Chapter Twenty-Four

Their return was a complicated mess of avoiding meeting themselves, leaving notes, changing clothes, taking showers, and napping. By the time Jack finally got back to the Hub, Gwen and Tosh were sharing several pizzas and Owen was interrogating River.

"So you, Professor Song, are Melody Pond?" Owen declared, removing a pen from his mouth with flourish.

"All grown up. Ah, Captain!" River smiled and gestured at the pizzas.

"You don't have to call me that, Mels." Jack took a slice of pizza and sat between the girls. "So, what got you here in the first place?"

"The Captain and I are old friends. Apparently he knew about our history and asked for my help." River smiled. "Any excuse to see you again."

"So," said Gwen, attempting to get a strand of cheese into her mouth, "who was that man anyway?"

"I haven't got the slightest idea." River took a bite of pizza, pensively. "No one does. Some say he's a Time Lord called the Corsair, but I don't think so; and what's more, the Doctor doesn't think so."

"What's the Stormcage?" Owen broke in, casting glances at the pizza.

"Galaxy's most high-security prison." Jack put his elbows on the table. "Something you haven't told me, kiddo?"

River smiled sheepishly. "Well, as far as the universe is concerned… I killed the Doctor. He's not dead. It's very complicated."

"I thought you married him." Jack was a little disappointed that he hadn't been there. He'd abandoned Melody— not by choice, but after the moon landing debacle, the Kovarian Chapter and the Time Agency had parted their ways, and, well… he hadn't been able to be there. He hadn't even remembered that there was a little girl named Melody Pond who nobody but him treated like an actual person. And there his little girl, all grown up and married.

"I did both." River waved a hand dismissively, laying back with her pizza. "Like I said, complicated. And by the way, Mr. Harper, the gaps in your memory? Genetically engineered priests. You forget them as soon as you look away."

"Why?" Tosh asked.

"Confession."

"So that's what Madame Kovarian was so mad at me about?" Owen frowned, sticking his pen back into his mouth. "What would they look like, then?"

"Oh, they're where your Roswell-type aliens come from. Gray, big heads, ugly… wear suits." River shrugged and gnawed on her pizza crust.

"Ugly and wear suits? We're sure Ianto's human?"

"I've checked," Jack said, "Quite thoroughly. Speaking of Ianto, where is he?"

"Bed," said Tosh, "Said he'd fallen out a window and deserved a nap."

"He fell onto me, I might add." River took another slice of pizza. "Not from far, but it did hurt."

"I broke my leg," Tosh said, extending it thoughtfully.

"I got shot and exploded." Owen looked to Gwen, daring her to top that.

"I was nearly run over?" she offered.

Jack, meanwhile, had gone off to his bed. A barefoot Ianto was curled up on one side, tangled up in the blankets and clinging to a pillow. Jack couldn't help but smile.

"Ianto."

Ianto grumbled something and rolled over, one leg falling off the bed. Jack sat next to him and pulled off the blankets, young but familiar motions.

"Ianto, wake up," he said, smiling.

"No." Ianto buried his head under the pillow, kicking Jack with the leg still on the bed. "Tired."

"I saved you pizza."

"Tired."

"I know you're awake."

"Let me sleep, Jack."

"Please?"

Ianto sat up, shoved the pillow into Jack's face, and lay back down. "No."

"OK, that's it." Jack pushed Ianto the rest of the way out of bed.

"Jack!" Ianto's head popped up in a well-known yawn of rage. Jack held out his hands, smiling.

"Awake now?"

"I'm tired!" Ianto protested, forcefully pulling himself up by Jack's arms.

"You fell out a window, I know. Long day."

"Longer than you know." Ianto sat next to Jack, leaning on him. "And I didn't exactly fall. I jumped."

Jack considered if he wanted to know the answer, decided he didn't, and asked the question. "Why?"

"Spoilers." Ianto smiled a bit as Jack put an arm around him. "I want pizza now."

"Well, I did save you some." Jack stood and offered his arm like a gentleman. Ianto took it in kind, and they marched into the Hub arm-in-arm.

Ianto wasn't sure why everyone giggled and Owen pretended to have amnesia when he sat down, but Jack promised to explain later.

"Uncle Tracey, could we speak alone for a moment?" River stood, ill at ease.

"Of course, Mels." Jack stood, glancing at his team savaging a poor pizza.

They left the others to pretending to forget Ianto, heading to Jack's office.

"What is it, kiddo?" Jack asked as River sat on his desk, crossing her legs. They smiled a bit at the old nickname. She always would be his kiddo, after all.

"Well, I don't much fancy going back to prison…"

"You can stay here as long as you like." Jack put a hand on her shoulder. "It's not like I'm letting you go before I know all about how little Melody Pond became Professor River Song."

"Oh, that's a long story." River laughed. "I'd like to know my Uncle Tracey ended up here, too."

"Also a long story."

River smiled. "I have time."

Jack smiled.

"So," said Gwen, gnawing at a pizza crust in thought, "I went back to 1910 and sung at aliens…"

"I went to 1899, was captured by lesbians, saved a ship from a storm, and got Jack to join Torchwood in the first place." Tosh took the last slice of pizza.

"I killed aliens, taunted one of the most dangerous beings in the universe, and exploded." Owen mimed an explosion with his hands, pen in one and very important paperwork in the other.

"I pushed a queen out a window, was knighted, and married Jack—" Ianto paused, just long enough for everyone to begin to react, "—to the queen of England, in an elevator."

"Jack's married. To the queen of England?" Owen paused in his doodling.

"He will be," Ianto verified, pulling the napkin from his collar.

"Wouldn't that make him the…" Gwen's eyes widened in shock.

"Luckily, by then, we'll all be dead." After the comparison to the alien, Ianto's snub to Owen probably was deliberate.

"Certainly a frightening thought," Tosh agreed.

"I'm going back to bed," Ianto said, standing, "And if Jack wants to talk to me… he can't. I want to get actual sleep."

"Didn't we have something to tell you?" Owen asked when Jack and River returned to the table.

Everyone agreed that they couldn't remember.

The next day, the shop was, surprisingly, still there. The mysterious shopkeeper smiled as the Torchwood agents, as well as River Song, walked in.

"Ah, Torchwood! By the way, Mr. Jones— for you, no charge."

"No charge for what?" Jack asked.

Sheepishly, Ianto held up Catherine's locket. "I meant to buy it for you, and accidentally stole it…"

Jack took it, smiling slightly. "I should have known."

"Normally you're gone by now." River raised an eyebrow. "What is it you want?"

"No," Owen protested, "You're not doing this again! I still smell like Dalek!"

"Ah, Mr. Harper, this time, I can give you a choice." The shopkeeper laughed, the parrot echoing.

"What do you want?" Gwen asked.

"Ah, well!" The shopkeeper clapped with a grin. "Your team is uniquely well-suited to this task at the moment. There's a girl called Sky…"

(A/N: Well, it's time for the bows... Thank you, everyone!)