A/N: Hello! While writing my Harry Potter story I came across this one in my files. It was written ages ago and with some heavy editing I decided it was decent enough to post. This story is basically a product of reading a Twilight fanfiction while Ella Enchanted was on. Don't worry, those of you who enjoy Twilight. While it may no longer be my cup of tea, there won't be much character bashing. My character just really dislikes Edward. Let me know what you think!
Fiona Carey stared blankly at the television in her living room watching Saturday morning cartoons. The scent of baked sugary goodness wafted out of the kitchen. Mrs. Carey was baking a birthday cake for her small birthday party this afternoon. Because it was summer and most of Fiona's friends were on vacation, only some family and a couple of people she knew would be there. It was going to suck. She just knew it. If Uncle Tucker came it was going to really suck. He had a gas problem. She didn't want to seem spoiled, she just missed her friends.
Fiona had been so excited because to finally turn eighteen. A legal adult able to do whatever she wanted to do but drink. Which was fine because she probably wouldn't do it anyway. But now she was moping. It was finally sinking in that she wasn't a kid anymore. That she wouldn't be able to go to mommy about everything. She was going to have to go to college or get a job. She wasn't ready yet! She still wanted her mommy. She was scared to be grown up. Why couldn't she just be a teenager forever.
The doorbell rang.
"Fiona! Sweetie, could you get that?!" Mrs. Carey called from the kitchen.
Fiona huffed and peeled herself off the couch, mentally cursing the ringers ill timing.
She swung open the front door and gaped at the sight before her.
A blonde woman in a bright pink and sparkly dress stood on the step. Her eyes were covered in light pink and shimmering eye shadow. Everything was pink. Even her fake glittery wings.
The bright color assaulted Fiona's eyes and she could swear they began to water.
"Uh..." The teen began dumbly. "-can I...help you?"
The pink lady smiled and nearly blinded her with a set of shocking white teeth. "No, but I can help you."
Fiona's eyebrows flew up. "Excuse me?" What the hell was that supposed to mean.
The pink lady giggled and waved a glittery wand. "Hello Fiona Carey!" Her voice was high and piercing to the teens freshly woken ears. It reminded her of those annoying Disney princesses people hired for parties. Fiona winced as she went on. "I'm Rena, your fairy godmother, and I'm here to grant you a wish on your birthday."
"Oh...! Cool." She mentally shrugged. This must've been one like one of those singing telegrams.
"What's your wish?" Rena asked.
Fiona frowned. "Can I just wish for anything? I mean, what if I ask for a car or something?"
Rena shook her head. "No, no, no! It has to be bigger than that!"
Okay.
Humoring her, Fiona tried to think of something ridiculous. With a grin she answered sarcastically, thinking of something most teenyboppers had wished.
"I wish I was Bella Swan." She finally answered, in a cheery valley girl accent.
Big mistake.
Rena squealed at a deadly pitch and the teen slammed her hands over her ears. "What is your damage, Heather?!"
"That's perfect!"
The pink monster began to bounce up and down giggling as Fiona glared. What the hell was up with this chick. Fiona was about to voice this out loud when she was suddenly smacked in the face with the plastic wand that was decidedly not plastic. Ow.
"What the fu-" Fiona exclaimed as she was jerked downward and her vision went white. All that could be seen was bright white light everywhere and she could make out Rena's faint giggling. They were falling down faster and Fiona's screaming was stopped by her face landing on a hard surface. She pushed herself up with her hands and spat out the hot and dusty sand that filled her mouth. Gross. She paused. Hold up...sand. Fiona lived in Florida and her lawn was very grassy. It was also hurricane season so it was humid and rainy, not hot and dusty. She looked around and panicked. What the hell man!
The girl scrambled to her feet and examined the surroundings. She was standing in the front yard of a little green house. In a desert. Her stomach dropped.
"Oh no..." Fiona shook her head. "Please no! No! This was not my real wish! I was just joking! Please!"
This was not happening.
"What's the matter?"
Fiona spun around to face the pink monstrosity. "You! You did this!"
Rena looked down at the finger in her face. "Ah-huh."
"You're a Fairy!"
She rolled her eyes. "Well duh! I already told you that."
"Fairies aren't real!"
Rena giggled. "Don't be silly, silly. If they weren't real how did I make your greatest wish come true?"
Fiona started giggling. The giggles strengthened into laughter. Rena laughed along with the girl but stopped when she became hysterical. She looked at Fiona in part concern and part fear. Eventually her laughter turned to full out sobs.
"Oh my god!" The teen exclaimed into her hands. "Please let this be a nightmare!"
"Aren't you happy?" Rena piped and Fiona looked up at her with a scowl. Her head was tilted in confusion like a Pug or a Chihuahua.
"Happy?" Was she blind. "Do I look happy!?"
