A/N: Hey all! So this is my first crack at Hunger Games fanfiction. I never felt I could handle characters that meant this much to me in a good way, but I'm really happy how this turned out! I imagine this story be between 5-7 chapters of just moments I loved and imagined. Each chapter will switch between Katniss or Peeta's POV. I hope you all like it and please leave feedback and even ideas of what you may want to see!

Disclaimer: As much as I wish I created these characters, Suzanne Collins is getting the paycheck


He came back on the first day of spring. Katniss couldn't help the pang of fear sided with a tinge of excitement when she first saw him outside her living room window. She was biting into an apple that Sae forced into her hands, on her way to the kitchen for breakfast when she glanced outside. The apple fell from her hand as she stared at his wide frame hunched over on the ground in her bushes. His blonde curls were matted together with sweat, a look of determination furrowing his brows together. Peeta Mellark was in her bushes doing lord knows what. Hell, forget the bushes.

Peeta Mellark was back in District 12.

Katniss did not know what to feel: she was definitely afraid of the kid, her neck instantly feeling the tightness of his strong hands crushing the air from her lungs. But it was him and she could never go without a feeling of content and…excitement when he was around. She felt the haze of desolation and nothingness lift slightly at the sight of him leaning back on his knees and wiping sweat from his forehead.

"You should go say hello to the boy." The sound of Greasy Sae's gruff yet gentle voice startled Katniss to the point of jumping from the window. "You've been staring at him for a good five minutes, child. He isn't some stranger." Katniss simply looked at Sae as if she had lost her mind. She had no idea what Peeta went through back in the Capitol, the hijacking and wiping of his beautiful memories. How they turned him into a killing machine; a monster. How they made him hate her. No, the Peeta she knew was gone. The boy outside her window was a stranger. But, Katniss felt her head nod and her feet start for the door. The warm spring air washed over her skin as the sun pinched at her eyes. The air was fresh and new unlike the staleness that radiated throughout her house. Katniss did not realize how much she had missed the freshness of the outdoors and the newness of life.

"You're back." Her voice came out weak and frail, just about right for the Katniss of today. His blue eyes are more piercing than ever, the life pumped back into them after months of therapy and hard work. She felt a heart flutter at the thought of how much healthier he looked then ran a hand through her mangled uneven mane at how insane she knew she looked.

"Finally." He said with a small smirk. "Dr. Aurelius didn't think I was stable enough to be alone until a few days ago."

"Why…why did you come back here?" She really was curious. The place they once called home was barely that these days. The district had gone up in flames shortly after the Quarter Quell had ended, balls of fire from the bombs destroying the only place they had ever felt safe. Besides all that, she was here, and he hated her.

"What do you mean why? Everything I have is here." He looked at her again, his eyes piercing her soul and she suddenly felt uncomfortable, borderline unsafe.

"What are you planting?"

"Oh. I, uh, I found these in the woods. I thought it would be nice to plant them here. You know, for her." Katniss inspected the bush again and instantly recognized the blooming flowers. Primrose.

Katniss ran back into the house and to her room, the door slamming behind her shaking her to her core. Even when hijacked by the Capitol, that boy's inherent kindness was still so much a part of him. The pit in her soul deepened at the thought of Prim; sweet, pure, beautiful Prim. Katniss was too often reminded that her soul, her light and her reason to survive all those games and battles in a war were for that sweet tiny girl with the long blonde pigtails and hopeful smile. She was too often wondering why air still pumped through her lungs. She didn't want to live anymore, but she had to. It would be a waste to not. Good ol' Katniss Everdeen; always living as to not let other people down.

A few days later he was at her door, knocking this time. He had a fresh loaf of bread in his hands and an unsure look on his face.

"I hope you don't mind that…that I brought this." Peeta was shaking with nervousness and Katniss couldn't help but smirk lightly. "You just look so…so thin and I thought that maybe you would like…you know…some bread?"

"Thank you, Peeta." The familiar roll of his name off her lips made them tingle slightly. She had forgotten how much she enjoyed the syllables of his name matched with her voice. She had missed him. She stepped away from the door to give him room to enter the house. She noticed his nose scrunch slightly at the smell of the house. She quickly opened a few windows as he sat the bread on the table.

"How have you been?" She asked him keeping the distance between them. She was still unsure of how much she could trust the boy she once knew. Who knows how long it will be before the unwarranted feeling of his hands on her throat would vanish at the sight of him.

"Alright, I guess. Substantially better than the last time you saw me. It was…it was good, working with Dr. Aurelius. He really helped me a lot, Katniss. He wants you to call him, you know. He can't help you if you don't answer the phone." She rolled her eyes but deep down knew Peeta was right. She just couldn't allow herself to let the Capitol offer her anything, even if it could possibly make her a more functioning human being. Or something like that.

"Maybe I'll call him tomorrow." He narrowed his eyes at her and she was surprised at the familiarity of the gaze. Peeta would always narrow his eyes at her when he suspected her of lying to him. Her mouth fell open slightly and she took a few steps toward him. This couldn't be happening. Peeta couldn't…there was no way her Peeta could be coming back to life, not after all that has happened.

"I can…I can be with you when you call. If you want." Katniss was still staring at him, still in awe at the small revelation. They both knew that she couldn't do this alone. She nodded.

