Three's a Crowd

Title: Three's a Crowd

Author: 4mation

Type: One-shot

Rating: T

Genre: Friendship, Family, Romance

Warnings: Language, Mentioned Incest, Mentioned fem!Slash

Pairing: Elsanna, bff!Kristanna, friendship!Kristelsa

Characters: Elsa, Kristoff, Anna

Summary: "I wish you weren't so nice. It'd make this so much easier."

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All names mentioned do not represent the true persons. All brand names do not belong to the author. No copyright laws or personal privacy laws are intended to be infringed.

A/N: So, a lot of people didn't really enjoy my other fic Love is a Revolving Door because of the implied polyamory. Thus, this fic was born, which serves as my penance for upsetting all of you fervent Elsanna shippers, as well as an assurance that, yes, Anna does love Elsa the most. Hope you enjoy J

They don't meet often. When they do, it's normally about work, with the Queen informing the Royal Ice Deliverer of the newest shipments that needed to be made, or the Ice Deliverer explaining some of the details in his request for better sled maintenance. For the rarer personal interactions, it's normally with Anna or Olaf, another member of their family helping to act as a buffer between the two and giving them someone to talk to when their usual conversation topics ran dry.

And then, there are these meetings. The ones where Elsa wanders into a room only to find that Kristoff is already there, sharpening his ice pick, and the two accidentally make eye contact before Elsa can quietly slip out unnoticed. The two just stare at each other, each unable to voice his/her desire to simply bolt before they actually have to (god forbid) talk to each other.

A few seconds of silence stretch into a few minutes. The tension goes from thick to unbearable. Finally, Kristoff breaks, and he waves his hand stiffly.

"Hey."

Elsa raises her own hand in response, and hopes that her shaking can be passed off as a meek wave.

"Hey."

Silence descends after those two syllables as both struggle to figure out what to talk about next. Their normal common ground (ice and everything related to it) has already been used up earlier when the two met for lunch and were forced to make small talk while both impatiently waited for Anna to arrive so that they wouldn't have to talk to each other anymore. Now, with nothing on which they can build something resembling normal conversation, they're reduced to imitating goldfish as they both stare at each other, mouths flapping uselessly.

It's. Fucking. Awkward.

"Nice weather we're having today," Kristoff tries. He winces internally immediately at his choice of topic. Well, that's original. She can change the weather whenever she wants, retard.

"Yeah, it's… nice. Great day for swimming," Elsa says in response. She fights down the urge to slap herself in the face for that one. Really? He tries to make small talk so that you can talk your way out of this, and that's your chosen response? You should've stayed locked up in your room a little longer while you tried to figure out how to actually talk to people.

"Swimming's good!" Even to his own ears, Kristoff sounds overly enthusiastic as he tries to compensate for the growing discomfort in the room. "The fjord's really warm this time of year! It's always great to dive in and swim with the fishes. Course, there aren't that many fishes anymore, but it's still fun!" Well done. Really, well done. Nice job reminding her that she killed most of the marine life in the fjord after she froze everything, moron.

"It sounds great, Kristoff," Elsa tries to smile reassuringly, and she ends up grimacing instead. 'You're useless at this, you know that?' "I've never actually learnt to swim, you know, since I sort of froze everything, but I'm sure that it's really fun…" Aaaaand there you go again, just shitting all over any chance of turning this into a conversation. He just mentioned that he likes swimming, and then you go and bring up your ice powers again. Why are you even alive?

"How's Anna?" Elsa says hurriedly, desperate to find something that they can both talk about. If Kristoff hadn't looked up from his clasped hands at the mention of the Princess, Elsa would've been banging her head against the doorframe for choosing her sister of all people as their next topic. Sure, good going, talk about the girl that he loves but can't screw because you're fucking her every night and she's too good-hearted to think about banging anyone else because she thinks that she'd be cheating on you. Sometimes, I wonder why you weren't just born mute. It's more manageable than ice powers, and it'd get you in a hell of a lot less trouble.

"She's great!" Kristoff replies quickly, relieved that the conversation has turned to a mutual interest. "She's doing a lot better than she was at breakfast! Her hangover's mostly worn off, so we're going into town later for dinner." And there you go, reminding her that you, unlike her, can actually take Anna out on dates. "I was going to invite you to come as well, but since you said that you have a meeting, well…" You are a disgrace to your family. No wonder people think trolls are stupid; they've had no one but people like you to judge them by. WHY would you try justifying leaving her out of dinner by talking about how her job stops her from having a social life?