"No..." She answered slowly, shaking her head.
"Good! I'm not!"
"Why are you, like, all up in my face?"
Fiona huffed in disbelief. "Because I'm angry!"
Rena frowned. "Why? Don't you love Twilight?"
"I like certain Twilight fanfiction."
"Isn't that, like, basically the same thing?"
"No!" The teen bristled.
Rena put her wand to her chin. "But, like-"
"It's not the same!" Fiona crossed her arms in defiance. "Take me back."
"But you just got here." Rena smiled again. "Don't you want to meet Edward?"
"Hell no! Take me back you pink ditzy bitch."
Rena gasped dramatically. Her face darkened into an inhumanly angered expression. "How dare you!" Her anger rolled of her in waves, sending chills up Fiona's spine.
Oops.
"How could you be so ungrateful?" Rena stalked towards the girl who felt the dread build in her gut. Maybe she shouldn't have insulted the all powerful fairy who poofed them here in the first place. "I've just given you what millions of girls your age would kill for."
Fiona nodded quickly and stumbled backed into a trashcan. She winced at the loud crash and tried not to trip over it as Rena got in her face. "I am not a bitch."
"No ma'am." The girl quickly agreed.
"I am wonderful."
"So wonderful."
" I am the greatest thing that has ever happened to you!"
"You so are!" Fiona exclaimed trying to save her ass. "I am so, so, so grateful. Really, I am." She held up my hands. "Honestly, I was just in shock. I don't know why reacted that way."
Rena gazed at Fiona carefully. "I don't believe you." She circled the girl before her. "In fact, I bet you hate this."
Yeah, no duh, I just said that a minute ago.
She grinned evilly. "I guess I'll just have to punish you." ...What?
"Huh...?" That couldn't be good. Bad thoughts filled Fiona's head and she felt nauseous.
"If you hate it so much, I guess it's only fitting that you stay here."
Crazy bitch, say what?
"Please don't do this." The plea fell on deaf ears as another voice filled the air.
"Bella! Honey, what are you doing outside?"
Fiona winced and turned towards the house. Bella's mom stood at the front door.
"Are you still in your pajamas? Why are you all dirty?"
She looked down and blushed. Fiona was still wearing her purple Marvin the Martian bottoms and a tank top.
"Err..." She looked back to Rena but she was gone. "Shit!"
"What's wrong?"
As Renee approached Fiona she felt her vision swim. The last thing Fiona heard was Bella's mother yell out as she fell into a dead faint.
An hour later found Fiona lying on Bella Swan's bare bed listening to Bella Swan's mom whine to her husband on Bella Swan's phone. She was stared at the wall with a blank expression, hoping that somehow she would just wake up. Phil was out getting an extra suitcase for Bella's stuff because apparently Bella was going to live with her dad in Forks, Washington tomorrow and not all of her stuff fit in the suitcases here. Fiona Carey on the other hand wasn't going anywhere. She was going to sit on her ass until the she-devil godmother came back to take her home. Fiona finally let her eyes scan over the few boxes left in the room. Apparently most of Bella's stuff had already been sent ahead to Charlie's.
Fiona sat up in the bed and glared at the outfit folded up at the foot of the bed. "I'm not doing this." She hissed at it. "I won't!"
Silence.
"I mean it!"
"Honey, who are you talking to?"
She did do it. After locking herself in a bathroom and having a mental breakdown involving many tears and muffled howls, she caved. Fiona figured if she went through with it to the end, then Rena would send her home. But if she was doing this it would be done her way and not some girl-who-doesn't-care-about-anyone-not-a-vampire- or-her-self's-way.
Now here she sat a day later in half-filled airplane, jiggling her leg the whole ride and ignoring the glare from the passenger beside her. She hated planes. She swore to never get on one, but Bella's mom refused to let her take a bus. Fiona shut the shade on the window and concentrated on lyrics to old doo-wop songs. When that got tired she took out one of Bella's books from her purse and forced herself to read it. She sighed in relief when the plane eventually landed and fought the urge to kiss the ground as she stepped off into the rain of Port Angeles. She spotted Charlie by his cruiser in the distance and met him half way.
There was an awkward moment of shuffling feet but Fiona took initiative and pulled the older man into a hug. She was going to be here who knows how long, she might as well get friendly.
Charlie seemed a little surprised but after a small pause returned the gesture with an added back pat.
She liked Charlie's character and didn't understand why Bella was so distant with him when they were so similar. Didn't Renee leave Charlie because she hated small town life?
From what Fiona had read, Bella seemed to had been kind of a brat to him. There must be a reason. Fiona's mom had left her dad too and she didn't get to see him as much as she liked either. But Fiona didn't take it out on him that her mother had moved out of reach.