"What kind of bread did you make?" She walked around the table and took the loaf in her hands pressing it to her nose slightly and taking in the scent. It smelled of cinnamon.

"Cinnamon raisin." She walked to the kitchen to grab a knife to slice the bread, her foreign desire for food coming back slightly. Peeta always baked the best bread and the warm comforting smell the loaf, and possibly even him, brought to the house was undeniable. He watched her intently as she sliced two thick pieces for the two of them. They ate quietly, the sounds of their full mouths dancing with the singing of the birds from outside the open windows. Katniss could not help but notice how calm she felt. She hadn't felt this at ease since…well, she couldn't remember when.

"Have you been out to woods recently?" Her shoulders tensed and a tightness ran across her temples. Well, it was nice while it lasted.

"Um...n—no."

"You should. The leaves on the trees are just starting to come back and the flowers are blooming. The game is probably more plentiful now that spring is here." His brow furrows are he squints his eyes at her as if he's trying to remember something and she shifts under his intense gaze. "You like to hunt…real or not real?" Ah, real or not real: the game they played while Peeta had joined their unit during the war. He had a hard time deciphering what memories the Capitol generated and what memories were actually real.

She nodded. "Real."

"Um…well, I could bring you another loaf later at dinnertime…if you want." His eyes were focused on his shoes and she allowed herself a wider smile this time since he could not see her.

"That…that would be nice, Peeta." Katniss added his name at the end to remind herself that he was really here and he really was better. And that little reminder was enough to make her think that maybe someday she could be, too.


Peeta spends most of his days at her house now, their time better spent ruined together than completely shattered apart. Peeta will come to her door each morning, fresh loaf in one hand and the pieces of his broken persona leaving a trail behind him to litter with hers. Most days are quiet: Peeta painting or baking, Katniss either staring at the free world from the windows or at his steady hands. They work on the book together, reminding themselves why they must push through the heartache and survive. The smiles mixed with the tearful memories mend them in more than one way. She can't bring herself to go into the woods quite yet, the reality of the freedom it will bring her still scaring her slightly. But she has Peeta to egg her on, to make her feel braver than she truly is. He doesn't realize that her nightmares were born there, that in that wide expanse of land that once brought her so much comfort and safety lies the faces of all those she let slip away.

"Katniss." The way he says her name, so soft and wonderful, makes her feel emotions she didn't think could exist within her anymore along with some very unfamiliar ones.

"Hmm?" She was washing the dishes from breakfast and she could feel his intense eyes on her.

"I want you to go into the woods today." Katniss felt the plate slip from her fingers and into the soap filled sink at the command.

"What?" She didn't want to face him, knowing his eyes would get her. They always had a way of exemplifying what his silky words wanted.

"I think you are ready. Honestly! I just…I think getting out the house could be good." She swallowed hard and searched her frayed mind for an accurate response.

"I think you are wrong." Her voice was weak, per usual. Sometimes faint moments of attitude and strength would seep into her words. But only sometimes.

"I think you're underestimating yourself. You don't even have to hunt. Just…go." She finally turned, a feeling of uncertainty swimming inside her. Did he want to get rid of her that badly? Was her company that appalling that it was stunting his ability to get better? She thought they were getting better together, the smiles that made it onto her lips were actually genuine now and his eyes were becoming less and less cloudy. His questioning of what was real and not real lessoning. As if he could sense her reprehension he shook his head.

"I'm not trying to get rid of you."

"Seems like it."

"There is nothing I enjoy more than time with you, Katniss. But, I know that you need your woods. You need the fresh air and the wind in your braid. You need the quiet crunch of leaves under your boots and the feel of a tree on your back. I know that you're scared of what memories will haunt you out there, but you know better than anyone that you have to face the nightmares before you can start to cast them away." His arms found their way around his shoulders squeezing slightly. It was as if he was reminding himself just as much as he was reminding her. As usual, he was right. She could see it in his eyes, the cloudiness returning at the sight of her. She could see his mind fighting, trying to decipher if she was a mutt or the girl he once loved. But he always came back and that is only because he decided to face the source of his terrors rather than run from them.

"Alright."

"Alright?"

"Yes. I'll go." She wanted him to wrap his arms around her and hold her close like he used to do when she was frightened. Neither of them was ready for that.

"I'm glad." He smiled slightly and she couldn't help but reciprocate. She rummaged through her room for her old hunting gear, the sight of her father's old hunting jacket giving her a slight giddiness. Maybe she was ready for this. She slipped on her cargo pants and a green shirt then the jacket, grabbed her shoes and bounded back down the steps. Peeta watched as she laced up her boots, no words needing to be said.

"Be safe." He whispered as he walked her to the door. He followed her outside.

"You know…you can stay here while I'm gone. I don't mind." He shrugged his shoulders, which have grown broader over the last few weeks. The boy with the bread was quickly becoming a man.

"It's alright. I haven't been at my place much these days. I should go clean up a little. Maybe go visit Haymitch and make sure he has enough booze to last him until the next train." She frowned slightly.

"Be back for dinner?"

"Of course." They went their separate ways and as the distance between them grew, the tightness of anxiety entered her chest. She turned back to see his form walking away and all she wanted to do was to run back to him. They haven't been this far apart since he came back to twelve, and the feelings of loss and everything she ever cared about being snatched away overwhelmed her.

