Disclaimer: WE OWN EVERYTHING!!! And gullible is written in the sky.
This is a joint effort of Sanaria and Anrion, there is going to be major insanity and complete mayhem. Neither of us are as serious as we were in our other stories. (NOT the other Marauder fic!)
Just to let you know, courtesy of a certain review... we are INSANE. Not DRUG ADICTS! Neither Sanaria nor I have ever done drugs nor ever will! So please don't send in reviews asking about that, we're completely drug free! Sirius Black and Remus Lupin: Our anti-drugs.
Anyway, DO NOT read unless you can cope with the zany and unexpected! If you are anything like Percy Weasley, click the back button NOW!
But for those of you who are staying, let's get on with it!
~*~*~ Chapter One: Remus's Answering Machine ~*~*~
Remus Lupin looked up from his letter at the sound of the telephone ringing. 'Wonderful Muggles,' he thought with a smile, 'Excellent invention, don't have to put up with solicitors since they outlawed the use of hexes on them...'
He turned back to the piece of parchment that a great tawny owl had flown in from Hogwarts. Remus smiled, his eyes sparkling... they wanted him back as a teacher. He couldn't wait to see the look on Lucious Malfoy's and Severus Snape's faces!
The answering machine ('Yet another excellent non-magic invention!') clicked on, and Remus grinned at the sound of his own voice, "'Ello! You've reached Remus Lupin! If this truly is important, leave your name and a number after the beep... and I'll get back to you a) if I feel like it and b) if I can. Unless of course your name is Sirius Black, in which case: Sod of you git! I'm tired of listening to your memories of the good ol' days at school when you showed off Malfoy's hot pink boxers!" BEEP!
"REMUS!" roared Sirius Black's voice (obviously magically magnified) over the speaker, "HOW DARE YOU TELL ME TO SOD OFF?! PICK UP, YOU GIT! IT'S IMPORTANT! I KNOW THAT YOU'RE THERE... REMMY!....... MOONY! DON'T MAKE ME CRY! YOU KNOW I WILL! OKAY, MAYBE NOT, BUT I CAN *SING*! STILL NOT ANSWERING? FINE. YOU ASKED FOR IT! THE ITSEY BITSEY SPIDER-" Beep.
Remus laughed loudly as the machine cut his friend off, and was not at all surprised when it rang again seconds later.
"'Ello! You've reached Remus Lupin! If this truly is important, leave your name and a number after the beep.... I'll get back to you a) if I feel like it and b) if I can. Unless of course your name is Sirius Black, in which case: Sod of you git! I'm tired of listening to your memories of the good ol' days at school when you showed off Malfoy's hot pink boxers!" BEEP!
"Your stupid machine cut me off! Stupid Muggle invention! Anyway. THE ITSEY BITSEY SPIDER WENT UP THE WATER SPOUT! DOWN CAME THE RAIN AND-!"
"Alright! Alright! ENOUGH!" Remus shouted into the phone after snatching it up, "Good god Sirius!"
"Ha, HA! I win!"
"Now WHAT do you want?! Mr. Moony has more important things to do than listen to you ramble!"
"Like what?"
"Like respond to Dumbledore's letter asking me to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts again."
"Really?! Wow! He contacted you too?"
"Too?"
"You're talking to the newest Hogwarts security guard!"
"Hogwarts doesn't have security guards you twit."
"Now it does. Official! Thanks to Dumbledore...."
"Won't you scare the children?"
"HEY! I was cleared!"
"Right.... Now *what* is so important?"
"Do you wanna come with me to rescue Harry from the Dursleys?"
Remus sighed, "And what is it that you aren't telling me?"
"Uh... if I remember correctly, something about pink horny toads."
"Sirius! What have I told you about pink horny toads?!"
"Are you in?"
"Yep! Of course!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
To be continued. Dun, dun, dun!
Please R&R! We could always use more ideas for pranks, mischief, etc. etc..
This is a joint effort of Sanaria and Anrion, there is going to be major insanity and complete mayhem. Neither of us are as serious as we were in our other stories. (NOT the other Marauder fic!)
Just to let you know, courtesy of a certain review... we are INSANE. Not DRUG ADICTS! Neither Sanaria nor I have ever done drugs nor ever will! So please don't send in reviews asking about that, we're completely drug free! Sirius Black and Remus Lupin: Our anti-drugs.
Anyway, DO NOT read unless you can cope with the zany and unexpected! If you are anything like Percy Weasley, click the back button NOW!
But for those of you who are staying, let's get on with it!
~*~*~ Chapter One: Remus's Answering Machine ~*~*~
Remus Lupin looked up from his letter at the sound of the telephone ringing. 'Wonderful Muggles,' he thought with a smile, 'Excellent invention, don't have to put up with solicitors since they outlawed the use of hexes on them...'
He turned back to the piece of parchment that a great tawny owl had flown in from Hogwarts. Remus smiled, his eyes sparkling... they wanted him back as a teacher. He couldn't wait to see the look on Lucious Malfoy's and Severus Snape's faces!
The answering machine ('Yet another excellent non-magic invention!') clicked on, and Remus grinned at the sound of his own voice, "'Ello! You've reached Remus Lupin! If this truly is important, leave your name and a number after the beep... and I'll get back to you a) if I feel like it and b) if I can. Unless of course your name is Sirius Black, in which case: Sod of you git! I'm tired of listening to your memories of the good ol' days at school when you showed off Malfoy's hot pink boxers!" BEEP!
"REMUS!" roared Sirius Black's voice (obviously magically magnified) over the speaker, "HOW DARE YOU TELL ME TO SOD OFF?! PICK UP, YOU GIT! IT'S IMPORTANT! I KNOW THAT YOU'RE THERE... REMMY!....... MOONY! DON'T MAKE ME CRY! YOU KNOW I WILL! OKAY, MAYBE NOT, BUT I CAN *SING*! STILL NOT ANSWERING? FINE. YOU ASKED FOR IT! THE ITSEY BITSEY SPIDER-" Beep.
Remus laughed loudly as the machine cut his friend off, and was not at all surprised when it rang again seconds later.
"'Ello! You've reached Remus Lupin! If this truly is important, leave your name and a number after the beep.... I'll get back to you a) if I feel like it and b) if I can. Unless of course your name is Sirius Black, in which case: Sod of you git! I'm tired of listening to your memories of the good ol' days at school when you showed off Malfoy's hot pink boxers!" BEEP!
"Your stupid machine cut me off! Stupid Muggle invention! Anyway. THE ITSEY BITSEY SPIDER WENT UP THE WATER SPOUT! DOWN CAME THE RAIN AND-!"
"Alright! Alright! ENOUGH!" Remus shouted into the phone after snatching it up, "Good god Sirius!"
"Ha, HA! I win!"
"Now WHAT do you want?! Mr. Moony has more important things to do than listen to you ramble!"
"Like what?"
"Like respond to Dumbledore's letter asking me to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts again."
"Really?! Wow! He contacted you too?"
"Too?"
"You're talking to the newest Hogwarts security guard!"
"Hogwarts doesn't have security guards you twit."
"Now it does. Official! Thanks to Dumbledore...."
"Won't you scare the children?"
"HEY! I was cleared!"
"Right.... Now *what* is so important?"
"Do you wanna come with me to rescue Harry from the Dursleys?"
Remus sighed, "And what is it that you aren't telling me?"
"Uh... if I remember correctly, something about pink horny toads."
"Sirius! What have I told you about pink horny toads?!"
"Are you in?"
"Yep! Of course!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
To be continued. Dun, dun, dun!
Please R&R! We could always use more ideas for pranks, mischief, etc. etc..