For the Nights I Can't Remember

By: RavenHeart101

Disclaimer: Not a thing is mine. The title's from a song by Hedley. Beautiful song, really. The lyrics at the end belong to Sara Bareilles.

Summary: "It was within the second year that they all began to accept the fact that they hadn't wanted to for so long. That he hadn't been taken by anyone that wanted information on them. He wasn't on the brink of death. He hadn't just gone missing. Alexander Lightwood had run away. And there was nothing they could do about it."

A: N – Originally posted on tumblr.

I.

There was a worry at first, that etched into all of them when they surveyed the Institute a month after their fight with Sebastian – Jonathan… whatever. When they noticed the empty room and the empty feeling. When Jace's rune started to fade. A panic. A worry. A fear.

They thought the worst, at first. That Jonathan was still alive and had somehow, for some reason, was torturing him. Bringing him to the brink of death and then bringing him back just for pure entertainment. Or to hurt them, to make them see how pointless this whole thing (this whole war) was. They informed the Clave, informed the Night Children, the Faeries, the Werewolves, and, although Isabelle did it with a heavy heart and a scowl on her face, Magnus Bane. She had felt some sort of vindictive happiness, watching his face fall, watching his voice speed up just a bit in worry.

"He's gone." She had said, her voice hard as stone.

He had stared at her, his hand on the door to his flat, his muscles tensed and ready to slam it in her face. "Do I care?" He had asked dryly, but Isabelle could see that something had darkened in the back of his catlike eyes. She could never understand Alec's love of them. She had tried, had even asked him once how he could look at them and not be creeped out. He had said that they were beautiful, that they showed, more than anything else, the grace of him.

"You should." She hissed.

Her hair was a mess, and she hadn't bothered with makeup. What was the point when she had no one to fool into thinking that she was alright? Her brother was gone – the only blood brother she had left. Isabelle couldn't bear to think about what would happen to her if she were to lose him. Or Jace. But some traitorous part of her mind told her that she could live if Jace were gone. She couldn't live if Alec was.

"And why is that, Miss Lightwood?" He jerked the door out of her hand and stood there with a deep frown on his face.

"He's missing, Bane." She spit out through her barely concealed anger. Hatred. She thought he cared. Just a little bit more than this. No matter what her brother had done to him. No matter how much he had hurt him. Alec could be the one in pain now. The one hurt now. The one that was hurt before. He had broken to pieces when Magnus had left him, without even letting him explain. Isabelle would never forgive the warlock for that. Regardless of his reasons for doing it.

"Well that doesn't seem as though it's my problem, Shadowhunter."

"Maybe not." She rolled her shoulders and stuck out her chin. Her eyes watered. How could someone disregard her brother like that? Sweet, caring, shy, and brave Alec? Who had never done anything to hurt anyone other than himself until he took a chance on love, and look where that had gotten him? Tossed into the gutter as though he was nothing more than a bug on Magnus' shoe. "But you do owe him. You owe us."

"I owe you nothing." Was that anger that she heard? Hurt? Good. He deserved it. "If anything, you owe me. Quite a lot of money, actually."

She snorted and glared. "For someone who claims to be the High Warlock of New York, you sure are dumber than a demon." He scoffed but she plowed on. "He made a mistake and it hurt your feelings but he's missing. We don't know where he is and Jace's rune is fading. Do you know what that means, Bane?" Her voice was dangerously quiet and low and her eyes were dark and harder than steel. Magnus flinched back. Pleasure coursed through her veins like Isabelle only felt when killing a monster. "That means that he's out there somewhere, and he's dying."

When Magnus looked at her, this time, his eyes were full of pain. Barely masked but Isabelle liked to think that she knew him well enough to read him. He was scared. Hurt. Worried. Good. She was glad.

It was gone as soon as it came, however, replaced with helplessness because nothing that they did, no tracking spell, no amount of searching and begging and deals they made, revealed where he was.

It was within the second year that they all began to accept the fact that they hadn't wanted to for so long. That he hadn't been taken by anyone that wanted information on them. He wasn't on the brink of death. He hadn't just gone missing.

Alexander Lightwood had run away. And there was nothing they could do about it.

II.

Magnus Bane almost never went to bars. Clubs, yes. Bars, no. He couldn't exactly get drunk easily so there was no reason for him to go unless he wanted to spend a shit ton of money. Incidentally, today was one of the days that Magnus wanted to spend a shit ton of money. And, for once, it wasn't on clothes. He sighed and scratched at his ear, glancing sideways at the busy bar.

Might as well go for it, he was in the City this time. No longer in Brooklyn, at least not for the night, in the middle of Times Square and amongst all the lights and eccentric tourists Magnus didn't stand out. And, for one of the few times in his life, he was happy that he didn't. His clothes were inconspicuous here, and the glitter wasn't nearly as much as it used to be. Maybe it was because he hadn't been feeling very glittery for the past year, or maybe it was because he had had some very serious High Warlock business to do earlier in the day.

"Can I get you anything, sir?" A kindly young woman asked him, her skin dark and her eyes light. Her smile was bright and contagious but her gaze was tired. She had been having a long day, if her look was anything to go by.

He ordered from the menu randomly and she nodded, walking off with a tired bounce in her steps. Her hips swayed as she walked, narrow and small. Her shoulders pushed their way through the crowd with a practiced ease and Magnus leaned back in the wooden seat, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes scanning the circle of people at the bar. College students, mostly. He noticed a faerie holding onto a mortal with a tight grip. He allowed himself a small chuckle at that. The poor boy didn't know what he was getting himself into with that one.

"What's your name?" He asked the waitress as she came back to him, her hair curling around her face. It was short and divided into a thousand tiny braids. Magnus had tried that look, back in the nineties. He had dismissed it just as quickly as he had done it. He couldn't pull that off even in his dreams.

"Rebecca." She smiled and placed the glass in front of him. "I'm so sorry I didn't say anything before. I'm like the worst waitress ever." She rolled her eyes at herself and stuck out her hip. Magnus wasn't sure if she was flirting with him or if she was just… odd.

"Well it does look mighty busy." He smiled back anyway. Or did his best attempt at a smile back. Magnus hadn't been able to form much of a smile since he had heard about… the missing person two years before.

Two years before to the day, wasn't it? Magnus was surprised. Shocked at himself. Shocked for not even remembering until just now. No wonder he had been off. His smile wavered into something even more pathetic than it already was. Magnus wasn't one to pine, not usually, but Alexander had left a hole in his heart that was the shape of his blue eyes.

Constant searching had worn everyone down, now. Isabelle was almost always on the verge of an emotional breakdown and Magnus actually pitied any demon that got in her way. Jace was even more irritable than usual, and was working himself to the ground. Clary was trying to hold the two of them together with the help of the Daywalker even though the two of them couldn't even begin to fathom what it felt like. Maryse was ruthless and Robert was cold. And Magnus… well Magnus didn't know what he was. Not anymore. Impartiality was something of a dream and his life had been unexpectedly woven between their own whether he wanted it to be so or not.

He downed his drink in a quick flick of his wrist. He closed his eyes with the bitter taste and shook his head, his hand shaking even as he held the glass. If there was anything that Magnus needed it was to get spectacularly drunk.

Rebecca had left him some time ago, he noticed with a start. He wondered if he had said anything to her or if she had been unnerved by his sudden silence and gone back to her job. He stood up to get his own drink from the mess at the bar rather than flag her down again. She seemed mighty distracted anyway with the group of young people in the far corner.

Magnus rubbed at his heart, knowing that the pain there would dull with time as it had done many times before. But until then… well until then Magnus planned on ignoring it with all of his impressive might.

"Thank god!" The bartender yelled as another body pushed their way through the clamor of people at the bar. "It's about time you show your fucking face Alex. We're getting ambushed!"

Alex.

The name was so familiar yet so different. Magnus knew plenty of people named Alex. Girls and boys. They weren't the same. Yet, still, his heart jumped at the mere familiar name.

He wasn't even called Alex. He was Alec. It was Alec who had stolen his heart, not some idiot named Alex. He scowled at himself.

"Sorry." But the voice was familiar and Magnus would have dropped his glass to the ground very dramatically if every muscle in his body hadn't froze.

Because… well there he was. There he was. It had to be the same person. Even though there were no noticeable marks of black ink on his body, not the familiar coil reaching up his neck. But there were the same fingers tossing his jacket under the bar, the same crooked, shy smile, the same muscles (God the muscles, lean and strong and impressive and enough to make Magnus swoon), and the same eyes.

Magnus would recognize the eyes that haunted him anywhere. He only saw them every night in his dreams.

His hair was styled differently, but it still fell into his face, brushing lightly against the tops of his cheeks. His shirt was black and the neck cut into a V. His pants were jeans, browned from wear but loved. Magnus couldn't see his shoes but he was sure they were painfully normal too. Everything seemed tragically… mundane about him. That was something Magnus never thought he would have to say. Ever. Mundane wasn't something that should be able to apply to someone like him.

Yet it did. No marks, no recognition of the faerie in the corner, no notice of Magnus. He was acting, for all intents and purposes, mundane. And Alexander Lightwood was everything on earth but mundane.

"The train ran a bit late." But it was his voice. And Magnus had zoomed in on it quite closely. The caress of it. The familiarity. It was something he could recognize in his sleep. "And I couldn't find one of my shoes."

"Not my fault you're a mess, Maxwell." The bartender snorted and nodded towards the opposite side of the bar. "Help me with these orders, yeah, and maybe I'll let you off my shit list for the night."

"Because you have a shit list." Alec teased. Maxwell. Alex Maxwell. That's what the bartender had called him.

"Yeah and you're at the top of it."

He rolled his eyes in the same way and went to work, taking what seemed like ten shouted orders at once and their money and making the drinks and despite himself Magnus felt a wave of pride. That's his boy.

But Alec was no longer a boy, was he? No he was a young man now. He had been a young man before, but a young man in a boy's mind. He was, what, twenty now? He may look basically the same, but if Magnus had simply run into him on the street and hadn't heard his voice he was sure he wouldn't have recognized him. Maybe that was the point. But if Alec wanted to hide from people who knew him there were surely better places to hide than the middle of New York City.

A surge of anger flowed through his veins and Magnus slammed his glass onto the bar and tossed some money along with it. If Alec couldn't even handle… a goodbye (at least to his sister and Jace, damn it) than Magnus wasn't even going to bother with a hello.

He spun on his heel and stalked out of the bar, his hands tight in clenched fists and a long, drawn down, frown pulling at his lips. Screw him. Screw Alexander Lightwood. Screw him for making him care. Magnus didn't care about the people he was bumping into. Didn't care about the yells of indignation coming from everyone around him. Didn't care about anything more than getting away from that bar before he tore Alec limb from limb. Thinking he could hide. From what? What did Alexander have to hide from?

But that stopped him in his tracks didn't it. What did Alexander have to hide from? Surely not Magnus, Magnus had been doing a good enough job of hiding from him first.

"Get out of the street!" The voice was as familiar as Magnus remembered it and he spun to look at Alec with a look of mild surprise. Not ignoring him, was he? Not now. He looked worried though and Magnus turned just in time to know why, as a spot of yellow came speeding towards him.

He didn't have time to do anything else other than stare in shock as the cab mowed him down.

III.

"There you go." A hand guided him out of his stupor. Magnus took a moment to realize where he was, his back lying against soft sheets and his eyes blinking at white walls. A hospital. Why in all dimensions of the world did someone think it would be a good idea to bring him to the hospital? He resisted hissing at the attending nurse as she smiled kindly at him and took his vitals. "You've given your friend a mighty worry." She continued on as though he hadn't just woken up. "The poor thing's been pacing all up and down the hallway like a scared animal." She smiled at him brightly and Magnus would have smiled back (probably not) if it wasn't for the headache that was biting against his skull.

He needed to get out of here. And fast. Before he started healing and was declared a medical mystery and experimented on. "I'll go get him, Mister…?" She trailed off, an eyebrow raised in question.

"Fell." He said his old friend's last name easily and without a second thought. Why take Ragnor's name? He meant to mull it over, to question it some more, but then there he was. Standing in the doorway with a nervous, shy look on his face. It was familiar and it was different at the same time but it was still breathtaking.