"Peeta!" She screamed. He stopped walking and faced her. The same look of despair was on his face, but he managed a smile.

"You'll be fine!" He yelled back and continued towards his house. If he believed in her, she had no reason to disobey.

Katniss took reluctant steps towards town, the soft earth lessoning the feeling of stress she couldn't seem to shake. The spring air was on the cusp of summer, the heat dampening slightly with the increased moisture in the air. Katniss was stunned by how much the demolished town had grown since people had begun to trickle back in. She had been too preoccupied with her own demons to venture into town much, and she was sad about it. A few shops had sprouted up in the square, a full-fledged market now rested where the ashes of the old Hob once lay. Greasy Sae and Thom were conversing when they saw her walking around aimlessly. They greeted her with wide smiles and approval.

"Good to see you back on your feet, Ms. Everdeen." Thom said to her as she walked by. Katniss nodded slightly then continued out the square and on the familiar path to the gate. She watched the gate suspiciously for a few moments, unsure what to do. The electricity was off for good, but there was a new door that rested over her old crawling space. Part of her craved to dig a new hole simply for the familiarity of it, but that was useless energy to be wasted. She slid the door and entered her former safe haven. Her feet followed her old path, her mind immediately at ease. It seemed like seconds had passed when she was at the old log where her father's bow and arrows were stashed. She sat on the log and took a deep breath of the fresh forest air. It was as if Katniss was waiting for someone to meet her, someone with quiet steps that always seemed to sneak up on her.

Gale.

But she knew better. She knew he was not coming today, or ever for that matter. That tall boy with the dark hair and identical grey Seam eyes; the boy whom she called her best friend and her safe haven was lost to her. It wasn't even so much that he could have played a heavy hand in the plan that took her sweet sisters life; it was more than that. It was the fact that he was everything she was. He was gasoline to fuel her fire, the wind that stretched her path of terror farther than it ever needed to go. Too many things have happened in the course of their friendship for things to remain the same. Katniss was slowly realizing that trying to survive on the heat of hate and broken emotions was not healthy. It was more destructive than anything.

As the fresh free air of her woods pumped through her lungs, Katniss wondered how she ever thought she wasn't ready for this moment. If anything, she was straining herself by not coming sooner. It was evident that her body was no longer accustomed to the physicality of traveling the forest (her breathing growing rapid as she pulled herself into a tree) but it just made her more eager to spend more time getting back to how things used to be. Her woods seemed to stretch for miles and it was the only uncertain thing that made her feel at ease. She loved the idea of getting lost forever in the trees and grass. The image of Peeta sitting next to her in the tree, his body shaking from fear of falling brought a wide smile to her lips. He would like it out here if he could just get over his fears and appreciate the beauty. Her smile left her quickly at the sudden loneliness overtaking her. She wanted not only Peeta, but her sister and Gale and Finnick and ever her mother. Being surrounded by all this serenity and beauty was beginning to tear at her. Her heart was pounding inside her chest and threatening to escape. Her hands pressed to her ears to squeeze the inevitable sounds of their agonizing screams and her teeth were pressed so tightly together that she could feel the enamel wearing away. But the screams never came and eventually, her heart rate slowed. It was all in her mind, a terror that she felt was necessary to create. Her woods were too perfect it seemed; too perfect for someone as broken and fucked up like her. She was undeserving of its wonder, always had been.

Katniss shimmied from the tree she was in and began to walk back to town. She felt stronger, more confident in herself. There was a lightness on her heart at her discovery: regardless of what she felt she did or did not deserve, it was still hers. This was her forest and it will always belong to her. It will always bring her peace even when she feels she cannot handle it. She did not deserve the love of those the Capitol took from her, but she could not change the fact that she had their love. Their love changed her, made her strong and brave and she was grateful for that. She passed a bush of fresh Primrose at the height of its bloom and she picked a stem from its home. She hummed lightly as she weaved the flower into her messy braid. The sun was beginning to leave the sky when she walked past the arch to the Victors Village. The lights were on in her house and she knew Peeta was inside making something for them to share for dinner. When she walked through the door he was sitting on the couch, his hair visibly messy from his hands running through them nervously. She could smell a vegetable stew going in the kitchen and her mouth began to water at her forgotten hunger. Peeta stood up and studied her, unsure how to decipher the girl in front of him. Was she broken or slightly renewed? He was worried about her, had been all day, and that made an unfamiliar flutter in the pit of her stomach surface. Without thinking, she walked to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He stood stunned, arms plastered to his sides and muscles rigid.

"Thank you, Peeta." She whispered into his shoulder. His muscles instantly relaxed and his arms rose to envelop her in such a familiar and desired warmth that she felt herself shudder. One of his hands found the Primrose in her hair and played with the petals gently.

"I missed you today."

"I missed you, too." Katniss wasn't one for words, but she was anxious to tell him about her experience in the woods. She might even tell him that he was right. Maybe.


