What We Deserve

"And now I'm looking at you," he said "and you're asking me if I still want you, as if I cold stop loving you. As if I would want to give up the thing that makes me stronger than anything else ever has. I never dared to give much of myself to anyone before-bits of myself to the Lightwoods, to Isabelle and Alec, but it took years to do it-but, Clary, since the first time I saw you, I have belonged to you completely. I still do. If you want me." He gulped suddenly, his air spent as he looked into her green eyes. She stood motionless and he felt his stomach drop. He'd expected some reaction, expected her to say something. He hated being vulnerable but for her he was willing to be, even if his heart got stomped.

Her hands reached out when she moved at last and grabbed him. He smiled as she jerked him toward her. They slammed against each other and he griped her to him. His hands roamed as their mouths met. He couldn't get enough of her. All the pain, separation and doubt made him ravenous for her. His skimmed his hands over her silver dress and he tried his best to pull her into himself.

"There," he said with a cocky smile, "That wasn't so bad, was it, even though it wasn't forbidden?"

"I've had worse," she said with a shaky laugh.

"You know," he said, bending to brush his mouth across hers, "if it's the lack of forbidden you're worried about, you could still forbid me to do things."

"What kinds of things?"

She felt him smile against her mouth. "Things like this." He said softly as he nibbled her lips. "and this." He said lightly as he pushed her back against the wall into the shadows. His body fitted itself against hers and Clary's world fell away to nothing but Jace. His hands skimmed down her shoulders and flattened against the wall so he could get closer. "And especially this." He whispered as he picked her up and started up the stairs with her front clasped to his. Clary squealed but stopped when she met the scorching look in his eyes.

The fireworks exploded behind him, making his hair seem to glow as he carried her up the stairs. The noise of the party faded as he pushed a panel in the wall at the top and it slid open to reveal a corridor out and across a raised walkway. "I'm not ready to share you yet, if that's okay with you?"

Clary smiled as they walked across without him putting her down. "Not a problem." She answered breathlessly as the party carried on below them. She leaned down and ran her lips along his neck nipping lightly "I'm feeling a little selfish myself."

Jace groaned and quickened his pace. He put his hands under her and hitched her higher against him, loving the way her breast felt against his chest even through the fabric of their clothes. He nudged the door open at the other end of the skywalk and rushed down the deserted street quickly kicking the door open on the nearest house.

Clary laughed against his lips as the wood splintered and the door slid shut without closing around its now broken frame. He growled at her laughter and deepened the kiss and Clary quickly forgot everything as he slid her down his body and trapped her against the wall. Her concerns about whose house this was, if anyone would look for them and everything else melted as his lips trailed down her neck and teased along her shoulder to the strap of her dress. His hands were long, beautiful musicians hands and they ran over her playing her like the piano he loved so much. She shivered in his grasp and arched toward him wanting more.

"So, " she gasped as his hands slid her strap down "Now that you have me all to yourself what will you do with me?" His eyes looked up and met hers from where he had followed the descent of her strap with his lips. His eyes glowed golden and darkened in that way she knew so well, He wanted her.

He gave her skin one last lingering kiss and smiled up at her. He stood back and raked his hands through his hair then held out his hand. "come with me and I'll show you." His regal stance, the desire in his eyes and the love she felt for him made it easy to put her hand in his.

He lead her up the stairs and headed for the last door down the hall. The shadows flittered across the hallway making it glow red and blue with the light from the fireworks outside. He smiled and turned walking backwards into the darkened room leading her, his smile a seductive lure she she couldn't resist. She went without thought, wanting nothing more than to be with him. He pulled her hand jerking her against him as he closed the door behind them with a soft click. He backed her against it and she felt the warm wood at her back against her bare shoulders. The hardness at her back met the hardness at her front and she shivered as he sank into her.

"I've dreamed about this so many times," he whispered softly as he ran his scarred fingers softly down the skin on her arm. Clary shivered under his touch and leaned into it. "I've wanted to be able to touch you like this since the moment I met you." His lips followed his fingers and he pulled the strap of her dress down as he kissed each inch of flesh. "it has been maddening to not be able to , I nearly died every day I thought I was your brother, it nearly broke me."

Clary ran her hands in his bright hair and wrapped her fingers in it. She pulled him back up to face her and he growled at being pulled away. "it nearly killed me too, every time I looked at you I wanted you, wanted this, It was awful not knowing how I was going to live without you."

"You'll never have to" he swore fervently as he rubbed her forehead with his own "You own me, you bewitch and bespell me, I'm yours for as long as you want me."

"how about forever," she whispered softly as she pulled him up to her again. "how about right now."

Jace smiled and pulled her harder against him, tracing his fingers along the line of her bodice. "As you wish." He said with a growl and reached behind her to find her zipper.

Clary pushed his eager hands away and motioned for him to sit down on the bed. Jace smiled and plopped on the comforter. He rested back on his arms and settled in to watch her. Clary had to take a deep breath to calm her racing heart as his golden eyes swept over her. She felt like she was on fire but she wanted this time, the first time to be special.