Magnus had forgotten that he was the reason he was there. He had forgotten that he had found him – somehow – and that he had been filled with so much rage that he had stomped out of the bar without confronting him. A certain flush of embarrassment rose to his cheeks at the thought that he had gotten mowed down by a taxi cab of all things. Never had Magnus been more disappointed in himself than in that moment. "You-you're-you…." Alec stuttered and then tried again, his swallow and deep breath visible.

It made Magnus' heart ache with a longing he hadn't expected to hear the familiar stutter once more. "You're okay?" Alec said with deliberate calm, his eyes drinking in Magnus as though he couldn't quite believe he was real.

The feeling was mutual.

"Like you have any right to ask me that." He was still angry, even though something was telling him that things weren't quite… right. That he was missing something that should be obvious. Still, his words were harsh and he whipped the blankets off his legs and swung them over the edge. At least whoever treated him had the decency to keep his clothes on.

"You…." Magnus had known him long enough to know the tone of his anger. He snorted silently. Angry. What reason did he have to be angry? "I just saved your ass, okay? You don't have the thank me but you don't have to treat me like shit."

When Magnus had gained enough (dare he say it) courage to look up at him Alec had his arms crossed over his chest and a defiant tilt to his chin. His muscles were clenched in a way that was decidedly too sexy and Magnus had always loved getting him riled up. Had always loved making him angry. Well… Alec definitely looked angry now. It was an attractive look on him. His blue eyes would darken to gray and his mouth would set into a thin line. But there was a difference between Alec's irritation and anger and insult. This… was a mix of the three. Magnus had rarely been on the receiving end of that. He wasn't sure if he was enjoying his stay there either.

"That's rich, coming from you." Magnus shoved his foot into a boot, tugging it up his leg with a force that could have torn the leather. They tied themselves because he didn't want to risk ripping the shoelace. Though, he could just steal Alec's in retribution if they had. He'd love to hear the little Shadowhunter's response to that. His face, when Magnus glanced at him, was a light red and his glare a lead gray. Good. Let him be angry. Magnus didn't care.

"You don't even know me." Alec snapped back as Magnus stood and ran a hand over his shirt to straighten it. He was disappointed to see the hole in the fabric and to feel a similar one in his pants. He let out a long suffering sigh.

"Don't even know you-." Magnus cut himself off at his frustration, turning to look at his insulting ex. Of course Magnus didn't know him. He thought he had but he must have been very wrong. If Alec was someone would could hurt people like this… well then Magnus was afraid he didn't know Alec at all. Had never known him.

"You don't know me! So don't act like you do!" Alec was seething and his anger was righteous. Magnus had seen him this way when he would rant about Jace and Isabelle and some stupid thing they had done. Had seen him yell at Clary like this once, when she hadn't heeded his advice and gone after them when they were fighting some very dangerous demons. This Alec wasn't something anyone with a brain wanted to be on the bad side of. Apparently, this meant that Magnus didn't have a brain though, because he was enjoying this too much. "I should have just like that taxi kill you if this is the thanks I'm going to get for saving a random stranger." He turned around with a hunch in his shoulders.

It was his words that took Magnus by surprise more than anything else. Random stranger? Was that really all Magnus had been reduced to for him? Had two years really been enough for him to forget what Magnus looked like? What he sounded like? How he felt? And here Magnus was, still pining away after the Shadowhunter boy that broke his heart.

"Maybe you should have." Magnus muttered. "Would have hurt less than this." He hadn't meant to say that part out loud, but still the words were the truth.

Alec didn't look at him but he did flinch. "Is that it, then?" He asked, turning to look at him with something like sympathy in his eyes. Oh no, Magnus didn't want any of his sympathy. He scowled.

"Is what it then?" He took an unsteady step forwards and wobbled dangerously on his left leg, pain shooting up his side.

"You stopped in the road." Alec pointed out needlessly. "Because you wanted to, what, kill yourself?"

"What?" The thought, it was so incredibly absurd that Magnus wanted to check that it wasn't Alec that had hit his head.

"That's why you're angry for me bringing you here, isn't it?" His accent lifted at the question and his lightened, no longer angry but sympathetic. Worried. He was worried… about him?

"I'm angry at you because there's no way I'm letting them make me some sort of experiment." Magnus rolled his eyes and slid on his jacket.

"You shouldn't be doing that." Alec quickly said, rushing forward to grab onto Magnus when he stumbled and leaned against the bed for support.

"Shit." Magnus hissed and rubbed a hand over his leg, blue sparks shooting from his fingers as his magic eased through his veins.

Alec froze. "How…" His voice took on a tone of wonder. Magnus gazed up at him through his dark fringe. Surely Alec remembered what him doing magic looked like? "Never mind." He spoke slowly and with narrowed, confused, unsure eyes. Despite himself, a small smile tilted at Magnus' lips. The expression was so familiar and so endearing and Magnus may want nothing more than to punch Alec out but he also wanted to wrap him in his arms and hold him close and kiss him senseless until he apologized and promised to never leave again.

Magnus raised an eyebrow and then stood up straighter, the pain in his leg gone and the hole fixed. "As much as this conversation has been absolutely ravishing I must bid my leave." He swept his jacket on with grandeur and grace, smirking at the speechless man before him. "Give your sister a call, yeah? Let her know you're not pushing up daisies somewhere far from home."

"Sister?" His furrowed eyebrows are almost adorable. They would be, if they weren't so worrying.

If there was anything Alec's face had always been it was painfully honest. It was one of the things that had drawn Magnus in. Alexander Lightwood was a conundrum. He was a mystery. He was a Shadowhunter who was honest. It was unheard of. "Yes." Magnus spoke slowly. "Isabelle. Your sister."

"I don't have a sister." Alec laughed a bit, shifting uncomfortably. "You must have me confused with someone else."

"I'm absolutely sure you're who I think you are." Magnus shook his head. "More like 97 percent now."

"What's the three percent saying I am?" He asked curiously.

"Two percent is a demon, one percent is a secret twin."

"Well I'm neither of those things." A nervous laugh. "Who do you think I am, exactly?" He looked up at Magnus through the space in his bangs.

"Alexander…."

Alec raised an eyebrow. "Maxwell."

"Lightwood."

Realization covered his face and his mouth opened in a sort of 'oh', a noise of understanding passing through his lips. "Oh, he's a character." Alec smiled, wide and bright and a dimple showing in his left cheek.

"A… character…." Magnus wasn't sure where he was going with this.

"In my story." Alec laughed and rubbed at his neck, his cheeks coloring. "He's a fictional character. You must be one of those people who read it online."

"No… I'm not." Magnus blinked but he felt a puzzle piece drop into his mind. Alexander Lightwood didn't exist outside of a story. Because that's all he was to this… Alexander Maxwell.

With a heavy heart he realized why Alec didn't recognize him.

It was because he didn't remember him.

He didn't remember anything.

IV.

Alex can't remember the last time he slept peacefully. Every night dreams would clog his mind so much that he would without doubt find himself bolting upright in bed with the need to pen everything down. Well, that isn't to say that Alex remembered everything that he dreamed. He forgot quite a bit, actually. He, often times, forgot the why behind the actions he saw. Such as he forgot why his dream self-drew images on himself, and why he had been at that man's apartment, and why he blushed every time he looked at the blonde boy beside him.

Another problem with the dreams (because that's all they are, a dream and an image of his overactive imagination) was the lack of faces. Alex didn't know what anyone looked like. Their faces… they were always blurred out. Faded images. Their voices were always odd sounding, dense and hidden and kept in quiet even if he knew they should be louder.

This night was no different, aside from a quick glimpse at yellow and green slit eyes and a tanned face. It was familiar, of that Mister Fell Alex had saved despite himself. There had been something painfully familiar about the other man. Something about the tilt of his voice, the sound of his breath. It was all familiar. Though Alex couldn't place how.

He sighed and leaned heavier against the wood of the bar, his rag running back and forth to polish the wood as best he could. His mind wouldn't stop spinning, trying to focus on one, positive thing. But there wasn't one. Aside from the few people to read his story and enjoy it.

"Hey sweet pea." Rebecca crooned in his ear and kissed his cheek, her gum snapping in her mouth obnoxiously.

"Good morning." He said softly in reply.

"How was our favorite customer, hm?" She grabbed a rag of her own, wetting it and working on the many glasses that needed to be cleaned for the night. Thankfully, tonight was Sunday and wouldn't be as busy as the last night had been. Also, thankfully, Daniel had given him only five tables for the night considering his exams were coming up and permission to leave early if it wasn't too busy.

"He ran out into the middle of the street. He's hardly my favorite." Alex said dryly.

Rebecca hummed and raised a knowing eyebrow at him. "You chased after him because he left his jacket." She laughed. "You hadn't even been here twenty minutes and you went flying out the bar after him."

Alex repressed a blush and bit at his bottom lip. "It was a very expensive jacket." He muttered.

"How would you know the cost of jackets?" Rebecca hit him with her rag lightly and laughed at his blush.

He ignored her the best he knew how.

"What's his name, anyway?" She nudged her shoulder against his. "Tell me you, at least, got a name."

He had got a name, though the name didn't seem to suit the other man, not if Alex were to think anything about it. "Fell. Mister Fell."

"Well he sure did make sure he fell all over you." She laughed at her own terrible joke, loud and high pitched and Alex glared at her.

Her sense of humor was terrible.

Looking at her quickly Alex could have sworn her eyes sloped down and her face dragged into a rough scowl. That the skin turned black and crumbly and the white teeth turned red for a moment. But when he blinked it was gone.

When he blinked he couldn't even remember having seen it.

V.

Magnus couldn't believe he was back. Why was he letting himself get sucked into this? Alec could very well take care of himself. But he didn't remember, a traitorous part of his mind reminded him. There was no way Alec could fight a demon if they were to show up because he didn't know what a demon was beyond a page in a book. He had spent the past day contemplating calling Isabelle or Jace. Had called the phone number that was so ridiculously familiar to him still just to hear the obnoxious dial tone letting him know that the person that he was trying to reach no longer had a subscription. He had lazed around all day, canceled all of his appointments, and talked about the Chairman about everything he was feeling.

Sadly, the Chairman didn't have any advice that didn't involve sleeping the problem away.

Which, when you were immortal, didn't hold as much validity as one could hope. He muttered something to himself about being horribly codependent and needing a better roommate and sat down in the darkened corner of an empty booth. He swept off his soft black jacket – the one Alec used to love, actually, he noticed with a snort. Sometimes Magnus couldn't stand himself – and crossed his hands. His nails, a dark red, sparkled in the overhead lights. The place wasn't nearly as crowded as it had been the day before and Magnus hadn't come with anything planned other than seeing the one person he had lied to himself about not wanting to see for two years.

The waitress from the day before (what was her name? Rachel? Ruby?) was manning the bar, twirling bottles between her fingers expertly. She smirked and yelled something to someone behind the bar, and Magnus felt his breath whoosh out of his lungs at the sight of the familiar silhouette passing by the small window.

A soft song was playing the background, and Magnus thought he recognized it even though he wasn't sure from where. He didn't pay it any mind, though, instead too focused on the person coming out of the kitchen. His unblemished skin still threw Magnus off every time he saw it. The runes had been part of what made Alec, Alec, and to see them gone was almost as though Alec had been truly lost. Magnus refused to let that thought play anymore in his mind and shook his head to rid it.

He had a towel tossed over his shoulder and he laughed at something the waitress said. He smiled easier, Magnus thought with a hint of jealousy. His laugh wasn't loud but it was something that Magnus had seen Isabelle and Jace try so hard to pull from his lips. He wasn't on edge. He was relaxed.

Until his eyes fell onto Magnus.

He smirked a bit when the man tensed, his shoulders squaring backwards and his eyes darting downwards to mask the blush rising in his cheeks. It was so… so much like when they had just started that Magnus felt his heart pull at the familiarity. But no, his heart wouldn't be winning this one. No. Magnus was here on business not on pleasure.