"No, it's fine, you were right. I've got a dinner meeting with the Chinese ambassadors to settle how much ice is worth in terms of gunpowder barrels." He knows this, idiot, he's the one responsible for the ice trade! "Don't worry about me, just go have fun. There's a fair in town, so I'm sure that you two can go play or something." Why would you use words laced with innuendo? Just go and boast about how Anna has sex with you and not him while you're at it. I knew you should've stayed on the North Mountain.

"Yeah, I heard about the fair. I was going to try and win something at the games, you know, get Anna something nice." Stop talking about Anna and dates at the same time, you absolute freak of nature, why would you do that? "I bet I could win something for you too?" And now she'll think that you're one of those creeps who has a fetish for sisters. Congratulations, dumbass. It'll be a wonder if she doesn't fire you for this. "I mean, if you don't want anything, I'll totally understand." And now you've not only made the offer, but withdrawn it as well, before she can even answer. Just so she knows how much you like Anna more than her, or maybe now it seems that you were never really genuine about your offer in the first place. Either way, you look like a dick. "Those carnival prizes are normally lame stuff like teddy bears anyway." Did you just tell her that the prize you were going to give Anna is lame? And you wonder why Sven's your only friend.

"I like teddy bears!" Elsa blurts before she can stop herself. She mentally kicks herself for that when Kristoff looks at her weirdly. Is there a reason that you even own a brain, or is it just because it was biologically required? Because you sure as hell never seem to use it. "Um, I mean, when I was growing up, I used to talk to my teddy bears when I was alone in my room and didn't have anyone else to talk with." That's some depressing shit right there. This is why you should never host parties; you kill the mood and appear insane while doing it. "One of my favourites was called Mr Snuggles." Why are you still talking about this?!"Anna gave him to me." Oh, so that's why. So that you can rub in his face that not only do you and Anna have great sex, you also have a childhood and history that he'll never be able to have. You absolute asshole. "I'm sure that Anna will love it if you won her a teddy bear." That is way too much talk about teddy bears for one conversation. Are you the Queen, or some five-year-old that's still shitting its diapers?

"Really?" And now you sound desperate. Somebody should slap your stupid blonde head, really, they should. "I've won stuff at the carnivals before, but I never had anyone to give them to." Most probably because you never had any friends because you always acted like such a weirdo. Kinda like you're doing now. "Now that we've got Anna, looks like I've got some motivation to do better, huh?" If you mention that you can take Anna out on dates and she can't one more time, I swear that I will stop being a voice in your head and climb out of your empty brain to punch you in the face for being an absolute jerkass.

"That's so sweet." I'm pretty sure that right now you look like a condescending fucker who's mocking the fact that he can give Anna all the presents he wants, the only person she'll be in bed with is you. You dickhead. "And really cute, actually." Of course it's cute. He's actually a good boyfriend as well as the fun, happy-go-lucky older sibling that you could never be. What can you offer Anna compared to this? A couple of orgasms and a pair of boobs against a caring, loving, fun boyfriend and brother who can not only take her on dates, but is actually nice.

"I wish you weren't so nice. It'd make this so much easier."

Elsa's eyes widen as she realises that she'd actually said that last bit out loud. Kristoff's head snaps up at that sentence, trying to decipher what it meant. Elsa internally berates herself for her slip of tongue.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, you absolute freak. What the fuck possessed you to say that?!

"Um, what?" Kristoff gives Elsa a look of absolute confusion. "You don't want me to be nice? How would that make anything easier?"

If you answer this question, it will seriously be the most retarded thing you've ever done. And I'm including freezing your sister's heart. You're still a monster for doing that, by the way.

"I just meant that I always thought I'd hate having to share my sister with anyone," Elsa says, her mouth moving before her brain has time to catch up. "I always thought that if there was anyone who could take Anna away from me, I'd probably freeze that person into an icicle or something."

Motherfucker. You actually said that. Well, shit.

"But you're just so nice," Elsa's mouth continues whilst her brain tries to get itself working again. "You make it impossible for me to hate you, or even dislike you. In fact, whenever I see you and her together, all I can think," and now, suddenly, Elsa feels tears welling in her eyes, and she chokes on the lump growing in her throat. "All I can think is that things would've worked out so much better if you'd been born Anna's older sister instead of me."

Holy shit. If you start crying as well, then I give up. There's no recovering from this one. Fuck.

Elsa looks through a veil of tears to see Kristoff's stunned face. She tries to smile and make a joke to lighten the weight of her words.

"Or, Anna's older brother. Whatever."

The watery chuckle that follows quickly degenerates into a sob.

Kristoff stares at Elsa, his ears sure that they're mishearing. He has no clue what to say in response to that.

If you say what's going through your head right now, you deserve to be disowned by Grand Pabbie and reviled by everyone who you've ever met. And everyone you're going to meet as well.

"I agree."

You fucking idiot.

