A/N: hello readers! Okay, so this little one shot has been stuck in my head for weeks and I couldn't get the inspiration to write anything else, so here it is! If you've never heard the song 'Take Me or Leave Me' from Rent, go check it out on YouTube because this does involve our favourite ladies duetting the song. Don't take any of this serious because it's not a serious fic, the song just reminds me of them and I couldn't imagine them singing this any other way.
"Emma singing"
"Regina singing"
"Emma and Regina singing"
"I cannot believe you're making me do this," Regina huffed and took a seat next to Emma in the dark and dingy bar.
"Stop moaning." Emma rolled her eyes, "Besides, we haven't had a girls night with all of these in like forever."
The Rabbit Hole was already bustling to life with a few drunken members of Storybrooke that were readying themselves for the bar's annual karaoke night. Emma and Regina had been the first to arrive out of their party of six, so they ordere their drinks and found a table with the best view of the stage and dance floor.
"You two actually took the time to stop fucking and got here early?!" Ruby chuckled, announcing her arrival. "Holy shit, Ems, you really did make Hell freeze over!"
Regina scoffed at Ruby's comment and gave Emma a light glare.
"She's pissed at me because I made her come out with us." Emma grumbled as Ruby sat at the table with the couple.
"I'm not pissed at you, Emma, I'm irritated. You know how much I hate this bar - especially after the last time!" Regina reminded her girlfriend and their friend of a recent event that had scarred Regina for life. Literally. The last time she agreed to visit the bar with Emma and Ruby, the three of them ended up dancing on the bar half naked whilst waving around aerosol cans that had caught a flame.
"I still have a really bad burn on my nipple from that night." Ruby sighed and kneaded her breast in the memory.
"Oh, yeah, Regina had one right on her-"
"Emma!"
"What? Am I not allowed to tell our best friend that I couldn't have sex with you for two weeks because you put the flame too close to your vajay-jay?!"
"Well it's too late now..."
Emma and Regina glanced over at Ruby, who was now clutching her breast with one hand and the other cupped her crotch with a pained look on her face.
"Miss Lucas, I would much appreciate it if you didn't think about with vagina covered in burns at the table, dear." Regina said in a voice that was barely audible and closed Ruby's mouth with her finger before turning to face Emma, "You've only just received your privileges again, don't push it, Miss Swan, or you'll lose them again."
Emma let out a huff and slumped in her chair. This was going to be a long night. She threw back the remains of her beer and gave the bartender a wave to bring over another round for herself and her girlfriend.
"Rubes, I thought Belle was coming tonight...?" Emma asked, noticing the Australian's absence.
"She's at the bar; we had this deal that if I could make her come five times in the shower that drinks were on her." Ruby smirked at her accomplishment and looked over to the bar to spot Belle carrying a tray with two cocktails and six shots.
"Hey!" Belle smiled as she placed the tray on the table, "David just brought Snow and Tink, so they'll be joining us just in time for the first person to sing!"
"The two of you should sing tonight!" Ruby said excitedly to Emma and Regina, who were both looking at her in horror. "Come on, everyone knows you're both awesome singers and gods, the pair of you have some pretty strong lungs..."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Emma raised her eyebrows at her friend.
"Remember that time the two of you stayed at the B&B? Let's just say I'm surprised you both had voices left the next day."
Regina's cheeks instantly turned a deep shade of red at the memory of the night. Emma had given her the biggest orgasm she had ever had and she was pretty sure that she blacked out for a little while, too.
"No way, Ruby. I am not singing." Emma deadpanned. It was true that she could sing, she just didn't have enough balls to actually get up on a stage and flaunt it.
"Who's signing?" Snow asked as she appeared behind Belle, who had sat next to Ruby.
"Emma and Regina." Belle and Ruby said in unison with proud grins plastered on their faces.
"Oh my gods, you should sing that song you always sing when you're mad at each other!" Snow's huge smile actually began to terrify her daughter and former step-mother. "What's it called...? Take It and Leave It...?"
"It's Take Me Or Leave Me, Snow," Ruby informed, knowing exactly what the dainty woman meant.
"That's it!"
"NO!" Emma and Regina shouted together.
"No fucking way. We're not singing, end of conversation."
An hour, four beers and six shots later, Emma and Regina we're incessantly bickering on who was the hottest in their relationship. What they hadn't noticed, however, was Ruby's sudden absence from their table and reappearance on the stage with the microphone in her hand.
"Helloooo, Storybrooke!" She bellowed into the microphone and instantly grabbing the bickering couple's attention. "This is a song call for Sheriff Swan and Mayor Mills! Come on down, ladies!"
"What did you do?!" Regina hissed across the table to Emma, who looked just as confused as her.
"Nothing!"
"Come on, girls, we don't have all night!" Ruby shouted into the microphone again.
"We're not signing, Miss Lucas!" Regina shouted across the bar with a slight slirr in her voice.
"Yes you are," Snow insisted, lifting Regina out of her chair and pushing her towards Belle. "And so are you, Emma."