"Hey...Dad." Fiona greeted trying to keep all anxiety out of her voice. In effort to not be too stiff she pulled out a big smile and hoped she wasn't expressing how nervous she felt to being stuck with a virtual stranger.
"Hey kiddo." She pulled back to relieve Charlie of the awkwardness. "It's good to see you."
"It's good to see you too."
He smiled at that. "How was your flight."
Just act natural. Be yourself. This isn't real, so just roll with it. What's the worst that could happen?
Fiona rolled her eyes. "I hate planes." She grumbled. "I asked R- Mom if I could bus it up here but she wouldn't have it."
Charlie agreed. "There's too many weirdo's out there."
"Yeah but it's a bus." She argued, keeping up conversation as he led her out to his cruiser. "The drivers there and over a dozen other passengers. If a weirdo tried to get me I think someone would notice."
After putting the luggage into the cruiser she looked around the front seat as they drove out of the parking lot. Despite her propensity for trouble she had never been in a cop car before. She bit back the childish urge to ask him to turn on the siren.
"How's your Mom?"
Fiona frowned at the brief flash that passed over his face. Poor guy.
"She's good." She answered whilst thinking of her own mother. "She's Mom. You know how she is."
He nodded and there was a pause before he moved on. "I got you a car."
Fiona perked up. She had forgotten about the big red beast of a truck. She was going to be driving a car. She drove her aunts car a few times but Fiona's real parents wouldn't help her get one until after she turned eighteen.
"Cool! Mom wouldn't get me a car. She was afraid of what I'd do to her insurance." Actual truth.
Charlie smirked. "I don't think we'll need to worry about this one. It's an old Chevy truck. Nice and sturdy."
"Where'd you get it?" She already knew but keeping up conversation would beat off long silences.
"You remember Billy Black from La Push, right?"
Fiona nodded. "You used to go fishing together and I played with his kids."
"He's in a wheel-chair now and can't use his truck?"
My curiosity got the better of me "What happened?"
Charlie sighed. "Nerve damage from Diabetes."
"That sucks."
Real smooth.
A pause. "Thanks a lot for the car. You didn't have to go to all the trouble."
Charlie face reddened slightly. "No problem, I just want you to be happy here."
D'aw. Fiona felt bad and decided Charlie deserved some love. "I'm just glad I get to spend more time with you." She saw the awkward look on his face. "Two weeks out of the year and every other Christmas isn't enough." She was such a kiss-ass, but she was sincere in that opinion. If that was all the time Fiona got to have with her real dad it would kill her.
He looked a little down and she cursed herself.
Nice going, idjit. Her subconscious was starting to sound more and more like Bobby Singer.
"No it's not." He replied. "You know, I would have-"
"It's okay." Fiona assured him, sitting back. "It's kind of my fault. I was the one who insisted on California. I'm sorry I was such a brat about it."
Charlie smiled back at me. "You were only a little bit of a brat."
She smiled and felt some of the tension ease. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.
"When did you get so mature?" Charlie teased, going on to a less awkward topic.
Fiona snorted incredulously. She wasn't stupid enough to completely unleash all at once. Best to ease him into it. "You say that now, but a few weeks from now you'd be wishing I stayed in Arizona."
The rest of the car ride was spent with Fiona asking Charlie questions about Forks. Better to familiarize herself with her temporary home.
When they rolled into town she felt a bit of a nervousness flutter in her gut. This was home for the next two-and-half to three years. Fiona felt a bit numb to it all. It was just so surreal. She sent a brief, if perhaps slightly forced smile in Charlie's direction.
They finally pulled into the drive of the Swan residence behind the red truck. She took a few minutes to admire the old fashioned Chevy and thank Charlie again before helping to carry up her luggage.
Entering Bella's room, Fiona saw the several boxes on the floor that had been sent ahead. As soon as she was alone she slid down against the door and let a long gust of air pass through her lips. All the determination she had forced cracked into a million pieces. What the hell had she gotten into. The sparkly vampires in the book might have been laughable on paper, but actually be around them was something altogether different. The fact that they could crush her into bits within seconds wasn't at all humorous. The fact that Jasper or Edward could lose control snuff her out at any given notice didn't giving her warm fuzzies. They were predators and in accordance to the food chain Fiona was 'what's for dinner'.
Uncontrollable laughter shook her. She was becoming hysterical again. She was such an idiot. You'd think after all the time she had invested in watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer as a kid she'd learn to be careful with the 'W' word. Fiona lifted off of the ground and began to pace. She tried to calm down with deep breaths.
You can't think this way. You can't do this afraid. It's in all likelihood that this is all just a dream my scary godmother had conjured up, so if something does happen, I'll probably be fine.
She wasn't going to be quick to test that theory.
Fiona flopped on the bed and curled up to an old teddy bear. Not feeling up to facing Charlie, she skipped dinner to unpack and put a shower off until morning.