The first time it happens in front of her, she was paralyzed with fear. It was an unseasonably hot day for the first few days of summer. No matter how many windows they opened or fans they turned on, the heat still hung on the walls. Their shirts had no choice but to hang to their sweat covered skin. The heat didn't bother Katniss much; she enjoyed it in comparison to the bitter cold. Heat made her want to be productive in comparison to the depression inducing cold. Peeta on the other hand hated it. He was constantly pulling at his shirt and running to his house to change only to soil his fresh shirt the moment he reentered her house. He sat in front of the fan in the living room, eyes closed and brow tight from frustration. He couldn't bring himself to bake or even lift his paintbrush to the canvas. It was that hot.

Katniss didn't think anything of it when she left the house to hunt that day, though. She simply squeezed his shoulder on her way out into the scorching heat, her sweaty feet screaming at the soles of her leather boots. She took it easy that day, taking her time walking through the square to buy a few oranges and bottles of water. She felt oddly friendly today at the prospect of summer. She managed to hold a few conversations with the people in town even patted the heads of the few kids running around jumping into the new fountain at the center of the square. Her woods were quiet today, the soft breeze rustling through the trees. This was heatstroke weather, so she set up a few snares and nestled into a tree. The mockingjay's were flying from tree to tree above her and she whistled a few notes for them to mimic while she peeled her oranges. She wondered if this calmness running inside her could be what some would call happiness. But she didn't dwell on that idea too much. The sweet voices of the mockingjay's lulled her to sleep and when her eyes flew open, the sun was making a it's quick descent from the sky. She jumped from the tree quickly and grabbed two rabbits and two squirrels from her snares and ran back to town, the darkness and remarkably cooler air at her heels. She knew Peeta would be worried and lo and behold there he was on the back patio staring at the road, hair mangled from his nervous habit of running his hands through it.

"Katniss! Thank god! I was so worried!" He panted to her as she jumped the fence to go in through the back.

"Nothing to be worried about." She mumbled to him. She didn't want to tell him that she had been carless and fell asleep. That for the first time in months she seemed to be happy to be alive enjoying the little things life could bring and allowed herself to get carelessly carried away. She no longer felt like talking.

"Katniss it was a good 100 degrees out there this afternoon! I thought…well, I don't know what I thought. Haymitch told me I was out of my mind but…he just…he doesn't understand how dangerous—"

"Peeta." She turned to face him and smiled lightly at his overbearingness. "I'm here. I am all right! And I managed to snare two rabbits along with your favorite squirrels, so I'd say this adventure wasn't in vain." She walked inside with Peeta not far behind.

"It got so late…"

"I know and I apologize for that. I lost track of the sun. It was just such a nice day, ya know? I didn't want to miss it." His face softened at this and that sweet crooked smile skated across his lips.

"I'm sorry. I'm ruining this for you, aren't I? You had such a good day and here I go taking it away from you."

"Nonsense. Now, do me a favor and grab my skinning knife from the drawer?" Katniss slammed her game bag on the table, a habit Peeta couldn't stand but learned to deal with. She loved seeing his skittish jump at the sound of future dinner slamming on the wooden table. Katniss began to talk aimlessly as he went into the kitchen for her knife. Maybe she really was in the mood for talking after all.

"The sun was just so beautiful today, Peeta! I can't remember the last time I could look at the sky and appreciate how beautiful it is. How beautiful twelve is. Even after everything it's been through, it really is thriving. The summer is showing it so much. Oh and I talked to Delly in town today. She said she would be more than happy to cut your hair because we both agree that it's getting a little out of control. Peeta?" Her catches of the day were laid and organized on the table but the knife wasn't in her hands. Katniss looked up and that was when she saw him. She must have been so consumed in unpacking her bag and speaking that she missed the sound of the silverware drawer crashing to the ground, forks, knives and spoons splattered across the floor. Peeta was hunched over the counter; his hands grasping onto the countertop so hard his knuckles were white as snow, the blood completely drained. His eyes were squeezed so tightly that his entire face was covered in stressful wrinkles; his jaw clenched so much she thought the bone would burst through his skin. His muscles were rigid and he was heaving as if the air couldn't seem to get to his lungs fast enough.

"P-P-Peeta?" She repeated his name, the sound coming out of her in a squeak. Katniss had never seen one of his episodes and had no idea what to do. She was…she was afraid of him. A loud grunt came from his lips as his hands balled into fist and began to pound on the counter. Katniss was frozen in her seat, her mind creating the image of him stomping towards her and wrapping his hands around her throat, finishing the job this time. She watched in horror as he crumbled to the floor, his hands pulling at his hair violently as screams of terror escaped him.

"Make it stop! Make it stop! Go away! You aren't real!" He screamed to the hallucinations haunting him as he began to sob. He was so weak and helpless and all Katniss could do was watch. It felt like hours went by until his breathing finally slowed to a somewhat normal rate. His muscles began to slack and his hands slowly untangled themselves from his head taking a few clumps of hair with them. Sobs were still running through him, but they were slowing to a stop. He sat up against the cabinet behind him and took his head in his hands. His bright sapphire eyes were dark with fear. His iris's basically vanished when he met Katniss's face. It was as if he didn't realize she was here, that she had seen it all. He looked around as if he had no idea where he was.

