Kili woke up with a start. He had just had a nightmare involving Smaug the Terrible carrying his beloved uncle Thorin off into the night while he slept.

But it was only a dream. He would never let that happen.

Somewhere in the distance, something howled. To Kili's ears, however, that wasn't just a howl- that was Smaug, coming to make off with his uncle. A shiver ran down his spine. Something had to be done. He had to do something, something to ensure that Smaug could never take Thorin away. What if he were to hide Thorin? No, Kili decided- Thorin was too big- and he smelt so bad that Smaug would find him anyway. What if he were to secure Thorin to something? Aha! But what could he secure him to? Himself? He couldn't hold on to Thorin- he needed both hands for his was no way he'd let a dragon take his uncle without a fight, but he wasn't going to just let Thorin sleep. He needed to tie them together- but how? They hadn't brought any rope- they were only going camping, after all.

And then it struck him. Just the other day, Bofur had taught him the braid. He needed to make a connection between Thorin and himself- he should just tie them together using their hair! He rolled over to face Thorin, who was still heavily asleep and snoring away. On his other side was Kili's brother, Fili. He repositioned himself over Thorin's head, his little fingers wiggling excitedly. With his chubby little hands, he began to nimbly braid their hair together. Kili's deep, chocolatey brown hair braided with Thorin's almost-black and grey-streaked hair. It hurt a little, but Kili didn't stop. Thorin's safety was more important. Two braids later, Kili was feeling very pleased with himself. Now Smaug could never separate them! He grabbed his trusty sword (a poorly sharpened twig) and sat, eagerly awaiting the fire drake.

Suddenly, Kili became aware of someone moving. Was it Smaug? Kili drew his sword. But no- it was... it was Thorin. His uncle was getting to his feet. Kili was about to protest when he felt an excruciating sensation at two points on his head- the bases of the braids. He felt himself lifting off the ground. Why couldn't his uncle feel him tied to his head- why wasn't he stopping? A small snore answered his question. Uh oh. His uncle was sleep walking.

Ouch. Fili woke up to a sharp pain in his side. Someone had just stepped on him. He was kind of used to that- he was one of the smallest dwarves in the company. Wait wait wait- was his mind playing tricks on him, or was that his 3 year old brother floating before him in midair? As his eyes groggily came to focus, he noticed Kili was attached somehow to their uncle, who was walking away from the campers, and into the forest wielding a small twig.

"Fiwi... Help me!" Kili whimpered quietly as his flailed his arms in despair.
"Kili... What are you doing?" Fili got to his feet and scurried to his younger brother, trying desperately not to wake anyone else up. Mahal only knew how the others would react to whatever this was.
"I'm trying to cut the braids!" Now Fili could see what was suspending Kili- two thick, brown braids going from his head to Thorin's.
"Kili, what have you done?" Fili could not possibly imagine a circumstance that would result in the two dwarves' hair being tied together, and yet... here he was. Life was full of surprises.
"But... But Smaug... " Kili protested pointlessly.
Great. This was just great. Another one of Kili's imaginary quests to defeat Smaug gone terribly wrong. This was almost as bad as the time Kili attacked a priceless China dragon of his mother's. What was Kili's problem around dragons? And how did that result in him being carried away into the forest tied to his uncles head?
Fili needed to do something fast. This forest was notorious for the dangers it concealed. He needed to wake Thorin up. He shared his plan with Kili, who heartily disagreed.
"If we wake Thorin up, I'll be in trouble! Pwease don't Fiwi!"
Fili rolled his eyes, but knew his brother was right. Their mother would never let them hear the end of it. So, that cleared matters up- they needed to separate the two dwarves without waking the older one.

Ten minutes later, the list of separation methods was narrowed down significantly. Pulling was pointless- Thorin was too tall for Fili to try and unknot the hair, and for some strange reason, Kili's sword just wasn't working. Fili was about to give up when he saw a glint of light coming from Thorin's coat pocket. A blade! Upon further inspection, it proved to be a small knife! Fili couldn't believe his luck! He raised the blade to the mass of hair, when a bloodcurdling howl sounded from far away. Probably a wolf, or a stray warg. Kili, however, took this as Smaug's war cry, and started thrashing his 'sword' around and yelling instructions to the 8 year old and his sleeping uncle.

"Kili, stop wriggling!" Fili couldn't cut the hair with Kili moving so frantically,
And so he joined in the yelling, trying to calm down his now hysterical younger brother. Kili was moving so much, he knocked Thorin off balance and kicked the knife out of Fili's hand. Thorin crashed to the forest floor, bringing Kili down with him. Both dwarves groaned. Thorin sleepily opened his eyes.

Fili steeled himself for a lecture, and out of the corner of his eye, he could see his brother wincing.
"What... boys? What are you doing here? And- ow!" Thorin winced as he raised his head. As he saw that he had been tied to his nephew, he-

He started apologizing.
"Sorry boys! I've done some odd things in my sleep, but I've never tied myself to someone's head before! Ah- that hurts!" He rubbed his head, and began to expertly untie the braids. Both Fili and Kili were lost for words, but said nothing further until Kili had been detached. They knew better than to bring up what had really happened.

"Thanks, boys for coming in after me, but don't put yourself at risk again for me, okay?" The boys nodded in agreement. They certainly weren't going to be doing this again.

Epilogue

Many years later, the dwarves found themselves in a bit of a predicament. They had been captured by trolls, and were being prepared to be cooked. No thanks to that hobbit, thought Thorin.
"Do you have a plan, Master Thorin?" Balin whispered to him.
"Yes- I've got my trusty kni-"

It wasn't there. How could this happen? He hadn't taken out his knife since... Ah yes, the day that he had found himself tied to his nephew's head. He had been meaning to search for it for a while- it must have escaped his mind.

"Master Thorin?" Balin asked fretfully.
"Um... Never mind- I'm sure someone will figure something out."

But as he looked around, he knew it was hopeless. All his company did were yell threats and squirm around. He sighed. Why couldn't they have chosen a more resourceful burglar?