He nodded when Alec looked up once more, as though to check to see if he was still there. Slowly, ever so slowly, the young man walked over to him. When he was in front of him Magnus couldn't help taking in the sight of his eyes. The blue eyes that tore him to pieces and built him back up. The eyes of an angel, Magnus used to think. There was something dark in them now, something to make them less the crystal paradise Magnus had fallen in love with and more the color of a late night sky. Still painfully beautiful but with a dark secret. Alec, the Alec he knew, never kept any secrets. Or rather, he never used to.

"Sit with me?" He posed it as a question though it really wasn't one.

Alec stood where he was for a moment, glancing over his shoulder at the smirking waitress. "I do have a job to do." He said softly.

Magnus leaned forward and gestured with his hand. He could very well make him sit with him but Magnus wasn't planning on resorting to that anytime soon. Instead he simply waved his hand once more. "Please. It will only take a moment of your time."

Alec still seemed unsure but he sat down anyway, his legs sliding under the table. He sat opposite Magnus and slumped into his seat. Alec didn't slump. Not when Magnus knew him. Not unless something was very, very wrong.

Not that him losing his memory wasn't wrong. Magnus hated how his mind kept going in circles. "Are you all right?" Alec asked after a moment of uncomfortable silence, his fingers tapping against the table.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You did get hit by a taxi yesterday."

Magnus waved off his concern. "Fixed it easily enough." He smiled a bit at Alec's tiny chuckle and the straightening of his back. "What about you, my da-savior." He acted as though the tiny slip up hadn't happened.

Alec didn't seem to notice anyway, a blush high on his pale, delicate skin and his eyes shooting down to his fingers before sheepishly meeting Magnus' again. "Why wouldn't I be all right, Mister Fell?"

Mister Fell. Right. Alec didn't know him as Magnus Bane. "You seem tired."

He did. He had shadows under his eyes and the maddening way he was tapping his fingers proved it. He was restless. "I- how can you tell?" Alec tipped his head to the side, his gaze inquisitive.

Magnus couldn't think of any way to explain to him that he knew because he knew him. Instead he placed his hand over Alec's own dancing fingers. He delighted in the familiarity. His fingers brushed, delicately, over the skin. He ran the tips across Alec's knuckles, his nail brushing against the pale palm and warming the skin beneath his own. It was intimate and Alec's breath hitched with the movement.

And, for a moment, Magnus could swear that Alec recognized him. "You know who I am." He whispered, softly, gently, his fingers coaxing.

"I've dreamt of you." Alec responded in kind, his own fingers curling as if on their own.

Magnus smiled, the tips of his teeth showing beneath his lips. "What's my name?"

Alec's blue eyes brightened and then darkened again. He shook his head mutely as though there were cobwebs in his mind. "I- Mister Fell?" Disappointment raged in his stomach. It was a disgusting feeling, pouring itself into his mouth and he had to swallow it down. It wasn't Alec's fault, anyway.

"I demand to read your stories, Alexander." Magnus made sure his voice portrayed none of his hurt. "That way," He said to himself later, when Alec had left to grab him the drink he had ordered. "That way I'll hopefully be able to figure out what the hell happened to you."

VI

The place I was raised was the most beautiful place on the planet. It's wide, sweeping valleys of green and tall, tall towers of glass that reached high up into the bright blue sky. My mother was happy back then, smiling and warm. And my father's beard may have been scratchy but it didn't make him intimidating. Isabelle never remembered what it looked like there, in Idris. She was too young. Max, well he had never actually seen the city until that year and Jace refused to speak of home like that. I'm not sure when Idris stopped feeling like home but when it did I could do nothing more than remember the place with a faint fondness for the memories it held within its gates.

When Max died I started seeing it. It wasn't unusual, to see things in the dark. It was actually normal for people like us. I mentioned it in passing to Jace, and he told me to ignore it. If it wasn't bothering me, whatever it was, there was no need to get involved.

Isabelle said it was grief that did it to me.

Magnus, well… I never told Magnus about it.

It got closer every time I saw it. I didn't know what it was but it would be the days I forgot that it had been there that it didn't show. I figured out that it had something to do with memory. I was never entirely sure what it was, but when I saw its face I knew I had to run.

And so I did.

I ran and I never looked back.

The words swam before Magnus' eyes and he put down the paper with unsteady hands. They weren't shaking, not exactly, but they didn't feel… well they didn't feel good. Nothing felt good. His stomach felt queasy and his heart heavy. Wordlessly he glanced up at the young man at the bar, entertaining a group of people that looked a few years older, taking place in their conversation but not energetically. He still looked tired, but it wasn't that which worried Magnus.

No… it was something else entirely.

Not that the lack of sleep wasn't worrying, but it seemed to him that it was what Alec had written down that was the most worrying. That he should be focusing on that rather than the circles under his eyes. He needed to remember that this was all a story to Alec. What he had written down was real to him, and it never was. This Alec… he had a different life, a different story. Magnus couldn't help thinking that there was something written between the pages that he was missing.

Something that he shouldn't be missing.

If only he could figure out what.

"Clary's different." Jace insisted, moving to the side and swiping his blonde hair off his face. It was dripping with sweat, and his fists were clenched in front of his body. He fixed me with a look and I fixed him with one right back.

Clary's different. Clary's special. It had been all about Clary since Jace had brought her home. I told myself that it wasn't her fault, she didn't look at Jace and command him to fall in love with her, but I told myself that it was her fault. If she would just leave… well then maybe Jace could learn how to move on. I almost hate myself for how I thought back then. But I was young and naïve and honestly the feeling of the rune was still so new to me – so new to us.

Jace was everything I wanted to be and more. Charming, cunning, relaxed, and strong. Me? I'm what I've always been awkward, weak, and expendable. I'm the oldest brother – the protector. I know where my story lies, what I'm supposed to do and what I'm not supposed to do.

And then I met him.

And I forgot, I think, all about what I was supposed to be. I started being what I wanted to be. Which, for a Shadowhunter, is a very dangerous thing to do. "Clary's dangerous." I said back to him and deflected his blow.

"What's she going to do to us?" Jace asked and grunted as he stumbled.

I didn't tell him that the damage had already been done. She was tearing us apart. If Jace couldn't see the kick that had sent him tripping we were no longer the team we used to be.

That… that was what I was afraid of.

Magnus tore himself away from the words as his glass was refilled, a body sliding into the booth beside him smoothly. "What do you think?" Alec asked, his teeth gnawing at his bottom lip.

Magnus thought too much was the problem. Never had he had such… raw insight into Alec's mind. It was beautiful and painful at the same time. Magnus wanted to keep reading, to learn everything about the man that he had fallen in love with, but there was a bigger problem at hand. "Don't gnaw at your lip like that, darling, you'll make a hole." He reprimanded and skimmed through the next random page, his thumb reaching up to smooth over the dry flesh.

Alec sucked in a surprised breath and Magnus could feel the heat of his stare but he couldn't tear his eyes from the page before him.

I traced the lines with a shaking hand, telling myself to not remember it. Telling myself to forget all about it. Memory gave it power. But you can't just forget about something on will. The mind doesn't work like that.

But I could make myself forget this moment, and the stele dragged hot and painful over my skin. I bared my teeth where it drew, swallowing thickly and closing my eyes at the rush of wind by my head. It was here.

Quickly, as quickly as I could manage, I finished the rune. Yet it was still there, just not as close as it could be. It reached out to me with its hand and smiled its ugly smile. Its mouth was red and it had holes for eyes. I've stared into the face of demons before – countless times, actually – but never had I felt such as fear as I did at that moment.

The rune wasn't enough. I had to forget more.

I pulled out the vial with shaking hands. I should have told them but they wouldn't be able to see it. They'd never seen it before. They never would if I could make it.

I swallowed it in one gulp.

There was a blotch of ink on the page there, covering up other words and blurring them. Magnus wasn't sure if he wanted to know what happened next. He knew what happened next anyway. Next Alec would forget and he would become Alex. It was all rather ingenious if Magnus thought of it. His thumb ran against something soft and he dropped the papers, his head falling against his open palm to rub at the bridge of his nose. "I say, Alexander, you've gotten yourself quite a story here." He laughed and dropped the hand on Alec's mouth. The other man was blushed, Magnus knew that.

"You-you haven't even read the best parts." His voice was raspy and quiet and low. He cleared his throat and shook his head, shutting his eyes and Magnus watched as his fingers just, barely, brushed against his lips before they landed shakily on the printer pages. "He-he betrayed his boyfriend but-."

"I already know that part." Magnus snapped unnecessarily. He had hoped that part would have been left out. It was too painful for him to even think about it when he was trying to save this idiot's life.

"You already read it?" Magnus didn't answer. "I-I mean I think the most painful part. The-the hardest part is that the warlock he-he didn't even let him explain or ap-apologize." He was rambling now. It was as though he could feel the tension. Magnus was sure he could taste it if he licked at the air, in the way his shoulders stiffened and at the line his lips pressed together to form.

"How would he have explained that away?" He asked dully though Magnus didn't expect an answer.

"Well…" Alec spoke softly. "He would have said that there was no explanation. Aside from fear. And worry. And love. I mean." He licked at his lips. "Can you imagine, being in love with someone so much that you would give your life for them?"

"Yes."

The answer threw him off but he fixed it before it could show for long. "Falling in love with someone immortal, it must be hard." Alec swallowed and leaned closer. His words were soft and caressing but sad and dripping with a sorrow he didn't seem to understand. "In two hundred years he would be dead. And the warlock would still be alive. Alec… he would just be a memory, if that. A whisper. And who's to say that Bane would even remember him? Forever is a long time and, when faced with reality, his life is only a breath for the person who can live forever. And that's… that's terrifying."

VII.

Magnus would never understand why he decided to do what he did a week later. The pages of Alec's story were a mess on his table top, spread about over the wood and mismatched. He was worried Alec would say no, at first, when Magnus asked to bring them home with him. But, instead, the young man had looked… excited, if that was even the right word. Enamored. Thrown for a loop. It was endearing, really, how he rambled on passionately about his story. The story that belonged to him even though he didn't know it.

In Alex's mind, Alec was a hero – he was strong and brave and attractive. He was a lot kinder to himself when he didn't know that he was real. Magnus wished, somehow, that he could bottle up the words Alec said about himself and show them to him whenever he began to doubt that he was everything Magnus said he was.

He lazily ran his hand over the Chairman's fur, feeling the purr through his body. The fur ball was curled into his side, a tiny ball of joy. Magnus knew the Chairman had felt the loss of Alec when Magnus had, but the cat still stayed loyally to his side. Sometimes Magnus was pretty sure the cat was the only loyal person around him.

But that wasn't entirely true, was it? Alec had been loyal. He hadn't been trusting of himself, trusting of time, trusting of love. He hadn't fully trusted Magnus but what was that Alex had said? "How much could you expect someone to trust you when they were raised to trust only themselves and their family?" It made a certain degree of sense. Magnus hadn't willingly put himself into Alexander's shoes, had he? He had expected a lot out of the boy and didn't try to understand.

But that wasn't true either. If Alec had just said something… well then Magnus would have been able to understand. Trust worked both ways, after all.

Speaking of trust…. The knock that rang through the apartment almost threw him off but Magnus had invited them. He didn't get up to let them in, just waved a careless hand for the door to open itself.

Isabelle's boots clicked heavily against the floor as she walked in. Magnus didn't have to look at her to know that she had grown. He saw her every few months, whether it was planned or just running into her on the street. Her hair had been cut, just hovering over her shoulders now, her face was more angular, and her eyes were sharper. She had a scar on her cheek from where a demon had gotten her four months ago. Still, though, she held onto the hope that they would find her brother, even if that hope was tearing her down.

And then, behind her, was Jace. His face was hard as stone. His eyes were weary. And his parabatai rune was nearly completely gone, an echo against his pale skin. Never had Magnus seen anyone who looked so much like a Roman statue as Jace, and not in a good way. The young man (boy really) was almost the color of marble.

Clary walked behind him, her hand hovering over his back. She had grown taller and so had her ego. In a good way, Magnus was sure, but still the girl was becoming as self-assured as her lover.