Clary walked towards the window and opened it letting the gentle night breeze sweep in. She watched the bright pop of the fireworks in the night sky. She turned and looked at him lying waiting on the bed and knew that this would be the moment she would remember forever.

She walked toward him and smiled seductively at him with an invitation in her eyes that made Jace shift and sit up. She ran her hands up and pulled the pins out of her hair letting it flow over her shoulders. She ran her hands over her bare arms, lightly running her hands over the edge of her dress where her cleavage peeked out of the iridescent silver. Jace's breath hitched as her hands skimmed her curves and she smiled. She continued running her hands down her body, skimming breasts and hips as she made her way to the dresses zipper. She slowly pulled it down and the dress fell loose around her small form. She held it against herself letting it slide a little as she peeked up at him through the curtain of her hair.

Jace was at her side before it could slip away and he jerked her to him. "Let me" he growled as his mouth crushed hers. Clary felt his hands gently peel the dress away and she shivered as it slithered down her body like a caress as it pooled at her feet. Clary was lost in his kiss as he picked her up and carried her to the bed. The friction of his shirt against her almost bare skin was driving her crazy and she felt frantic, feverish as her hands went everywhere they could touch. She jerked his shirt open and buttons scattered, she pulled the shirt free and tossed it away so she could touch his chest.

She ran her hands up his muscular arms and skated them across his body. She traced the angel rune over his heart, leaning forward to kiss it. She looked up at him and smiled when his golden eyes dialated and he gasped. She ran her tongue over the mark and he hissed. "No Let me" she said softly echoing his words back at him. She reached down and reached for his belt buckle. He pulled her hands up and held them above her head.

"Not so fast, you'll spoil my fun." He said wryly "I've been waiting forever to see you, I don't want to rush. I want to see every inch of you." He held both of her hands with one of his own and ran the other one down her body. "And if you keep using your hands and mouth on me like that I won't be able to control myself. "

He ran his hands down to the lacy bra that covered her breasts and hissed as he caressed the black fabric. "Not that you are making it easy." He whispered as his mouth followed his hands and lightly kissed the curves of her breasts. Clary you are beautiful."

He reached down and fingered the front close on the bra and looked up at her for permission. She smiled a seductress smile that pounded against his control and nodded. He unhooked the bra and looked at her. His eyes worshiped her as he pulled her up into his arms and dropped the bra without another thought onto the floor. He marveled at the silkiness of her skin, the perfection of her as he ran his fingers lightly over her and crushed her to his chest. His hands slid down and pulled her panties off with a rip that satisfied them both. His hot hard fingers were on her and she opened to him as he laid her down on the bed. He towered over her as he played her body like he played the piano, deftly and with skill and it made her crazy. She pushed his hands aside just before she would have screamed his name. She sat up and reached for the belt loops on his pants yanking him to her.

"Finally." She said breathlessly as she unhooked the pants and pushed them down along with his underwear leaving him naked, "you are driving me crazy." She ran her hands down and caressed him, wrapping her fingers around him. He moaned, feeling like he was going to explode at her cool innocent touch. Her hands were still so soft, not yet roughened by holding the hilt of a seiph blade, and he enjoyed their softness as they trailed lazily down his body, seducing him with every gentle touch. He closed his eyes and reveled in the moment, in her. They had waited so long and had gone through so much to be here, together, with no regret, no worry about what others would think, and now she was all his and he loved her. He opened his eyes and enjoyed the view of a naked Clary touching him and almost lost it. He pushed her hands away and picked her up pulling her into his lap as he sat on the bed. He tried to pull her tighter to him because close was never close enough when it came to her. She wrapped her legs eagerly around his waist and held on pressing them together everywhere they could touch. He kissed gently, teasing little nips as he held her.

The fireworks shot across the sky turning the room blue, red and green as his quick hands, scarred but gentle, traced a line down her body and touched her with his finger again, doing what he'd wanted to do since the moment he'd met her. She was in his blood like a fire that burned constantly; she was his own pleasurable pain. She arched up against him as she opened again giving him everything and Jace knew he'd never seen anything more beautiful. He knew that if there was an angel anywhere he was holding her.

Clary watched him watch her and she smiled as her own hands ran over his back. She raked her nails gently down the skin as she kissed the star shaped scar on his shoulder. She smiled at his intake of breath and she could see his legendary control falter. His breath hitched as her hands caressed him and he breathed heavily as he looked into her eyes.

"I feel like I've waited forever for you, for this," he whisperded softly as he moved himself against her, his eyes staring into hers, "my world was darkness but you've made me believe in light, I love you." His eyes, those beautiful, soulful eyes looked on the verge of tears as their golden light shone down on her.

Clary smiled and interlaced her fingers with him the last intimate inches until they touched everywhere, "Don't you think we've waited long enough?"

Jace moved her over him and pushed gently, knowing he had to go slow, wanting it to be perfect. Clary screamed as he entered her but she held onto him. He waited, holding his breath at the feeling of her around him, gritting his teeth as he fought the urge to move. Clary sighed at the warmth of their entwined bodies and began to feel restless for him to move, there was more, she could feel it in her bones and she wanted it. She slid up a little and then back down gently, drawing a sigh that sounded like thunder in the quiet room.