"W-where am I? Katniss? How are you…Did I? Oh god, no…"

"Peeta w-wh—"Before she could say anything more he was on his feet and out the house. Katniss sat there, mouth agape and eyes wide, unsure how to process what she just witnessed. He rarely spoke about them, foolish of her to think his time in the capitol had cured them. He just seemed so…so normal since he got back. He never allowed the attention to draw on him for too long, simply brushing his struggles off with, "I'm handling it. The therapy helped. I have a method. I'm completely fine. How are you, Katniss?" Typical Peeta always worrying about everyone but himself. It was the one sick attribute they had in common the only difference being that Katniss was selfish and he wasn't. She never thought twice about if he was really doing all right, always eager to turn the conversation on her needs. It was always about her nightmares and how she couldn't seem to sleep and how she was so lonely without her family.

Peeta was lonely, too. He lost his entire family and life, too. He was just as broken as she, if not more. And what does she do after all the kindness and gentle words and warm embraces he has given her? She just sat there and watched like it was some weird television show that she couldn't seem to turn off. The 77th Annual Hunger Games featuring lonely hi-jacked Peeta Mellark and the demons the Capitol placed inside him. Katniss had never hated herself more than in this moment.

Katniss went into the kitchen and cleaned up the mess, leaving the skinning knife out so she could take care of the animals festering on her kitchen table. She skinned and gutted the game quickly, salting and freezing the two rabbits and one squirrel, leaving one out for dinner. She chopped up some carrots, broccoli and onions along with the squirrel and tossed them into a pot to stew. She waited for the stew to finish, placed a top on the pot and carried it with her out the door. She didn't know if she should knock on his door, giving him the option to lock her out. She noticed it was slightly ajar, so she kicked it open with her foot and walked inside. An audible gasp left her as she took in the home. Peeta's house was always warmer and homey-er than hers and Haymitch's. The simple fact that it was Peeta that was living in the space made it seem more like a home that just a few painted walls and furniture. But this house was a starkly different story. The furniture was tossed this way and that, pillows torn open with feathers littering the floor. Picture frames and books were tossed everywhere and the wallpaper had visible claw markings.

She made her way to the kitchen where Peeta was on his hands and knees sweeping up what looked to be broken glass. Another episode occurred before she got here which made her heart sink deeper into her chest. She placed the stew on the stovetop and bent down next to him. He refused to meet her eyes as she looked at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She said softly, a little more confidence was brought back to her after her obvious weakness before. He simply continued sweeping.

"It wasn't your concern." The heat of anger swept over her cheeks and down her spine at those words. How dare he? This was completely her business. She shook her head at her anger towards him. It was selfish of her to turn this around and once again make his pain about her.

"What? Peeta, how could you say that? How could you continuously take on all my baggage and not let me take on yours?"

"Because you were getting better and I already had my chance to get better. All of this—" He motioned to the destruction of his home "You don't need any of this to keep you from getting better."

"Oh, Peeta—"

"Don't! Don't do that!" He slammed the dustpan on the ground and finally faced her. His face was white as a ghost from the back-to-back episodes. His eyes were tired and lifeless. "I had my chance to get better. I thought I was better. And seeing how my being around made you better, I thought I could be better, too. And in a way, I am. But the fact of the matter is, there is no hope for me. The Capitol took me and they ruined me. They destroyed me and there isn't enough therapy in the world to change that. My condition is permanent. But you? Katniss, you can appreciate everything we fought for. You have a chance for a normal life. You can have everything you want. Me? There is no hope for me."

Tears slipped from her eyes at these revelations coming from her dandelion. How could he not understand how important he was? How could the Boy with the Bread not realize that he is hope? And how could she not have realized how deep the Capitol's damage had cut?

"Peeta you are the reason I am doing better. How gentle you are with me even when I don't deserve it, how sweet and loving you are. How good you are. You remind me that there are still good things in this fucked up world. If you had never planted those flowers outside my house that day, I would still be locked in room, wasting away, filthy and unwilling to live.

"Ever since that night when you threw me that bread and when I saw you in the schoolyard and noticed the first dandelions of the spring sprouting at your feet, I knew. You are hope, Peeta Mellark. Without you there is no hope, there is no me, there is no future. There is a chance for you. So what if the Capitol says you can never get better, can never get back to that beautiful sweet boy with the crooked smile that could persuade anyone of anything? That boy is already back and he is here, with me, Katniss Everdeen. And she cares about him so, so much, regardless of his damage. She can help him but only if he lets her. And that, is real."

The blue of his iris's returned and his face softened as the tears poured down his face. Katniss took the shivering boy in her arms and rubbed circles into his back. She noticed the patches in his head from where he pulled his hair and silently realized why he so strongly refused a haircut. Slowly, they got up from the floor. Katniss fed them both, one spoonful to him the next to her and so on, until the pot of stew was empty. He watched half-heartedly as she swept up the remaining shattered dishes. The rest of the house could wait for another day. She led him up the stairs and ran a shower for him. When he walked out the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist, Katniss blushed slightly then ran into the bathroom to wash off the day. A pair of his boxers and one of his t-shirts was sitting on the toilet seat when she stepped out. Peeta was sitting up in the bed when she walked out the steamy bathroom, a lost look still on his face. Without a second thought, Katniss crawled into bed beside him and pressed a hand to his blazing cheek. He slid down next to her and she wrapped her arms around his wide waist.

"Promise me you won't ever leave." She heard him say in the middle of the night when she was nearly lost to sleep. The only response she could manage was the one he once whispered to her while she was under a syrup-induced haze.