Never had Magnus seen a more depressing bunch of people (unless he looked in the mirror but Magnus never really did that). "Bane." Jace greeted with the same pompous tone of voice he had always used. Magnus wanted to be the one to tell him that the fake bravado wasn't needed – that they could all see what Alec being missing and alive (they could tell that by the fact that the rune was indeed still there just… faded) was doing to him.

"Lightwoods." He didn't bother to add 'and Clary'. She was practically married to Jace now anyway. Magnus wouldn't be surprised to hear if she was pregnant anytime soon.

"Did you find anything about Alec?" Isabelle demanded.

Magnus had had these conversations with her many times over, rarely being able to report any news. Maybe there would be a whisper or two of a Shadowhunter in the city, but never anything concrete. Nothing like what he had now. Apprehension filled his core and suddenly Magnus wasn't sure if sharing this information was the right thing to do anymore.

But her eyes… oh how her eyes lit up in hope. Magnus was never one who was able to break a kind of hope that was like that. Not without feeling like shit for years afterwards.

"I found him."

VIII.

There was a time, a year ago, when Isabelle hated no one more than she hated her oldest brother. There was no forgiveness, no understanding. Just pure, unadulterated loathing. Isabelle knew Jace went through the same problem – knew he locked himself in the training room and beat the living shit out of mannequins and pretended they were Alec just to get the anger out.

Isabelle used to fantasize over what she would do if she were to find him, finally. She imagined two scenarios, one where he was beaten and bruised and bloody and on the verge of death. And another where he was alive and healthy and intact. In the first one she would run over to give him aid. She'd cry over his bruises and his body and apologize profusely for how long it had taken. Jace would comfort the best he knew how and together they would heal him until he was the way he had been before he left. In the second Isabelle saw herself walking up to him and slapping him. Yelling at him for leaving the way he did. Demanding that he tell her why.

But never, never, did Isabelle fathom what would happen if she were to find him and he wasn't broken and bruised but he wasn't completely whole either. The Alec she was staring at… was foreign. For one thing, her brother never smiled like that – at least he never did when he was in a crowd of people like this one. Alec would have been in the darkest corner wearing a faded and holey black sweater and old jeans. He wouldn't be walking around serving drinks in the midst of the crowd. Wouldn't be laughing with the patrons. Wouldn't be wearing red for God sakes.

On a visual level Isabelle agreed that the man she was looking at was her brother. He certainly looked like him. The same hair, same face, same eyes, same body. But it was the things that she couldn't see that made her question the validity of Magnus' words. Though the warlock stood at the bar himself, Isabelle could barely get her feet to move out of the frame of the door. Jace was similarly frozen, it seemed and Clary seemed lost on what to do for either of them.

Isabelle knew Clary had been affected by Alec's disappearance. She had seen it in the way she always hung around the Institute, rarely going home. Isabelle had found her drawings, too. Countless pictures of the three of them (mostly Jace) but ones that she would be working away at with a pencil at two in the morning trying to capture just right. Isabelle wanted to thank her but she wasn't quite sure for what.

At the moment, though, Isabelle felt a mix of adoration and anger and disbelief. She wanted to run to her brother and hug him and she wanted to shake him until he remembered her.

There was nothing that hurt more than seeing his eyes pass by her as though she didn't even register on his radar.

"That's not him." Jace declared. Isabelle felt inclined to agree, but she saw the way Jace rubbed at the skin where the rune was. Saw the flinch in his face. It was Alec. Even if it wasn't their Alec. Not fully.

"Some of us would like to actually come in, honey." A man's voice startled her from the doorway and Clary apologized for them as quiet as a mouse. The man smirked and winked at her. Isabelle felt like she had just been dumped in a bucket of ice. She seemed to wake up, standing up straighter and running the tip of her thumb over the rough edge of her whip. She could do this.

She could save her brother for once.

"Let's go join Magnus." She nodded once at Jace and Clary and made her way to stand next to the warlock. Her heels clicked on the floor and they seemed the only sound in the whole bar.

She glanced over her shoulder, once, to see if they were following her.

They weren't.

"Alex," Magnus had commandeered all of her brother's attention, as always, an older man taking care of the others at the bar. Her brother's arms were bare, a browning pale, with no marks on them. Isabelle tried not to show her shock (or her worry. How could Alec erase all of his runes? Why would he leave himself unprotected like that?) and sat on the empty stool beside Magnus'. His jacket hung off the edge and his shirt was a sky full of blue satin. Isabelle wondered if he had worn it for a reason. "This is Isabelle. She's a… friend of mine."

It was the first time she had heard Magnus refer to her in a such a way. A fondness crept up her spine. If there was one good thing to come out of this whole mess it was her appreciation for Magnus Bane. "Hello." Alec smiled at her. A real smile.

Isabelle had always told her brother he looked best when he was smiling. "It's great to meet you, Alec."

Alec didn't flinch at her accidental use of his real name, as opposed to the one Magnus had introduced him with. "That's a cool tattoo you have there." He gestured to the pattern of runes between her breasts. "Must have been painful."

She smiled as much as she could manage. "Closer to the heart the better."

He tilted his head to the side, his bangs brushing over the bridge of his nose. She resisted the urge to swipe them out of his eyes and tell him that he needed a haircut. "I feel like I've heard that before."

"It's all the tattoo enthusiasts you work with." Magnus teased, though his eyes held a pain that Isabelle understood.

To pretend like this… it hurt to acknowledge. Alec chuckled and his cheeks held a tint of color. Oh lord, Isabelle rolled her eyes, he was back to blushing whenever Magnus spoke to him. It was like watching him fall in love all over again.

"No." He shuffled his feet. "I actually have two myself. I must have gotten them when I was drunk; I hardly remember even the pain."

"You hate needles, why would you get a tattoo?" She asked absentmindedly.

"That's what I'm wondering." And she found herself laughing with him, even though Isabelle wanted to cry.

But she never got the chance, because Clary was suddenly screaming and Jace was flying into the wall across from them.

IX.

Alex wasn't exactly sure what he was seeing. He wasn't exactly sure what he was feeling either, but somewhere on his chest flared with a pain that was oddly familiar. But not familiar enough for his mind to place it, it seemed, and he fell against the bar, bottles clanging and clicking and his breath coming in short gasps. Some part of himself was telling him to go check on the man that had just went flying into the wall. Another part of himself was telling him to run like hell. And the final part of himself was telling him to get everyone else to safety and make sure that no one was fatally hurt.

"Jace!" The girl, Isabelle, yelled and rushed over to the crumbled figure's form. Alec felt a hand on his arm, calming and sure and steady and he looked up into Mister Fell's eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice somehow clear even though it was softer than the noise in the bar.

He nodded, even though he wasn't sure if he was. He couldn't remember what he had just seen and each glance at the crumpled figure was like a shock to his brain.

"Wh-Why am I here?" He asked in a small voice and Mister Fell looked confused. Alex heaved himself upwards and looked over the wood of the bar.

He wasn't sure what he was seeing.

It didn't have eyes, he knew that much.

Didn't have much of a mouth either. Still, Alex could make out some words as if its voice was permeating his very skull and reaching a hand into his soul. It was scarily familiar. You can't hide from me, Shadowhunter. Somehow Alex knew it was hungry, even though its body was near nonexistent. He knew it was looking at him (for him) even though it had no eyes. Magnus – Mister Fell pulled him down with a tight arm on his back and...

What had he been looking at?

He heard yells and screams and scrambled to his feet.

He wasn't sure what he was looking at. Keep looking at me, Shadowhunter. And remember.

His skin burned and he could swear he could smell the acrid smell of it. "Alexander!" Stern, familiar. He had heard that voice so many times.

But, oh, it hurt to remember.

"I'm fine, Isabelle!" That was familiar too.

His skin felt tight, like it was constricting into smaller pieces in his whole body.

Images flashed before his eyes. REMEMBER ME.

"The portal!"

Alex didn't remember passing out.

But he didn't remember much of anything when he closed his eyes, anyway. Nothing that didn't involve pain, that is.

X.

Getting through the portal was a pain, and Magnus was actually thankful for Jace to help lug Alec through. The young man had gone boneless, it seemed, passing out from a pain that only he could feel. It was terrifying, the pale ashen color of his face. The catch of his breath was not better, and neither was the shake of his hands. Magnus had wanted nothing more than to wrap him in his arms and heal him but if only he knew how.

At the moment, Magnus wasn't even sure what was wrong with him.

Jace hadn't gotten a good look at the creature and Clary had been too worried trying to get every mundane to safety to bother with it. Isabelle had been shocked but Magnus knew where her attention at been at the time: the same place his had been. Alec's reaction to the demon (monster, Mangus wasn't entirely sure what it was) was worrying. He hadn't screamed, but his mouth had opened into a silent yell and that was scary enough as it was. Magnus had seen Alec in pain before but nothing such as that.

The portal rippled around them and for a moment they couldn't breathe. But Magnus held his breath, used to the feeling by now. They came out in his flat, Chairman Meow hissing at the rippling blue light and its occupants. "Over here," Magnus shuffled them through, shifting Alec so that he was mostly atop Jace, running over to the bedroom and throwing open the doors.

Sure the bed probably wasn't the most appropriate place to put him, but it was the most comfortable.

"What's wrong with him?" Clary asked in a rush, biting at her thumb nail and toying with her hair.

"I'm not sure." Magnus heaved his legs as Jace and Isabelle pulled on his top, making him as comfortable as they could on the bed.

Magnus took a small moment to appreciate what he was seeing – the relaxation in his body and the curl of his head into the fluff of the pillows. His dark hair spread against the green satin made for a beautiful picture. One that Magnus wanted to keep forever, even though the situation was terrible. His hand wavered for a moment, before resting against the skin of his cheek. His skin was boiling hot, but smooth to the touch. His fingers traced his jaw and the circle of his eyes. "He'll be fine." He said after a moment of deliberation. "He just needs some… sleep."

"Sleep?"

"Of course Alec would pass out. His life's been oh so difficult lately." Jace said with his common sarcasm.

Magnus wanted to hit him for it this time, though. "You try being chased by some sort of demon, being told you're seeing things, and then erasing your memory for a reason we can't possibly know." He snapped and regretted it almost immediately. It wasn't Jace's fault, after all, no matter how much Magnus may not like him.

But the other man had shut his mouth, and so Magnus shuffled them from the room, though he couldn't help admitting how fearful he was that, if he were to leave, he would return with Alec gone. Once again. He swallowed hard and left the door open. Just in case.

He stood so he could see him, pretending not to notice Isabelle and Jace doing the same. Clary stood in front of all them, uncomfortable even here. Magnus tried not to think of the fact that this was the exact place Magnus had first met all of them. And his eyes had been drawn to Alec even then.

"What was that… the thing, I mean?" Clary decided to break the nostalgic silence.

Isabelle swiped a hand across her cheek, Jace's arm around her shoulder's in what little comfort he could give. "A demon?" He suggested.

"Not one I've ever seen." Magnus shook his head.

"It had to be a Downworlder." Isabelle insisted.

"Whatever it was," Clary's voice took a low tone, dread coating her words. "It wanted him. And it was willing to kill a whole bar full of mundanes to do it."

XI.

They decided, unanimously, to watch Alec in shifts. Isabelle had been glued to Alec's side until Clary had dragged her off to go inform the Clave that they had found him – Maryse Lightwood, specifically. Jace had the second shift, and he had spent the whole thing in stony silence, staring at the figure of his brother with an odd look on his face. Magnus tried his hardest to sleep but sleep wouldn't come.

His mind kept running in circles. Pointless little circles that revolved around the facts he couldn't dispute. Alec had erased his memory. Some sort of… thing, was hunting him down for it. And he had to have help doing it.

That Magnus knew must be true.

Whoever had done it tried to perfect the spell he had performed on Clary when she was younger – making her forget the unusual even as she saw it. Alec's was a bit more advanced, and had more flaws. Clary didn't have lapses of memory and lucidness. She didn't know that she was forgetting something. Alec… he seemed to realize that something was off. That he knew Magnus from somewhere. Even if he couldn't place it.

Clary didn't dream of the life she used to have. Alec did. Alec even went as far as to write it down.

