A N: Non possiedo Community.
A N 2: I will defeat you, Writer's Block! And your little dog too!
PREVIOUSLY, ON INTENSIVE COURSE IN EERIE STUFF
"Greendale is a fortress right now…"
"Annie's Boobs!"
"… I just need to not lose my self-control…"
"Alright, Greendale, this is an hostage situation…!"
AND NOW…
"Let me in, little piggies…" the werewolf growled, smashing her paws against the door of the supply closet in which the Chang-Glorious Basterds were now hiding.
"Go away!" Joshua cried, tears coming down from his eyes.
They heard a growl, and the sound of heavy footsteps depart from the door.
Then silence.
"Children?" A far sweeter voice, remembering each of them of their own mother, said, "Are you in there?"
Joshua sobbed, "Who… Who are you?"
"Let me in, Children, I've brought presents for you…" The voice kept saying, lulling them in trance.
"What presents?" Joshua said with a monotone tone as he opened the door.
The werewolf stranded there, her jaws twisted in a wicked grin, her anthropomorphic form allowing her to tower over them.
"Years of therapy, you little shits!"
The Chan-Glorious Basterds screamed as they scrambled toward the wall of the closet.
The werewolf began approaching them.
The Hellhounds reformed in the corridor.
"Finally!" Troy yelled from the study table, 10 cards on his hands, "We've waited ages!"
Annie's Boobs put her cards on the table, revealing five picture cards and five aces.
Shirley and Troy grunted, both folding.
Annie's Boobs smiled as she grabbed all the chips on the table.
The Hounds stared at them.
They then sniffed the air, running madly towards a direction opposite from them.
"Good…" Shirley said, rising from her sit, "… Let's go."
"WE WANT 500 UNDRED DOLLARS IN CANADIAN DOLLARS, AN HELICOPTER AND TIBET LIBERATION, OR WE KILL THE HOSTAGES, GOT IT?!" Britta yelled at the Policeman now gathered outside of Greendale.
Abed sharply elbowed her.
"AND ALSO WE WANT TO GET REENROLLED!"
"Cool…" Abed said to her as they closed the door, "… This call for a 24 shot out…"
They heard a bang.
A bullet has been fired by one of the snipers outside, making an hole on the window and forming a gaping hole where Abed's left eye used to be.
"… But I guess that a Terminator one isn't bad too…" Half his face said as the metal began reforming around the hole.
Annie exited the closet as she heard the hounds.
She turned left.
"BETTER STARVE FREE THAN BE A FAT SLAVE, COUSINS!" She quoted, running on her fours against them.
"… I'm a PG wolf, a PG wolf, a PG wolf…" She kept chanting in her head as she maimed with her claws the first Hellhound.
A dart hit her on the back, releasing something inside her.
Her eyes turned yellow.
"FUCK PG!" She roared as she lost the small semblance of humanity she still had.
And so she turned in a wolf the size of an horse, green foam coming out of her mouth.
She threw green goo against the Hellhounds, digesting it on the spot.
And then she started swallowing their remains.
Jeff tensed, sniffing the air.
"Fuck…" He muttered, his overpowered nose quickly recognizing the smell now polluting the air, "… Annie has lost her control…"
He ran toward the source of the smell.
Shirley and Troy entered Chang's office.
"Good, and now…" Shirley began saying before freezing.
"But look at that…" Dean Spreck said, turning the Dean's chair to face the intruders, "It seems that the Study Group has fallen in our little trap…"
The guards pointed their guns at them.
They slowly raised their hands in surrender as they were escorted outside.
Nobody noticed Annie's Boobs falling down from Troy's shoulder and landing on the Desk.
She turned towards the closet, filled with the most extravagant outfits.
And grinned.
Annie's mind was obfuscated.
She could only see red.
A red mist that the Wolf knew was blood.
So much blood.
And meat… So much meat.
She really wanted to eat something.
"Annie!" A distant voice called from out of the mist.
She turned and sniffed.
The Wolf recognized the voice as THE ENEMY!
She propelled blindly towards it, her fangs barren.
She stranded him, starting to bite his flesh.
Is tender, delicious, wonderful flesh.
"Annie, stop right now!" The voice said again, this time nearer.
The Wolf recognized him now.
It was her Endless Buffet.
Annie's mind began to stir as she fought against the wolf.
"Annie, no, Bad Wolf, Bad!" The voice said with a stern tone, like he was talking to his dog or something.
Even as she kept trashing his precious abs with her fangs.
"JEFF!" Annie mentally yelled, overpowering the Wolf.
Her eyes turned blue again.
She saw him smirking at her, his shirt destroyed and stained with blood.
His chest open, most of his internal organs now half eaten or missing.
"Ops…" She began growling as she tried to return to her human form.
"I had worst…" He reassured her.
She turned human.
And then she swatted his right arm.
Or where his right arm should have been, if she hadn't eaten it.
"Why are you hitting me!?" He asked, outraged.
"I'm not your dog, Jeff! You have no rights to treat me like one!"