"Always."


It was as if her muscles became hundred pound weights overnight. Her lungs felt like fire as the toxic air slipped inside them. Her head made her believe the world was under a hazy fog, her thoughts dark and heartbreaking. Katniss was having one of those days: the special days that would come and paralyze her physically and emotionally. Getting out of bed was never an option, only when threatened with the very possible threat of soiling herself would she manage to fall to the floor and crawl to the bathroom. She hated these days because there was nothing she, or Peeta for that matter, could do to make them better. There was no way to predict them like one of Peeta's episode or her assured night terrors. She would awake with an incomprehensible feeling of loneliness and despair in her chest, her muscles heavy and mind lost. Twenty-four hours of absolute horror and she had no control over it.

"Katniss?" His breath was hot near her ear, but she could feel his presence and that was already making this day slightly less horrific than the others like it. She could not deny that taking on the added duty of nurturing his damage along with her own had sent her backwards slightly. Her nightmares were returning at a more frequent rate, the tales of his episodes slipping into her subconscious. As much as she tried to hide it for him, she knew he knew. It was in the way he would look at her from across the room with subtle resentment in his eyes or in the way he would squeeze her so tightly in bed at night and whisper "I am so sorry" when he thought she had drifted to sleep after a terror. This was the first time in the months she and Peeta had grown closer and he was unsure what to do. He tried coaxing her downstairs with the prospect of pancakes and hot fresh maple syrup. Katniss didn't even blink.

"Katniss…I…I don't know what to do. Help me help you." She wanted to help him, god did she want to make him stop worrying about her! But her voice was trapped deep inside her bottomless soul along with her sister, and Finnick and Boggs… His warm thumb wiped the tear that slipped from her eyes.

"Alright…I'm going to take some of the leftover turkey to Haymitch but I will be right back, okay?" He waited for a moment, hoping for a response, and then the pressure of his body was gone from the bed. Katniss curled her legs closer to her chest and watched the green wall in front of her. The same questions kept playing in her head on a loop.

Why was she breathing and not her sister?

Why did Peeta and the entire country think she was worth saving?

Why was everything she ever loved snatched from her?

Why?

As the shadow of the sun moved across the wall as the day went on, the questions were asked and no answer was ever found. The eyes of her sweet sister, of the flirtatious Finnick, gentle Rue, and all those who died so she could take up space, rested on the wall. Katniss assumed it was early evening when the sound of feet returned downstairs. Peeta had been gone for longer than a few minutes and she had just now realized. The glare of the sun no longer danced along her wall of memories, instead, the darkness festering inside her escaping to envelope the room. The sound of heavy footsteps grew closer until he was standing before her, frazzled worry ridden along his face.

"Katniss you have to get up. This isn't healthy…" Unable to bear the helplessness on the face of the boy she did not deserve, she turned her back to him and pulled the covers over her head. "This is all my fault." Katniss desperately needed to tell him this had nothing to do with him, that this was an effect of the Capitol as was everything fucked up in their lives. He was the only thing anchoring her to the real world that reminded her that this feeling was temporary. Before he came back to twelve, everyday was spent like this, arms wide open for the cold hands of death. But Katniss had Peeta now, and he was her best friend, her hope, her future, her heart… But she was no good with words, especially not on days like this where words were as foreign to her as to a mewborn.

Peeta went back downstairs mumbling about making dinner; she wished she had the ability to ask him to stay. Even if she couldn't be there for him today, his presence made her…made her feel something. The sound of pots crashing startled her slightly. The sounds of crashing and frightened grunts filled the house and she knew he was having an episode. If she were normal, Katniss would be panicking and rushing to help Peeta, but she wasn't. Today was a selfish day where she could only wallow in her own pain. But he needed her now and she knew that even through her haze of agony, and that had to mean something. Right?

"P-P-P-Pee-t-a?" The low squeak left her almost inaudibly, but the sound gave her confidence to try again. "Peeta!" This time was nearly a scream, but she knew he was no longer in reality. He needed her arms around his shoulders and her voice in his ears reminding him where he belonged. Katniss grunted as she attempted to push her body to a sitting position, which took a few tries. When she was up, she swung her heavy legs over the bed and felt the cool wood at her toes. Her steps were slow and labored, but she was moving and gaining strength with each step. His heavy breathing and screams for help were getting closer as she managed the final step. The kitchen was littered with pots and silverware making a path to where Peeta was curled in a ball underneath the dining room table.

Katniss approached slowly on her hands and knees crawling to meet him under the table. She pressed her hand to his back softly and he slid away slightly.

"Peeta it's just me. It's Katniss. Whatever you are seeing, it isn't real." He remained trembling with his eyes locked shut. His hands rose to cover his ears. Desperate, Katniss crawled to the other side of the table and gently pulled his head into her lap. She ran her hands through his curls softly, a gesture that always seemed to calm both of them, and sang the words that first made him notice her all those years ago:

Down in the valley, the valley so low
Hang your head over hear the wind blow

Hear the wind blow, dear, hear the wind blow

Hang your head over, hear the wind blow

She slowly pried his hands from his ears and leaned next to his face. His teeth were chattering as if he were cold. She continued:

Roses love sunshine, violets love dew

Angels in heaven know that I love you

Know I love you, dear know I love you

Angels in heaven know that I love you

His eyes opened slowly, his cerulean iris's meeting her grey. He parted his lips as if to speak by Katniss shushed him and carried on:

If you don't love me, love whom you please

Throw your arms round me give my heart ease

Give my heart ease, dear, give my heart ease

"Katniss." His voice stopped her and she watched carefully as his muscles fully relaxed beneath her. "You still remember. After all these years…"

"I'm surprised you still remember." She said with a hint of playfulness in her voice that he picked up on. His small smile warmed her heart but quickly went away in turn for his concentrated look of confusion.