It was a rush job, Magnus thought. Or an amateur one. What terrified Magnus the most, though, was the traitorous thought that, perhaps, Alec had done this to himself. Had been so worried that he read a spell book (lord knows Magnus had enough of those lying around the house), made some sense of what had been on the page, made the potion himself, and drawn the rune, and made a terrible, terrible mistake.

All because he had thought Magnus didn't want to see him anymore.

All because Magnus hadn't seen the signs.

He glared at himself in the mirror, his face never looking as old as it did in that moment. Magnus could see the age lines, even if no one else could. He could see the years in his eyes and he could see the months in his mouth. He could see a mix of frowns and smiles and laughs and tears. It hurt in a hollow way. Magnus never liked looking at himself in the mirror.

He remembered the one time where he had, though, really looked at himself. Looked himself in the eyes and saw the years.

And he remembered Alec coming into the bathroom, his shirt off and hair a mess and eyes tired. He had a lazy smile on his face and his arms had crossed over Magnus' waist and hugged him tight as he hid in his back, hiding from his own reflection. But his smile when he had looked up finally, Magnus playing with the hand that was splayed on his stomach, was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

A knock sounded on the door and Magnus swiped at his eyes curiously. Tears. He was crying.

Magnus hadn't cried in a very long time.

"Your turn, Bane." Jace spoke, not waiting for an answer before stalking off.

His turn.

He heaved in a deep breath and pulled himself together.

He could do this.

His feet padded against the ground of the warm place he had come to call home, his hand gently shutting his bedroom door behind him. Alec was curled onto his side, his back to him. Magnus could almost pretend that it was just another night for them.

He stepped forward softly and sat so that he was behind his head, his fingers reaching out slowly of their own accord to run over his hair.

It wasn't as smooth as silk or as soft as satin, but it was a texture all of its own. Familiar and felt of twine. Or the fur of a cat. Magnus had spent countless nights and days burying his face in them, breathing in their scent and knotting his fingers in the locks.

"I wish you remembered me." He whispered.

"How could I ever forget you?"

XII.

The voice was soft that said it and Magnus wasn't even sure if he had heard it. He looked down at the man next to him in shock. Alec moved, slowly, so that he was lying on his back, his eyes still shut. "What?" Magnus asked despite himself.

"My head hurts."

Magnus couldn't help the breath that was both of disappointment and relief that flew from his mouth. Relief because he was okay, alive, waking up, and didn't remember all of the terrible things that Magnus had done wrong. And disappointment because he didn't remember all of the things Magnus had done.

Or maybe… he didn't know how to remember.

Magnus had seen the pain that coursed through him when he had started to remember at the bar. It was agonizing. But if he could remember it in the right way….

"Well you had a nasty fall." He said absentmindedly, stroking Alec's cheek until his eyes fluttered open.

Blue. The most beautiful blue he had ever laid eyes on. Magnus wanted to see that color for the rest of his immortal life. But he knew, with time, the color would fade, just like every other image of Alexander Lightwood that his mind would try hard to hold onto. Until he found an ocean as blue as the eyes that looked up at him. And his breath would be stolen from him once more.

Black hair and blue eyes were his favorite combination. But put them on the right person and Magnus would be ruined forever.

Alec leaned into his fingertips, a small smile on his lips. "Into your bed?"

Magnus couldn't help the chuckle. "Into my life." He whispered and leaned closer. "Can you do me a favor, Alexander?" He cleared his throat and spoke louder.

"I-I'll try." He stuttered, seemingly surprised by the change in Magnus' voice. All business, his tone suggested.

"I need you to do something for me."

"Of course."

"Say my name."

Alec furrowed his eyebrows. "What?" He asked slowly.

"Say my name."

"M-Mister Fell-"

"That's not my name." Magnus interrupted. "You know my name. Say it."

Alec seemed at a loss for words, his eyes confused, his lip under the assault of his teeth. "I-I… Mister Fell please, I don't understand."

Magnus leaned dangerously close, his breath mingling with Alec's own, close enough to touch, but not quite there yet. "Who am I, Alec?" He shut his eyes against the weight of the question. "Tell me who I am."

There was a power in names. The power to control and break. To tear to pieces and shred apart. But there was also the power to heal and to love and to grow. The power to pick the pieces up and align them so they fit perfectly. Magnus was taking a chance.

Neither of them made to move for a long moment, Magnus' arms trapping Alec against the bed. But when they met – oh when they met in the middle Magnus had never felt as complete as he did then. He hadn't even been aware that anything was missing. Alec's lips felt like a balm that he hadn't felt the effects of until that very moment. His nose brushing against his own felt like a glue to fit him back together. His hands were the brushes of a paint brush, running up his back to grab at his neck and hair and curl into a fist at the edge of his shirt.

Magnus felt death for the first time with those lips on his, and he felt rebirth and he saw heaven and hell and he decided that Earth was where he wanted to be. For that moment anyway.

Alec's lips parted in a gasp and his eyes flew open for a moment, his pulse speeding up.

Magnus pulled away, a hair separating them, his bangs falling to brush against Alec's eyelashes. A shaking hand pushed them back, blue eyes clearer than Magnus had borne witness to in the past month. "Ma-Magnus?"

A tear dripped from the corner of his eye and Magnus smiled. "Alexander, you idiotic Shadowhunter." He swept down into another kiss, lips pressing urgently and rough and insistent.

It was a passion Magnus had never felt before in his life, his hands shaking and his heart pounding and pulling in a way he wasn't used to. A yearning. An excitement. All the love songs made sense now. The ones about being complete that Magnus would roll his eyes out. Funny how it took Alec leaving for him to understand. It was scary but it was a good sort of scary. The sort of scary a rollercoaster is when you first get on, the scary where your stomach drops and you scream at the top of your lungs with your arms out or with your hands clutching the lap bar for dear life but the whole time you're smiling and you're enjoying yourself. And once you get off that ride you get right back in line to go again.

This… this was love.

They pulled away to breathe for a moment, Magnus resting his forehead against Alec's, nuzzling into the skin at his cheek.

And then something terrible happened.

Alec screamed.

XIII.

The pain was unbearable. Alec had felt many kinds of pain before. He had been stabbed, burned, kicked, punched, pushed off a building, hit by a car, even deliberately set on fire. But nothing hurt more than this. The searing pain started in his head, right behind his eyes, pulsing with each breath. He could ignore that. It was when the pain spread, when the pins and needles started in his finger tips and spread. It was when lights started to explode behind his eyes and in front of his eyes and bleed into images of Isabelle and Jace and Max and his mother and father and Magnus and the Institute and Idris that it became too much.

He wasn't aware of the scream.

Alec wasn't even aware of the reactions around him.

His head pushed back the pillow, his neck bearing upwards, his back arching against the mattress. His eyes were wide open even though, to him they felt screwed shut. His jaw ached from the sheer amount it was open, the scream tearing through his throat with such force that if he were a banshee everyone in the capacity would have died.

Vaguely, he was aware of hands on his arms. Aware of the door banging against the wall and a light passing over his eyes. He was aware of someone grabbing his legs in a vice grip and holding them down. He was aware of the stele growing hot on his skin but nothing soothing the pain.

He was aware of yelling that wasn't his own.

A panic in the air.

"You're okay, Alec, you're okay." He registered the voice and he turned towards it, curling in on himself. The voice was safe. The hands holding his down were safe. It was such a childish thought but it was true. It was an old trust, one that spread through his chest and encompassed his whole being.

But when he opened his eyes there was a woman there, her hair long and dark like his own. She was an older Isabelle but Isabelle was holding onto his left leg. So this had to be… "Mom." He whimpered softly through the pain in his throat.

Maryse Lightwood seemed on the verge of tears, her pale face streaked with lines of red from where her tears had rolled down her cheeks. In the doorway was Clary, her face buried in the chest of Jocelyn Fairchild. But Alec wasn't paying them any mind. His mother's hand had always been soothing to him, even though she rarely used it.

"I'm right here, Alexander." Her accent was tilting and Alec leaned into her touch as another tremor poured through his body.

Her hand was soft on his cheek and she was gone in a puff of air. They all were.

All except his father.

Robert Lightwood with a scowl on his face and a stern voice stood beside his bed with his arms crossed over his chest. "Pull yourself together, Alexander. I didn't raise you to be like this."

He turned his head into the pillow to avoid looking at his father's cold eyes. "Don't lie in bed all day, Alec!" Max tugged on his hands, trying to pull him from the bed. "Let's go out and play."

"Max." He muttered, his eyes drinking in the sight of the bespectacled little boy kneeling over his bed.

"Come on, come on, come on!" Max pulled harder. "Jace and Izzy are already outside and they're gonna steal all the good snow!"

But Max went up in smoke too, even though Alec didn't want to see him go. A puff of air. That's all his family was. "Breathe through it." A voice commanded him. "Don't let it control you, Alexander. Don't let it tear you apart."

It's a pity he passed out the moment the pain stopped, his eyes finding a pair of green and yellow before his world turned black once more.

XIV.

Magnus soothed him as best he could, his fingers of his left hand clamped down on his arms, holding them in place over his head, as his right hand brushed back the bangs as they dripped with sweat. His eyes were exhausted and Magnus couldn't blame him for closing them as his body relaxed against the sheets. Jace was swearing profusely, though, his grip on Alec's leg barely letting up as he sunk into oblivion. His face actually seemed to have gained some color from that terrifying moment, Magnus wanted to point it out but figured now wasn't the time to inform Jace that he no longer looked like a statue or as though he had become best friends with death.

"What. The. Fuck…. Was…. That?" Jace managed through gasps of air.

Magnus was inclined to agree with the sentiment if he hadn't already known what it was. "He just got his memory back in a burst of about two minutes."

Jace fixed him with a look that clearly stated what he would do to Magnus if he didn't explain. If only Magnus was fearful of Shadowhunters such as Jace Herondale. He refrained from threatening to turn him into a mouse and elaborated. "He has twenty one years of memories and he just remembered all of them at once in two minutes." At Jace's continued lack of understanding he rolled his eyes. "He just saw his life flash before his eyes, idiot."

"And you couldn't just say that why?"

"I didn't think you had lost enough brain cells to not get that."

Jace didn't reply but instead settled for a glare. Magnus was thankful for the silence. "You can let go of his legs now." He snapped and Jace slowly let go, settling down onto the foot of the bed, his head in his hands and his soft blonde hair falling between his fingers.

Magnus almost mimicked him but, instead, he studied the face of his beloved. The crease of his forehead, the downwards tilt to his lips, and the v of his eyebrows. His nose was scrunched and Magnus ran a delicate finger over the skin, watching it settle beneath the tip.

He tried not to focus on the things Alec had been whimpering. Calling out for his mother and Max and Isabelle. He had called out for Jace quite a few times there too. Had begged Magnus not to leave him. Had screamed for his father to forgive him and had mumbled in French and the few phrases of Latin he knew. Magnus knew everything that Alec had said and he was well aware that he could only make sense of around half of it.

But Jace… well it was obvious that Jace knew what every little whimper meant and referred to. And it was obvious that it was killing him inside. "Will he remember everything?" Jace asked through a tight voice, his face still stuffed into the heels of his hands.

"I'm not sure." Magnus wasn't even sure if Alec would wake up and remember who they were, or if his mind would be able to withstand the pressure of new memories. He wondered if Alec would exist as two people now with two different sets of memories. Alex and Alec were both different people and the same. While Alexander Maxwell had been a rush job, whoever had completed him had made sure that he had a background that could be verified. Documents, family, everything.

Magnus was curious to find out more, but not at the expense of the man who had nuzzled into the fabric of his pants and gripped his hand so tight it was though he were afraid that if he were to let go he would never return.

Stern words would need to be said and an investigation needed to be done and Lord knows what would happen once Alec's parents showed up.

No, Magnus found he didn't have the energy to think of that at the moment. He didn't have the energy to think much at all, be it as it was. The Chairman jumped onto the bed, spry and soft and gentle and sniffed at Alec's fingers. He started to purr the moment he recognized the scent, his soft head butting against the flesh of Alec's stomach and curling up by his hip, licking at the strip of skin that showed above his pants. Magnus smiled through his exhaustion, glancing over at Jace to see him lower himself to the floor, tilting his head back and letting it bang against the bed. He was out like a light.