Jeff scoffed, "Oh, excuuuuuuuse, princess, I was just being devoured by my psychotic girlfriend, but of course I had to mind how to address her…"
He smirked at her, "… But of course, if this meant having an armful of naked woman…"
She swatted again, glaring at him, "I wonder if that guard is still in that supply closet, I still need to give him his reward…"
He glared back at her, "I don't allow you to..."
"I'm not your possession, Jeff, I can do what I want…" She said with an haughty tone.
They glared at each other as they both contemplated the idea to rip each other heads off.
Or just to fuck the other into submission, more probably.
A man coughed.
"WHAT?!" They both yelled at him.
And only now they noticed the guards pointing their guns at them
"Silver bullets?" Jeff asked with a smug tone.
One of them shot at his foot, making him whine in pain.
Annie sighed, "Silver bullets."
"Please don't kill me…" Chang whimpered as Britta aimed her Kalashnikov at him.
She didn't say anything.
The doors busted open.
Annie, Jeff, Shirley and Troy entered the room, the guards still escorting them.
"… Because I won!" Chang yelled, rising from his throne and running toward Dean Spreck.
Britta scowled at her friends.
"Seriously, guys?" She said with a condescending tone, "I've been the last one to get caught? Seriously?"
They casted their gazes down.
Britta smirked at Annie's naked form, "… Well, I guess that when someone cannot control her… Urges…"
Annie gave a scandalized gasp.
"Shut up, Perry, and back with the others!" Chang commanded.
Britta grunted as she and Abed reached their companions.
Britta grinned, "All according to the plan…"
Dean Spreck eyed her skeptically, "What plan, Perry? The one where you do some random shit together and then get caught?" He sneered.
"No…" She said triumphantly, "… The one where you're all inside the same room. NOW!"
Nothing happened.
"I said… NOW!" She repeated.
The guards gave a coarse laugh.
"I wouldn't laugh if I were you…" Abed said in a detached tone, "… In fact, I would start to surrender right now…"
Their laughs became louder.
"And why, if you mind me ask?" Dean Spreck said in a derisive tone.
"We have the higher ground…" Abed stated in his usual matter of fact way, "… We are immortal, almost omnipotent beings. We don't need a plan, because everything will automatically become a Xanatos Gambit, every outcome will become a victory. Sure, you can reduce Jeff to ashes, but he will always rise back at the first drop of blood. You can reduce Annie to her skeleton, but her flesh will grow back before you can do anything against it. You can reduce my body to scraps, but my memory will be automatically sent to all the computers of the state, fragmented and ready to be sent back to one of my backup body. And you cannot do anything to Britta, who is basically our Cleric, allowing us to restore to Unlife all the mortal members we lose…" He paused, letting those information sink, "… We are narrative overpower, we are Gods descended upon earth…" He paused again, "… We are Mary Sues!"
Silence reigned in the room.
And then the Guards returned to laugh.
"Stupid, little Greendale's se…" Chang began saying between laughter as he counted them, "… Wait, I'm forgetting someone…"
"Oh, they usually do it too…" Pierce's voice conversationally echoed in the room.
"PIERCE! NOW MEANS NOW!" Britta yelled again at the air.
They heard Pierce grunting, "I know, Brittles, I'm not deaf…"
He gave a polite cough.
"Zuul, Motherfucker, Zuul!" He bellowed, a gargantuan ghastly version of him appearing in the center of the room, cackling maniacally and flapping his hands around, blue, ethereal chains attached to them.
Chang grunted, unimpressed, "Ghost cannot kill mortals."
The Cyber-Mites began expelling a white gas, obfuscating everyone's non super-powered view.
"But they can unleash Poltergeist activity…" Abed said as he entered in stealth mode.
"FEAR THE POWER OF THE ALMIGHTY!" Pierce bellowed as all the mortals in the room began rising from the ground.
"AWESOME!" Troy said, swimming in the air.
"Shoot them!" Chang commanded from his upside down position.
The guards began firing.
Jeff moved, almost a blur to the mortals' eyes.
None of the bullets hit their target.
"What…?" Chang asked, confused.
Jeff opened his closed fist, his palm still burning for the silver, and let all the bullets fell.
He groaned in pain, "Totally worth it…"
Britta snickered, "You wanted to demonstrate once again to be the fastest in the universe, Jeff?"
Jeff scowled at her.
Britta grinned, "Am I right, girl?!" She yelled, raising her hand to get an high five with Annie.
Who just stared at her with wide eyes.
Britta grunted, "Spoilsport…"
"As you were talking about your sinful lives…" Shirley chimed in from her floating position as she dual wielded sleeping guns, "… I've already taken down all of them!"
All stared at the now sleeping guards.
Annie grinned, "Hey, we won!"
And then the SWAT forces broke in the room.
END TAG
Annie's Boobs reemerged from the Dean's Closet.
She was wearing a small pirate costume, a golden coin around her neck, like some sort of amulet.
She entered the air vents, heading towards the Dean's Cell.
She jumped inside, landing on the Dean's head.
"Hello there, my pretty…" He said, tacking Annie's Boobs in his arms.
She smiled at him.
"What's that…?" He asked, touching the coin.
And because of that, the Dean and Annie's Boobs disappeared in a pop.