"You sang the Valley Song on the first day of school and wore your hair in two braids instead of one. Real or not real?"

"Real." His brows remained furrowed in concentration, Katniss unsure of what question he would ask he next.

"That was day I fell in love with you?" Katniss swallowed, unsure how to respond. The way he asked her let her know he already knew the reality of the answer, but he wanted to hear her—needed to hear her say it.

"That's what you told me, once. You told me the moment you heard me sing all the birds all stopped to listen and you were a goner." Katniss smiled at the memory in the cave when he poured his heart out to her. Back then, she thought it was all just a game, and it was to a certain extent. But now the old Capitol was gone and they were rebuilding their life. She did her best to suppress the warmth that filled her when he smiled at her in that special way, or when his fingertips would graze her arms gently sending fire up and down her veins, or how when he would hold her to his chest in an embrace, all she wants is to press her lips to the soft flesh of his chest, his neck, his jawline, his lips… Why did she fight the feelings so completely, though? Peeta was forced to hate her and yet somehow, someway, he found the love they stole from him all over again. He grounded her and supported her, loved her when she couldn't find the ability to love herself. Her mind shifted back to earlier in the day when the thought of moving seemed impossible. The thoughts of those she had lost consuming her, the notion that she would lose what little she still had drowning her… As much as she wanted Peeta in that way, she would never be able to let those demons pass through her. She didn't know how.

"You blamed yourself, didn't you? That's why you had an episode?" He nodded.

"I couldn't reach you, no matter what I did. You were so distant and I even asked Haymitch for advice and he was just a pain in the ass, which frustrated me even more. He told me that sometimes there is nothing that can be done and I just refuse to believe that because look at how far we both have come when we were told there was nothing to be done!"

"Peeta, this has nothing to do with you. You brought me out of this! Before you came back, I spent everyday the way I was today. Never blame yourself for when I relapse, alright?"

"But—"

"We are both getting better. That is what matters."


It was getting harder for Katniss to ignore her feelings. They were in the pinnacle of summer, the heat scorching and unrelenting. Peeta walked around the house shirtless these days, the idea of wearing useless clothing in this heat an unsaid joke. It was difficult for her to ignore the way his muscles shifted when he walked around or stretched to reach the flour on the top shelf. His shoulders had broadened multitudes making his frame wide and inviting. The small remnants of his youthful baby fat faded away leaving his face sculpted and sharp. The boy with the bread was now a man and Katniss was wrestling with the more womanly thoughts this change was planting inside her. Her mind often replayed the hunger she felt for him during that first real kiss in the cave and the one on the beach during the Hunger Games. The feeling was unexpected but not unwelcomed, and she found that hunger lived in her permanently these days. Katniss was not one to live in her wants and desires instead in the more practical realm of her needs. But her desire for him in a more physical way was on the edge of blinding her. She found herself staring at him all the time, blushing and turning away quickly when he would catch her eyes checking him out. He never approached her about it, simply smiling to himself and going back to whatever he was doing. Part of her wondered if he was dealing with the same blinding libido, wondered if the Capitol left him with the ability to feel in that way.

It happened one night when he had drifted into a somewhat peaceful sleep. Katniss was wide-awake, her thoughts distracting her though her body was screaming for rest. Peeta's arms were wrapped around her waist and his warm breath was falling on her shoulder. Their legs were intertwined like grapevines and she found herself concentrating on the way the hair on his legs tickled her own. The strange warmth she felt from deep below scaring her and her lack of knowledge on how to handle it. She had awoken many a night screaming from terrors of losing him. He would always ask her to tell him about the nightmares, but the ones about him were too hard to explain. How could she tell him that as of late, her nightmares were about losing him? About how her kiss was all it would take to save him from the claws of the Capitol, but he was always too far away or her own demons were holding her back from giving him what he needed?

Something poked her thigh lightly and she turned her eyes to see if he had awoken. His eyes were still shut lightly in a peaceful sleep and as she turned to investigate what was going on a loud gasp escaped her. The way his boxer shorts were raised at the center of his thighs gave her all the evidence she needed. Was it her doing this to him? Was he dreaming about another girl? Probably someone prettier and sweeter than she. Has this happened before and she was just too oblivious to notice? He stirred slightly and her body froze. Would he be embarrassed if he knew that she knew? He turned onto his back and sighed, a name slipping from his lips. She could have sworn it was her own. Katniss would have brushed it off as her own stupid fantasies but when she heard "Oh, Katniss" at a much louder volume, she knew it was real. He was dreaming about her, doing god knows what and…and…oh God, she was blushing. The mere thought of her doing something that could make him react that way was enough to make her uncomfortable. The worst part was that she wanted to be able to make him feel that way outside of his dreams.