Magnus lowered himself so that he was beside Alec, his arm curling over his waist and holding on tight. He kept his head level with Alec's own, his nose butting against his own for a moment before he allowed himself to sleep.

They all needed some sleep before they even began to think of the problems that were present.

XV.

Maryse had never liked the thought of her son dating a warlock, let alone a male warlock like Magnus Bane. She had had even less time to get used to the idea of Alexander being gay before he had dropped that bomb on them all. Actually it had been in the same day. Same second, if she really wanted to go there. It was a character flaw in her eldest, she used to think to herself, that he couldn't even muster up the courage to tell his parents what he was. He wasn't like Jace, always so outgoing and witty. He wasn't like Isabelle, either, excitable and loud. He was more like Max had been and there wasn't a day that Maryse had thought about how much the two of them would have turned out to be alike if only Max was still alive.

Maryse knew, in the back of her mind, that her and Robert had perhaps put too much onto his shoulders. Had asked too much of Alexander. But he was the eldest and it was in the nature of the eldest to do what was needed. But Alexander wasn't the solider they had expected – especially the soldier they had prayed for back when they were with Valentine. Alexander was too caring, too impressionable. He didn't take easy to others and instead of joining in with the other children in Idris he had chosen to play by himself. She remembered Jocelyn bringing Jonathon by when he was baby to play with Alexander. But her darling boy, even then, hadn't liked the other child. Perhaps he could see the darkness in him even then, or perhaps Alexander had always been peculiar.

Either way, Maryse had never been a fan of Magnus Bane. She was even less of a fan of his relationship with her son. And once he had ended things she had wanted to go up to him, shake his hand, and say "good riddance". She wasn't like Robert and she knew there was no way that Alexander's… thing with Magnus had simply been a phase. No, their son was gay. He was not going to meet a nice girl and settle down and give them grandchildren.

Maryse had grown to accept that and she could still love her son even if what he was doing was considered wrong by the Clave. So long as he was happy and safe and loved.

But then he had gone missing and Maryse had felt as though her heart had been kicked out of her chest. She had already lost one son, Maryse feared what would happen to her if she were to lose another.

And now he was back. Safe in a more relative manner and Maryse didn't quite feel whole but she felt as though her heart was back into her chest. Seeing him was the only thing on her mind, and Isabelle had understood. Her beautiful daughter had brought her to Magnus Bane's apartment and lead her to the bedroom (and she wasn't going to focus on the fact that he was in the bedroom, for goodness sakes her son was alive and she could breathe again). He was curled into the warlock's side, his face turned to face the one of the immortal. Maryse wanted to kick and scream and tear Magnus Bane away from her precious baby but there was something in the hand Alexander had curled in Bane's shirt that kept her where she was.

There was a tenderness in their embrace, one that she had so rarely seen.

As much as Maryse hated to say it, Alexander had grown into himself when he was with Magnus Bane. He had become more confident and he had smiled more often. The sweaters of black and the plain jeans were still a norm but he had looked more like the boy she had dreamt of having as time went on.

Maybe her and Robert had put too much on him, when he was younger. Had told him too much that he needed to worry about Isabelle and Max and Jace and keep them safe. Perhaps he had forgotten how to keep himself safe.

Maybe she had been a terrible mother.

But not anymore.

No… not anymore.

She picked up a blanket that had been tossed over a chair and placed it over Jace's slumbering form, packing a pillow under his head and lying him down so that he wouldn't have a crick in his neck when he woke up. She told Isabelle to go to bed, and her daughter curled up in an armchair in the room and did so, her hand pillowing her head.

Maryse, herself, sat down on the opposite side of the bed, her fingers lightly trailing over the hair on Alexander's neck. She opened her mouth and sang softly, the French song coming so naturally to her now that she could do no more than place a gentle kiss to his forehead as the words caressed his skin.

She told herself not to cry, but still the tears came. She reached out a hand and ran it over his tense shoulders, pulling back and brushing her hand over the light black hair that curled over his ears. She should be angry with him, should be furious. But, in the back of her mind, she thought she could understand why he would do something like he had.

Alexander had always been one to not tell people when he hurt. He wouldn't speak up. No one would know. It was up to them all to read it themselves. And they had all been going through a lot, lately.

Maryse had been blinded by her grief over Max.

It wasn't an excuse to forget about her duty as a mother, though. No matter how much people would tell her that it was. She sighed softly against his cheek and sang a song and promised to love him through it all. After all, Alexander had been the one to wake her up to the problems of Valentine's crusade in the first place. Maryse figured she owed him for that.

If it meant accepting his… fixation with Magnus Bane then so be it.

XVI.

Magnus awoke to a numb hand and the feeling that his bedroom was a bit more cramped than it should be. He squinted open one of his eyes, his nose wrinkling at the feel of feather light hair brushing over his blips. He gently blew the locks out of the way, smoothing a hand down Alec's side and blinking his eyes until they adjusted. In the chair across from him was Isabelle, and on the floor at their feet was Jace and, from the smell of things, someone had ordered an early breakfast from Taki's. Or was it late? Magnus wasn't exactly sure.

But he was sure that he didn't want to move. His body hummed in comfort and relaxation that he hadn't felt in years and Alec was softly puffing breath against his neck. There was a blanket over them, and Magnus didn't remember putting it there, but his magic had done crazier things before.

As it was, his hand really was numb from the awkward angle it had bent, and his arm under Alec's body was getting close to the same feeling. He sighed and disentangled himself, sitting up even through the protest in his stiff body. He yawned and stretched his arms over his head. The light strew in through the window casted a shadow on floor and across Jace's body onto Alec's face. It was a beautiful sight, seeing the sparkle of his sun on his skin. He was radiant.

Magnus smiled softly and stroked his fingers over his soft cheek, Alec's soft sigh sounding as he shuffled closer to Magnus' warmth. His fever seemed to have broken overnight, and Magnus hoped the memories had stopped being painful some time ago. Either way, he was sure Alec would be dotted on for years to come after this stunt.

Speaking of this stunt… Magnus would have to have some serious words with the young Shadowhunter. He needed to know why Alec had done what he did. And he needed to know why he hadn't told any of them.

But that could all wait. Until Alec was awake.

"Good morning." The soft voice made him jump, even though Magnus knew someone else had been in the apartment the whole time. He hadn't sensed anything malicious so he had made no motion to move, too distracted by the beauty before him.

It never failed to shock him how much Maryse looked like her two remaining biological children. Mostly Isabelle. They had the same swooping dark hair, the same curves, the same facial structure, and the same nose. Alec looked most like his mother, but he had some of his father in him (in his bone structure, in his smirk, in his fighting).

"Morning." Magnus nodded appreciatively as she walked over and opened the curtains.

He almost wanted to yell at her to not touch a thing but that would mean waking up everyone else. Not that he cared about waking up Jace or Isabelle, but Alec needed the sleep.

"Tell me, High Warlock," She spoke as she fussed around the room, straightening things and brushing back Isabelle's mess of hair before she dropped her eyes back to him. Magnus could tell she tried to hold back a flinch when she saw her son curled so that his forehead brushed against his thigh, his hand curling over his knee. Magnus simply raised an eyebrow as Alec nuzzled closer. "What happened to my son? Was it your fault he left?"

He was insulted and, dare he say it, hurt. After all, who was the one that had hurt whom in their relationship and thrown what little bit of trust they had worked for away? But that wasn't fair, Magnus chastised himself, Alec had been afraid and Magnus had pushed and pulled and still held him at an arm's length. It had been both their faults, he told himself, not just Alec's. They would work on that. "I'd say that it was all of our faults that he left." In a way, it was. Alec had been falling apart and no one had noticed. Not his sister or parabatai or Magnus or his mother. No one had seen him crumbling.

"Isabelle said that a monster was involved."

"From what I gather it draws off memories." Magnus nodded.

"But it wasn't a demon."

"Not one that I've ever seen, no."

"Mnemosyne." Alec mumbled in his sleep, whimpering and curling closer and Magnus froze.

It couldn't be….

"Who?" Maryse stared at the two of them with wide eyes.

"She was a Titan."

"A Titan?"

"The Greek personification of memory."

XVII.

"What… would the Greek personification of memory want with… Alec?" Jace asked as though the answer evaded him. Well, the answer did evade him. The answer sort of evaded everyone. Clary and Simon had offered up some pointless answers, none of which could have even been true. Isabelle had been snarky and confused. And Magnus was convinced that Alec must have done something to get her attention.

They all turned to look at him once more and, still, Alec had no answer for them. He was wondering the same thing himself. But he still had a headache and his body hurt all over. The sitting room had changed in the two years Alec had been gone. Magnus had gotten a new couch, that Alec was currently curled into the arm of, leopard print and comfortable as hell. The rug was a black fluffy thing, but as soft of one of Isabelle's fuzzy sweaters. The coffee table was a dark brown with a leopard print table cloth and even if leopard print wasn't Alec's thing, it did look nice against the dark brown walls. It was a soft, dark room, and it helped that he didn't have to deal with bright, clashing, colors when his head was already threatening to pop off his shoulders and walk away.

"Alec?" He started at the hand on his shoulder, Magnus frowning down at him.

"Hmm?"

Magnus smiled crookedly. He looked different too, Alec noted absentmindedly. Not a bad kind of different, not really, but different nonetheless. They were subtle changes, such as the favoring of green eyeliner as opposed to black, the tips of his hair no longer red, but a dark, mustard yellow. There were less sparkles too, and he seemed more aware of his age. It was painful to think of, that Magnus felt how old he was. Alec always knew he had, but seeing it made Alec want to take him out dancing and help him feel young once more. And Alec hated dancing.

"Alec, darling?" Magnus squeezed his shoulder again, a small laugh passing through his lips, even though his eyes looked a tad worried. "Pay attention."

He felt properly chastised, his cheeks flaming in a blush when he noted Jace's raised eyebrow and Isabelle's smirk and Simon and Clary's knowing smiles. He didn't dare look at his mother, yet his eyes were still drawn to her, looking up at her from under his fringe. She didn't look affected in any way by his casual staring at Magnus. He figured that was a good sign. "Sorry." He muttered.

"We were just asking," Isabelle asked from her spot on the arm rest beside him, his head propped against her side and her hand on his head. "If you remember the first time you saw… Mnemosyne?"

Magnus nodded and the name sparked something inside of Alec. It was like a fire igniting in the pit of his stomach, its heat traveling upwards and licking at his throat so much so that he had to cough to dislodge it.

Magnus's hand tightened on his shoulder, traveling to rest on the back of his neck but it didn't quell the fire.

No, nothing did that until Magnus sat beside him, lacing their fingers together so that their palms were pressed against one another tightly. "You okay?" He asked softly, rubbing his thumb over his knuckle.

Alec nodded and took a deep, greedy breath. Maryse looked worried, and Jace and Clary traded a look. "I think… it was right after Max… died?" He narrowed his eyes and forced his throbbing brain to think back about it. "I was crossing the street from the Institute and… I saw something out of the corner of my eye." He shook his head, trying to ignore the feeling that was so familiar to him of eyes on his back. "It was gone as fast as I saw it." He shrugged uselessly and rubbed at his forehead with his free hand, shifting to lean more against Magnus as Isabelle stood up.

She came back into the room with a cup of water and he thanked her wordlessly when she handed it to him.

All he really wanted to do was go back to bed. His head felt weird and sometimes Alec would glance at things and see flashes of something else.

To be honest, he wasn't even completely sure that the conversation he was having with all of them wasn't just a memory itself.

XVIII.

Magnus was worried about Alec. That wasn't to say that the others weren't, but Magnus liked to think that he knew the younger man better than they thought and had learned to notice his tells. He was in pain, probably from his head, and to talk about Mnemosyne seemed to physically cause him harm. Slowly, Magnus could tell that the runes were started to come back, fading back onto his skin rather than off of it, and that must have been painful as well.

But, most of all, Magnus was worried about the faraway, unsure, look in Alexander's eyes. He wanted to ask him what was wrong but he wasn't sure if now was the right time. Now, in front of everyone. So he kept his mouth shut, and squeezed the clammy hand in his own. He tried to offer as much comfort and assurance as he could, through that gesture, even though he wasn't sure what he was comforting or assuring.

