Letting go is the hardest part-
-of everything.
The feeling you get when you're hanging on the bar at the top of a slide; knowing that there's a whole line of people impatiently waiting to go after you; knowing that, either from the sweating of your palms causing them to slip off the bar, or, from the guilt of the fact that you're holding up the line and are becoming subject to more and more irritable thoughts from more and more irritable people, you're going to be sent free-falling to the depths of the abyss below you; knowing that there's no going back anymore; knowing that you have to just let go.
Petra Ral thinks she knows that feeling all too well.
The feeling of saying goodbye to her mother one last time, before burying her however many feet under her shoes. Even at four years of age, it's obvious; it's a fact engraved into her head; it's a scar burnt into her heart.
Once you let go, there's absolutely no going back.
A week is what it takes for Petra to be able to look at Levi again. She spots his dark mop of hair in the hallway at campus. It appears that he's turning to head to his next class, and because she'd been dating him for nearly three years, and because she knew everything about him better than she knew herself, she knew that his next class was Chemistry. The class is situated down the hall so it only makes sense to Petra that Levi would be heading her way.
Only, he stops.
His grey hues analyze hers; the eyes that had held so much emotion, so much affection, so much vulnerability, so much love in the past three years, had all faded back to the clouded, dead and distant and indifferent eyes they'd always been before there was her; before there was a 'we', for them at least.
And just like the way he would've done four years ago, Levi's gaze on her is gone as soon as it had landed, and he's turned his heel back the way he came. And it's only after he's left her line of vision, and after the stinging and the fogging and the saltiness in her sight has cleared, that Petra realizes that he's completely neglected his favorite class just to avoid her.
It's astounding how quickly rumors travel around such a vast campus as theirs.
"... Who is that?..."
"... Petra Ral..."
"... Crying in the bathroom for weeks..."
"... Broke up..."
"... Why?..."
"... A fight...?"
"... Teenage pregnancy...?"
"... Cheating...?"
Shut up. Shut up. Just shut up.
Their first fight was over something so trivial that neither of them can even recall what it had been over.
Petra can vaguely remember that there was a drift in the air of Levi's behavior being slightly off with her during those days. She can barely visualize her confiding in her childhood friend, Oluo, and from one way or another, Levi had apparently received a false word that Petra was cheating on him... Or something like that, she wasn't sure.
The confrontation had resulted in a screaming contest exchanged between the two in the midst of a touching scene in 'Happy Feet' in the living room of Petra's apartment. If any of her neighbors were at home at the time - being the middle of the night, they most probably were - they had a good mind not to intrude and tell them to shut up.
There's a faint memory of Levi swearing at her in such a harsh manner that for a whole hour-like minute, the pair simply stood by, glaring holes into the timber floorings disbelievingly.
Petra had been the first to break the silence, a pain-stricken sob that she'd been planning to hold in until after she'd kicked Levi out of her apartment, escaped the tight confines of her throat too soon and echoed and tore through the thick, uncomfortable blanket of tension between the two.
At that, Levi's head had jolted up, his eyebrows creasing together, his eyes showing more vulnerability than ever before.
Neither of them can remember much after that. Just a series of tears and apologies and one urging the other to scream some more to force themselves to repent for their own false assumptions. Then, a bunch of hugs, kisses, 'I love you's and 'I'm sorry's.
Their process of healing was slow, warm, beautiful, and being in each other's embrace was the only thing they needed in the whole world.
He's lost now.
He'd thought he'd found the answer as to why he continues to strive for a better life than his current, when he'd found light in Petra. But now, he's not so sure anymore. The light's dimmed and the vibrant feelings that connected the two like a chain, have dispersed into vague, lingering flickers of electricity, soon to die down.
Levi was never the ideal boyfriend. He was much too antisocial; too much of a shut-in, a freak, of sorts, to be able to cultivate a healthy, functional relationship with someone as pure as Petra Ral.
Still, they'd kept it up for three years. And there was probably a slight possibility that it could've stayed that way.
But it seems that the odds were never in his favor to begin with.
It's difficult to face her in the hallways.
It's excruciatingly painful to turn away from those large golden orbs, that once glistened at him so brightly, and walk away.
Levi's never felt the need to hold onto anything, because he'd been robbed of everything from the beginning; from a home to a family. And now he finds himself wishing it had stayed that way because this kind of feeling is far too cruel for him to handle.
There's no going back.
No going back.
The line at the back of the slide is lengthening. People are irritatedly glaring at their watches, and likewise, glaring impatient daggers into your back. Your palms are sweating and the weight of your body is hanging off of you. You know what's next is inevitable.
Just-
-let go.
A/N- Hey guys!
Thanks a heap for all your support and reviews and favorites and follows~! I really appreciate it! :3
I noticed I've been writing a lot of AUs lately... Hopefully you guys don't mind!
Hmm not many thoughts on this particular oneshot.
What do you guys think about it? I wanna know! :D
Please review!
***SPOILER ALERT IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE LATEST CHAPTER OF SnK***
Levi has a last name now... Finally :DDDD Pretty interesting to see him related to Mikasa O.o
~ InnocentBlossom Xx