Hi :) yeah, I thought I'd try a One-Shot. It didn't quite turn out the way I planned it to, but as that applies to most of my writing ... it's nothing new. I hope you'll so like it.

So, I was rereading that part in City of Ashes where Magnus heals Maia and Luke and afterwards they have that 'We are not dating'-discussion and I just felt like writing some Malec-scene that could be placed after that. It might have turned out a bit more depressing than planned, but then again their 'relationship' isn't very 'happy' at that moment either, so I hope it kind of just ... works. I'm perfectly aware that it might not work with the rest of the etc, but - as already said - I just felt like writing it. Enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: Not mine, just the mistakes. (Oh, and as I am not a native speaker, I apologize for terrible grammar.)

That's why

The exhaustion of the heart was a different kind than the one of the body. When Magnus' magical resources were depleted, he was physically exhausted. Then he would sleep a bit; maybe one night, maybe two, maybe another day, maybe longer - time hand't really mattered to him anyway. The feeling of exhaustion was temporary. It would go away. His heart was a different matter.

He didn't feel the pain, the tiredness of its beats, when he was asleep. In his sleep everything was fine, because it was a world he could control - to a certain degree - but no matter how much he wished to, he couldn't change the world around him. He couldn't change the one heart, he had started to care about so much lately.

Magnus let out an exasperated sigh and buried his face in his hands.

„Who am I kidding", he muttered under his breath. Of course he could. He wasn't the High warlock of Brooklyn for nothing. He could. He could do a lot of things. He knew a lot of things. He knew the consequences and he knew that he wouldn't be able to live with them.

He could kidnap Alec. He could just tell his parents about their ,relationship' - or whatever it was. He could kill them all and it wouldn't get him anywhere.

So, why are you still here? Why are you putting yourself through this?, a little voice whispered in the back of his head. A bitter smile spread on Magnus' lips. Yeah, why?

Not caring to take off his shoes, he simply lay down on the bed in the guest room, Clary had shown him. ,To get a little rest.' But strangely sleep was evading him. His body felt drained, but the numbing blackness of a dreamless night wouldn't come. Magnus closed his eyes, It didn't help. With a groan he turned to lay on his left side, facing the wall next to the bed. This surely had to be one of the most frustrating days in his life. One of so many.

The soft creaking sound of the door made him snap out of his dark thoughts. He had left it open a crack, in case the condition of Maia or Luke would unexpectedly worsen during the night. Though they should be fine, but one could never know. To be 100-percent sure was impossible and Magnus really had to fight the urge to roll his eyes at the people who asked him, if he really was sure. Yes, he was, based on his experiences, but who would take that?

He knew a lot, he had seen a lot, but not everything and that would never be the case. But he doubted that whoever was standing in front of the door was here to get him because of Maia or Luke. They would have stormed in by now if something was wrong.

As nothing happened, Magnus turned around in the bed, now facing the door at the opposite wall. Someone stood outside. There was a faint shadow to be seen.

A soft knock broke the growing silence.

Magnus raised one eyebrow. He sat up in the bed, cross-legged, and ... waited, curious to see, what would happen next.

„Ah, uhm ... a-are you awake?"

Magnus felt a familiar weight pulling at his heart. Every beat seemed to need more strength than before. It was exhausting and at the same time Magnus felt great fear when he thought about it to disappear, because that would mean to never hear that voice again. The one voice he would recognize anywhere. The voice, that haunted him, whenever Alec wasn't there. Magnus looked up at the ceiling with a silent sigh on his lips.

„Yes", finally answered, his own voice flat and neutral, „I am awake." And he suddenly felt terribly tired.

The door was opened a bit more and Alexander slipped inside, closing it behind himself completely. Magnus watched him patiently as Alec leaned back against the door, his blue eyes cast downwards to the floor. Didn't he dare to come closer? Of course not. His black hair was in chaotic tangles as always, his pale skin a sharp contrast to the ink-black strands and his worn-out sweater and pants suited his disheveled hair in a weird, but fascinating way.

What is it about him?, the little voice whispered again. Magnus couldn't form an answer.

„So, may I ask, why you are-", he began, but was surprisingly cut off by a determined whisper.

„I'm sorry."

Magnus felt the tiredness heavy on his shoulders. Of course. Alec wanted to apologize for what had happened earlier that evening and Magnus would forgive him, as always. If I'd get a penny for every apology of him, I wouldn't have to work anymore, he thought bitterly.

Why do you put up with him?

Shut up!

„For what?"