He bit as his lips and let Alec tug him closer. "You wrote down," He said through the worry, "That it seemed as though she was able to get closer with each time you saw her. You linked it to memory. That she was able to form more with each new memory you had of her."

"Because that makes perfect sense." Sammy (was that his name?) muttered.

Isabelle shot him a warning look and Clary hit him in the shin. He whined but shut up.

Which was good because if he wasn't going to Magnus was going to authorize Jace to cut out his voice box for all of their sakes. But that was rude and mean and Magnus wasn't that kind of warlock and Jace wasn't that kind of Shadowhunter. And they rarely got along. Unless it was about Alec, apparently. Then they both seemed to be concerned and willing to do whatever it took to make him safe. "It does, actually." Clary defended.

Alec didn't say a word, but leaned closer, his body shivering as though he were cold.

That was another concerning thing, his fever may have broken but his forehead was still unnaturally hot. It was as though something was trying to set him in fire from the inside out.

"Who is this Meme chick anyway?" Sammy seemed to not get the hint and asked again.

"Mnemosyne was a Titan. She's the mother of the nine muses." Alec muttered almost automatically. "She's the daughter of Gaia and Uranus. She guards a pool in the underworld, a counterpart to the Lethe."

"And the Lethe, is?" Jace shot Sammy a warning look, asking the question slowly and with caution.

"Dead souls," Alec swallowed and leaned more heavily onto Magnus, his body seemingly too heavy for himself to hold upright. "Drank from the Lethe to forget their past lives when reincarnated, reincarnates were encouraged, most of the time, to drink from her river."

The room was silent and Magnus' brain was working a mile a minute. Could that mean…? No… No it couldn't mean that. That was impossible. Purely impossible. "You know this…" Clary started, her voice skeptical. "How?"

Alec glanced up at her, his gaze uneasy and unfocused. "I'm… not sure."

"Did you drink anything?" Magnus asked in a rush, letting go of his hand and grabbing at his shoulders.

It was the first time Alec seemed to fully be with them, his blue eyes dulled but focusing clearly on Magnus's face. "What?" He asked in surprise.

"Do you remember drinking anything?" Magnus rephrased. "Before you first saw her."

"I-I don't know."

"Think Alexander!" He shook him a little. "This is important."

Magnus could see for himself. With a snap of his fingers he could see into Alec's memories and find out for himself.

But there was something… wrong about that and so Magnus didn't. He wouldn't without permission. "Yes! I-I think so, yeah." Alec snapped back at him, his hands slipping up to push Magnus's off him. "What does it matter?" His eyes looked confused but his face looked aggravated.

Maybe Magnus should have approached it a different way. But subtly was never his strong suit. "What was it?"

"I-I don't know!"

"Alexander!"

"Stop yelling at him, for the Angel's sake!" Isabelle yelled at him.

Alec's eyes flitted around the room, his hands shaking and his eyes blinking compulsively. He was nervous. He was scared. He was out of his element and Magnus knew he wasn't helping but he needed to know. They needed to know.

"Water!" He finally answered.

"And what did you drink to get rid of your memory?" He demanded.

"Oh." Clary let out a noise of astonishment, leaning down to whisper her conclusion to Jace.

"What?!" Jace yelped at whatever she had told him, looking at Alec with wide eyes.

In fact they all were. Doubtlessly were they helping his situation, but Magnus doubted that they cared. "I-I don't know!" Magnus made to shake him again but Alec hit down his hands in frustration. "It was in-in your book!"

"Which book?!" Magnus asked frantically. "This is very important, darling, what book?" He asked softer, gentler.

Alec seemed to deflate, sinking back down into the cushions and pulling the blanket he had draped over his shoulders tighter around himself, covering his mouth with his blanket covered fists. "The... white one?"

"The White Book?" Clary asked in shock.

"You could read it?" Magnus questioned at the same time, his voice one of amazement.

"Only parts."

"And you made it?"

"No." Alec shook his head, looking down at his sock covered feet and curling into himself. "You did."

XIX.

The room was deathly silent before Maryse rounded on Magnus. Her eyes were blazing with anger and her words were like venom shooting from her mouth. Magnus was pretty sure that if her kids weren't in the room she would have killed him, Accords be damned. "You!" She pointed her finger. "You did this to my son!"

"I didn't…." Because he didn't. He couldn't have. He would have remembered. And never would he have allowed Alec to erase his whole memory. No that was too dangerous. Magnus would have had to sit down and shift through every memory Alec had and erase a single point. Just like he had to do with Clary. It was a lot more difficult than simply having Alec drink something.

It didn't matter, though, Jace had already grabbed hold of her seraph blade and Isabelle's whip was descending into her hand. Who would have thought they would believe that Magnus would do something like that so easily. He was insulted (and a little bit hurt, if he was to go there.).

"I don't think he made it for me, mom." Alec insisted, speaking up in the chaos.

"Who else would he have made it for?" Isabelle asked, her voice cold as winter and her tone clearly letting it be known that she didn't believe a single thing Alec was saying.

"Himself." The statement shocked the room into silence once more. Magnus felt his breath rush out of him and he fell back down against the couch.

Alec had… drank that?

That?

It was for emergencies only. And how did he even find it? "I was panicking and she was getting closer." Alec explained through the deafening silence. "I didn't know where else to go so I came here. And Magnus wasn't home so I thought I'd… I don't know look for something myself? He wasn't talking to me either so I didn't want to risk asking for help." Alec mumbled the last part to himself.

"I would have helped you." Magnus never realized the repercussions his actions would have had on Alec. In trying to get over him he had pushed Alec very far away. And as far as Magnus knew, he was the only one that Alec trusted to make him feel safe.

Alec didn't dignify a response, his glance and answering frown the only sign that he gave to indicate he had heard what Magnus had said. "I found the book in the kitchen of all places and I could read parts of it and one of them was this… potion to protect you from your memories?" Magnus nodded. Yes. That sounded about right. "I-I was going to bring it to a different warlock but then I saw that you had some vials so I took one just in case and-"

"You just took one?" Maryse demanded of her child, outrage clear in her voice. "You know better than that Alexander!"

"I was terrified, mom!" His voice held a painful desperation and Magnus closed his eyes against the pull in his chest. "I-I didn't know what else to do! The rune didn't work." His voice broke and, with a fearful glance, Magnus noted the tears in his eyes as they clouded over. He was exhausted. He was hurt. He was scared. And Magnus was sure he just wanted to forget all of this and have things go back to normal.

Alexander Lightwood liked to live in the shadows.

And this thing had grown a fascination of him and was haunting him when he didn't want it. He didn't want to know about his past lives and he certainly didn't want to die to be reincarnated again. Magnus could understand that. He held out his hand, palm up and waited for Alec to place his own in his. When he did he was no better, still shaking and still scared. A tear dripped down his cheek and he wiped it away with an angry fist.

The room may not have been silent, but Magnus pulled Alec close, kissing the back of his hand and making sure he knew he wasn't alone. "I'm just so tired." He mumbled into Magnus's shirt.

It was only too bad that things had to go to shit.

XX.

Clary was the first one to pass out, Jace rushing to her side as she slumped down towards the floor. Simon (that was his name!) had his hands on her arms, lowering her so that she wouldn't hurt herself. Her face was pale and her orange hair was strewn around herself like a halo.

Next was Isabelle, who had been standing in a mix of defensive and shock at her brother's outburst. Magnus had been looking at her when she lost consciousness, her eyes rolling up into the back of her head and her body falling forwards onto the couch. Alec had shouted for her and Simon had been there in a heartbeat.

Before he, himself, tilted forward and didn't wake up.

Maryse had, luckily been sitting down when it happened to her, and Magnus felt entirely too bad for Clary when Jace leaned on top of her legs.

"What's going on?" Alec slurred and Magnus shook his head, telling his eyes to stay open, no matter how much they wanted to close.

"Don't…" He swallowed. "Just stay awake."

"M'tired."

"I know." Magnus stood up to shake off the feeling. He was the High Warlock of Brooklyn. He wasn't going to pass out because that's what some Titan wanted him to do. She would have to try a lot harder than that to get to him. "Talk to me, Alec." He demanded, pulling Alec to his feet and making him drop the blanket. He was in a pair of Magnus's pajama pants, red and white to match the maroon of his shirt.

"The color scheme you have going on here is very impressive." He sounded tired when he said it but Alec looked more awake.

Magnus managed a small smile. "Tell me about Alex."

"I'm… Alex?" He said with a yawn, an eyebrow raised as Sebastian dragged him to the kitchen.

"Yes."

"Alex was an only child from England."

"How'd you make him?"

"Magic." He wiggled his fingers with a goofy smile before shrugging. "I wrote it all down and had it all created, just in case, you know?"

Yes, just in case. Alec had done a lot, just in case. Magnus was sure there was more to it than, just in case. "Don't lie to me, Alec, please."

Alec looked down and studied the floor beneath his feet for a long moment. Magnus could feel the pull on him again when Alec started speaking once more. "I…."He swallowed. "I thought about running away before." He mumbled. "And I… created Alex in case I… felt like I needed to."

"Why would you have felt like that?" Magnus asked even though he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

Alec shrugged uselessly. "Max is dead. Mom and Dad don't look at me like the same, Izzy has Simon, and Jace has Clary." He bit at his lip and refused to meet Magnus's eyes. "I wasn't planning on actually using it, not until I had no other choice. But… in case… it was an option." He finished so softly Magnus couldn't be sure if he had even heard him.

They stood in silence for a long moment, Alec's arms crossed over his chest and his bangs falling into his eyes, blocking them from view. Magnus, himself, felt a dimming to his senses, and he watched as Alec slightly swayed on his feet. "Keep talking." He grabbed Alec's wrist to tug him closer, sitting on the stool and Alec standing between his legs.

"Alex… his parents died in a car accident." Alec swallowed. "He was from England – Cardiff – and…." He dangerously swayed forwards, his forehead pressed against Magnus's shoulder. "He came to the states to study Law…."

His words drifted off into soft breathing. If Magnus hadn't expected the full weight of him he would have dropped him. As it was, Alec's feet slid out from under him and Magnus clanged off the stool, hitting the floor with a bang. "Don't you dare, Alexander." He mumbled into Alec's ear. But he knew it was too late. He was the only one left to square off against a Titan.

And she was a scary one, at that. Her form was big and bulky and black. She had no eyes, her mouth a large red crevice of emptiness. Her hands were like claws, and she reached out towards him.

You can't save him from fate, Warlock. She warned him, her voice holding a slight tint of humor. She was enjoying herself. Magnus flushed in anger. No one threatened him. Or those he cared about. Or… you do know how you could save him. But do you love him enough for that?

XXI.

Magnus had felt fear before. He knew how it could be all encompassing and he knew how it could hurt. He had felt fear for himself and fear for those around him. Fear could kill someone, and fear could ruin someone's life. But Magnus had never felt a fear quite like this one.

A fear that was dulled because he had decided what he would do. Mnemosyne leveled him with a look from the pits of her eyeless sockets. She sure wasn't a looker, at least Magnus could say that. You'll do it?

"If that's what it takes." Magnus said even though his heart was pounding. He shifted Alec so that he was sprawled across the floor (at least he had just cleaned it so he wasn't breathing in too much cat fur down there), standing to his full height.

You know what you'll be giving up. She advised. He is mine. And so shall you be. She sounded entertained. It was enough to make Magnus want to send her away without what she wanted. But she would only be back. And she would only make sure to take Alec right from under his feet without warning.

And if these two years had taught Magnus anything, it was that he wasn't ready to give up Alexander Lightwood's particular brand of addiction quite yet.

"I understand, Titan." His voice was grim but powerful.

He was the High Warlock of Brooklyn. It wouldn't do for him to show his apprehension around a figure such as Mnemosyne.

Come then, child. He walked forward, his feet padding against the floor. Magnus knew Alec would be furious at him for what he was doing. He knew no one would look at him the same. Giving up this? For an Shadowhunter? For one that was average, at best, in almost everyone's eyes.