"Fuck that." Emma scoffed as her mother slowly advanced towards her with a sinister glare on her face. "Woah, okay, calm your tits, mom."
"Don't make me ground you, Emma Elizabeth Swan." Snow grabbed her daughter's arm in an attempt to pull her out of the chair.
"Gina! Help me! This is child abuse!" Emma screamed at the top of her lungs. "Someone call the cops!"
"Emma, you are the cops," Tink chimed in, giving Emma the slight nudge that she needed to be out of her chair.
"This is insanity." Emma sighed as she realised that Regina had given in and actually obliged.
The usually elegant brunette tore a microphone from Ruby and waited for Emma to climb the steps onto the stage. Ruby handed the blonde the other microphone and jumped off the stage to grab her cell phone to record whatever was about to go down.
"Magic me a lot drunker, Gina," Emma whispered as she looked out towards the eager crowd. Regina obliged and touched the blonde's temple, sending magic and fake alcohol through her bloodstream. "Oh, shit," Emma slurred as the effects hit her quickly.
"Let's do this," Regina muttered and nodded towards the DJ.
The music began playing and Emma instantly hit her cue.
"Every single day, I walk down the street, I hear people say 'baby so sweet'"
Emma walked towards Regina with a suggestive grin on her face and began copying the original movie choreography for the song.
"Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me, boys, girls, I can't help it baby, so be kind and don't lose your mind, just remember that I'm your baby,"
She pulled Regina flush against her body and continued to grin at her blushing girlfriend.
"Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be, and if you give a damn, take me baby, or leave me!"
Emma dropped to her knees in a partial crawl and waited for Regina to begin to back away before sauntering towards her.
"A tiger in a cage can never see the sun, this diva needs her stage, baby lets have fun!"
She jumped to her feet and attempted to corner Regina.
"You are the one I choose, folks would kill to fill your shoes, you love the lime light too now baby, so be mine and don't waste my time, cryin' 'oh honey bear are you still my, my, my baby?'"
"Don't you dare!"
Regina pushed Emma away and crossed the stage, feeling as though she was enjoying this far too much. The blonde instantly followed and threw out her arms.
"Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be, and if you give a damn, take me baby, or leave me!"
Emma grabbed Regina's wrist and spun her around so they were face to face.
"No way, can I be what I'm not, but hey, don't you want your girl hot?"
Emma raised Regina's wrist and placed the woman's hand on her breast, forcing her into squeezing it before the brunette pulled away as if it was on fire.
"Don't fight, don't lose your head, 'cause every night, who's in your bed? Who? Who's in your bed?"
Emma pouted at Regina and fluttered her eyelids, making the audience 'aw' over Ruby's constant cackling at her friends.
"Kiss, pookie?"
Regina rolled her eyes and pushed Emma away, taking centre stage.
"It won't work, I look before I leap, I love margins and discipline, I make lists in my sleep baby, what's my sin? Never quit, I follow through."
Regina pulled Emma towards her once again and grabbed her ass with a tight squeeze, making the drunken blonde blush even more.
"I hate mess but I love you. What do with my impromptu baby? So be wise 'cause this girl satisfies, you got a prize, so don't compromise, you're one lucky baby! Take me for what I am."
"A control freak."
"Who I was meant to be,"
"A snob, yet over attentive."
"And if you give a damn,"
"A loveable droll geek,"
"Take me baby or leave me!"
"An anal retentive!"
"Thats it!"
"The straw that breaks my back"
"I quit,"
"Unless you take it back,"
"Women"
"What is it about them?"
"Can't live with them or without them."
"Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be,"
"And if you give a damn then take me baby, or leave me,"
"Take me baby, take me or la-la-la-la-la-leave me,"
"Take me baby or leave me."
By now, Emma and Regina's bodies were completely pressed together, leaving only their lips apart and enough room to keep the microphone by their faces. They were both glaring deeply and aggressively at the other before rounding off the song.
"Guess I'm leaving; I'm gone!"
The two stared at each other for a little while longer before spinning on their heels simultaneously and storming off to either side of the stage and throwing down their microphones. The entire bar irrupted in cheers, hoots and applause. Ruby, on the other hand, still couldn't control her laughter as she watched her best friends glaring at each other from other sides of the stage.
"Emma, just kiss her already!" Belle screamed over the cheers, making Regina blush and a small smile to appear on the brunette's lips.
Emma let out her own smile and wandered onto the middle of the stage and held her arms out to her girlfriend, which were violently accepted as Regina ran towards the blonde and dived straight into her embrace.
"Take me, baby," Regina whispered before letting Emma's lips take her own into a strong and lengthy battle in front of the majority of the townsfolk.
"Well, shit," Sneezy muttered before actually letting out a loud sneeze. "That's why they're buying two tubes of lip balm every week."
"Just don't leave me," Regina whispered against Emma's lips as the blonde picked her up off the ground in a tight hold.
"I couldn't if I tried."
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I know it's not my best work, but it was just a little bit of fun (: Reviews are welcomed!