Quietly, she placed her arms on both sides of him so that she was hovering above him. His face was so calm, a slight smile resting on his full and so kissable lips. He seemed so deep into his dream that she could get away with giving into her desire just this once. Hell, he might even think it is his dream. Katniss rested her body on his, keeping most of the pressure on her arms as to not overwhelm him, then pressed her lips to his. The feeling of his lips was so familiar, so missed, and she couldn't help but sigh with relief. They were slightly chapped but she didn't mind. One of her hands found his messy hair and combed through it gently. She was so immersed in the splendor of the moment that she failed to notice the feel of hands on her hips anchoring her to him. The feeling of his lips moving against hers dragged her deeper into ecstasy. Wait…his lips were moving… She pulled away and was met with the confused blue-eyed gaze of the boy with the bread. Her cheeks were hot with embarrassment or desire; it all seemed to go hand in hand at this point. She couldn't decide if she was embarrassed because he caught her in a moment of weakness or simply because she was no good at this sort of thing.

One of his hands squeezed her hip gently and he smiled at her. She had no reason to be embarrassed or nervous because it was just him. It was just Peeta. He loved her; always has and always will. She leaned back on her knees so that he could sit up. She rested her hands on his chest and shook her head.

"Peeta I'm…I'm no good at this." He chuckled.

"Neither am I."

"You're good at everything."

"I'm not good at hunting."

"Touché." They laughed softly and gazed into each other's eyes. He was looking at her with so much love, the faint moonlight illuminating every emotion behind them.

"You said my name in your sleep." He blushed slightly.

"I was hoping you were asleep and didn't hear. Or…feel for that matter." His mentioning of the third member in the room brought a matching blush to her cheeks.

"I thought you might have been thinking of someone else. T-to make you feel that…"

"Who else is there for me to think about, Katniss?" She shrugged her shoulders.

"Someone prettier and nicer than me. Someone who deserves you."

"You still don't get it, do you?" He rubbed circles into his temples then touched her cheek. "Katniss, I love you. There is no one else but you. I live for you, I exist for you." She knew this but there was something about hearing him say the words out loud that made it so clear. Peeta was amazing with words, could bring anyone to agree with him with his verbal persuasion. She was no exception.

"I know you don't feel the same way and I know that you could never even say it to me if you did, but none of that matters. You could never drive me away. I could never love anyone else. You told me once that I never said things I didn't mean and if I loved you all that time before…I don't see how it could ever be different." Katniss wished she could give him what he wanted, wished she could give him the words and the love and the happy stable future, but they both knew that wasn't possible. But he was still here and always would be here. He would stay until the words found confidence inside her or even if they never did. He loved her in her moments of weakness when the terrors would become too real and only the sound of his voice could remind her that they were far from real. Katniss was not one for living in her wants but she was realizing that neither was he. He needed her just as desperately as she needed him. She could never love him in the way that his romantic heart wanted: dinner dates, flowers and chocolates, children… But she could love him in the ways he needed: strong arms to combat the hallucinations, soft kisses to remind him that he was still the boy with the bread that has saved her life time and time again, a life together as evidence that there was hope for him, for them.

She pressed her lips to his with everything she had. She was no good with words, but she wanted to show him just how much he meant to her. She placed it all into this forceful kiss, and when his lips parted slightly to invite her in, she knew he understood. Her hands running through his golden curls, his strong hands securing her to him as her legs wrapped around his waist. He turned his head to grant him more access, and she found herself sighing into him as their tongues danced together. He left her flaming lips to kiss her cheeks, then her neck, sucking and biting every ounce of bare flesh his lips could find. She giggled to herself as the pleasure devoured her. How he could say he was no good at this when she was so overwhelmed just by the feeling of his breath on her chest? His hands refused to be tamed, somehow managing to untangle her braid and forcing the straps of her tank top off her shoulders in one quick motion. She grabbed the hair at the nape of his neck and pulled him back to her lips. If he went any lower she would lose her mind and lose the ability to turn back. They remained like this for what felt like a blissful eternity. Their hungry lips were sore and swollen, but they had no desire to slow down.

Eventually their quick fervent kisses slowed to long and sweet ones. She savored to feel of his soft lips on hers and melted into the smell of him: cinnamon, musk and sweat. When their lips finally slipped apart, she rested her forehead on his and smiled. Her head fell to his chest as he laid them down and pulled her closer. His hands combed through her long messy mane as they began to drift to sleep. A feeling of ecstasy was resting on her like a warm blanket. She wondered if this was what happiness felt like, just as she did her first day back in the woods, and once again brushed it aside. She didn't want to overthink this moment, but instead wanted to live in it.

As her eyes fluttered closed, no fears of nightmares on her mind, she heard his voice.

"You love me? Real or not real?" His voice was soft and even, so much so that she imagined his expression was far from his usual one of furrowed eyebrows and confusion. Maybe it was the closeness of sleep or ignorance of happiness that made her feel so safe in her response. Whatever was behind it, she could care less. He was hers and she was his. Like the constant promise of spring and fresh rain and rebirth, there was never any other option but this.

"Real."


A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the story. (: Also, the song lyrics I used were ones I found on the Hunger Games Wiki page for the Valley Song :p