But they didn't know Alexander like he did. They didn't see his smile. They didn't feel the fierceness of his love. And if it meant that Magnus had to give up something that was once so precious to him to keep something that was more precious than he would. He would give up anything for Alexander in a heartbeat.

Perhaps that was why he had been mad at Alexander in the first place. Because he knew that he would. Magnus knew he would give Alec anything he wanted if he asked for it. He would have handed his immortality over on a silver platter in Alec had asked him to give it up. But, Magnus was coming to understand, that there were some questions that didn't need to be asked. Sometimes people just did things because they loved someone. Sometimes they didn't need an excuse other than that. Most of the time, that was a good enough reason.

Mnemosyne placed a scaly hand atop his chest and she pushed downwards. Being held by someone like her wasn't like being held by a demon (which was dark and painful and terrible and disgusting). Rather Mnemosyne's grip was soft and caressing and painful. Magnus closed his eyes against the sensation, hearing a stir behind him.

"Magnus?" Alec asked breathlessly, worry and terror in his voice. "Leave him alone!" Magnus heard him scramble to his feet, or try to at least.

It seemed his feet weren't working.

Love is a funny thing. Mnemosyne murmured. Don't worry. You'll have many lifetimes together.

Magnus gasped at the feeling as she withdrew her hand. It was like a string was being pulled from his soul, unraveling and tearing it up his body. She wrapped a portion of it around her finger and tugged, and the string snapped. With it Magnus fell backwards. Alec scrambled towards him, his hands shaking and his runes back covering his body. He was swearing, and crying and Magnus had never seen anything more beautiful in his life.

He knew angels existed, but he had never seen one. Not the way Clary or Jace had.

But looking at Alec with his blue eyes glittering and his black runes covering his body in swirls of ink, Magnus was sure he was looking into the face of his own personal angel, sent down from Heaven to make sure he did this. At this very moment.

"Magnus?" Alec whimpered, petting his forehead. "Please don't leave me."

Magnus simply smiled and the world faded away, the last thing his eyes saw were blue crystals, and the last thing he felt was a ghost like kiss upon his lips, sending a shockwave into his body to stop his heart.

XXII.

Alec couldn't breathe. "Magnus?" The other man didn't answer, his eyes were shut and his chest no longer moved with breaths. For all intents and purposes Alec knew what that meant. That didn't mean that he had to acknowledge it.

The being was gone, vanished into thin air and the kitchen felt cold as ice. He heard a pathetic meow and the Chairman butted his head against Magnus's still hand. The room echoed in silence and Alec wasn't even sure if that could be possible. The only thing he could hear was the sound of his own heart falling to the floor and shattering. "Magnus, wake up." It was a stupid thing to beg for.

He was Shadowhunter. People died all the time. Alec expected death, he didn't fear it. But Magnus was immortal. He wasn't supposed to die.

And certainly not like that.

Magnus was supposed to be the one constant in the world. The thing that would never disappear. He was supposed to always be there. But now… he was gone. It didn't even make sense. "Alec!" It was Isabelle, skidding to the floor beside him. "You're okay!" She launched herself at him, holding him tight in her arms. But Alec didn't want her. He didn't feel okay. He felt as though he were dying himself. "Jace!" She yelled and the blonde boy was in the doorway already.

"Shit." He swore softly and Alec hadn't noticed that he had draped himself over Magnus's body until Jace pulled him off. His arm was braced across his chest, holding him tight. Alec fought him, but he couldn't really see. His vision was dangerously blurred and he knew he was still calling out for Magnus even though he couldn't hear himself.

His mother was on the floor next to him, her stele in her hand glowing bright as she drew rune after rune over his paled skin.

Nothing seemed to be working.

Clary stood in the doorway, her hand over her mouth and Simon's arm around her shoulders. Isabelle was trying to talk to him and Jace wasn't trying to say a thing, his mouth in a hard line and his arms tight even though they were gentle at the same time. Sympathy, that's what they were giving him. He didn't want sympathy. He wanted Magnus.

The Chairman laid next to Magnus's prone body, his head rested atop his owner's stomach, his paws kneeding at the fabric of his shirt.

Still Magnus didn't move.

"He's… dead." Maryse sounded shocked and at a loss for words.

But Alec simply slumped against his brother and realized he was crying. Crying like the fool he was. He had done this. He had destroyed the greatest thing that would ever enter into his life.

This was all his fault.

Jace let up at the words, and Alec fell forward, his hand clutching Magnus's as though that would bring him back. It didn't.

And he laid his head atop his shoulder and cried into his shirt and imagined Magnus's hand twitching in his own and imagined his eyes flying open with a gasp of breath. He imagined all of that, though. "I'm so sorry, Alec." His mother rested her hand on his back but he wanted to tell her to go away and to leave him alone.

He must have managed something because she jerked back as though insulted. "This is my fault." He cried into Magnus's sweater. "I'm so sorry." He felt a hand on his back and he knew without looking it was Jace. Jace lying so that his head rested against his back and his arms hugged him around his waist. It wasn't what he wanted. But it was good enough for now. It could hold him together for now.

Isabelle ran a hand through his hair. His mother stood up, her heels clicking on the floor and a sigh passing through her lips. "I should inform the Clave." She looked down at them as Alec cried. Soft, ugly, secret sobs. She had lost one son, surly she knew the pain he was feeling. Surly what he was feeling wasn't as great as the pain she felt with the loss of Max.

Then again, he had lost two people now. His brother and his lover. Even if she didn't fully approve of Magnus Bane, her son had loved him. "And your father."

Isabelle shot her a look; one that clearly showed her how much she cared about Maryse informing her father of anything. Maryse felt shut out, and there was a part of her that felt disgusted at her son's crying over Magnus Bane. A part of her that wanted to grab him by his shirt and pull him off the other man and tell him to stop crying and grow up. She bit her tongue and walked out of the room, instead, though.

The apartment was silent except for the sounds of shuddering breaths and whimpered apologies.

Until a loud gasp echoed through the space.

XXIII.

Magnus woke to the feeling of too much weight on his chest. It was difficult to breathe and his heart seemed to be racing ten miles a minute. His shoulder was wet and Chairman Meow's claws dug into his chest. His eyes could barely make out anything for a moment, crossed lines flying in front of his gaze until they settled into a full picture. It was like he had been watching a hand draw a landscape. But then he could see, and the weight lifted up and Isabelle was laughing delightedly and even Jace was smiling (and Jace hated him why was he smiling).

But then he saw Alec. Alec whose face was covered in red lines from tears and the blue eyes were rimmed in pink puffs of skin. His lips were terribly chapped and there was a look of amazement. "Darling, why are you crying?" He rasped out and he barely had a moment to catch his breath before Alec's arms were around him tight. He pulled his own around Alec's waist, sitting up so that his back was no longer against the uncomfortable kitchen floor. He pressed his face into Alec's hair and breathed.

He was safe.

"You bastard, I thought you died." Alec cried into his neck and all this crying. For him? Magnus couldn't help the laugh of incredulousness.

"You can't get rid of me that easily, Alexander." He hugged him tight. "I still have a life left in me."

"You're like a cat," Jace chuckled, thought Magnus could hear the relief. "Nine lives."

"One now." Magnus just hugged Alec tighter as he shuddered.

Magnus had been running from death for over eight hundred years now. It was time he stopped running and started preparing.

Love is a funny thing.

Magnus waved down a cab, climbing inside through the pouring rain that beat against the top. He smiled at the driver, making sure to tell him the street was going to. The New York District Attorney's office was his destination for the day, and he held the envelope full of their secrets close to his chest. He needed to have some words with the District Attorney and no one was going to get in his way, if he had any say about it.

The cab pulled up against what Magnus was sure was supposed to be an impressive building. He made sure to pay him handsomely for the ride, shouldering his way through the doors and walking with a purpose towards the office. The secretary, a contrite looking Isabelle as the block name tag declared her, informing him that the District Attorney was busy.

Well so be it. Magnus had all the time in the world, literally, and he would wait if he had to.

He sat back in his seat and crossed his ankles, smiling at her over the rim of one of the magazines they had left out. She rolled her eyes and went back to typing away at her computer, though Magnus was sure he saw her smile just a bit.

She was a pretty girl, not really his type, but pretty nonetheless. She had a curious tattoo on her wrist, the coil of a silver snake. Magnus almost asked her about it.

But then he walked in.

Beauty personified and Magnus felt his breath whoosh right out of his lungs.

He had blue eyes and black hair and he carried a brief case like it was no one's business. "Afternoon, Izzy." His voice was like honey.

"Afternoon, Alec." She replied.

Alec.

Magnus wasn't one to believe in love at first sight, but he would be lying if he didn't say that he was intrigued.

XXIV.

Don't worry.

Alec had met the elusive Magnus Bane a total of three times in his life. Once he hadn't even known it was him, but Alec had been searching for him. Magnus was his first case, and the first one to get away. Alec was good at his job; he was good at being a detective and even though his partner, Jace Wayland, got the most praise, there was no way he would be able to get the job done if he weren't for Alec.

"Hey!" Jace tossed a file at him, Alec barely having time to catch it before it wacked him in the face. "We've got a case." Jace smiled an evil smile at him, all teeth and glinting eyes before sitting down at his desk across from Alec's own.

"A museum heist?" Alec asked, scanning over the pages.

"Yeah." Jace took a big bite from his sandwich, spraying lettuce over his desk. "That's what the Captain had Boston PD send over."

In the file was a picture. Alec, despite himself, felt his heart jump a bit at the face smirking up at him. Golden eyes and black hair that glinted from the silver hiding within it. For a thief, he sure was stunning.

Magnus had been cocky even then, winking at him from the opposite side of the bar and laughing when Alec's cheeks deepened into a dark red blush. Alec had chosen to ignore him, instead staring down at his glass of whiskey and waiting for Jace to finish flirting with the bartender so he could get out of there.

The second time he met Magnus he knew who Magnus was. Magnus had actually just stolen a painting, and Alec was just a little bit impressed with the other man's skills, if he were to be honest.

The third time he met Magnus was the time he arrested him. It was the also the same day that Alec's first child abuse case victim died. He may or may not have punched Magnus because of his untimely flirting, he also may have kissed him.

You'll have many lifetimes together.

Magnus had been dreaming of a trip to England for a long time. He couldn't wait to see London, and he couldn't wait to see the tall, swooping towers of the school they were visiting for the year. It was obvious why he was picked to go along on the trip; Magnus was the best student the Institute had to offer. Clary Fray sat beside him on the plane ride over, her nervous bubbling entertainment where Ragnor wouldn't have been. Instead, his best friend was fated to sit beside Simon, a nerdish boy that had a good heart that Magnus didn't care much for.

Magnus was star struck when he got there, anyway. On the outside the place looked old, like a castle from a fairytale. On the inside it was marble and stone and moving staircases. He used to dream of staircases like that. The knights who rounded the walls Magnus knew could come to life with the right words. This was where the last battle in the war had taken place.

It didn't look like it, but there was a plaque on the wall dedicated in the memory of each person to have lost their lives there.

When they were called into the Great Hall, Magnus shared a look of excitement with Ragnor and gave Clary a tiny nudge forward to get her to start walking.

The night sky was above them, stars sparkling over their heads and candles floating over tables. Students, young and old, turned to watch them. They greeted the Headmistress with polite nods and were gestured to find seats. They fell onto the benches of the table with the students in yellow and black and Magnus smiled at anyone who was daring enough to look in his eyes.

He knew they stood out, it wasn't everyday people from even the magical world met someone like him with eyes as distinctly not human as his were. He scanned the faces of the people surrounding him, his eyes locking with blue. The prettiest blue Magnus had ever seen in his life.

But the other boy looked away almost as quick as he had looked in the first place, a blush covering his cheeks.

Magnus couldn't help the wink he sent his way when he shyly looked up again. He laughed when the boy choked on the water he was drinking, his cheeks rose red and quickly looked away.

England was sure going to be fun.

"… I would die to make you mine
Bleed me dry each and every time
I don't mind, no I don't mind it
I would come back 1000 times."

A: N - The last three bits DO allude to future stories I'm planning on writing, just to let everyone know. Ignore the small Harry Potter crossover, if you do so please. Adios amigos! Thanks for reading!