Elsa jerks upright, tears flying through the air from the suddenness of her movement. She gives Kristoff the most confused look that the Ice Harvester has ever seen, and Kristoff knows that he has about five seconds to explain himself.

"Things would've been so much better if I'd been born Anna's brother instead of you. Because then, you would've been born as me, and then you could've been Anna's boyfriend. Or, girlfriend. You know what I mean."

Elsa wipes the tears from her eyes.

"What…?"

Satisfied now that he knows that he isn't going to be the reason for the second Great Freeze, Kristoff moves over to Elsa to hold her hands in his.

"Elsa, I like being Anna's boyfriend. I like being able to give her kisses, and I like being able to go to carnivals with her and just mess around and have fun. And I like being able to do all this stuff because I love her."

Kristoff takes a deep breath as he prepares himself for what he's about to say.

"But I love her like a sister, and all the stuff that I want to do with her is acceptable even if a brother and sister do it. You, though… the way you love Anna transcends anything sisterly. You love her more than anything or anyone in the world, and it's a love that no one will think is right for sister. Well, almost no one," Kristoff amends after thinking for a moment. "Because I think it's right. And so does Olaf, and so does Sven."

"Kristoff-" Elsa begins, but Kristoff cuts her off, unwilling to let her speak before he can finish explaining.

"Anna and me, we work perfectly fine as boyfriend and girlfriend. But we'd work fine as best friends or brother and sister. Nobody would care what our label was, because the way that we love each other is seen as acceptable no matter how we were related."

"But you and Anna, you're soul mates. You don't just love each other, you're in love with each other. And people just don't know how to accept that if the two of you are sisters. So, if we had just been born the other way around, with me as the brother and you as the girlfriend… you're right. It would have made things easier."

"But life doesn't always give us what we want, and there's no use in looking back now and whining or complaining, because there's nothing we can do about that. What we can do is look to the present and the future, and make the best of this situation. I can do that. I can accept what we have. I don't like it, but I think that, for the time being at least, it'll do. Maybe one day people will be more understanding, maybe one day people won't care as much, maybe one day you'll be able to walk down the wedding aisle to where Anna waits for you at the altar… but that's not today. And until that day comes, for me, what we have now will do. But that's for me. And this can only work, if it's good enough for you too. So tell me, Elsa: until the day comes when you and Anna can live happily and openly, until the day comes when we can all live as one family without caring what the rest of the world thinks… will this do?"

Elsa considers for a moment. It's a long moment. But it's only a moment.

"Yes, Kristoff," she says softly, wiping the tears from her eyes. She takes her hands from Kristoff's and pulls him in for a hug, a warm, loving hug between two people who understand each other and each other's desires. "Yes, this'll do. But promise me one thing."

Kristoff hugs Elsa tight, glad that she understands that, no matter what, he'll always be there to support her. Her and Anna. "Yes?"

"If that day comes, when that beautiful, glorious does come, I want you to be my best man. Royal order. Anna can have, I don't know, Olaf or someone."

A deep chuckle rumbles from somewhere inside Kristoff as he laughs quietly.

"Of course, Your Majesty."

"Hey! What's going on here?"

The two burst apart at the sound of Anna's voice as the redhead storms into the room. She puts her hands on her hips and gives an adorable little pout as she pretends to be outraged.

"Are you two cheating on me?"

"No!" they answer at the same time.

Smooth, idiot. Smooth like sandpaper.

"I thought I'd made it clear," Anna grumbles as she pulls Elsa and Kristoff to her. "If there's ever going to be any hugging going around, I always want to be in it! And Olaf gets a piece of warm hugs as well, I guess. So no stealing hugs from me and Olaf!"

Elsa chuckles and Kristoff lets out a loud laugh and ruffles Anna's hair as she hugs them both, slipping her arms around the Queen's slim waist and the Ice Harvester's broad one. Elsa and Kristoff both hug back, linking their arms around each other as well to create on warm, messy, loving group hug.

Anna, as the shortest, currently has her face buried in the wedge created by Elsa's chest and Kristoff's solar plexus, leaving her completely oblivious to the meaningful look that Kristoff and Elsa share as they enjoy the feeling of this redheaded girl that they both loved, and the blonde friend that neither could live without.

Yeah. Yeah, this'll do.

Fin

A/N: So, I hope you enjoyed this. It's also a little look into my personal head!canon regarding the Kristelsanna relationship. If you guys feel differently, feel free to leave your own ideas on how this relationship works in a review! I'd love to read your guys opinions on all this.

I promise that the newest chapter of Argos is on its way, for those of you who do read that fic. Consider this my apology for the long wait. For those of you who don't read Argos, surprise! You guys get a free fic!

Anyway, hope that you guys liked this. Catchya later! :D