Magnus had never taken himself for a cruel person, but sometimes he simply didn't feel very generous either. His eyes were trained on the young shadowhunter in front of him. He could see him visibly tensing up at the question, and then finally lifting his gaze, tearing it away from the floor. An odd mix of fear and determination could be found in those deep blue orbs. Alecs lips were pressed into a thin line as his eyes drifted behind Magnus to focus on a point of the plain, white wall.

„For what happened earlier." His voice was calm and reminded Magnus of a calm lake, whose surface you wanted to touch just to confirm if you could still reach through, breaking that thing border. „Jace-he ... it caught me by surprise. I-i didn't want to ... to deny it so-so strongly."

He wanted to say something else, but stopped himself. It almost seemed like he'd choke on the words and Magnus felt anger growing inside of him. What the hell was it with this boy? Or should he rather ask, what the hell was wrong wit himself?

„And now you want me to forgive you?" It might have come out a bit harsher than intended, but Magnus really couldn't care less at the moment. He even felt a little bit satisfied, when Alec flinched at his words or his tone or whatever. He once again looked down at the floor in front of his feet. When he opened his mouth to respond, Magnus was surprised to see that he squared his shoulders a bit. Only a little bit, but it was a noticeable movement.

„No, I don't." Alec looked back up again and this time he looked right at Magnus, locking their eyes. „I just wanted you to know."

Magnus didn't give a response. He simply looked at Alec as he felt his anger slowly deflating. Like before, it wouldn't get him anywhere. He would only say something he'd regret later and he definitely wasn't in the mood for that.

„And I-i wanted you to know, that it's okay ... that you charge for the healing, I mean, you surely have better things to do and you could ...", he stopped in his rambling and bit his lower lip. Magnus had to fight down a smile. To get to see a new side of Alexander Lightwood, something unexpected, was always kind of beyond fascinating. But to see him fall back into already known habits, felt a little bit like coming home to Magnus.

„You could have said ,no' from the start."

He got up from the bed and walked towards Alec. The shadowhunter watched him approach, but didn't do anything. He didn't leave, he didn't smile, he only stood there and ... waited? Magnus looked down at him and Alec raised his own gaze to meet the one of the warlock.

„You're right", Magnus said softly, the smile, that had been tugging at the corners of his mouth was gone. He felt a cold „That I could have done." And so much more. He put his hands on the left and right side of the shadowhunters head and leaned in a little closer. „I could have declined any further business with the Institute, with the Clave."

Alec nodded slightly. His eyes searching a point somewhere behind Magnus' right shoulder. „Yeah", he whispered and Magnus could feel the boys breath on his skin. „You-"

„I could walk away right now and you'd never have to see me again-"

He felt Alec's body stiffen at his words and the blue orbs of the young shadowhunter were once again locked with the feline ones of the warlock. Big, round, filled with ... Fear? Magnus blinked at the reaction. He also noticed that Alec's hand had shot up to grab his shirt, but had stopped shortly before actually touching the fabric. Alec clenched the hand into a fist and pressed it against his own chest, his eyes still trained on Magnus. He smiled. A smile like shattered glass, like freshly broken ice. Pain shone brightly in his eyes and Magnus wanted to ask what was wrong, but was cut off as Alec leaned forward a little bit and closed the last inches between them. His lips were cold and reminded Magnus of feeling when he ran his fingers through freshly fallen snow.

It was a soft kiss, innocent, short, barely there.

„Thank you", Alec whispered against Magnus' lips, „thank you for looking after Jace, for healing Maia and Luke ... thank you for not walking away."

Magnus could respond anything. He simply stared at Alec as the boy ducked under his arms. As if in trance he stepped back from the door to let Alec leave. The door closed behind him and left Magnus alone in the guest room.

The warlock took a deep breath and walked back to the bed. His lips strutted into a bitter smile. „As if I could ever walk away from you."

His whole body ached from the exhaustion that came from the healing. Every heartbeat vibrated through veins. He was tired, so damn tired. As he lay down on the bed, which was nothing compared to the one at his loft, he already knew that he wouldn't charge for the healing.

Why are you doing this? Why?

Magnus' lips were cold and warm at the same time. He could still feel the soft touch, the slight pressure of Alec's lips against his.

That's why.

So, please let me know what you think. I am not really that good with One-Shots and I hope it wasn't that bad. :)

Please leave a review! Tell me what you liked and what you didn't like. :D You can ask question, whatever you like :) I'll respond!

EDIT: And I wanted to ask if anybody might be interested in some other Malec-One-Shots, some not so depressing ones? (seriously, I blame it on Ryan Star's new album u.u)

Bye Pumpkin

P.S.: For all those among you lovely readers who are waiting for the next chapter of 'Wanted' - it's up next and if everything goes as planned I'll be updating tomorrow. :)