot…Wh'…. Wher's Mary?"
"Are you in pain?" the nurse asked him loudly.
Of course he was in pain, what a stupid question.
He ignored her.
"John… Ma'y… Mary is… I… Magnuss'n…"
His mouth was… odd and it hurt more and more to speak.
"Sherlock? Don't try to move or talk, your throat is irritated from the tube. You had the bullet removed. It'll need time but you'll be fine… You'll endanger your life if you move, so calm down," John soothed. Sherlock could see the other man was really worried… he had dark circles under his eyes and seemed a bit unsteady on his feet.
"How do you feel?" the nurse repeated.
"Don't wait for his answer, he's with us, give him the painkiller," John told her. Despite his pale appearance, his voice was steady and professional.
"He has not yet responded."
"He has… in his way, let me do this," John held out his hand for the pump's remote, the nurse looked over at the other doctor in the room - who nodded - and she handed the device over.
Sherlock knew what was about to happen… he tried to reach for the remote, but pain shot through his chest, making him gasp for air.
"Sherlock, I'll give you something for the pain, relax, it'll be better in a minute."
"No," Sherlock managed to moan, lifting his arm again, "Don't…"
John looked down at him, obviously puzzled.
"You don't want painkillers?"
Sherlock shook his head.
"Sorry, Sherlock, but this is nuts. I know how it feels to get shot and I know how much pain puts a strain on your body and interferes with healing. Not happening."
It was true, he felt sore and hurt all over, but he first needed to tell John in which danger he was.
He once more shook his head, it put a strain on his chest and he hissed in pain.
"Why not…?"
John was always asking the right questions when it came to him feeling bad, for once he was glad for this; now that speech was difficult to manage.
"Mary…" he tried to hold out his hand to signal John he meant iut. But either his hand didn't move or John ignored it.
"What is it…? You're in severe pain here and right now we need to concentrate on getting you through this."
Sherlock tried to sit up… and John pushed leaned forward and pushed a button.
The former army doctor was sure Sherlock would kill himself if he'd try to get up now, the morphine would knock him out and keep him from moving.
With horror, Sherlock felt the rush of the drug that was pumped into his body.
No!
How could they dose him with opioids when John was usually so sensible when it came to drugs? Doctors were odd with this. It was okay as long as they were the ones making the decision.
He felt a moan escape his mouth, a sound of frustration. He knew he'd be out of it soon.
A bit uncoordinated he tried once more to reach for John's hand.
"Don't… tell… "
The pain receded… but he felt his body starting to float.
He needed to tell John!
He managed to raise his head and get a hold on John's sleeve.
"It's all right, Sherlock… Relax…"
One of John's hands was on his shoulder, the other on his head… John sounded agitated.
"Geez, don't move!… Just relax!"
He tried to fight it.
Tell him!
"Shhh… Just sleep… It's all right."
He blinked, took a deep breath but before he could say any more he felt his body surrender to the drug.
Briefly, he wondered how much he had been given.
Must have been quite a dose…
His eyes closed involuntarily and the last thing he knew was John's warm hand on his.
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A/N: Please review!