They both moaned as their naked bodies collided. His body burned as he moved against her and Clary knew nothing would ever feel better. They moved together perfectly, as if they had been made to do this, made to be together. He moved inside her as carefully as possible since this was her first time. Jace felt a moment of triumph as he made her his. His heart soared that no one had ever claimed her in this the most intimate way. They held onto one another as they moved and when they let go they stared into each other's eyes in the firework colored darkness.

Jace pulled her beside him and held her against him as their heartbeats slowly quieted. He pushed her tumbled curls from her face and thanked the angel for her. Clary smiled at the intensity in his golden eyes and she couldn't believe that they were here together. She traced the mark of the angel on his chest and followed it with her tongue. Jace laughed and rolled her to her back to keep her from distracting him, he couldn't think when she touched him like that.

"Was it worth the wait?" she asked softly as he nibbled her chin. She arched against his mouth wanting more, she always wanted more where Jace was concerned.

Jace stopped kissing her and had the funniest look on his face for a moment. Clary felt a pang of unease when he didn't answer. Too much had happened for her worry not to surface. He simply smirked and slid off her. He padded naked to the other side of the room and rummaged in what was left of his shirt. He tossed it aside and came back to her. Needless to say Clary was confused and a little worried, her old insecurities coming back to haunt her as she watched him put his pants on, his magnificent body bathed in light from the window. He turned and strode back toward her and she sat up clutching the bed sheet around her. She pushed the hair out of her eyes as he approached, trying to be ready for anything, but after what they had been through and the magnificence of their lovemaking her heart was battered.

Jace felt in his pocket and smiled with his back to her, it was just where he'd been carrying it since he bought it. He kept his face expressionless as he turned back toward her. He fingered the item in his pocket and tried to stamp down the nervous energy that rushed off him in waves. He fell to his knees in front of her and wrapped his arms around her pulling her toward the end of the bed so he could kneel between her legs.

Clary squeaked as he jerked her toward him and almost lost her hold on the sheet. Jace smiled as he settled himself between her knees. "You asked me if It was worth the wait," he said softly as he took her hands in his, "how can I answer that when I couldn't imagine that I would ever be here. "There is something I want to give you."

Clary raised an sardonic eyebrow and his smile widened. "not that" he said with a laugh "although maybe latter, This is way better."

"What could be better than that?" Clary asked with a devilish smile as she raised a disbelieving eyebrow again as her eyes sparkled up at him.

Jace pushed his hands through his hair again and winked. "I promise this is better." He reaching in his pants pocket and pulled out a box. He suddenly felt the breath catch in his throat. He'd imagined this moment so many times and now that it was here he was suddenly nervous.

"I bought this for you several weeks ago. I saw it and knew it was yours. I didn't know how or even if ever we could be together but I had to get this for you." He smiled wryly, almost shy as he looked at her " I guess I've been holding onto it as a kind of talisman of hope for us." He opened the lid on the box and showed it to her. Nestled inside black velvet lay a ring of intricately worked silver. Inside the swirls of the fairy ring lay the symbols of angelic power, strength and a swirling C shaped rune with a slashing A shape in the middle. Each rune was done in sparkling diamonds.

Clary caught her breath as her eyes took it in. "what is this? She asked softly "I thought shadowhunters had special runes instead of wedding rings."

Jace smiled "we do, but I know you grew up a mundie so I thought you might still like a ring, a ring to wear when we're married." He said the last quickly as if trying to slip it by her. He looked almost afraid as he kneeled before her.

Clary hit him on the arm and growled "nothing wrong with being a mundane, some of the best people I know are mundanes. "

Jace looked sheepish as she gave him the pretend evil eye. "and what's this about us being married? Is this your way of asking me to marry you?"

Jace's smile faltered as he got serious "No this is." He reached out and took the ring from the box and took her hand. "Clarissa Fray, I have loved you from the moment I first saw you and I have wanted you for my own for a very long time. I know the life of a shadow hunter is often short, but I want to spend every moment of this life and any other with you. Would you please marry me?"

Clary pretended to think about it for a moment but stopped when Jace's eyes widened in panic. She smiled and held her hand out and the ring slid home and sparkled in the light as Clary studied it. "Of course I will marry you she said with a teary smile. "but what is this C shaped rune in the midde?"

"it's one of the wedding runes that shadowhunters wear." He said softly as he traced it on her hand. "we'll have them of course but I wanted to give you something from your world too."

Clary stared down at the ring thinking how perfectly it meshed the two worlds. She put her hands on each side of his face and pulled him toward her until their foreheads and noses touched. "I love you more than anything else Jace Lightwood," she said softly "I really don't deserve you."

"We deserve happiness" he said on a sigh "god knows there is little enough to be had. You are my happiness Clary."

Clary pressed her lips against his and pulled him into her arms and back onto the bed where they lost themselves in each other. Many hours later she lay snuggled in his arms watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest under her hand. She lazily traced the runes permanently marked on his chest while looking at the one on her hand. She pulled him closer and thanked the angel that they had finally got what they both deserved.